TransWhatevers of AVEN

[Zsareph]

On 7/7/2018 at 10:44 PM, Pixley said:

Feeling bummed out too. Got my first official binder from gc2b yesterday, and although I looked great it in it, it was definitely too small. So now I got to ship it back, wait for them to receive it, and wait for them to ship the right size.

 

And I’m going to this music festival next weekend, and was kind of hoping to wear that binder and cargo shorts or something. But I’m pretty sure I won’t get the right size binder in time for that now. Boo. ☹️

 

Although, it was PHENOMENAL the few sparkling moments when I put on a boy’s polo over it and was like ✨🤩✨. 

 

But now it’s back to the back brace/sports bra combo which is bulky and makes my chest look blocky, not flat. UGH. NOOO. 😩

 

I’m honestly googling ways to bind rn that are safe, but also cheap and accessible. I LOVE the way I look flat chested, and ever since seeing the way that binder made me look flat chested so naturally, I can’t go back. It’s ruined my back brace for me. WHY. 🤣

I feel your pain. My first binder took 3 weeks (and was delayed a fourth week due to customs charges) to arrive only to end up being too small, then when I'd sent that off and waited another month or so for the next size up, it turned out they'd delivered the wrong person's order! I really wish I could just buy them from physical stores like my other clothes 😕

[PixleyDust✨]

3 hours ago, Zsareph said:

I feel your pain. My first binder took 3 weeks (and was delayed a fourth week due to customs charges) to arrive only to end up being too small, then when I'd sent that off and waited another month or so for the next size up, it turned out they'd delivered the wrong person's order! I really wish I could just buy them from physical stores like my other clothes 😕

Oh my god that SUCKS. I mean, I’m thankful my chest dysphoria waxes and wanes and even then it’s only a mild discomfort. But maybe that’s because I have other ways to bind, so there’s always the option if I want to or not. So, not even having the option when you’ve already been doing it, sounds like torture. I know it would be for me.

 

But then again, I’m an impatient GNC. Though I’m not sure if being GNC actually has something to do with it, or the extreme impatience I get when I set my mind to something is just hardwired into my personality. 🤣

 

AND RIGHT? It’s essentially a support garment and could easily be sold along sports bras and athletic compression tanks/shirts/etc. you can easily find in the activewear section. It’d definitely make binders less taboo and more of just a normal thing some people choose and/or need to wear.

 

Seriously, I would love to be able to go to a store and just pick up a binder. 

 

Hmm...#destiny? 🤔

[Celyn: The Lutening]

4 hours ago, Zsareph said:

I really wish I could just buy them from physical stores like my other clothes 😕

A couple of years ago I signed a petition to...some big name clothing store - to carry binders. Haven't heard a peep since, it probably just died quietly. RIP.

[PixleyDust✨]

4 hours ago, Celyn said:

A couple of years ago I signed a petition to...some big name clothing store - to carry binders. Haven't heard a peep since, it probably just died quietly. RIP.

Way to fight the good fight though.

 

That’s awesome. ✊

[PixleyDust✨]

So I’m realizing why I find being introduced as a daughter, sister, etc. so cringey. It’s not so much as that I’m not that, I am, but am just afraid of it invalidating my male side. 

 

Just as acknowledging I have a male side makes me fear it will erase my female side. The former makes me feel weirdly ashamed, while the latter is utterly terrifying and has been the cause of a lot of panic attacks and meltdowns.

 

But I took the plunge and changed my name to something more neutral on Facebook. So here’s hoping this new name works out (and doesn’t cause too much awkwardness with my family. Ugh.)

 

—————————————————

 

Also, I showed my Mom that I was wearing the binder I got from gc2b (while wearing a shirt over it) and she smirked at me and just straight up, no joke, said “For when you’re feeling more masculine?”

 

And I was just blown away because she is DEFINITELY not super aware of this gender stuff to begin with. She isn’t transphobic or anything, but I guess I was just so shocked that she clocked me like that I just immediately told her, “Nonononono, I just like to wear these sometimes! Don’t worry, I still like to wear bras (which I do) but sometimes I like to wear these too.”

 

I swear, this is like the second time she’s cracked the closet door open a smidge and I just pulled it back shut. It’s pretty much a reflex at this point. 😆

 

My Mom: Woah, where did this closet come from? Wait a minute, is someone in there...[Birthname]? Is that you?

