TransWhatevers of AVEN

[Mezzo Forte]

6 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

It’s ok, I really appreciate what you had to say. I know it probably sounds stupid and corny, but I’m starting to really try dating myself for the indefinite future. If I have to live with myself, I might as well love myself and treat myself at least as well as I’d treat a partner. And I mean actually taking myself out on dates. Restaurants, walks by the water, whatever. Just something so I feel like I’m worth it.

Self love can be a beautiful thing, and it's quite liberating to go out into the world without needing another person to justify your presence. I've certainly enjoyed treating myself to restaurants alone, and enjoying nature is one of those things that I actually love most when I'm either alone or with someone who also wants to focus on taking in nature. As much as I love the company of other people, sometimes, I want to give nature (or my thoughts) my undivided attention. I also sometimes give myself small massages (arms, legs, shoulders, etc.) with a little bit of lotion to make the occasion feel a little more special, and I guess that's something that would be more common with partnered activity than alone that I just do anyways

[butterflydreams]

14 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Self love can be a beautiful thing, and it's quite liberating to go out into the world without needing another person to justify your presence. I've certainly enjoyed treating myself to restaurants alone, and enjoying nature is one of those things that I actually love most when I'm either alone or with someone who also wants to focus on taking in nature. As much as I love the company of other people, sometimes, I want to give nature (or my thoughts) my undivided attention. I also sometimes give myself small massages (arms, legs, shoulders, etc.) with a little bit of lotion to make the occasion feel a little more special, and I guess that's something that would be more common with partnered activity than alone that I just do anyways

Even though I've done it before, I'm really scared about dining out alone. It's one of my favorite things to do, to try new restaurants and new things, but I so seldom do because I'm alone and it's scary. 

 

And yeah, being alone is nice sometimes, like when you want to be in nature, or just with your thoughts, but it's not nice all the time. I don't really have a choice though, so I'm going to just get used to being by myself. It makes me sad to think of how hard I am on myself and how I'd never treat someone else that I loved that way. So that's what I want to work on.

 

I'm getting back into shape physically, and I want to get myself into shape emotionally. 

[Mezzo Forte]

5 minutes ago, butterflydreams said:

Even though I've done it before, I'm really scared about dining out alone. It's one of my favorite things to do, to try new restaurants and new things, but I so seldom do because I'm alone and it's scary. 

 

And yeah, being alone is nice sometimes, like when you want to be in nature, or just with your thoughts, but it's not nice all the time. I don't really have a choice though, so I'm going to just get used to being by myself. It makes me sad to think of how hard I am on myself and how I'd never treat someone else that I loved that way. So that's what I want to work on.

 

I'm getting back into shape physically, and I want to get myself into shape emotionally. 

I guess the best you can do is try to reframe these contexts into something more positive, which it sounds like you're aiming to do. Repetition tends to make things less intimidating over time, so perhaps even the act of seeking new restaurants will become less intimidating. Plus sometimes, if you do something somewhat regularly by yourself, it becomes easier/more casual to invite someone to join you, while you can enjoy it as a solo activity, you can also keep these events open for company should the situation arise. That way, company is more of a surprise bonus rather than a necessary part of the experience.

[butterflydreams]

11 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I guess the best you can do is try to reframe these contexts into something more positive, which it sounds like you're aiming to do. Repetition tends to make things less intimidating over time, so perhaps even the act of seeking new restaurants will become less intimidating. Plus sometimes, if you do something somewhat regularly by yourself, it becomes easier/more casual to invite someone to join you, while you can enjoy it as a solo activity, you can also keep these events open for company should the situation arise. That way, company is more of a surprise bonus rather than a necessary part of the experience.

I've been doing breakfast/brunch at a place in town for a while now. It was hard at first, but I'm pretty good at it now. Dinner is harder though. That first time, walking to the restaurant, hoping it's not too crowded (I hate dining alone if it's crowded, I don't want to be taking up a table by myself ). I can feel the anxiety just thinking about it and running it through my mind.

 

I really want to be able to enjoy it as a solo activity. I think I can, I just need to get over my anxiety, especially about dining alone. It sounds morbid, and I'm sorry, but

Spoiler

sometimes reminding myself that killing myself is an option is what it takes to get me to do things. Like, in my head I think, well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, how about we just do this first. And that's what it takes. Not pretty, I know.

