Teagan KGB

TransWhatevers of AVEN

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Andiamo
26 minutes ago, butterflydreams said:

Truth be told, I hate her comics a lot. I never found them to be relatable and they often felt like they were pushing messages in a very ham-fisted way. I always felt like her comics made trans people look terrible. 

 

A great comic about trans stuff that I loved was TransLucid. I don’t know how active it is anymore, but I really found it relatable—sometimes painfully—and just generally well done. The messages and points made were really tactfully done and the artwork really helps drive the themes home. I felt like it portrayed the trans experience in a very real and honest way. Give it a look and enjoy. 

At your recommendation, I just looked up TransLucid. I haven't read much of it yet, but I really like it so far! Even as an AFAB person, they are definitely relatable. Thank you!

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Starbogen

@butterflydreams I also just looked up the TransLucid comic and it's pretty cute and relatable in a light way even if it's about a trans woman. 

I totally get the one about being really paranoid about the tiniest details of my appearance but then no one really ever notices anything or cares.

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butterflydreams
On 1/12/2018 at 2:16 PM, Heart said:

"Clearly I’m doing something wrong, or I’m not attractive enough, not feminine enough, not something enough." --> I propose an alternative hypothesis. It's not that you're not xyz enough for others, it's that others aren't awesome enough for you. You're pretty darned awesome in my books. Like, I'd have to invent a new scale to describe how awesome you are, because you break any scale designed to rank normal people. You're a really, truly, great person. Anyone who doesn't see that just doesn't know you well enough yet, or is foolishly not looking closely. They are missing out.

 

I know that not all times in one's life are good for dating though. I have always tried to only date when I'm feeling my best, and when I am feeling confident alone. I like to try to form relationships only when they are better than being alone, not because I'm hurt/lonely/scared of being alone. Does that kinda make sense? I think what you're doing is great. Work on yourself first, build yourself up, because you deserve it and your awesomeness deserves to be able to shine through. Sometimes, you are brilliant, but it takes a little polish and dusting to get the inner brilliance to shine through. Therapists are great helps with that, when you find the right one, so I'm happy to hear you're on that path.

 

If you desire a relationship, then I have no doubt you'll get there one day. You're amazing as a person. Take that from someone (me) who has known you for a while; I know you far better than the person who has taken five minutes at most to read your online dating profile and look at one picture, and made a snap judgement. :cake:

Thank you for this alternative viewpoint, Heart. I definitely don't feel scale-breakingly awesome, but I appreciate the sentiment. I've told a few people about my giving up and mostly they think it's a good idea. Because apparently "love finds you when you least expect it". A pithy phrase to be sure, but one my life simply hasn't shown to be true. I wasn't looking for the love of my life, someone to spend the rest of my life with. I was just looking for someone who loved me and wanted to be with me at all. In the 10 years I've been open to it, not a single person has shown me that kind of interest. I can't convey how painful that feels, and how much it makes me want to just end it all sometimes.

 

I genuinely can't imagine a person being into me. I can't imagine them seeing me as female either. All I can think of is, "why me? Why would anyone be interested in me?" So maybe I'm just not meant to be with other people romantically at all. It's not that now just isn't the right time--it's not--but also it's just not meant to be. I do pretty darn well alone if I do say so. The one thing I'm scared of is never getting to experience normal love like a normal person. All I want to be, my whole life, is to just be normal. What's it like to kiss someone? What's it like to cuddle? What's it like to have someone who loves you more than they love anyone else? I don't know, and it makes me feel like I'm just taking up space here, ultimately disposable. But I have to stick around for friends I guess, because their lives would be ruined if I weren't here. Always for someone else I guess.

 

You're sweet to say I'm an amazing person. But in my experience, people don't want amazing, they want normal, which I'm just not, try as I might. I'm afraid the older I get, the more people won't want to bother putting in the extra effort it would take to be someone's first relationship. I'm depressed :(

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SkyWorld

@butterflydreams I went ahead and checked out TransLucid. I haven’t completely caught up, but so far I’m enjoying it. It’s interesting to see more from a different perspective in regards to MtF, so some things I can relate and some that I don’t. Hmm, but then again not necessarily everyone who is MtF can completely relate to other MtF, just I don’t necessarily completely relate to other FtM. Everyone has different experiences, of course. Thanks for introducing this to us!

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999papercranes

My favorite YouTuber (I don’t watch much YouTube) just got top surgery and I’m so happy for him but I’m also ready to just cry out of sheer jealousy. :mellow:

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Starbogen
3 hours ago, 999papercranes said:

My favorite YouTuber (I don’t watch much YouTube) just got top surgery and I’m so happy for him but I’m also ready to just cry out of sheer jealousy. :mellow:

I totally get this and it's actually one of the reasons I barely watch any transition stuff related videos anymore. Unless it's about some really interesting topic that I haven't seen many people discuss then I won't watch it. Most of what they talk about are things I've already heard and read about or else it's things that make me feel really jealous and bad.