 

Me: (Summoning my inner ventriloquist) Nope, I’m in the kitchen. Pay no attention to the mysterious closet-like thing in the middle of the room. Probably just some swamp gas or something.

 

My Mom: 

 

[nerdperson777]

On 7/7/2018 at 6:18 PM, Starbogen said:

Today I went shopping for the upper parts of a suit (already had the pants). And this cool employee who was there with his meassuring tape and all helped me cause me and my mom had no idea what size I should be. 

Putting on a suit jacket that fit me super nicely and somehow showed off my body but also made it look undeniably male felt SO fucking GOOD.

 

It honestly felt and looked amazing and I had been waiting for that for such a long time. Like up until now the only way I've been able to feel fine about my bodyshape is if I have a bulky hoodie on at all times, so having something else on that looked way better and still gave me a masculine shape was awesome.

And then another little bonus was how the employee meassured my neck and commented on how skinny I was after I took off my hoodie to try on the jacket and even patted my chest to pat everything down in place and I panicked a bit but I still passed despite all that and it was amazing.

 

Seriously, before getting a suit I hadn't known what to expect and was worried that everything would be sort of too soft to hide my figure as well my casual clothes do but, a jacket at least..actually made it look so much more masculine. You really just have to find the right size of everything and then it looks so good.

 

Edit: Oh and I forgot how it was really cool and kinda weird but really cool that my mom was shopping for this with me, because exactly four years ago I dared to ask for a suit for prom and we fought about it for weeks and she made me go in a dress and I hated it.. And now here we are and I'll finally get to wear it for my uni graduation. So this is also kinda cathartic for me cause the whole suit/dress dilemma in high school was sort of the catalyst for me questioning my gender and now it feels like things have come full circle. 

My mom still isn't the best ally by far but now I believe she's trying some more. So yay, progress!

I was hanging out with my friends yesterday and we decided to browse in this area that's like a higher class shopping area.  We passed by a suit store and a friend asked me about it.  I said that I would like a suit, but no event to wear one to.  My mom's conservative friend's son is getting married, but I refuse to go to the wedding as a girl so I'm not going.  Later I thought, there is actually no good reason for me to go to a wedding as a girl, so I made a good decision.

 

I do have some pants that could pass for suit pants but I bought them pre-T so it's possible that they don't fit anymore.  But I think the sizing for suits are weird?  The number isn't the waist size, right?  I'm not totally sure, but I think my suit size is supposed to be like 36R or 38R, which is not my waist size.

 

I didn't even bother asking my parents for prom suit.  I knew they would freak out, and I didn't even question my gender for a while anyway.  But at least that day I decided that I wasn't going out without pants ever again.

 

Oh and speaking of pants, I'm kind of wondering what's with cis guys not liking to wear pants at home?  There's this gaming chatroom I'm in, and some guy was complaining about the heat, no fan, and the store ran out of air conditioners.  I suggested going to a Starbucks or some place to be cool.  He didn't go because he didn't want to put on pants.  Maybe it's an ace thing.  Why wouldn't you wear pants?  But then in a trans chatroom, the admin said that she's always naked so maybe it's something having to do with being socialized male.

[Giwreh]

13 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

  Later I thought, there is actually no good reason for me to go to a wedding as a girl, so I made a good decision.

Try to go as a human being...

[Celyn: The Lutening]

43 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

Why wouldn't you wear pants? 

Not liking wearing pants seems to be a big thing. I'm so confused by it, who wouldn't want a big snuggly pair of sweatpants on at all times (except when it's really hot)

[Starbogen]

49 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

I was hanging out with my friends yesterday and we decided to browse in this area that's like a higher class shopping area.  We passed by a suit store and a friend asked me about it.  I said that I would like a suit, but no event to wear one to.  My mom's conservative friend's son is getting married, but I refuse to go to the wedding as a girl so I'm not going.  Later I thought, there is actually no good reason for me to go to a wedding as a girl, so I made a good decision.

 

I do have some pants that could pass for suit pants but I bought them pre-T so it's possible that they don't fit anymore.  But I think the sizing for suits are weird?  The number isn't the waist size, right?  I'm not totally sure, but I think my suit size is supposed to be like 36R or 38R, which is not my waist size.