 

[Heart]

Spoiler

1 hour ago, Kelly said:

Grey's Anatomy is adding a trans character, Dr. Casey Parker, played by transman Alex Blue Davis.

 

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/greys-anatomy-transgender-storyline-explained-alex-blue-davis-interview-1075535

 

Wait, a trans character that is also played by a trans actor? Awesome! A+ to Grey's Anatomy, I may have to actually try watching it

 

15 minutes ago, butterflydreams said:

I've been doing breakfast/brunch at a place in town for a while now. It was hard at first, but I'm pretty good at it now. Dinner is harder though. That first time, walking to the restaurant, hoping it's not too crowded (I hate dining alone if it's crowded, I don't want to be taking up a table by myself ). I can feel the anxiety just thinking about it and running it through my mind.

 

I really want to be able to enjoy it as a solo activity. I think I can, I just need to get over my anxiety, especially about dining alone. It sounds morbid, and I'm sorry, but

  Hide contents

sometimes reminding myself that killing myself is an option is what it takes to get me to do things. Like, in my head I think, well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, how about we just do this first. And that's what it takes. Not pretty, I know.

 

Solutions don't have to be pretty to be perfectly good solutions. And some resources I've read say that one of the best treatments for suicidal thoughts is to make plans. This sounds like a great step towards recovery

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

So, at lunch today I had a favourite moment. One of my coworkers had her first driving lesson in Canada (she comes from a country that has very different driving culture, and she is really just learning). She mentioned that she sometimes confused the acceleration pedal with the break pedal, then went on to say something else. So my other coworker spoke up and said "Wait, what did you just say? Like, seriously. There are a lot of things you're allowed to be confused about. You can be confused about your gender, you can be confused about your research, you can be confused about politics. You are not allowed to be confused about which pedal is the acceleration or the break!"

 

I had an internal giggle at that, it seemed really amusing at the time

[daveb]

I have never gotten used to dining out alone. I don't eat out often anyway, but when I do I usually get takeaway and bring it home, or to my hotel room or car if I'm traveling. I do enjoy eating out* and should try to do it solo more often. I have done it dressed en femme (at the CD/TG event a couple of years ago, when I wanted to get some breakfast and try a crepe place near the hotel).  (that was scary)

 

*

Spoiler

there's a phrase you can only say an asexual site and not get a lot of sniggering

 

That's really cool about Grey's Anatomy - that actor looks pretty cool, too.

 

@Mezzo Forte, maybe someday your facial hair will get to be like mine was in my avatar from my bygone days.  

[Calligraphette_Coe]

9 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

It’s ok, I really appreciate what you had to say. I know it probably sounds stupid and corny, but I’m starting to really try dating myself for the indefinite future. If I have to live with myself, I might as well love myself and treat myself at least as well as I’d treat a partner. And I mean actually taking myself out on dates. Restaurants, walks by the water, whatever. Just something so I feel like I’m worth it.

It could happen like this. One winter night in a nightclub where a band plays, a band which has a mysterious woman on bass guitar. A very shy woman, but very gifted in the feminine arts and an absolute maven with that Fender Precision Bass and Bassbreaker amp.

 

So the audience asks for a ladies' choice for the next-to-the last song of the last set, and someone asks for a slow one, Paul McCartney's It's Just Another Day

 

Quote

Everyday she takes a morning bath, she wets her hair,
Wraps a towel 'round her as she's heading for the bedroom chair,
It's just another day.

Slippin' into stockings,
Steppin' into shoes,
Dippin' in the pocket of her raincoat,

Ah, It's just another day,
Choo choo choo choo choo choo,
It's just another day,
Choo choo choo choo choo choo,
It's just another day.

So it's the last song, and the lead vocalist says "We'd like to invite someone up to the mic to sing an old Billy Joel ditty for Hadley, our bass player who has been terribly lonely lately. So without a further adieu, Hadley dear? This one's for you:

 

Quote

 

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child but she's always a woman to me
She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth but she'll never believe you
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free

Yeah she steals like a thief but she's always a woman to me
Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, she never gives out and she never gives in
She just changes her mind

And she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding
But she brings out the best and the worst you can be

Blame it all on yourself 'cause she's always a woman to me

 

....and as the song ends, he holds out his hand, palm up and gives her a comehither look. Which she does. And they walk out of the night club together, hand in hand.

