Kimmie. Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Ahh okay thank for the answer @butterflydreams I totally get the thing with having long enough tops to cover certain things. I have personally started look at things myself. And well you have seen my photos and well that is sort of what i am after myself. Professional styles are not really my thing. I am glad that i don't need that att work. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 7 hours ago, Autumn Sunrise said: Awesome, @butterflydreams If I just heard that recording and didn't know who it was, I would certainly believe I was listening to a woman. The picture looks good, too @Mezzo Forte That conference sounds like an absolutely amazing experience! Hopefully it's given you some great contacts and directions for your future work ( . . . makes me wish I was young again, lol!) Thanks! The keynote speaker for the conference actually flew in from Australia and was trying to convince me to consider the University of Melbourne for my doctorate. Pretty sure she's going to look into Danger Music after I mentioned it. (Still need to check if it's available via eBook stateside though ) 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kimmie. Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 @butterflydreams If you don´t mind can you answer another clothing question? Have the amout of color you wear changed? Because that is something i have noticed myself when i "dressup" I wear more color and not just black on black with a pinch of gray. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Emery. Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 Feminine clothes definitely are more colourful. Tha's something happening in my wardrobe too. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 7 hours ago, Kimmie. said: @butterflydreams If you don´t mind can you answer another clothing question? Have the amout of color you wear changed? Because that is something i have noticed myself when i "dressup" I wear more color and not just black on black with a pinch of gray. A little bit. The brightness changed. I still wear the same sorts of colors, but they tend to be brighter. My favorite shirts are bright blue and a color called daybreak. Kind of a pinkish salmon color. Question for folks here in two parts. Part 1: Do you think sites dedicated to transgender dating are necessarily filled with chasers? Part 2: At this point in my train wreck of a dating life, would that even be a bad thing? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rosendust Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 (edited) Well, today I feel dysphoric because I'm being misgendered & I just feel sad about it. As well as some body dysphoria. Edited February 22, 2018 by Rosendust Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kimmie. Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 7 minutes ago, butterflydreams said: A little bit. The brightness changed. I still wear the same sorts of colors, but they tend to be brighter. My favorite shirts are bright blue and a color called daybreak. Kind of a pinkish salmon color. Question for folks here in two parts. Part 1: Do you think sites dedicated to transgender dating are necessarily filled with chasers? Part 2: At this point in my train wreck of a dating life, would that even be a bad thing? Sorry that i ask these actually dumb questions. But i am just curious how people change when they start to be there actual self. i have personally completely fallen in love with styles like this. I know that it is cosplay and that i might be a bit to old for it but still.. Spoiler ............................................ Part 1: There will always be people that will take advantage of niche sites for there own gain. Part 2: That is something that i cant answer for you, but the whole thing sounds creepy from there part. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lirpaderp Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 19 hours ago, Emery. said: Feminine clothes definitely are more colourful. Tha's something happening in my wardrobe too. I stopped wearing colorful things a while ago. I love bright colors, but I don't like how they look on me. I look forward to the day I can wear a brightly colored shirt and feel/be seen as manly. There's one shade of pink that I actually like, but wouldn't be caught dead wearing it. At least not with the body I have now. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Starbogen Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 A lot of people seem to have this idea that men's clothes is mostly dark boring colors but I think my wardrobe has also gotten more colorful after socially transitioning. Or at the very least my style has gotten better. Before when I was basically presenting as nothing and was seen as female I just wore a bunch of baggy graphic tshirts which I guess have color in them but it was mostly black jeans and black shirts with some design. But now I've gotten a lot of pretty button ups and yeah a lot of them are in dark and neutral colors but some of them have bright colors too like blue, green, and pink. I've also gotten some nice sweaters which make me look more grown up. And I've gotten some light jeans which before I never wanted to do for some reason. (I did sadly have to get rid of my red jeans that I loved. But not because of the color, just because they made my hips look awful. I definitely want some new red jeans.) I've also gotten some shorts which I love, two blue and one red. And at some point I got a hoodie with blue and green stripes where before I only ever wanted dark colored ones. Basically I think that even though I still wear a lot of black and gray and dark colors because I just like that, being seen as male and being able to get the right clothes for me has let me feel like I have more options and like it's okay to wear colors because they don't have a female overtone anymore. I don't know if that makes sense... but I guess when I was seen as female I was more hesistant to wear colors (even if they came from the men's section) because I felt like if people saw me wearing colors they would relate that to me being "female" or something. I don't really get it now but I think that's how I felt. But also I probably just wanted to disappear as much as possible and wearing baggy dark clothes was a way to do that. Now that I generally don't have to worry so much about that and can just be a guy I wear much better and prettier baggy dark, but also somewhat more colorful, clothes. 