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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief
1 hour ago, Bloc said:

Does the NHS hire detectives to spy on trans patients? In my naivety I would just not wear all these when you have an appointment there and the rest is not their f*cking business.

That's how I feel too ^_^ but it does kind of add on to the other stuff, another staff member was just walking into where I am(I hang around the university because it's nice to have more space to myself than just a bedroom) and cause I'm wearing makeup and heels I just think, oh great she's not gonna be gendering me right then. And I know it's silly, tbh I doubt she does already but because I recently backed out of coming out to some students while talking to her in depth about trans stuff without really talking about myself, I expect her to be another one of those people who'll happily tell me how they think trans people should have it better and how they're sorry about stuff in my life but still use she/her pronouns. And I don't know if it's unfair or just realistic for all the people among staff(I don't easily trust people who are matey with the one member who told me I "have to respect" her beliefs and that's pretty much everyone, so I'm just not trusting any of them).

 

I need to be less pessimistic tbh. I just want to go to another university, have a better room, maybe be out to housemates and stop hiding because the alternative is too much effort.

 

I don't really know how to talk about any of this because I AM out to the department, and I'm out to one of my housemates. But the question is always what to come out as, and I'm always too nervous to come out as genderfluid let alone explain that although I'm fluid, I don't want she/her pronouns at all. If I say I'm trans masc or a man or male aligned it feels like a lie, if I just say I'm not a woman and trans cis people ignore it, if I say I'm non binary it gets tiring to correct people on they/them pronouns and do the whole there are more than two genders spiel which I can't tell at all who's on board with it and who's not and I also get frustrated because the only word which fits is genderfluid but I'm really not confident coming out as that. I feel like cis people will take my need to not be misgendered all the time the most seriously if I'm a trans dude, the least if I'm genderfluid, and non binary is the most likely to make me have to give long explanations of myself without any guarantee that they're trying to educate themselves.

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Bloc
8 hours ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

 

I don't really know how to talk about any of this because I AM out to the department, and I'm out to one of my housemates. But the question is always what to come out as, and I'm always too nervous to come out as genderfluid let alone explain that although I'm fluid, I don't want she/her pronouns at all. If I say I'm trans masc or a man or male aligned it feels like a lie, if I just say I'm not a woman and trans cis people ignore it, if I say I'm non binary it gets tiring to correct people on they/them pronouns and do the whole there are more than two genders spiel which I can't tell at all who's on board with it and who's not and I also get frustrated because the only word which fits is genderfluid but I'm really not confident coming out as that. I feel like cis people will take my need to not be misgendered all the time the most seriously if I'm a trans dude, the least if I'm genderfluid, and non binary is the most likely to make me have to give long explanations of myself without any guarantee that they're trying to educate themselves.

I am not out at work because of this. I don't have the energy to explain I am not a man, but calling myself a woman feels wrong, however I tend more to the femme side.

 

I hope you find an environment soon where you can be out without having to explain yourself in detail to everyone. Also that you get the treatment at NHS you need and want. And if you want hugs, feel hugged. Sorry that I can't offer you more.

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief
7 hours ago, Bloc said:

I am not out at work because of this. I don't have the energy to explain I am not a man, but calling myself a woman feels wrong, however I tend more to the femme side.

 

I hope you find an environment soon where you can be out without having to explain yourself in detail to everyone. Also that you get the treatment at NHS you need and want. And if you want hugs, feel hugged. Sorry that I can't offer you more.

The hugs are very welcome, and I'll return them ❤️  I wish the same for you, hopefully we'll find a better environment and so on soon.

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Laurann
18 hours ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

I expect her to be another one of those people who'll happily tell me how they think trans people should have it better and how they're sorry about stuff in my life but still use she/her pronouns.

Relatable. My mom does this.

 

18 hours ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

But the question is always what to come out as, and I'm always too nervous to come out as genderfluid let alone explain that although I'm fluid, I don't want she/her pronouns at all. If I say I'm trans masc or a man or male aligned it feels like a lie, if I just say I'm not a woman and trans cis people ignore it, if I say I'm non binary it gets tiring to correct people on they/them pronouns and do the whole there are more than two genders spiel which I can't tell at all who's on board with it and who's not and I also get frustrated because the only word which fits is genderfluid but I'm really not confident coming out as that. I feel like cis people will take my need to not be misgendered all the time the most seriously if I'm a trans dude, the least if I'm genderfluid, and non binary is the most likely to make me have to give long explanations of myself without any guarantee that they're trying to educate themselves.

Maybe you could just say you are transmasculine, sort of trans, but not all the way (which isn't necessarily correct, but they're not going to know), and separately ask for they/them or he/him pronouns. Just avoid the word nonbinary (because yeah, you will probably get shit then), but explain in vague terms sort of what you are. They don't need to know the details.

