TransWhatevers of AVEN

[Bloc]

Congratulations🎆

[Light02]

So, I have a bit of a dilemma. In my language we don't have a gender neutral pronoun other than "it". Luckily, I actually have realized I love being called "it" and I even think of myself in the neuter gender in my head! The problem I have is that it seems too "weird" or "embarrassing" to ask people to use "it" pronouns for me. I know that some people use "it" pronouns in English, which is comforting but I've never seen any Bulgarian non-binary person using them. I'm that kind of person where I want something but I'll only get the courage to do it if I first see other people doing it. Also, I would only ask some of my closest friends to call me "it", not anyone I'm unfamiliar with, and even that is scary. I've already told my roommate: "I'd love to be called "it", actually, but it would sound weird in Bulgarian." So they know I feel this way, I'm just worried they would tell me: "Yeah, it does sound weird. I can't use it." I should probably give them more credit as they are an incredibly sweet person who already uses "they/them" for me in English but I'm just scared, you know? 😔

[no-longer-in-use]

14 hours ago, Light02 said:

So, I have a bit of a dilemma. In my language we don't have a gender neutral pronoun other than "it". Luckily, I actually have realized I love being called "it" and I even think of myself in the neuter gender in my head! The problem I have is that it seems too "weird" or "embarrassing" to ask people to use "it" pronouns for me. I know that some people use "it" pronouns in English, which is comforting but I've never seen any Bulgarian non-binary person using them. I'm that kind of person where I want something but I'll only get the courage to do it if I first see other people doing it. Also, I would only ask some of my closest friends to call me "it", not anyone I'm unfamiliar with, and even that is scary. I've already told my roommate: "I'd love to be called "it", actually, but it would sound weird in Bulgarian." So they know I feel this way, I'm just worried they would tell me: "Yeah, it does sound weird. I can't use it." I should probably give them more credit as they are an incredibly sweet person who already uses "they/them" for me in English but I'm just scared, you know? 😔

Using it/its pronouns (or whatever the Bulgarian equivalent is) is valid af! And I think you should give people a chance to respond to your request to use it/its rather than assuming they'll take it badly.

[Light02]

17 minutes ago, Coddiwomple said:

Using it/its pronouns (or whatever the Bulgarian equivalent is) is valid af! And I think you should give people a chance to respond to your request to use it/its rather than assuming they'll take it badly.

I knoooow, it's just the asking part that I'm scared of, you know? I honestly don't know if I'd have the courage to do it.

[no-longer-in-use]

3 minutes ago, Light02 said:

I knoooow, it's just the asking part that I'm scared of, you know? I honestly don't know if I'd have the courage to do it.

Yeah, I get that. If it's easier for you, maybe you should text or email them.

[Light02]

1 hour ago, Coddiwomple said:

Yeah, I get that. If it's easier for you, maybe you should text or email them.

I hadn't even thought of that, it's a good suggestion. And they are in the Germany for the next two months 🤔. I'll think about it 😅. Thanks a lot.

[Kimmie.]

People that are saying that if you are born with that sex organ you are a man and if you are born with the other one you are a woman. And you can't change that makes me really sad.  I heard a interview on radio today about a woman that though just that. 

[ColeHW34]

14 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

People that are saying that if you are born with that sex organ you are a man and if you are born with the other one you are a woman. And you can't change that makes me really sad.  I heard a interview on radio today about a woman that though just that. 

(Hugs)

[kelico]

11 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

People that are saying that if you are born with that sex organ you are a man and if you are born with the other one you are a woman. And you can't change that makes me really sad.  I heard a interview on radio today about a woman that though just that. 

*huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs* Makes me sad, too. : ( People are just...ugh...please remember that those that say that aren't right. They think they are, but they're not. 

[nerdperson777]

13 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

People that are saying that if you are born with that sex organ you are a man and if you are born with the other one you are a woman. And you can't change that makes me really sad.  I heard a interview on radio today about a woman that though just that. 

It is clearly flawed.  What if some had neither, ambiguous, or both?  And no one can tell just by looking at you, what you have.  Don't let them get to you.  You're a strong woman.

[Kimmie.]