 

Now quiddit, youse. I'm sure they aren't going to the No-Tell-Motel. But what's it to you if they are? A lady's gotta have some time with a lovely gent sometimes!

[Mezzo Forte]

42 minutes ago, daveb said:

@Mezzo Forte, maybe someday your facial hair will get to be like mine was in my avatar from my bygone days.  

That's the hope! I don't think I'm doing too bad considering how long I've been on T. I know it'll come together. Even the way the facial hair's been coming in is hinting at a really full/even spread. I don't think it's unreasonable to be optimistic, especially looking at the beards in my family. Only person I can think of who doesn't really grow good facial hair is my brother, and his facial hair spread is very different from mine (he mostly has hair in the goatee/mustache region). Granted, my family is genuinely baffled trying to figure out where the heck all my body hair come from in the family tree, so who knows how the beard is going to turn out

[daveb]

Ha! For some reason Warren Zevon's Werewolves of London sprang to mind - and the line "He's the hairy-handed gent who ran amuck in Kent ".

[Finn.]

On 1/18/2018 at 1:48 AM, Heart said:

Wow, this sounds like you could really do with a hug and some general support. *opens arms to offer a hug* Would you like a hug? Or perhaps cake? Or both. Heck, it's the internet, why can't we eat cake while hugging at the same time magically without looking goofy or making a mess?

 

In more serious terms though, I'm sorry this is all going on. It sounds like there are a lot of factors draining your energy, one big one being your relationship with your mother. Of course it's ok to see that reflected in your gender! I think that's very normal. Sometimes, mental energy has to be triaged, and there's nothing left to be concerned about what name fits best and where you're using which name. I hope things take a turn for the  better...

 

And, for what it's worth, I think I would personally talk to my mother if she kept doing something like that. But I didn't have a mother that neglected me, so your case may be very different. I know that if I talked to my mother about something like that, she'd listen and try her best to change, especially if she knew that her relationship with me was in the balance. But whether that will happen with your mother or not comes down to whether she wants to work towards changing or not. You really are the closest person to knowing how that might go down. It's not always an easy decision

 

*warm, comforting hugs and *

Yeah I can eat while hugging, thanks!

 

I think I should really address it again. But it's gonna be this whole senseless conversation again and our relationship will be so strained again. I hope I can gather enough courage and energy to do it anyways. Breaking up with the rest of my family was a real relief, but somehow I can't manage it with my parents. (Not like I talked to my father in a year, since he never calls or texts me but yk). Having parents is kind of a.. security thing? A comfort thing? They would totally help me financially anytime, and they'd help me if my health would be compromised. But at the same time, I don't feel mentally supported at all. So far it was always me having to help my mom deal with family troubles. I stopped doing that a year ago, finally. And I finally blamed her for ruining my relationship with my siblings. 

Having her say "I might've neglected you more than I thought" was a milestone. And she apologized for not realising it. But then again she's all "You were so quiet and successful in school so I thought we were lucky and you didn't realize all that was going on". A+ parenting. Oh and she actually said she wouldn't change a thing about how she treated my brother. Well then. No wonder he doesn't ever want to see you again. And she was sooo sad I had no recollection about our "happy times" and I'm like sorry that my memory is messed up and that I can't remember 90% of my childhood. Really sorry that hurts your feelings.

I'd really love being able to break this relationship off. But so far I can't. But giving her this option to show me that she cares enough might give me the final push to do so, since she won't care enough, I'm pretty sure. We'll see. Our monthly call is around the corner.

[Mezzo Forte]

Forgive my language, but fuck Cigna -__-

 

They give different answers every time we try to figure out what they are/aren't covering of my hysterectomy costs (which should be everything except for the percentage that we've already paid). First they said it's because I have another insurance (I don't), then they said it was because I didn't have pre-clearance (which isn't required for a hysterectomy and the surgeon's office confirmed that themselves), Now they're saying it's because I'm male, which is the entire reason why I needed this surgery. (Which, why the fuck would there be exclusions about hysterectomies for men when the only kinds of men who can even pursue that kind of surgery are trans men, and hysterectomies are explicitly covered as trans surgeries in their coverage plan.) Nobody can give us a straight answer for anything and I really don't want to suddenly have to deal with potentially up to $80k surgical bills because of their incompetence. -___-

 

Oh, and they're still being impossible about reimbursing me for top surgery despite having pre-clearance and getting the green light before my surgery even happened. It'd be real nice to get that $6k back that Cigna should have given me months ago. Seriously, my top surgery was over 8 months ago; I shouldn't have to be dealing with that on top of all these hysterectomy shenanigans.