But of course you're actually in that situation so you know best what will work and what won't :) 

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief
3 hours ago, Laurann said:

Maybe you could just say you are transmasculine, sort of trans, but not all the way (which isn't necessarily correct, but they're not going to know), and separately ask for they/them or he/him pronouns. Just avoid the word nonbinary (because yeah, you will probably get shit then), but explain in vague terms sort of what you are. They don't need to know the details.

Non binary and genderfluid are true of me, but I tried coming out as transmasc, it both felt like a lie and didn't work. Like the entire department got the email and nothing changed, in the end because of the transphobic woman I already avoid the whole building except for when it's nearly empty.

 

Anyway I really appreciate the response I just have a lot of thoughts 😢 too many of them lmao.

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Bloc
7 hours ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

The hugs are very welcome, and I'll return them ❤️  I wish the same for you, hopefully we'll find a better environment and so on soon.

Thanks

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Ms. Carolynne
On 11/23/2019 at 1:22 PM, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

I hope you manage to have the safe, enjoyable and gender affirming time you deserve ^_^

Thank you! 

 

Oddly I needed to read that.

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nerdperson777
On 11/23/2019 at 12:38 PM, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

I don't know how much I want to pass as a guy. This whole process is so tiring and full of doubt but I sure as hell didn't come out to wear jeans, converses, black and the same haircut for the rest of my life. Dysphoria also wouldn't make me take this stuff off if I was already on T and feeling better about my face/muscle and fat distribution/all the rest of the body stuff.

Early on, it can be hard to see how you want to be in the future.  When I first heard about trans guys, I could not see myself being super manly and doing all those bro things.  That put me off that I was trans for many years, not knowing that I didn't have to be binary.  But you don't have to wear black and the same haircut for the rest of your life.  It's true that there's limited colors in male gendered clothing, but I go with unconventional colors when I can find them.  Like I wear mostly boys' underwear compared to men, because I can have orange or green.  I get my shoes from the big kids section and they have neon colors.  You don't have to conform to stereotypical male behaviors.  I probably come off as feminine or gay or something.  You can do whatever you want.  Some people like wearing feminine clothes again after they've transitioned.  I contemplate dressing up as a girl for fun.  But I know in the early stages it's hard to imagine.  It'll come to you in time.

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Starbogen

Haven't been here in such a long time whoa.. 

I'm kinda in the worst emotional place I've ever been right now but there is one good thing that's happened recently and that's that after four freaking years my family finally agreed to call me by my name and pronouns. (Well they mostly still call me Adri instead of my full name but decent enough I guess. And my youngest brother might not have agreed to call me by my name and pronouns but at least he also doesn't call me any female stuff).

 

But yeah anyway it happened under some really stressful circumstances that sort of made everyone appreciate me more for how I handled things and made them regret how they've treated me so they wanted to be better... I felt like they had been making a lot of progress in the last year but I still thought it would take like twenty years before I ever heard my dad call me his son and male pronouns and my name purely out of his own will and heart, if he ever did. Like that was so surreal and awesome... so yeah, determination totally pays off. 

 

It reminded me of this video I watched once where a middle aged trans woman mentioned at one point how she hadn't talked to her parents in a long time and one day she got a call from her dad and he called her by her name and yeah idk, I remember that gave me hope that if that old man could find it in him to change after so long then maybe one day my dad could change for me too. And now it's actually happening and that's amazing. I still have a lot of shit that I'm hurt about from the last four years but I'm still impressed and I've gained some respect back for him. 

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief
16 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Early on, it can be hard to see how you want to be in the future.  When I first heard about trans guys, I could not see myself being super manly and doing all those bro things.  That put me off that I was trans for many years, not knowing that I didn't have to be binary.  But you don't have to wear black and the same haircut for the rest of your life.  It's true that there's limited colors in male gendered clothing, but I go with unconventional colors when I can find them.  Like I wear mostly boys' underwear compared to men, because I can have orange or green.  I get my shoes from the big kids section and they have neon colors.  You don't have to conform to stereotypical male behaviors.  I probably come off as feminine or gay or something.  You can do whatever you want.  Some people like wearing feminine clothes again after they've transitioned.  I contemplate dressing up as a girl for fun.  But I know in the early stages it's hard to imagine.  It'll come to you in time.

It's hard to see because I'm gonna wait years for testosterone unless I go private. I'm not young, and I need to be planning my career. Having to just do it without even being close to HRT is depressing. Not to mention the wait for top surgery, which has me paranoid about my asthma. So every time I approach someone about my name and pronouns it's a fight.