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kimmie. Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Parts of me is afraid that i am wrong about myself that i am just a "trender" or a stupidly confused delusional piece of shit . But in the same time i am looking at myself and it just feels so wrong i am not a guy i am a girl. Everything about it speaks to me so much more. The only time when i feel actual happy is when i present myself as a girl at home. But how do i know that i am right? It is the feeling that i can survive as i am that haunts me. Please i need you all to be honest with me here. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
:)(: Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 26 minutes ago, Kimmie. said: Parts of me is afraid that i am wrong about myself that i am just a "trender" or a stupidly confused delusional piece of shit . But in the same time i am looking at myself and it just feels so wrong i am not a guy i am a girl. Everything about it speaks to me so much more. The only time when i feel actual happy is when i present myself as a girl at home. But how do i know that i am right? It is this feeling that i can survive as i am that haunts me. Please i need you all to be honest with me here. I see what you mean. But if you think about it gender doesn’t have to be black or white or just forget gender and take what you like and run with it. To be honesty with you AMAB people who don’t 100% conform to masculine standards or have the hardest pathway so it is hard to say that it would be part of a trend. And if you find that it is that is fine too. I mean you are going to do it in a way that is respectful right? I mean if you look at Drag Queens they don’t have to identify to dress up as female. What I am saying is there are no rules so don’t make them up. How you truely feel is how you truest feel it may take a looong time to get it sorted out but don’t doubt youself. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kimmie. Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 I think this is because of my lack of self-esteem and all that. I can not belive in myself in anything before other people confirm it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Spoiler Don't look at the rest of my ugly no makeup face, recently got zapped. But this is the hairwork I'm getting for daily life ... T_T It's just wow... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kimmie. Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 9 minutes ago, Phoenix the II said: Reveal hidden contents Don't look at the rest of my ugly no makeup face, recently got zapped. But this is the hairwork I'm getting for daily life ... T_T It's just wow... It fits you so much!!!! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 1 minute ago, Kimmie. said: It fits you so much!!!! It's so thick, and I can make a hair tie with it too.... But my own hair tie needs 4 twists to keep whatever I have myself together... But this wig, it's so thick, it's so much hair that I probably would break the hair tie if i'd twist it once only already.... .... it's really expensive too O_o Quote Link to post Share on other sites
:)(: Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 On 2/23/2018 at 6:22 AM, Kimmie. said: I think this is because of my lack of self-esteem and all that. I can not belive in myself in anything before other people confirm it. Hi five on the lack of self esteem part me too 😬 On 2/23/2018 at 6:37 AM, Phoenix the II said: It's so thick, and I can make a hair tie with it too.... But my own hair tie needs 4 twists to keep whatever I have myself together... But this wig, it's so thick, it's so much hair that I probably would break the hair tie if i'd twist it once only already.... .... it's really expensive too O_o Possibly a ribbon like in the olden days that way you could double loop it 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 5 minutes ago, :)(: said: Possibly a ribbon like in the olden days that way you could double loop it Now that sounds so totally like a dream, a ribbon xD... omg.. Mind blown. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 1 hour ago, Phoenix the II said: Reveal hidden contents Don't look at the rest of my ugly no makeup face, recently got zapped. But this is the hairwork I'm getting for daily life ... T_T It's just wow... Love the hair phoenix! PS: I’m jealous of your eyebrows, I wish mine were as thick I also love to see the progress on your face too Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kimmie. Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 I guess I am just down at the moment. I don't want to call it depression because I don't have a diagnosis. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 4 hours ago, Phoenix the II said: Hide contents Don't look at the rest of my ugly no makeup face, recently got zapped. But this is the hairwork I'm getting for daily life ... T_T It's just wow... I like it! Looking good. One thing I’d throw out there, and it’s totally up to you, but you have the advantage of wearing glasses. I waffled on it for a while, but I ended up getting a new, much more feminizing pair of glasses for myself and it really did wonders for my face. It’s something cool to play around with. I like that top as well. 21 minutes ago, Kimmie. said: I guess I am just down at the moment. I don't want to call it depression because I don't have a diagnosis. Get a real diagnosis for that. Don’t let it fester. You want to nip that in the bud as early as you can. You’re already fighting dysphoria, don’t be fighting depression too. *hugs* 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Heart Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 On 2/13/2018 at 8:01 AM, Kimmie. said: I was reading through my posts in this topic from a couple of weeks ago and i started to cry. Why does it hurt so much? *warm comforting hugs* Sometimes I find myself asking the same question about life. Why does it have to hurt so much sometimes? I don't have a solution, just more *hugs* On 2/14/2018 at 8:52 AM, Phoenix the II said: No teary eyes, No tearss.... yes, you look great! omg. the wig finishes it... Can't cry now, I have make up on! DILEMMA's >_> Hide contents Hide contents Hide contents Hide contents Hide contents You look GORGEOUS!!! The wig finishes it off beautifully, but it frames a beautiful face too On 2/14/2018 at 11:02 AM, butterflydreams said: I always struggle with this, but I know I really need to work on it. I’ve definitely thinned them out a little bit, but I could probably do so much more. I’m just afraid to do it because I’m worried about screwing it up. I hate eyebrows too. Have you found a nice salon or something? I recently tried eyebrow threading instead of waxing (which is the one my mother brought me for when I was a teenager, so I would know where to pluck in the future). I liked it better, though it's hard to compare because they are separated by a decade or so The person was super quick and efficient though; no chit-chat, no delays. It gave a super professional feel. (Though I'm sure others might have felt it was cold or not personable, but I really was fine with it). On 2/14/2018 at 12:16 PM, Stevie Converse said: I'm really sad and anxious now. I was in a conventional marriage, with a woman, for 11 years and that is coming to an end now that I've started my transition. I miss doing things for her and with her for Valentine's Day. Our marriage was always unhappy and volatile, but there are some pleasant memories of special days. Now she is stuck with an asex transwoman who took over her husband's body (I know that's not what I did, but it is similar to something she said). So this day is hitting me hard. I talked to my partner (that's what I call her now) and she is very sad, too. We are staying married so she can stay on my medical insurance; that may last for a couple years or it may be a permanent arrangement. We will be married on paper only. It is for the best, and I know I am not doing anything morally wrong, but it still sticks in my throat. She and I were both raised with traditional values. I assumed as a transwoman I'd be able to just throw off the shackles of patriarchal oppression or whatever, but, shit, some things are just very painful and hard to get past. In spite of the pain and sometimes despair, though, I am moving forward. I made an appointment with a doctor (he is a trans man!) who can write a letter approving hormone therapy. Then the endocrinologist at the practice I go to will prescribe them. If everything goes right, I will be starting HRT in less than two months. I've also started talking to people about finding a place to stay. I was going to wait and move out in May, but the atmosphere at the house, with my wife and kids, is really bad and, real talk, I am the biggest contributor since my announcement shook everyone. They will be better off with me gone, and I will have the freedom to become who I am. Right now I can't imagine that Valentine's Day will ever be a pleasant experience for me. Even though I did not belong in this marriage, trying to be something I am incapable of being, I will always mourn the bond we shared. I wish that as queer folks, we could "just throw off the chains of the patriarchy". I wish it so much. Unfortunately, sometimes, those chains not only stick around but they find new ways to hurt us. They hurt everyone, no matter your gender, but they can hurt genderqueer people in new and unexpected ways. Please don't say you're the biggest contributor to the atmosphere in the house. It takes two to tango. I know some couples where one of them has come out as trans, and transitioned fully, and their relationships are as strong as they ever were. Maybe even stronger, in at least one case. Plenty of cases where that's not happened of course too. But just because you came out as trans, doesn't mean you ruined everything. It takes the whole house to do that. They may not be able to help their attitudes right now any more than you can help your gender, but they can learn and grow. That is their choice. Until then, it's not your fault, and there's not much you can do other than be a good person and hope they come around *hugs* On 2/16/2018 at 3:47 PM, AwkwardAxolotl said: I've been updating my resume, because it's past time for me to move on from my current job, and I was doing okay, wading through papers, trying to figure out what was still relevant and what wasn't, and then I came across my first publication. It's under my birthname. I haven't felt this dysphoric in years. Now I don't know what to put on my resume. There's