11 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

It is clearly flawed.  What if some had neither, ambiguous, or both?  And no one can tell just by looking at you, what you have.  Don't let them get to you.  You're a strong woman.

She was one of those people that only had a problem with transwomen not transman based on what she was focused on ( the classic one it is men that are trying to take over women only spaces) . And she mentioned intersex but it is such a small amount that it dosnt matter or something like that. And she is feminist activist.

 

And thanks to you all.

[Guest]

On 7/3/2019 at 8:14 AM, Kimmie. said:

People that are saying that if you are born with that sex organ you are a man and if you are born with the other one you are a woman. And you can't change that makes me really sad. 

I've been told that, and on more than one occasion... 😟

[Kimmie.]

7 minutes ago, Just Dani said:

I've been told that, and on more than one occasion... 😟

*hugs *

[Guest]

25 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

*hugs *

Thank you. 😔

[ColeHW34]

2 hours ago, Just Dani said:

I've been told that, and on more than one occasion... 😟

(Gives more hugs)

[Bloc]

*hugs*

[Guest]

4 hours ago, ColeHW said:

(Gives more hugs)

 

4 hours ago, Bloc said:

*hugs*

Thanks, both of you. 

 

It is what is, unfortunately. Sadly, there are some really ignorant people out there who seem to enjoy wallowing in their ignorance. 🙄

 

[CelesteAdAstra]

So I'm on AVEN since some time, but I've never written anything in the gender thread so far. That's because I felt quite feminine lately, which is my birth gender. But I only identify partly with it, and the othe part is currently getting stronger again.

I always felt that there was something else to me besides femininity, something neutral. Not genderless, mind you, but an actual gender that is simply neutral and sexless. It was quite hard figuring it out, but when I found the term "neutrois", I knew that this was me - or partially so.

I don't want to compare my experiences to other trans* folks since I'm mostly alright with my birth gender and only experience dysphoria rarely, but it feels very right to put a name on these feelings.

Now, there are two terms that I can relate to: The first would be bigender, just not in its usual female and male form, but female and neutrois instead.

The other one is demigirl - half a girl and half of something else, namely neutrois.

So these two things are not exactly the same, I know. When a demigender has a 50/50 ratio, bigender is more like 100/100. But both feel right at times. I'm quite fluid within these boundaries, and some days I feel strongly gendered while on other days, I just don't care much and could almost count as genderless. I know that this is often described as "genderflux", ans that's yet another thing I can relate to.

Phew, quite complicated, but that's me and how I feel about my gender 😊

[no-longer-in-use]

@CelesteAdAstra Welcome!

 

[Destan]

(Tag me instead please)

It's kind of sad how gendered words can change my whole mood and the people around me think I'm just being petty about it.

Right after I discovered my gender identity, I instantly began to hate the gendered words that have been used on me for years. 

The people who I came out to, they never really understood why I get so worked up about it even though I clearly told them my preferences.

When people give gendered compliments or gifts, I can't never accept them because they're reminders of my assigned gender. 

The gifts especially are hard. For a moment I'm happy because I received something but then I realize in which way it's misgendered so I  want to get rid off it.

My beloved ones then scold me because it's just an item. Yes, I know it's just an item but I can't help it that my brain reacts like that!

It's like people complimenting a guy for his feminine looks, which the guy in question obviously dislikes but he has to accept them according to others because they're compliments so he should be happy instead of annoyed. 

 

Like that one time during my school trip, I wandered around with my group and a stranger stopped the only guy of us.

They had small talk and the guy came back with bracelets.  He bought one for himself and got five for free.

He gave the free ones to my friends and I but after I received one, I realized how he got them in the first place.

I overheard the stranger asking him if all those girls (implying my group) were his wives/girlfriends.

I couldn't accept the bracelet anymore, I was so annoyed but I couldn't give it back either considering that guy's nature.

So instead of like a normal person telling him and giving it back, I tried to sneak it into his backpack. The bracelet fell on the street and I didn't dare to pick it up because it was crowded so I thought it was okay to leave it there. Afterwards, I felt very guilty for what happened and my friends got mad at me.

[ColeHW34]

@Destan (hugs)

[AceOtaku]

@Destan

 

Yeah, it sucks dude. I have come out to my sis and she says she understand and accept it. However she still don't really get that it hurts and make me feel unrespected by being misgendered or using my birth name or old pronouns.