 

I know I don't have to do these things. I also really don't see anyone not doing them, and I see many people going private for T in addition. People who feel pressure to act more masculine even though arguably they're luckier than most for being on the way to relieving their dysphoria. My physical dysphoria is connected to being misgendered and knowing how many people I talk to who despite not misgendering me to my face, also seem to see me as a woman, and I don't see it getting better until I'm away from this university and either around more understanding people, or on T. So dressing more masculinely doesn't feel meaningful, doing anything to combat my dysphoria without hormones etc just doesn't mean much compared to the overwhelming amount of being seen as and talked about as a woman.

 

I'm confident in wearing whichever clothes I want and establishing when they're making me dysphoric, I'm confident in wanting to have male as my gender marker in all the usual documents where non binary isn't an option, I'm confident in asking people to use he/him or they/them pronouns for me and refer to me as a non binary person. I sorted all of that inner work stuff. I've been out for years. My determination crumbles as long as I have to wait for basic respect from strangers, housemates and colleagues. Now I'm just being punished for not having a wider support network, more cash or confidence in job applications.

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Sarah-Sylvia

Heyy. I don't believe I posted here yet.

I'm trans, and since I came back to this site, might as well see what's going on in that realm :)

Glad to see more around.

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PoeciMeta

*Deep breath*

 

I'll keep this short 

 

So essentially me being so uncomfortable with my body came up while talking with doc. He probably figured I was trans by now. And he said next session he was gonna tell my parents, and it's awesome and I'm slowly panickiiiiiinnnnggg TwT

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Sarah-Sylvia
4 hours ago, Silky Serum said:

*Deep breath*

 

I'll keep this short 

 

So essentially me being so uncomfortable with my body came up while talking with doc. He probably figured I was trans by now. And he said next session he was gonna tell my parents, and it's awesome and I'm slowly panickiiiiiinnnnggg TwT


Oh wow. Well I hope you're ok with that. It'll be good that you can be 'out' to your parents, though usually it'd be on your timing for when you're comfortable revealing it. I guess you're young though so it might be good for your parents to know from your doctor.
Good luck! Be true to yourself, and keep on :)

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Celyn
50 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

I guess you're young though so it might be good for your parents to know from your doctor.

As long as you're OK with it. Make sure you really are and if not, tell him not to. If someone's old enough to go in on their own, it means the doctor can't tell their parents their medical information without their consent.

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ColeHW34
10 hours ago, Silky Serum said:

*Deep breath*

 

I'll keep this short 

 

So essentially me being so uncomfortable with my body came up while talking with doc. He probably figured I was trans by now. And he said next session he was gonna tell my parents, and it's awesome and I'm slowly panickiiiiiinnnnggg TwT

(Hugs)

Hopefully it'll come smoothly as possible.

So anyways, break a leg!

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nerdperson777
On 11/29/2019 at 2:59 PM, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

It's hard to see because I'm gonna wait years for testosterone unless I go private. I'm not young, and I need to be planning my career. Having to just do it without even being close to HRT is depressing. Not to mention the wait for top surgery, which has me paranoid about my asthma. So every time I approach someone about my name and pronouns it's a fight.

 

I know I don't have to do these things. I also really don't see anyone not doing them, and I see many people going private for T in addition. People who feel pressure to act more masculine even though arguably they're luckier than most for being on the way to relieving their dysphoria. My physical dysphoria is connected to being misgendered and knowing how many people I talk to who despite not misgendering me to my face, also seem to see me as a woman, and I don't see it getting better until I'm away from this university and either around more understanding people, or on T. So dressing more masculinely doesn't feel meaningful, doing anything to combat my dysphoria without hormones etc just doesn't mean much compared to the overwhelming amount of being seen as and talked about as a woman.

 

I'm confident in wearing whichever clothes I want and establishing when they're making me dysphoric, I'm confident in wanting to have male as my gender marker in all the usual documents where non binary isn't an option, I'm confident in asking people to use he/him or they/them pronouns for me and refer to me as a non binary person. I sorted all of that inner work stuff. I've been out for years. My determination crumbles as long as I have to wait for basic respect from strangers, housemates and colleagues. Now I'm just being punished for not having a wider support network, more cash or confidence in job applications.

I don't know how far I am in the career planning though, honestly.  I no longer have that job I had.  I hate having to go out and find a job because I don't do well with interviews.  I can't sell myself or anything.  I had an interview last Monday and they said they would probably know end of the day or Wednesday at the latest.  Still no reply.  I really wanted that one though.