 

Forgive my language, but fuck Cigna -__-

[Emery.]

17 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

Even though I've done it before, I'm really scared about dining out alone. It's one of my favorite things to do, to try new restaurants and new things, but I so seldom do because I'm alone and it's scary. 

You can do it. 19 year old me did it, abroad, so you, a well coping adult, can do it too.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

1 hour ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Forgive my language, but fuck Cigna -__-

 

They give different answers every time we try to figure out what they are/aren't covering of my hysterectomy costs (which should be everything except for the percentage that we've already paid). First they said it's because I have another insurance (I don't), then they said it was because I didn't have pre-clearance (which isn't required for a hysterectomy and the surgeon's office confirmed that themselves), Now they're saying it's because I'm male, which is the entire reason why I needed this surgery. (Which, why the fuck would there be exclusions about hysterectomies for men when the only kinds of men who can even pursue that kind of surgery are trans men, and hysterectomies are explicitly covered as trans surgeries in their coverage plan.) Nobody can give us a straight answer for anything and I really don't want to suddenly have to deal with potentially up to $80k surgical bills because of their incompetence. -___-

 

Oh, and they're still being impossible about reimbursing me for top surgery despite having pre-clearance and getting the green light before my surgery even happened. It'd be real nice to get that $6k back that Cigna should have given me months ago. Seriously, my top surgery was over 8 months ago; I shouldn't have to be dealing with that on top of all these hysterectomy shenanigans.

 

Forgive my language, but fuck Cigna -__-

I hear ya! You can imagine what I dealt with for having major neurosurgery and advanced life support. It sometimes feels like you don't want to open the front door on weekdays because there will be a forklift outside delivering yet MORE bills.

 

If it's any help, keep this in mind-- just because you get bills doesn't mean you actually owe for them. I can't remember the number of times I got double-billed and it took months to get straightened out. How the providers charged more than what the insurance would pay, so you had to go back and negotiate with them. See, that's why the doctors and insurance companies aren't on the same page-- they know each other ALL TOO WELL! Both will sometimes throw bills at the wall to see what will stick.

 

Hang tough. Often provders will settle on lesser amounts of money just to get it off their books. And unless the present heroes in Congress have moved the goalposts yet again, they can't garnish your wages and seize property for medical bills. And medical bills are by far and away the biggest reasons for bankruptcy.

 

We used to have a joke: Why isn't it believable that King Kong climbed the TransAmerica building in San Franscico? Because the building belongs to an insurance company, and all the scary monsters are INSIDE!

 

BTW, my lastest medical misfortune happened in Feb - June of 2016? I recently got a bill for $12.36 they said was still outstanding, about a year and a half after service was supposedly rendered.

[daveb]

Ack, I hate dealing with bureaucracies like insurance companies and banks! I hope you all can get things sorted out with minimal hassle. Once my current health insurance runs out in July I may not have any until I can qualify for medicare in a few more years. 

[Mezzo Forte]

8 minutes ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

I hear ya! You can imagine what I dealt with for having major neurosurgery and advanced life support. It sometimes feels like you don't want to open the front door on weekdays because there will be a forklift outside delivering yet MORE bills.

 

If it's any help, keep this in mind-- just because you get bills doesn't mean you actually owe for them. I can't remember the number of times I got double-billed and it took months to get straightened out. How the providers charged more than what the insurance would pay, so you had to go back and negotiate with them. See, that's why the doctors and insurance companies aren't on the same page-- they know each other ALL TOO WELL! Both will sometimes throw bills at the wall to see what will stick.

 

Hang tough. Often provders will settle on lesser amounts of money just to get it off their books. And unless the present heroes in Congress have moved the goalposts yet again, they can't garnish your wages and seize property for medical bills. And medical bills are by far and away the biggest reasons for bankruptcy.

 

We used to have a joke: Why isn't it believable that King Kong climbed the TransAmerica building in San Franscico? Because the building belongs to an insurance company, and all the scary monsters are INSIDE!

 

BTW, my lastest medical misfortune happened in Feb - June of 2016? I recently got a bill for $12.36 they said was still outstanding, about a year and a half after service was supposedly rendered.

