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Teagan KGB

TransWhatevers of AVEN

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Destan

@DarkStormyKnight Ooh thanks, I don't have much confidence in my voice so that means a lot. 😊

I think sounding androgynous is different for everyone. For some people this is enough and for others maybe not.

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Janus DarkFox
On 8/1/2019 at 10:02 AM, Fluffy Femme Guy said:

Bought tights recently and tried them on with my skirt.

 

So comfy!

Long knee high socks in skirt, also super comfy oh gosh :)

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Bloc
1 hour ago, Janus DarkFox said:

Long knee high socks in skirt, also super comfy oh gosh :)

Probably more comfortable than tights, which tend to be a little to short if you have long legs. But I never tried them.

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Karst

I've never liked wearing tights, but to each their own.

 

According to family lore, my great-uncle would borrow his wife's pantyhose to wear as an extra layer when he went skiing.  More men should be that confident...

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Janus DarkFox
5 hours ago, Bloc said:

Probably more comfortable than tights, which tend to be a little to short if you have long legs. But I never tried them.

I found that too, also it takes a lot of effort to break socks so last longer so cheaper, depending on what you’re looking for.  Long socks and long legs is cool I’d think, longer skirt or dress could cover up any exposed leg pretty well maybe.

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Just Dani

I'm going to put this in a spoiler. There's some swearing... 

 

Spoiler

I know that I made my decision, but I've been having some doubts as to whether or not I can accept my body as it is, and that includes my birth gender. I don't regret cancelling the surgery and my appointment to meet the plastic surgeon, but I am still scared. I mean, I was so dead set on going through at least a partial transition in a concerted effort to feel comfortable in my body for a change. And now it appears that I've done a complete 180. I even returned the hormones to the pharmacy the other day. It was a bit of a gamble for me, taking any sort of hormone. I already tried another type of hormone years ago for a medical condition that I have, only to have it make things WORSE. My body is such a pain in the ass at times... 

 

So, now that I've decided to not do anything, does that mean that I'm no longer transgender? But the gender dysphoria is still there... That didn't go away. I just don't know anymore... I wish that gender wasn't such a big deal in society. I know that I'm never gonna fit in no matter what I do... I'm too manly to be female, yet too feminine to be a man. What the fuck... 

 

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Coddiwomple

@Just Dani You don't have to transition to be trans. You are automatically trans by not identifying wholly with your birth gender. Transitioning is complicated and expensive, and it's totally understandable to not transition for whatever reason. You are valid!

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AwkwardAxolotl

@Just Dani, I'll second what @Coddiwomple said; if you don't identify with your birth gender, you can still identify as trans, regardless of how much or how little you chose to transition.

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Just Dani
3 hours ago, Coddiwomple said:

@Just Dani You don't have to transition to be trans. You are automatically trans by not identifying wholly with your birth gender. Transitioning is complicated and expensive, and it's totally understandable to not transition for whatever reason. You are valid!

You think so? 😟

 

Thanks for saying so. The hormones turned out to be a no go for me, and the thought of surgery ended up being too much of a concern. Transitioning IS complicated, as I found out first hand... And I was only sort of near the beginning! I don't regret not transitioning exactly. I mean, it turned out to not be the right option for me after all. But now I'm left with what comes next. I made my decision, and now I just have to find some way to somehow accept this body that I'm in, even though it drives me up the *bleeping* wall... 

 

1 hour ago, AwkwardAxolotl said:

@Just Dani, I'll second what @Coddiwomple said; if you don't identify with your birth gender, you can still identify as trans, regardless of how much or how little you chose to transition.

Thank you. :( 

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Coddiwomple
19 hours ago, Just Dani said:

You think so? 😟

 

Thanks for saying so. The hormones turned out to be a no go for me, and the thought of surgery ended up being too much of a concern. Transitioning IS complicated, as I found out first hand... And I was only sort of near the beginning! I don't regret not transitioning exactly. I mean, it turned out to not be the right option for me after all. But now I'm left with what comes next. I made my decision, and now I just have to find some way to somehow accept this body that I'm in, even though it drives me up the *bleeping* wall... 

I do think so. I wish you the best of luck with accepting your body, or at least learning how to tolerate it. ❤️

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Just Dani
1 hour ago, Coddiwomple said:

I do think so. I wish you the best of luck with accepting your body, or at least learning how to tolerate it. ❤️

Thank you. 

 

I sure hope that I can. I mean, this is the path that I've chosen. And I am working really hard on it. I've been exposing myself to more things that cause me stress with my body. I have a long ways to go yet, but at least I'm moving forward. 🙂

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DarkStormyKnight

Lots of love to you @Just Dani ❤️❤️❤️

Transitioning is a big decision, and a scary one! You are still valid and loved/supported no matter what.

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Just Dani
7 hours ago, DarkStormyKnight said:

Lots of love to you @Just Dani ❤️❤️❤️

Transitioning is a big decision, and a scary one! You are still valid and loved/supported no matter what.

Thank you. 😊

 

It IS a big decision, that's for certain. And yeah, it can be scary... 😢 

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Just Dani

Double post, yay... 