 

I didn't even bother asking my parents for prom suit.  I knew they would freak out, and I didn't even question my gender for a while anyway.  But at least that day I decided that I wasn't going out without pants ever again.

 

Oh and speaking of pants, I'm kind of wondering what's with cis guys not liking to wear pants at home?  There's this gaming chatroom I'm in, and some guy was complaining about the heat, no fan, and the store ran out of air conditioners.  I suggested going to a Starbucks or some place to be cool.  He didn't go because he didn't want to put on pants.  Maybe it's an ace thing.  Why wouldn't you wear pants?  But then in a trans chatroom, the admin said that she's always naked so maybe it's something having to do with being socialized male.

Yeah I did not get the sizes at all.. I would have been hopelessly lost without that dude.. I think I was also like a 36something and my waist meassurement is 28 inches so idk. 

 

And yeah dude good decision about dress vs pants. I told myself the same thing on my prom night and that was the last time I've worn a dress. My mom didn't want to get me a jacket but I got invited to a wedding that's in a couple of months so I got the perfect reason to convince her. 

 

About the no pants thing... I don't think it's about male socialization.. I usually just hang around the house in boxer briefs (though I wear another pair of smaller briefs under them because I'm weird like that) because it's too hot for pants and boxer briefs are generally just more comfortable. And my gf might hang around in just underwear too sometimes. So it's just a comfort thing I think. 

[nerdperson777]

8 hours ago, Starbogen said:

Yeah I did not get the sizes at all.. I would have been hopelessly lost without that dude.. I think I was also like a 36something and my waist meassurement is 28 inches so idk. 

 

And yeah dude good decision about dress vs pants. I told myself the same thing on my prom night and that was the last time I've worn a dress. My mom didn't want to get me a jacket but I got invited to a wedding that's in a couple of months so I got the perfect reason to convince her. 

 

About the no pants thing... I don't think it's about male socialization.. I usually just hang around the house in boxer briefs (though I wear another pair of smaller briefs under them because I'm weird like that) because it's too hot for pants and boxer briefs are generally just more comfortable. And my gf might hang around in just underwear too sometimes. So it's just a comfort thing I think. 

I just measured my waist to be 30 the other day, so 36 sounds about right.

 

Well comfort is one thing, but then I don't get why how needing to put on pants is a reason to not leave the house.  I wouldn't walk around even in daylight in the public areas of my house without pants.  I might walk around in my boxer briefs in my room and the bathroom but I still need pants if I'm going downstairs.  My only exception is if I shower late at night and I'm still cooling off so I can walk downstairs in my underwear in the dark.  That part may be my socialization.  No one in my family, except the dog, wears any less than a top and pants.

[Emery.]

A man just followed me to the female toilet  I pass, folks. I pass. Maybe now this is going to go easier...

 

P. S. I have long hair now. 

[Celyn: The Lutening]

24 minutes ago, Emery. said:

A man just followed me to the female toilet  I pass, folks. I pass. Maybe now this is going to go easier...

 

P. S. I have long hair now. 

1) That's happened to me. Awkwaaaaard. 2) Long hair on guys/masc enbys is most best. Me likey.

[Emery.]

18 minutes ago, Celyn said:

1) That's happened to me. Awkwaaaaard. 2) Long hair on guys/masc enbys is most best. Me likey.

I wondered whether to cut my hair short but maybe it will not be needed. Of course guys can have long hair! It’s hot

[Celyn: The Lutening]

1 minute ago, Emery. said:

Of course guys can have long hair! It’s hot

You say hot, I say most best.

 

But yeah, I like guys with long hair and girls with short, so, backwards to the stereotypes. Also, guys look better in pink and girls look better in blue. In my opinion, anyhow.

[Emery.]

Well, yeah, I forgot it’s a forum full of aces  Normally people feel complemented if they hear a statement like this one. I like dudes with long hair especially, because it’s rare and I like long hair on people. But short hair can look really good too! 

[butterflydreams]

I wish there was a space to not feel so alone as an MtF person. I feel kind of lonely here. And a lot of the MtF people I considered friends here are largely gone. I can only hope they’ve moved on in their respective journeys are are doing well.