Good god, I could only imagine how lovely insurance is when you're dealing with that level of medical care. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with all that.

 

What you're saying about double-billing sounds really believable even from what I'm experiencing here. Guess they want to see who's willing to just pay the money to avoid the inconvenience of dealing with the medical and insurance companies. There's something awful predatory about doing that to people who needed major medical care and have to be choosy about where they invest their energy. It's absolutely obscene and very upsetting, to the point that I'm now more scared of dealing with insurance for bottom surgery than the actual procedure itself. Luckily, after filing to give family access to my medical records, they're also advocating on my behalf about the insurance, so I'm not alone in fighting this. This is certainly very upsetting though, as they keep going back and forth about how much of the claims they're trying to deny. At first it was only ~$3,500 of the total bill, which is still bullshit, but apparently the $80,000 total bill is still up in the air and they're trying to every excuse they can to deny it. The one thing that scares me is that I didn't get a therapist letter for this surgery, but they explicitly stated that there's no required pre-clearance, so they don't even leave an opportunity to present one if even you did go to therapy. I got this surgery at the strong suggestion of my PCP, and if the surgeon herself didn't need a letter, why should the insurance company? Ugh, it's just a giant pain.

 

On the plus side, one of my pharmacies found out how to get 2000mg testosterone vials to clear through my insurance, so I've been able to stock up on hormones quite well in case of emergency. On the down side, I'm starting to get nervous about the logistics of potentially getting insurance in Canada as a non-citizen should I move there for my doctorate, as I'd have to deal with private insurance that wouldn't be covered by the university, and I have no clue how much they'll even cover HRT. Those logistics could force me to turn down one of the schools best suited to my research and committing to a second gap year before starting my doctorate. (Assuming I get in at all anyways.) It'd be nice if I could just choose a doctoral program based on its compatibility with my research, (which is hard enough as it stands,) but finding one that meets my insurance needs really complicates everything. >>

 

Gotta love how companies like to spring medical bills as late as they do. One of the local hospital's been sending us bills so sporadically, we can't even keep up with what payment is for what hospital visit half the time.

 

15 minutes ago, daveb said:

Ack, I hate dealing with bureaucracies like insurance companies and banks! I hope you all can get things sorted out with minimal hassle. Once my current health insurance runs out in July I may not have any until I can qualify for medicare in a few more years. 

Agreed, and thanks! I'm glad Cigna covers this stuff at all, but for having top-of-the-line insurance, it sometimes sure doesn't feel like it. Going without health insurance is really scary though, and I hope you don't run into medical trouble during that time. My brother doesn't have health insurance, and he suddenly developed issues with seizures last year, with no idea how to handle the medical bills.

 

Honestly, privatized healthcare is such BS. I'm not that opinionated in regards to socialism vs. capitalism arguments, but I still feel very strongly about the need for public healthcare, education, and prisons. I hate seeing people forced to avoid medical help because they can't afford the bills, and my heart bleeds for people swimming in debt from a single medical emergency. Cigna tried to deny several of my ER visits because of the dual coverage I had at the time, and I remember how sick I felt just thinking about dealing with those hospital costs. I couldn't imagine what would have happened if I had to factor those kinds of medical costs into my decision to go to the ER when I had my allergic reaction. The reason why my reaction didn't hit life-threatening levels was because I got help so quickly; I could have died if I hesitated long enough, and worrying about money would have made me hesitate. Its just such a shitty system that borders on eugenics territory.

[AwkwardAxolotl]

I've been getting frustrated with the lack of color options in the men's sections of clothing stores (apparently guys can only wear black, brown, grey, and an occasional dark green or dark blue), so yesterday I went into the women's section, to see if I could find some basic shirts in other colors. It felt really weird to be in the women's section again. Not necessarily a bad weird, just weird. I did find a nice purple shirt though. My mother thinks it makes me "look gay," but I like it. Why is wearing brighter colors considered feminine?

[:)(:]

14 minutes ago, AwkwardAxolotl said:

Why is wearing brighter colors considered feminine?

Because it looks like they are putting  effort and trying to be noticed ? Bright colors attract attention I think? 

 

Its sorta like a peacock but sex revered. A peacock is suppose to gain attention therefor has bright eye catching colors. the pheasant just chooses the peacock based on presentation. 