 

A question for anyone who wants to answer... 

 

Spoiler

Okay, now what? 

 

I've felt out of sorts regarding my gender since I was a little kid. An early adolescence sent me straight to hell. It wasn't until I was an adult before I finally brought up the gender issues with a counsellor. It took me ages to finally get my doctor to come around. I started working with the staff at the local trans clinic. I met a great specialist who said that she'd be more than happy to do the first surgery. I got on the waitlist. I got some hormones. I was going to make an appointment to see a plastic surgeon to plan my second surgery. Everything was ready for me to partially transition... 

 

But in the end, I chose not to. Something I've been wanting for ages, yet I decided not to go through with it. I thought that this was something that I HAD to do, that this was the only way that I was ever going to be happy with my body. And, who knows? Maybe I would've been... 

 

But that's not what I chose. I chose to keep my body the way that it is. So, my question is, what comes next? How do I accept this body? How do I make peace with a body that is at odds with what's on the inside? Can I make peace with it, or am I just deluding myself? 

 

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Jon A.
9 hours ago, Just Dani said:

Double post, yay... 

 

A question for anyone who wants to answer... 

 

  Hide contents

Okay, now what? 

 

I've felt out of sorts regarding my gender since I was a little kid. An early adolescence sent me straight to hell. It wasn't until I was an adult before I finally brought up the gender issues with a counsellor. It took me ages to finally get my doctor to come around. I started working with the staff at the local trans clinic. I met a great specialist who said that she'd be more than happy to do the first surgery. I got on the waitlist. I got some hormones. I was going to make an appointment to see a plastic surgeon to plan my second surgery. Everything was ready for me to partially transition... 

 

But in the end, I chose not to. Something I've been wanting for ages, yet I decided not to go through with it. I thought that this was something that I HAD to do, that this was the only way that I was ever going to be happy with my body. And, who knows? Maybe I would've been... 

 

But that's not what I chose. I chose to keep my body the way that it is. So, my question is, what comes next? How do I accept this body? How do I make peace with a body that is at odds with what's on the inside? Can I make peace with it, or am I just deluding myself? 

 

I think you made the right decision in the end. Going ahead with surgeries you had any doubts about at all could have been a major disaster. You are what you are, and who knows, staying on hormones and having surgeries could have tipped the scales in a bad direction. In my opinion you have already attained an excellent balance of female and male traits; best to not rock the boat I say. Those who are too heavy on either side seem most likely to have a lot of irritating traits.

 

Although biologically male, I'll never fit anyone's pre-conceived notions of what I should be like but I just don't care about that. I don't think I really knew what "fitting in" meant for a long time, and now I don't think I would want to. Also, I've wanted things badly enough for long enough to pursue them with everything I had, only to realize later that I was glad those plans didn't come to fruition.

 

Simply stated, I think you're great as-is and need to try to give yourself more credit.

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Just Dani
12 hours ago, Jon A. said:

I think you made the right decision in the end. Going ahead with surgeries you had any doubts about at all could have been a major disaster. You are what you are, and who knows, staying on hormones and having surgeries could have tipped the scales in a bad direction. In my opinion you have already attained an excellent balance of female and male traits; best to not rock the boat I say. Those who are too heavy on either side seem most likely to have a lot of irritating traits.

 

Although biologically male, I'll never fit anyone's pre-conceived notions of what I should be like but I just don't care about that. I don't think I really knew what "fitting in" meant for a long time, and now I don't think I would want to. Also, I've wanted things badly enough for long enough to pursue them with everything I had, only to realize later that I was glad those plans didn't come to fruition.

 

Simply stated, I think you're great as-is and need to try to give yourself more credit.

Thanks. I think so as well. :) 

 

The doubts were concerning all right. There were just too many of them to make this a wise choice for me. And I personally prefer a balance of traits myself. 😁

 

I've never quite understood the concept of "fitting in". Trying to get along with people is one thing, but fitting in seems to imply that in order to do that, you have to repress who you truly in the hopes of blending in with everyone else. And when people do that, they tend to end up turning into clones, which is pretty bland and boring in my opinion. 

 

And thanks again. I'll try to give myself more credit. :blush:

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Karst

I think that each person has to find their own balance between getting along with others and being a unique individual. 

There's a parable from the Bible that describes the church as a body, with each person as a small part.  Each has a separate function, but works in cooperation with the others. 

This metaphor can apply to any sort of group.  Differences and unity are both necessary for existing as a functional whole.

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Celyn

TFW an enby friend reveals their AGAB and your reaction is:

"Huh." *Shrugs*

Followed by:

"Didn't really want to know but OK".

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Jon A.
18 hours ago, Ardoise said:

I think that each person has to find their own balance between getting along with others and being a unique individual. 

There's a parable from the Bible that describes the church as a body, with each person as a small part.  Each has a separate function, but works in cooperation with the others. 

This metaphor can apply to any sort of group.  Differences and unity are both necessary for existing as a functional whole.

True, but some of us end up being treated as the appendix of that body anyway.