 

I’ve tried hanging out on r/MtF, but it’s a lot of people pre-transition, or super early in their transitions (I’m 6 weeks on HRT, why am I not seeing more changes?). And you get weird posts like one where a pre-transition person wrote about how good it was to try on their sister’s bras and wear them. Dude...wtf? Don’t be stealing underwear or bras from siblings or other family members, that’s just weird. It makes me feel like there’s a large fetish element when there really isn’t, or shouldn’t be anyway. Bras are just bras. It’s just a thing you wear. I started wearing one because I needed padding for sensitivity and pain. Now I wear one for the same reason any other woman does. I certainly don’t “feel good” because of it. It just is what it is. No more interesting or special than the shirt I’m wearing.

 

I also don’t understand why any MtF people “love” wearing women’s underwear. The only thing that women’s underwear makes me feel is dysphoric because there’s a bulge where there shouldn’t be one. And it’s just underwear. I wear it because it helps with tucking and minimizing things, but god knows there’s a constant fight in my head to ignore the painfully obvious.

 

I just always seem to find a weird vibe from MtF spaces. Kind of like, idolizing women? Trans lesbians always seem to be the worst for this. I just want to be a normal girl living a relatively normal life. Where are all those people? This is why I’m so much more comfortable hanging out with my cis female friends. They just treat me like one of them and we do fun stuff. But at the same time, sometimes I want to know that I’m not alone. That I’m not the only trans girl who’s scared shitless of surgery even though I’d do it in a heartbeat. That I’m not the only trans girl who fights daily dysphoria struggles on top of every other normal life thing.

 

Though my friends love me, and I love them, I can never just be like they can. I have to fight for everything, and it’s exhausting.

[Kimmie.]

@butterflydreams i hope you will find someone/somewhere where you can relate to others more. I know that I am one of those pre transition scaredy cats.

[butterflydreams]

6 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

@butterflydreams i hope you will find someone/somewhere where you can relate to others more. I know that I am one of those pre transition scaredy cats.

You’re not a scaredy cat at all, honestly, pre transition people need plenty of support too. Maybe you’d find more benefit from heading on over to r/MtF than I did. They just need a different kind of support and community than I need.

[Andiamo]

I'm in a Gender Studies program in Amsterdam for the summer. The best way I've been able to describe it has been a queer pilgrimage. It really has been a month of finding myself, particularly since I went in questioning my gender (again). I was just texting a couple of my friends, telling them about the perspective that this program has given me on myself, and I ended up writing something I wasn't expecting to write but that really opened my eyes to something that seems simple but that I hadn't fully realized before. So, just in case I'm not the only one who really needs to hear this:

 

It isn't possible to invalidate your identity by listening to your feelings, even if they change. Those feelings are your identity, lead to your identity. It's by ignoring them that you invalidate yourself, because you're ignoring the place your identity comes from.

 

Maybe you don't agree with this. Maybe you do, and realized it a long time ago. Maybe I should have realized that this was something I believed a long time ago. But this is what gave me the confidence to really embrace my nonbinary identity again, and to realize that even if I sometimes feel like he/him pronouns and masculine terms fit me better, there's nothing wrong with that. It's just another facet of my identity. 

[nerdperson777]

@butterflydreams Don't know if you'd be interested, the chatroom I'm in is mostly girls.  It is a group meant for giving advice to pre-hormone people, but they don't come in that often so most of the time we just chat and goof off.  Due to people connecting from all over the world (half of them are in Europe), the chat might be inactive most of the time.  But I talk to the girls in here when I have the time.  I've met at least 4 of them IRL.

[RK800]

HRT might be on the horizon for me, as I  will soon have insurance!

Also my soon-to-be step-father has referred to me using my name rather than my deadname, so that's cool.

[Ms. Carolynne]

@butterflydreams Sorry to hear that, I second Kimmie's sentiments.

 

I can kind of see where you're coming from, although I'm pre-transition. It doesn't seem there are a lot of MtF folks around here, especially ones that are much further along such as yourself.

 

It would be nice if there were though, for the sake of having the perspectives of those who are more experienced.

 

Thanks for mentioning that subreddit btw, I might check it out.

 

@Andiamo Agreed. Acknowledging my feelings was the first step towards realizing my identity. I had a lot of thoughts and feelings I swept under the rug before I questioned my gender.