 

In our society men mostly ask women out not vice a versa, and typically appearance has a lot to do with the section. Men however are not as judge on appearance so doing anything to enhance it is seen as feminine.

 

I think

[Mezzo Forte]

30 minutes ago, AwkwardAxolotl said:

I've been getting frustrated with the lack of color options in the men's sections of clothing stores (apparently guys can only wear black, brown, grey, and an occasional dark green or dark blue), so yesterday I went into the women's section, to see if I could find some basic shirts in other colors. It felt really weird to be in the women's section again. Not necessarily a bad weird, just weird. I did find a nice purple shirt though. My mother thinks it makes me "look gay," but I like it. Why is wearing brighter colors considered feminine?

I guess it depends on where you live. In Florida/warmer climates, bright colors are definitely more acceptable. Perhaps it's related to tourists wearing bright colors, perhaps its the association with the tropics, perhaps it's because lighter color cloth traps less heat, but it's not really that strange over here. I remember recently visiting Northern Georgia, and I actually got comments about my bright colored shirts, basically asking if they're normal attire where I'm from. While I like a lot of my dark shirts, I also enjoy my ones with bright colors and tropical designs.

 

I don't know how long you've been looking for bright clothes, but shopping in the winter probably doesn't help your odds. Bright colors are more associated with Spring fashion, so most stores wait until closer to February/March to start stocking Spring/Summer fashion and the bright colors that come with it.

 

(Also, there's some fun in clothes that "look gay." I know that I have some outfits that are just a touch too queer for me to wear in public without getting paranoid, but I find them entertaining to wear in private. Sometimes, you can find women's clothes that don't overexaggerate the hips and chest that can actually be quite flattering to the masculine form.)

[AwkwardAxolotl]

6 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I guess it depends on where you live. In Florida/warmer climates, bright colors are definitely more acceptable. Perhaps it's related to tourists wearing bright colors, perhaps its the association with the tropics, perhaps it's because lighter color cloth traps less heat, but it's not really that strange over here. I remember recently visiting Northern Georgia, and I actually got comments about my bright colored shirts, basically asking if they're normal attire where I'm from. While I like a lot of my dark shirts, I also enjoy my ones with bright colors and tropical designs.

 

I don't know how long you've been looking for bright clothes, but shopping in the winter probably doesn't help your odds. Bright colors are more associated with Spring fashion, so most stores wait until closer to February/March to start stocking Spring/Summer fashion and the bright colors that come with it.

 

Looking in winter probably doesn't help, but I suspect that part of the reason the men's clothes here are so dull is that the most common job for men in my area is lobstering, and unlike Floridians, lobstermen are not known for their taste for bright colors.

[Kelly]

I was looking around in Netflix for a movie to watch, and came across 3 Generations. Figuring that it was a family movie (it was), I decided to watch it. It was actually about a 16-year-old transboy (played by Elle Fanning), who lives with his mother, grandmother (Susan Sarandon), and his grandmother's girlfriend. He had an estranged father.

 

Being a minor, consent from both parents was required before getting a script for T. That causes drama.

 

Spoiler

Having a trans person in the family can split a family apart. Here, it brought it together.

 

 

[Starbogen]

14 hours ago, AwkwardAxolotl said:

I've been getting frustrated with the lack of color options in the men's sections of clothing stores (apparently guys can only wear black, brown, grey, and an occasional dark green or dark blue), so yesterday I went into the women's section, to see if I could find some basic shirts in other colors. It felt really weird to be in the women's section again. Not necessarily a bad weird, just weird. I did find a nice purple shirt though. My mother thinks it makes me "look gay," but I like it. Why is wearing brighter colors considered feminine?

I was basically just gonna say what Mezzo said about colorful men's clothes being more common in more tropical areas. I'm from PR and I've never had trouble finding shirts with color.

There's definitely a lot more dark and neutral clothes than in the women's section but there's always something with a pretty color and a cute design too. 

Actually before switching to the men's side I always had a lot of trouble finding any sort of dark and neutral thing in the women's side, so I think here at least it'd be harder to find neutral stuff in the women's section than colorful stuff in the men's section. But I guess that depending on where you live it might be the opposite.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

20 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Good god, I could only imagine how lovely insurance is when you're dealing with that level of medical care. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with all that.