pretty stiff competition for the position I want, so I need all of my publications listed, but I don't want to have to put that name on my resume. That's... really tough. I have no good advice. Is the name in full on there? Could you get away with something like "A. Axolotl", to cover the gender of the first name, and maybe havea footnote saying you have had a name change? Or even without the footnote, just leave it as is and hand it in with confidence? I know in the humanities at least, people's publishing names can be all over the place from full names, to initials only and last name, to even a shortened nickname of their first name because that's what they signed their emails with. In the sciences now, all my publications are with initials and last name only, so my gender assigned at birth is hidden (which is kinda nice). I can't think of any other advice. Do you have an academic advisor that you trust? I think this is probably something that most academics haven't though about or confronted, so maybe just putting it on there with no explanation and only a first initial, and if they ask later, you can say you had a name change and not give any reason. Oh, idea! Do you have something like ORCID? If you have an ORCID ID, you could have the publication listed there, and that lends a bit of legitimacy to your claim that it's yours too. On 2/17/2018 at 2:02 PM, Calligraphette_Coe said: I'm forever saddened that the world seems to run on insane dichotomies, each with their own prison bars. So often, it seems to me, that when the male/female dichotomy vis-a-vis transgenderism sets up its tent, things become like beta decay of elements and you get an isotope of God Vs Evil with a few emotional positrons flung off at high speed. I felt victimized by that model sometimes, and when I went to hide myself and lick my wounds, I often thought of this passage from Gibran's The Prophet" *whispers in awe* I love that passage. I wish I could print it up and put it on my wall. I need that in my life On 2/18/2018 at 3:35 PM, Emery. said: Rapid onset gender dysphoria, they say... I had a gut feeling about a certain pattern I see in some people. By the way, it would be interesting to see studies of transmasculine people who are less like the traditional masculine straight trans man who came out as a toddler. This is the only thing hey describe in papers. Ugh. I want to talk with my therapist but she's on holiday. Why does she need to leave exactly when I have a break and have time for such things? I want to discuss some gender stuff in flesh. I just really want to talk about the very first questions again. I had a paper for that! *reminds self to go dig up that literature review on early vs late transitioners* There's a whole interesting phenomena where the age that people transition medically is bimodal; there is one "early" group, and then a bit of a sparse time, then a "late" group. The later group doesn't transition until late twenties or later, and there are some really interesting correlations there. It's been a while since I read it, but I think the late group might be correlated with being gay or bi, or queer in their sexuality in some way, and the early group tends to be straight? I'll have to dig it out. But you're not alone; there's a whole group of people who don't "know since they were toddlers" persay. And now you don't even have to trust me, because there's research on it On 2/18/2018 at 10:41 PM, Kimmie. said: I have been less dyshoric this weekend which is nice, but stressful in the sametime. I get this feeling too. Sometimes, when I'm less dysphoric, I just sit there stressing about when the next time will come It's frustrating too, because I'd much rather just be able to enjoy it while it lasts. But no, my brain has other plans On 2/19/2018 at 9:03 PM, :)(: said: You sound like an AVEN mom pleased that her children are running about happily Haha. I'm not so much of a motherly type, but I am happy that my favourite gender community is running about happily After all, how else would I procrastinate while I'm supposed to be working? The internet would be a boring place without AVEN! 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 3 hours ago, butterflydreams said: but you have the advantage of wearing glasses I still need a new pair of girl glasses... These were for males I'm wearing there. But somehow with this wig, it's not all too bad? hmmmm Quote Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 54 minutes ago, Phoenix the II said: I still need a new pair of girl glasses... These were for males I'm wearing there. But somehow with this wig, it's not all too bad? hmmmm Not it's not bad at all. But definitely consider an opportunity to get new glasses that help feminize your face even more Well, I worked up the courage to tell my carpool buddy about me, but she already knew. Oh well. What does that mean? 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Calligraphette_Coe Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Sometimes, someone goes all Missionary on you. They do this sort of mini-conversion therapy on you, telling you it's for your own good. They think that transsexual *really* means bisexual, and they start to aggressively hit on you. You protest, "Nono, it's not you, it's me. I'm sorry, I can't return your attraction. I love you as a friend, please, don't do this." They ask why, and I'm floored because I've been out to them for almost a decade. And thought they understood. I tell them, "I thought you understood, even though i can't transistion, I'm am and always will be an Asexual Transsexual." They start guffawing and I felt stooopid, humiliated and just wanted to find a hole to crawl into and die. I wasn't even mad. I just felt violated. Like I was the butt of a joke the whole world gets but me. Turns out they were drunk. But, 'in vino veritas'? I know them in 3D life, and now I'm regretting it. They recently broke up with their steady partner. But they are a mental health professional and they should know better. Why can't people JUST be dear friends and why do they always have to muck it up with sexual desire? ::::sighs:::: You have some people who say ad nauseum they would NEVER date a transsexual, and then you have others who think of you only as a hot date. I wish the academics who write those hateful anti-trans books at some point got this treatment so they would know what it was like to insist that M & F means sex, be fruitful and mulitply, it's the Law. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Heart Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 40 minutes ago, Calligraphette_Coe said: Sometimes, someone goes all Missionary on you. They do this sort of mini-conversion therapy on you, telling you it's for your own good. They think that transsexual *really* means bisexual, and they start to aggressively hit on you. You protest, "Nono, it's not you, it's me. I'm sorry, I can't return your attraction. I love you as a friend, please, don't do this." They ask why, and I'm floored because I've been out to them for almost a decade. And thought they understood. I tell them, "I thought you understood, even though i can't transistion, I'm am and always will be an Asexual Transsexual." They start guffawing and I felt stooopid, humiliated and just wanted to find a hole to crawl into and die. I wasn't even mad. I just felt violated. Like I was the butt of a joke the whole world gets but me. Turns out they were drunk. But, 'in vino veritas'? I know them in 3D life, and now I'm regretting it. They recently broke up with their steady partner. But they are a mental health professional and they should know better. Why can't people JUST be dear friends and why do they always have to muck it up with sexual desire? ::::sighs:::: You have some people who say ad nauseum they would NEVER date a transsexual, and then you have others who think of you only as a hot date. I wish the academics who write those hateful anti-trans books at some point got this treatment so they would know what it was like to insist that M & F means sex, be fruitful and mulitply, it's the Law. Wow that sounds horrible. There's a reason I've drifted away from drinking culture... I only ever drink alone at home nowadays, and even then rarely (I say as I sip a glass of wine, at home, on a Friday evening for the first time this month...) Sexual desire really can come out while someone's tipsy and taint a friendship if it's not handled maturely and with dignity from all sides.... 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Heart Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 On 2/21/2018 at 9:10 AM, Andiamo said: So, my friends have always been great about using the right name and pronouns for me. I've been using they/them pronouns for almost a year now, and my chosen name since November. In all that time, they haven't really slipped up at all. But this week, I've been called by my old name three times in three days and people have called me by she/her pronouns twice. I know I'm lucky that they've been so consistently good about it and don't have any problems with it, but it still feels really awful to suddenly hear all of that out of nowhere. That sucks. I know it's probably just a statistical fluctuation, and being a scientist and a physicist, I am not unfamiliar with statistics. But that doesn't stop it from hurting. *hugs* On 2/22/2018 at 6:55 AM, butterflydreams said: Part 1: Do you think sites dedicated to transgender dating are necessarily filled with chasers? Part 2: At this point in my train wreck of a dating life, would that even be a bad thing? I have little to no experience with online dating, so I can't really speak to this. But I do want to say that you are valuable, and I hope you remember your value. There is nothing wrong with dating someone who prefers to date trans people (heck, sometimes I prefer to date genderqueer folks of some flavour if only because we share a certain experience). But only if they treat you with respect and don't just fetishize you. You are a whole human being, a whole woman. If someone is dating you only because of the trans part... then I'd say they don't deserve you. You deserve to be dated and appreciated for the whole you. You are an amazingly intricate woman, and worth every moment put into getting to know you fully. Sorry if that doesn't help. I'm trying to help, but I just don't know what else to do 20 hours ago, Starbogen said: A lot of people seem to have this idea that men's clothes is mostly dark boring colors but I think my wardrobe has also gotten more colorful after socially transitioning. Or at the very least my style has gotten better. Before when I was basically presenting as nothing and was seen as female I just wore a bunch of baggy graphic tshirts which I guess have color in them but it was mostly black jeans and black shirts with some design. But now I've gotten a lot of pretty button ups and yeah a lot of them are in dark and neutral colors but some of them have bright colors too like blue, green, and pink. I've also gotten some nice sweaters which make me look more grown up. And I've gotten some light jeans which before I never wanted to do for some reason. (I did sadly have to get rid of my red jeans that I loved. But not because of the color, just because they made my hips look awful. I definitely want some new red jeans.) I've also gotten some shorts which I love, two blue and one red. And at some