 

I did act more masculine before I knew, but not sure about after I knew and pre-T.  Don't know how much it helped me though.  I was used to be in a dangerously hard place that I didn't even know what was bad anymore.  "This is fine" was how everything was.  I guess I can only say for you that it'll be better after graduation.  When you can make your own money and afford T, that's when life will look up.  I made T and top surgery priority so I was able to be so much better within 3 years.  But I know that I'm privileged with being able to pass pre-T, talk low enough, and had a small chest so I can't say too much.

 

According to California I'm non-binary, but Social Security is male.  But I'm hitting the "what matter does gender really have" stage of my weird gender so idk what to think anymore.  But I know someone who's having trouble right now with the respect.  They want to move but it's hard finding a place that accepts their gender.  One landlady said, "I talked to a man (because they were on T) but I met a woman (they had boobs)."  For me, I have a binary to default to but they didn't.  I guess now since I have an X gender marker, people will know either way, but it sounds frustrating that we have to go through all this.

My non-binary roommate was feeling anxious about transitioning after seeing how flat I got.  They asked me where I went for the informed consent for T.  They said that they might want to lower their voice a little.  Their issue is that they have military insurance that specifically excludes gender related care.  When they called the clinic, a medical assistant told them that to get services covered, they would have to lie and say they're homeless.  "I'm not telling you to lie, but lie."  They were sad that we had to go to these extremes to get coverage.

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Janus DarkFox

I haven’t had much chance of getting into job cultures in my field in my area, maybe I’ll have more chance as a girl... It’s a particular ICT sector that is majority female.  The social culture is difficult enough to get into without any real grasp on the social world as autistic already amongst other physical/mental illness/disability.

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Laurann
8 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I had an interview last Monday and they said they would probably know end of the day or Wednesday at the latest.  Still no reply.  I really wanted that one though.

Call them back. They may have just forgotten. Showing initiative is good. Plus, you don't have much to lose. If you don't call them back, you won't get the job either.

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Pinball Wizard

I am agender...just beginning my transition I suppose. I have top surgery in my sights, and I'm so anxious and all over the place to get it but I'm just not in the life-position I need to be in, in order for things to line up. Hopefully before I turn 26, things will be different. At least there are binders :). I currently reside with octogenarians and have no intention of letting them into my world, for the best. That being said I just have to put up with wrong pronouns and such. I hope to change my gov't ID gender label one of these days, I might wait until I live alone though.   

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nerdperson777
20 hours ago, Laurann said:

Call them back. They may have just forgotten. Showing initiative is good. Plus, you don't have much to lose. If you don't call them back, you won't get the job either.

I actually did email back Wednesday night, no reply.  I even wrote in the email that I was very interested in the position so I wanted to at least hear back if it's a rejection.  I saw that they reposted the job too, or it's still lying around.  I keep thinking back to the phone interview and I really didn't sell myself.  I said about this big project I did, I spent 3 months on it.  I said that no company in the same industry could compare with our results.  So I was selling the company and didn't say anything about the skills I used to make the project happen.

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Sarah-Sylvia

I've been on the fence about 'they', because it'll always sound like plural to me. But I think that people have many fascets to them. I certainly do. So I don't necessarily see it as inaccurate anyway :P

 

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DarkStormyKnight

Saw that earlier! I'm so happy :D 

My adviser saw my pronoun pin the other day and said that he'd try to remember to use that for me too, I can't believe how accepting people are of the "they/them" pronouns now.

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Ƒɾҽąҟ-ටղ-Ⱥ-Ꝉҽąʂհ

Hey i hope its ok for me to post here i am non binary  i thought id say hi 

 

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PoeciMeta
58 minutes ago, Ƒɾҽąҟ-ටղ-Ⱥ-Ꝉҽąʂհ said:

Hey i hope its ok for me to post here i am non binary  i thought id say hi 

Welcome! ^^

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Ƒɾҽąҟ-ටղ-Ⱥ-Ꝉҽąʂհ

am waiting for a new binder to get here, am hoping it fits be kinda pissed if it dont  because we will have to send it back and get a refund 

and unsure what the posting will be 

 

i got a  really good t shirt that is  xxxxl  and you cant see my chest at all in it  even if i dont wear a binder or anything else  

 

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nerdperson777
On 12/29/2019 at 10:37 PM, Ƒɾҽąҟ-ටղ-Ⱥ-Ꝉҽąʂհ said:

am waiting for a new binder to get here, am hoping it fits be kinda pissed if it dont  because we will have to send it back and get a refund 

and unsure what the posting will be 

 

i got a  really good t shirt that is  xxxxl  and you cant see my chest at all in it  even if i dont wear a binder or anything else  

 

Where did you order from?

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Ƒɾҽąҟ-ටղ-Ⱥ-Ꝉҽąʂհ

i cant remember  but i think it was its an usa site  i think they said it will take 5 - 15 working days to get here my husband has the details of it 

 

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