 

”If you are talking online or with other people remember to use right words” I have told her a couple of times. ”It just words” she says.

 But yeah words hurts to you know.

 

Gendered gift can surely be awkward. Like who came up with the tradition that people should give woman flowers? At celebration, as thank you gift and sorts, I have gotten flowers in the past. I am not a-, so I don’t want flowers, Is what I am thinking.

 

For some reason I am have become allergic against pollen (a pain) but that doesn’t help me sometimes sadly.

 

My more or less conservative aunt have a habit of giving flowers to my family from time to time when she comes to visit. Then she also ask me ”Does the flowers look pretty?” Holding them close to my face. "Would a guy/enby guy really be asked this sort of question? Oh, right even if she know who I am she wouldn't care. . ."  Is bothering in my head. ”You know I am aller-

 

”You are fussy and It’s rude to not appreciate flowers from others, even if you are allergic” my mother also has told me.

-mmm, yeah. . . they look nice” I reply instead tiredly. . .

 

. . . ha,ha, life is difficult.

[Destan]

@ColeHW Thanks

 

@Linku

The same with my sister. She accepts it but she says there's no need to change my preferences because I'm agender and it's a pain in the ass to change it. The only reason why she thinks like that is because she knew a Tumblr-user who also identified as agender but she kept her assigned pronouns and stuff.

I'm like not every agender person has the same opinions about that! 

 

About the women and flowers, it's a stereotypical thing coming from most women like flowers maybe(?)

I only had gotten flowers for Valentine's day in secondary school and they were from friends mostly, except the first one. 

If I get them from beloved ones then I don't mind that, but if it's from someone else then.. I'm most-likely gonna think like you.

 

Personally I think you're not rude. The person who gives flowers while knowing your allergy is the one who's actually rude.

On top of that they're disrespectful. What kind of idiot gives something that the receiver is allergic to?!

It's like giving peanuts to someone who's allergic to it, you're then implying you want them dead.

 

Indeed, life is hard 😕

[Kimmie.]

Somedays it takes so little to trigger my dysphoria..

[Bloc]

Hugs if you want them

[AceOtaku]

@Destan

 

Oh, that’s sounds bothersome. Of course you ain’t exactly the same as all other agenders, you are you after all. Who you are and what you prefer is your own business, besides all persons are unique in their own way regardless their gender identity. Let’s both be strong and keep nagging/reminding our sisters! Someday they will most likely get it, they just need more time for now, ha!

 

Ha, ha yeah flowers. . . just. no.

[nerdperson777]

On 7/9/2019 at 11:12 AM, CelesteAdAstra said:

So I'm on AVEN since some time, but I've never written anything in the gender thread so far. That's because I felt quite feminine lately, which is my birth gender. But I only identify partly with it, and the othe part is currently getting stronger again.

I always felt that there was something else to me besides femininity, something neutral. Not genderless, mind you, but an actual gender that is simply neutral and sexless. It was quite hard figuring it out, but when I found the term "neutrois", I knew that this was me - or partially so.

I don't want to compare my experiences to other trans* folks since I'm mostly alright with my birth gender and only experience dysphoria rarely, but it feels very right to put a name on these feelings.

Now, there are two terms that I can relate to: The first would be bigender, just not in its usual female and male form, but female and neutrois instead.

The other one is demigirl - half a girl and half of something else, namely neutrois.

So these two things are not exactly the same, I know. When a demigender has a 50/50 ratio, bigender is more like 100/100. But both feel right at times. I'm quite fluid within these boundaries, and some days I feel strongly gendered while on other days, I just don't care much and could almost count as genderless. I know that this is often described as "genderflux", ans that's yet another thing I can relate to.

Phew, quite complicated, but that's me and how I feel about my gender 😊

I would say that there is no implication that bigender is only male and female.  It's seems that way for bisexual and biromantic even if that's not true.  I think of bigender as being genderfluid between two genders.  I list myself as such, but it's been a while since one of those genders reappeared so I don't really know anymore.  Then also, how agender people feel about gender is how I feel about names and pronouns so I'm not really sure what my gender is doing.  I'm definitely not agender though.  I know I experience gender, even if at times I'm apathetic about it.