point I got a hoodie with blue and green stripes where before I only ever wanted dark colored ones. Basically I think that even though I still wear a lot of black and gray and dark colors because I just like that, being seen as male and being able to get the right clothes for me has let me feel like I have more options and like it's okay to wear colors because they don't have a female overtone anymore. I don't know if that makes sense... but I guess when I was seen as female I was more hesistant to wear colors (even if they came from the men's section) because I felt like if people saw me wearing colors they would relate that to me being "female" or something. I don't really get it now but I think that's how I felt. But also I probably just wanted to disappear as much as possible and wearing baggy dark clothes was a way to do that. Now that I generally don't have to worry so much about that and can just be a guy I wear much better and prettier baggy dark, but also somewhat more colorful, clothes. Honestly, I've seen this with a lot of people who have transitioned to living as their authentic selves. Not everyone, but a majority in my experience (anecdotal, of course). A lot of pre-social transition people wore plain clothes, then when they transitioned, their clothing styles got... I dunno, fancier in some way. More colourful,. or more distinct in some way. Maybe more niche. But always, more "them". I think that in the process of presenting as the gender that you are, you also often let out more of your personality into your clothing choice and style. It's almost like gender isn't an isolated part of your personality, independent of everything else that is you. Living as your authentic self lets out your gender presentation, but also aspects of personality... ("you" always in the general sense here, not any single person here). 18 hours ago, Phoenix the II said: Reveal hidden contents Don't look at the rest of my ugly no makeup face, recently got zapped. But this is the hairwork I'm getting for daily life ... T_T It's just wow... So amazing!!!! You look great! I think you chose incredibly well for your wig 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andiamo Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 On the clothes conversation... The style of clothes that I wear has definitely changed a lot since I started coming out, but I tend to favor men's shirts that are more colorful or have unusual patterns on them. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
:)(: Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 I think that may be a changing thing because I know in America a lot of kids walk in colorfor sportwear 24/7 I also think it has become a trend to wear pink as a male b/c girls like it and ppl think “your a man for wearing pink and not feeling like it makes you like boys “ or something. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Calligraphette_Coe Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 8 hours ago, Heart said: Wow that sounds horrible. There's a reason I've drifted away from drinking culture... I only ever drink alone at home nowadays, and even then rarely (I say as I sip a glass of wine, at home, on a Friday evening for the first time this month...) Sexual desire really can come out while someone's tipsy and taint a friendship if it's not handled maturely and with dignity from all sides.... I like an occassional classy pass as much as the next gal, but things jump the rails pretty quickly when someone is sure "No doesn't really mean no". And then to be laughed at? I'm really struggling with this one. How many hits do I have to take to my sovereignty as a person before I'm allowed to turn my back and walk away? I understand that people sometimes get really lonely, that women DO like sex and should not be judged under double standards. I tell myself that maybe if I had been lucky and transistioned and had SRS, maybe things would change? I woudn't have to naviagate these awkward straits and be looked at as though any interaction is because someone with XY chromosones is invariably after One Thing. That's part of the reason I take some refuge in androgyny-- it puts people off, so you have to deal with sexuality far less. I've been through this sort of thing before and had some really shitty things done to and said about me, just for saying "No" as nicely as I could. I sometimes think of these situations with this metaphor-- I'm confronted with a sexual situation and have a choice-- eat a plate of worms or have sex. I'd eat the plate of worms. The worms won't tell their friends. Or laugh at you. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 11 hours ago, Heart said: I have little to no experience with online dating, so I can't really speak to this. But I do want to say that you are valuable, and I hope you remember your value. There is nothing wrong with dating someone who prefers to date trans people (heck, sometimes I prefer to date genderqueer folks of some flavour if only because we share a certain experience). But only if they treat you with respect and don't just fetishize you. You are a whole human being, a whole woman. If someone is dating you only because of the trans part... then I'd say they don't deserve you. You deserve to be dated and appreciated for the whole you. You are an amazingly intricate woman, and worth every moment put into getting to know you fully. Sorry if that doesn't help. I'm trying to help, but I just don't know what else to do Thanks, Heart. It does help. I have a Skype date tomorrow with a guy I met online. I'm pretty nervous but we'll see how it goes. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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