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PoeciMeta
14 hours ago, Celyn said:

TFW an enby friend reveals their AGAB and your reaction is:

"Huh." *Shrugs*

Followed by:

"Didn't really want to know but OK".

I think I prefer NOT to know people's AGAB, just knowing their gender/lack thereof! Otherwise I'm afraid my cisnormatively-educated brain might start thinking of them differently, then I actively fight this phenomenon not knowing whether my brain really does that or not and it's just awkward. Especially with other enbies.

 

(To be honest though, I don't think my brain picked up too much on the cisnormativity. I met the first transperson I knew IRL before I knew anything about trans, and her friend had to tell me about her gender beforehand and I responded by ''Ah ? Really ? And what's her name?'' 

Then, when I met her and she said she was a girl: "Yeah, I know. Must be awkward.'' *Both of us make awkward faces, then laugh*

I never really questioned it at all... and now I'm sad I lost touch with her because guess who's trans too ^^) 

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ElasticPlanet
On 8/16/2019 at 8:04 AM, Celyn said:

TFW an enby friend reveals their AGAB and your reaction is:

"Huh." *Shrugs*

Followed by:

"Didn't really want to know but OK".

Two things to say about that: firstly, the little part of my brain that does still want to know, is a stupid git and needs to shut up and go away. I'm working on training it!

 

Secondly, meeting people whose AGAB I didn't know has accidentally helped me to see that I don't need to try to hide mine. Being read as assigned-male is fine for me, whereas being read as wants-to-be-male is going into social dysphoria territory. And because the idea that being male automatically means wanting-to-be-male is entirely new to me in the last few years, this is a new kind of dysphoria experience too, that I haven't had to recognise or deal with before.

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Celyn
3 minutes ago, ElasticPlanet said:

Being read as assigned-male is fine for me, whereas being read as wants-to-be-male is going into social dysphoria territory.

Thanks for saying this, I found it quite helpful!

Ties in with me realising I don't want T, I don't want any of the effects it has. All I wanted was to be read as anything but a cis girl and I thought it would help with that (which it would, but I can do without).

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nerdperson777
On 8/17/2019 at 3:58 AM, ElasticPlanet said:

Two things to say about that: firstly, the little part of my brain that does still want to know, is a stupid git and needs to shut up and go away. I'm working on training it!

 

Secondly, meeting people whose AGAB I didn't know has accidentally helped me to see that I don't need to try to hide mine. Being read as assigned-male is fine for me, whereas being read as wants-to-be-male is going into social dysphoria territory. And because the idea that being male automatically means wanting-to-be-male is entirely new to me in the last few years, this is a new kind of dysphoria experience too, that I haven't had to recognise or deal with before.

I'm also guilty of being curious of people's AGAB due to cisnormative expectations that I can't seem to let go.  When I have GNC students, especially kids, I feel out of place and need to know but I have to remind myself, it's okay not to know, it doesn't matter, and I should stop needlessly gendering things.  I wouldn't want it to happen to me either.

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Celyn

Just gonna chuck this here because where else?...

 

Made an appointment to get my hormone prescription renewed. Being able to pretend my uterus isn't there is just the best thing ever.

Buuut it's with a different doctor to normal and while my being nonbinary is on my notes, I don't know if I want to have that conversation yet again. But I really wanted to start the ball rolling on getting referrals for top surgery.

The question is, am I brave enough, patient enough, and equipped with enough spoons to ask for what I want instead of taking my repeat prescription and skulking away with my tail between my legs?

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Bloc

@Celyn
Wish you all the energy and courage to ask what you want. 

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Karst

@Celyn, you are brave, and you can do this!

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PoeciMeta

I too believe in you @Celyn! But, don't beat yourself up if it ends up being beyond your spoon supply, you'll have other opportunities! 

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DarkStormyKnight

Doctors freak me out just in general @Celyn I can't stand trying to explain asexuality to them let alone gender things. Good luck, you got this!

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anisotrophic

Good luck @Celyn! I think it should be a very normal thing to be asking about surgery for anyone on hormone therapy for gender affirmation. (Sorry I can't tell if you're talking about T or birth control.)

 

my treatment is at a lgbt clinic and I've been thankful they're pretty proactive about support. I thought they'd give me a hard time (about getting T) for not presenting as "butch" but it was totally fine. I hope you find a similar sense of support.

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nerdperson777
15 hours ago, Celyn said:

Just gonna chuck this here because where else?...

 

Made an appointment to get my hormone prescription renewed. Being able to pretend my uterus isn't there is just the best thing ever.

Buuut it's with a different doctor to normal and while my being nonbinary is on my notes, I don't know if I want to have that conversation yet again. But I really wanted to start the ball rolling on getting referrals for top surgery.

The question is, am I brave enough, patient enough, and equipped with enough spoons to ask for what I want instead of taking my repeat prescription and skulking away with my tail between my legs?

That's definitely a pain.  Even if my insurance no longer covers the therapist I've been seeing for about 5 years, I still thought it easier to see her than explain my whole story again to someone new.  Do as much as you can, no one deserves dysphoria.

 

I started thinking about that "between my legs", tail is third/fourth sex, haha.

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