 

:::::snippage::::::::

 

Honestly, privatized healthcare is such BS. I'm not that opinionated in regards to socialism vs. capitalism arguments, but I still feel very strongly about the need for public healthcare, education, and prisons. I hate seeing people forced to avoid medical help because they can't afford the bills, and my heart bleeds for people swimming in debt from a single medical emergency. Cigna tried to deny several of my ER visits because of the dual coverage I had at the time, and I remember how sick I felt just thinking about dealing with those hospital costs. I couldn't imagine what would have happened if I had to factor those kinds of medical costs into my decision to go to the ER when I had my allergic reaction. The reason why my reaction didn't hit life-threatening levels was because I got help so quickly; I could have died if I hesitated long enough, and worrying about money would have made me hesitate. Its just such a shitty system that borders on eugenics territory.

I've been through it 3 times, and it never seems to get easier or better. It's a shame that transition is soo medical-bound.

 

Back in the late 1800s and early 1900s, Ambrose Bierce compiled a list of parodied words known as The Devil's Dictionary. After finding out that my life could be saved and I could regain/retain a lot of my health and  cognitive abilities through treatment, but under no uncertain terms could I proceed with a gender transition. I _really_ felt like these two entries:

 

Litiigant, n., A person about to give up their skin for the hope of retaining their bones

 

---and-----

 

Litigation, n. A machine which one goes into as a pig and comes out a sausage.

 

All that suffering  and finiding out I could never have the future I so needed, and then the final insult of dealing with insurance companies trying to wriggle out of every dose of Percocet.  Talk about selling one's soul to the devil! There's an ad on some radio stations now about investments, and one of the snips is ....or you might trying selling your soul to the devil ( short clip of a distorted demon's voice ) "Sorry, 15 bucks is the best I can do."

 

I still remember a steely-eyed neurosurgeon telling me I was playing Russian roulette. And asking me what I did for a living (engineer), and how if I didn't get treatment/surgery and insisted on transitioning with its accompanying risks of side effects of HRT, I was likely to lose it all.

 

Talk about tough choices! I'd say about 99 days out of 100, I now feel like I made the right crappy decision. And it still hurts. But on that other day? Like a flight into the danger zone.

 

I've searched a long time for someone else who had been through this, and in over 20 years, never ran across anyone.  I think that's why I keep relating my dilemma-- misery loves company. 

 

But back to iinsurance companies-- you usually don't get everything you feel you have coming from them. But they are going make you work for it- find out and keep the number handy of your state's insurance commissioner's office. Depending on the political leaning of your commonwealth, they might prove to be an ally.

 

Here's hoping the rest of your transition goes well without these kind of issues!

 

 

[999papercranes]

I’m sorry to keep complaining on here... there’s nowhere else for me to say these things... I guess you don’t have to read if you don’t want to.

 

I’m so terrified to come out to my brother. My mom thinks he may be showing early signs of schizophrenia, either that or he’s depressed. No neurotypical person acts like he does. If there is something atypical about him, I don’t want to hold that against him, but damn he’s a dick. I don’t like to be alone with him anymore because he makes the most disturbing comments. He once backed me into a corner and I told him not to touch me and he said “Oh I forgot you hate man-touching.” ??? I’ll be doing absolutely nothing, just sitting at the counter and he’ll just call me a Libtard or a Feminazi. (Which is ironic because I see a lot of problems with modern “feminism.”) He walked up to me in class where I was sitting with my friends and called me a “racist who doesn’t think they’re a racist” and walked away with no further explanation. He’s failing all of his classes even though he’s smarter than I am, and just sleeps when he gets home. He acts like he hates my parents and I... even though we’re probably the only ones left who have his back because he has no friends anymore. He just tries so hard to hurt everyone who could possibly care about him. And then the next day he’ll try to show me a YouTube video and acts like nothing is wrong.

I asked my mom if she ever wished she could just have normal kids. She said my “gender and sexuality” were “small potatoes.” But I don’t think that changes the fact that she feels like she’s failing as a parent.

 

If if I come out to my brother, which I’ll have to do eventually... like very soon... I’m terrified of what he’ll do to me. 

[:)(:]

3 hours ago, 999papercranes said:

I’m sorry to keep complaining on here... there’s nowhere else for me to say these things... I guess you don’t have to read if you don’t want to.