 

@Destan

I can feel that with my dad.  I thought that I got my generosity from him, doing things for people without asking for anything in return.  But I realized that he actually has the Nice Guy Complex.  He helps people, even if they haven't asked for it.  But there are times that they didn't ask because they didn't want it.  When I don't want his help, it's then my fault because I didn't accept his help.  Once the neighbor grandma gave me money for a graduation, I think middle school.  She would always have to secretly give it to me because my dad would refuse it for me and then tell me that I always have to tell him what she gives me so he can give it back.  She gave me $50, but he had me give it to him, then he gave me back $20 or $30, and then went to buy two pizzas for them.  He would say that grandma ordered it, even though it was a complete lie.  Then for me, I started doing some artsy projects and he would think he's a nice dad by coming in to help me, even though I didn't ask for it.  I would tell him what I'm trying to do, he would say it's too hard so he's going to do it this other way, that wasn't what was in my plan.  I would say that, and then he would not care, saying he's doing it this way.  This is my project, so I don't see why I have to do it his way.  I got into the habit of refusing his help so he would be like "fine, you don't want my help", as if his help is like refusing gold.  I didn't ask for any of this, you just butt in whenever you want, and then fault other people for something you did.  I'm glad that I took only the good part from him, because I didn't realize that what he was actually looking for in return was acknowledgement and praise.  I didn't need it, because I never had it growing up, so I didn't even know what it was like to have it.

 

My mom is like your sister but for mental illness.  My aunt, her sister, had depression for some time.  As a very factual person, she would just observe how her sister reacted at the time and decided that it was how all depression looked like.  My aunt will really show her frustration when she's stressed.  She'll really yell out things.  My cousin was living with her during the depression days and was going to move out eventually but was taking her time getting all her stuff ready.  I found out that the reason why my aunt was stressed at that point in time was that she loves to live alone and couldn't wait for my cousin to leave.  I had to keep it a secret from my cousin but my dad can't keep secrets so he blurted that out and my cousin was really heartbroken that she did so much for our aunt and she just wanted her gone.  So comparing my aunt to me, a really quiet, anxious, person, my mom would never know that I had depression if I didn't tell her.  My aunt made her symptoms very obvious so my mom actually said that it's really obvious when someone has depression.  Really?  I knew for a year that I had depression before I told her.  Even then, all she did was suggest that I take medication for it.  Then there's autism, where a family friend has it so my parents just think it means they're not as smart as NT people and have a short fuse.  Even NT/cis/het people aren't all the same.

 

I remember being asked what would happen if someone gave me flowers, but that was when I didn't identify more masculinely.  I don't get the point anyway.  I get that it's supposed to mean the flowers smell nice, the receiver smells nice, chocolate is sweet, and the receiver is also sweet, but what the heck am I supposed to do with some plant that's going to die soon?  I was way more romance-repulsed before so I would hate flowers for their romantic connotation.  Now I just think other people can do all that but I'm just going to stay away from it myself.

[Fluffy Femme Guy]

On 7/3/2019 at 10:14 AM, Kimmie. said:

People that are saying that if you are born with that sex organ you are a man and if you are born with the other one you are a woman.

So untrue.

Gendered products are an interesting case
On the one hand I find it ridiculous, that "everything" is needlessly gendered.

But then I have times when I'm like "Gimme that girl stuff!"

It's the enforced aspect of it that bothers me the most.
 

I was at work (I work in a store), I was stocking the toy area.
This couple and their child (who seemed to be about 2, 'boy') were browsing the area. I wasn't really paying that much attention since I had work to do.
But 5 or 10 minutes later the father was asking me if we had a blue colored version of a particular toy. The toy the child had grabbed was a bright pink miniature shopping cart.

The kid was having lots of fun pushing it around. I just told him that I don't work this area a lot and he'd just have to look around, but I'm pretty sure we don't carry a "boy" version.

[Kimmie.]

And i really doubt that the kid care that it is pink.

[Fluffy Femme Guy]

1 hour ago, Kimmie. said:

And i really doubt that the kid care that it is pink.

The kid clearly didn't and was just having a good time running around.