 

[KRae]

I had an odd experience today. I went to the urgent care (d*mn you, UTIs!), and my discharge paperwork was... interesting. In the space of one paragraph, the doc managed to use "he," "she," and "they" interchangeably to refer to me. Nice way to compare pronouns side by side. Turns out I absolutely prefer "he." So, uh, thanks doc, for the inadvertent help with the self-discovery thing.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

I wish I and/or a practitioner wouldn't be scared shitless of me being on hormones. I just realized that last week, I passed a milestone- it's the longest time in my whole adult life that I went without having a CVA. It almost makes me feel like rolling the dice. I'll be able to take early retirement next year sometime and still be able to get health insurance. But I don't know what would happen with insurance if I did and then threw another clot or had a hemmorhage.

 

<----- becalmed in GID Purgatory

[Light02]

So, there's this person in my University course who I've become really good friends with and at one point they came out to me as non-binary (specifically a demiguy), followed by me coming out to them as well, of course. Then we had a conversation about it and they told me that they don't really have dysphoria, so they don't want to transition in any way but they wished they could grow a beard. I felt kind of sad for them and now I'm wondering, is there any way to grow a beard without going on T?

[Emery.]

Light, no way to grow a beard that I know of... maybe a fake one? 

 

I'm so confused lately. I feel like I want to say something but nothing specific comes to my mind. I hope to get some sleep and that clarity will come itself, but nothing like that is happening. 

 

I keep on reminding myself that I don't have to be intersex to demand being treated how I want to. I keep on asking myself this question how it would ideally look like in this moment, what I'd do if I could do anything. It's difficult to alter your mindset like that but I keep on trying. So far I know that I feel too ashamed to talk about my gender in French class xD Or with my extended family. But this week I'm seeing some friends so I'll see how that one goes. Funny how one fantasy can change everything. I probably just needed the right idea, and they don't always come right away. I keep on reminding myself to say what I want. I'd chicken out and regret it later if I let myself. Same goes with dressing like a girl in front of people that rarely see me, I just can't stand the impression it makes on them, even though the urge on the day we meet is sometimes strong. Complicated and confusing when your own impulses act against what you want, isn't it? But real. 

[RK800]

4 hours ago, Light02 said:

So, there's this person in my University course who I've become really good friends with and at one point they came out to me as non-binary (specifically a demiguy), followed by me coming out to them as well, of course. Then we had a conversation about it and they told me that they don't really have dysphoria, so they don't want to transition in any way but they wished they could grow a beard. I felt kind of sad for them and now I'm wondering, is there any way to grow a beard without going on T?

Minoxidil works for some folks.

[nerdperson777]

15 hours ago, Light02 said:

So, there's this person in my University course who I've become really good friends with and at one point they came out to me as non-binary (specifically a demiguy), followed by me coming out to them as well, of course. Then we had a conversation about it and they told me that they don't really have dysphoria, so they don't want to transition in any way but they wished they could grow a beard. I felt kind of sad for them and now I'm wondering, is there any way to grow a beard without going on T?

I think I did see something a while back, let me dig that up.  It only grows hair, no hormones required.

 

Men's Rogaine 5% Minoxidil Topical Aerosol (RK was right)

 

The one I'm thinking of, I saw a pic of a product of the Equate brand.  Maybe it was the generic version of that.  I recall seeing someone with a full beard to show results.

[Finn.]

One of the kids at work was like "you're a man" two days ago, followed by several kids addressing me as Mr for like 10 minutes. I didn't correct them haha. I regularly get asked about my sex/gender by the kids, now I don't say anything anymore, or just ask them what they think I am. (The answers vary)

[PixleyDust✨]

On 7/17/2018 at 1:49 PM, Emery. said:

Same goes with dressing like a girl in front of people that rarely see me, I just can't stand the impression it makes on them, even though the urge on the day we meet is sometimes strong. Complicated and confusing when your own impulses act against what you want, isn't it? But real. 

God YES. I FEEL THIS.

 

As an AFAB, that’s where my dysphoria comes in, since it seems to be more social than physical, since I’m usually okay seeing my body as is, it’s the thought of OTHER people seeing it that can be confusing/uncomfortable for me.

 

I want to be super feminine sometimes, but looking obviously female, I hate the assumptions people would make because of it. And that’s when I shove myself into super, SUPER masculine clothing just to score the freedom ambiguity grants me (despite wanting to put on makeup/glitter/wear super “girly” clothes. UGH.) 🙄