 

I’m so terrified to come out to my brother. My mom thinks he may be showing early signs of schizophrenia, either that or he’s depressed. No neurotypical person acts like he does. If there is something atypical about him, I don’t want to hold that against him, but damn he’s a dick. I don’t like to be alone with him anymore because he makes the most disturbing comments. He once backed me into a corner and I told him not to touch me and he said “Oh I forgot you hate man-touching.” ??? I’ll be doing absolutely nothing, just sitting at the counter and he’ll just call me a Libtard or a Feminazi. (Which is ironic because I see a lot of problems with modern “feminism.”) He walked up to me in class where I was sitting with my friends and called me a “racist who doesn’t think they’re a racist” and walked away with no further explanation. He’s failing all of his classes even though he’s smarter than I am, and just sleeps when he gets home. He acts like he hates my parents and I... even though we’re probably the only ones left who have his back because he has no friends anymore. He just tries so hard to hurt everyone who could possibly care about him. And then the next day he’ll try to show me a YouTube video and acts like nothing is wrong.

I asked my mom if she ever wished she could just have normal kids. She said my “gender and sexuality” were “small potatoes.” But I don’t think that changes the fact that she feels like she’s failing as a parent.

 

If if I come out to my brother, which I’ll have to do eventually... like very soon... I’m terrified of what he’ll do to me. 

Personally I think you don’t have to come out to your brother if you feel like it is a danger than probably do not. 

 

 

 

 

[SkyWorld]

@999papercranes I'm really sorry you're in that situation with a family member. Honestly, I strongly suggest you do what's best for your own safety. It might not be safe to come out to your brother if that's how you feel. Hopefully your brother gets the appropriate help he needs and proper treatment. That may help for everyone, for him to be more healthy and better relationships, as well as you feeling safer in his presence.

[999papercranes]

4 hours ago, :)(: said:

Personally I think you don’t have to come out to your brother if you feel like it is a danger than probably do not. 

 

 

 

 

 

2 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

@999papercranes I'm really sorry you're in that situation with a family member. Honestly, I strongly suggest you do what's best for your own safety. It might not be safe to come out to your brother if that's how you feel. Hopefully your brother gets the appropriate help he needs and proper treatment. That may help for everyone, for him to be more healthy and better relationships, as well as you feeling safer in his presence.

Thank you for your replies. I appreciate it! I don’t want to come out to him and hopefully I can delay it as long as possible, but if I ever want to come out at school or start on testosterone I’d have to come out to him first. Maybe by the time that happens, he’ll be seeing a therapist and will be getting treatment, but I don’t know if that’s likely  I wish I had a brother who could support me or at least didn’t scare me. Is that selfish? I just hope he gets better. I wish he could talk to me if he was feeling unwell. But we just don’t have that kind of relationship, and probably never will- especially if he rejects me when I come out to him. 

[SkyWorld]

1 hour ago, 999papercranes said:

I don’t want to come out to him and hopefully I can delay it as long as possible, but if I ever want to come out at school or start on testosterone I’d have to come out to him first.

It’s not uncommon for people to be out to their friends before their family. Do you feel like you have to or you would prefer to come out to him first? Either is fine, whichever you choose. Though if you do start HRT, he’d likely notice the obvious over time.

[999papercranes]

Just now, SkyWorld said:

It’s not uncommon for people to be out to their friends before their family. Do you feel like you have to or you would prefer to come out to him first? Either is fine, whichever you choose. Though if you do start HRT, he’d likely notice the obvious over time.

I feel like I have to. If I had it my way, I wouldn’t have to come out to anyone. People would just know me as a guy. Coming out is a pain in the rear. I most likely won’t get HRT anytime soon, but if I came out at school, he would know because he’s my twin brother and he’s in the same grade as I am/shares classes with me. Either way, I’m sick and tired of hiding it from him. I know he thinks I dress this way and act this way because I’m such a “feminazi” who wants to “destroy the patriarchy by destroying gender roles” or whatnot. He makes of fun of how I try so hard to not be like “the other girls.” It’s just exhausting. I’m ready for him to know, to rip the bandaid off. But I’m not ready for the verbal/emotional abuse I’ll get from him if I do.

[Tortuga]

Oh... yes, that. I get a lot of verbal/physical/emotional abuse from my brother for not being a "Normal jock boy", 

[ChillaKilla]

Ah, I love the smell of the gender forum being called an “echo chamber” in the evening