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ChillaKilla
3 hours ago, 999papercranes said:

My favorite YouTuber (I don’t watch much YouTube) just got top surgery and I’m so happy for him but I’m also ready to just cry out of sheer jealousy. :mellow:

Miles?

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Heart
On 1/12/2018 at 11:46 AM, Finn. said:

Update-y things, I guess, but mostly venting (?):

 

I kind of didn't have the energy for having a gender lately. I don't know, I might just be very close to agender. I don't know where it's coming from (my psyche, probably), but being called Finn feels strange to me recently. More as in *prefering no name* as in *prefering my birthname*. It's weird. But that happens sometimes, especially when my soulmate person is around less, and she's more or less the only one irl calling me Finn. So when she's around and does so, it feels new again. Sometimes it's like I want to be called by my birthname again, for simplicity's sake. It gets confusing to be called different names. Like, my relationship with myself is strained anyways haha. But then again, today at work, I got dysphoric over being called my birthname. Most of the time I can compartmentalize it well enough but not today. And writing my birthname is horrible, always. I need to remind myself not to write Finn which gets harder. Sigh.

My chest dysphoria is fine and has been for some time. I'm really doing good with my sports bras and new wardrobe.

 

I'm talking to my mom once a month, on the phone. Things have calmed down a little. But Every.Single.Time we talk she casually deadnames me. I'm too exhausted to correct her, it wouldn't change anything anyway. So now I'm thinking. Either I will further keep my distance, since she's not actually respecting me. Or tell her to call me Finn, at last, if she wants a try at a closer relationship. Because I just can't make myself more vulnerable with her while being disrespected like that (even if she doesn't see it as such). I outright told her I'm cutting ties with the rest of the family, for ignoring my wishes like that. I don't care enough about them, and obviously it's the same for them. My family is such a mess and not worth it. And while my mom seems to be trying to better herself (except for the deadnaming), she's still missing all the marks. Like, calling me her favorite child out of three and saying things like "everybody knows we have the closest relationship". Sure, I was the one being silent while being neglected. Surely that made it easier for you. And way for blaming my siblings, that's exactly what my sister has been talking about all these years. Not that this favoritism actually helped me be less damaged, but it definitely was  additionally bad for my siblings. The thing is, when we casually talk on the phone, things seem okay, we don't argue, she adores me. She would be *so shocked* if it told her to decide between not deadnaming me = working on a closer relationship, or deadnaming me = me calling once a month at most. She doesn't realize how superifical these calls are. I don't know.

Wow, this sounds like you could really do with a hug and some general support. *opens arms to offer a hug* Would you like a hug? Or perhaps cake? :cake: Or both. Heck, it's the internet, why can't we eat cake while hugging at the same time magically without looking goofy or making a mess? ;)

 

In more serious terms though, I'm sorry this is all going on. It sounds like there are a lot of factors draining your energy, one big one being your relationship with your mother. Of course it's ok to see that reflected in your gender! I think that's very normal. Sometimes, mental energy has to be triaged, and there's nothing left to be concerned about what name fits best and where you're using which name. I hope things take a turn for the  better...

 

And, for what it's worth, I think I would personally talk to my mother if she kept doing something like that. But I didn't have a mother that neglected me, so your case may be very different. I know that if I talked to my mother about something like that, she'd listen and try her best to change, especially if she knew that her relationship with me was in the balance. But whether that will happen with your mother or not comes down to whether she wants to work towards changing or not. You really are the closest person to knowing how that might go down. It's not always an easy decision :(

 

*warm, comforting hugs and :cake: *

 

On 1/12/2018 at 3:34 PM, Mezzo Forte said:

While nobody has mentioned anything on way or the other, I'm confident the conference is open to the public! In fact, my grandparents and sister are planning on being there. :) I can see about potentially recording the presentation too, and if I can't record at the conference itself, then I plan on recording my test run presenting at my alma mater the week before, so I'll have something to send you if you would like!

 

I finished the last of my interviews today, and I'm just as excited as I have been. The responses have been super insightful, and I'm seeing interesting common themes, (there were a couple questions where every single person had mentioned the exact same concerns, for example,) but there's also some really fascinating differences that seemed to be connected to things like the timing of transition and parental support. Now, I'm at the stage where I need to transcribe the live interviews, and then I need to start actually organizing the presentation itself. I'm nervous, but so thrilled to be doing this! :)

Oh, yes please!! I would love to see a recording, whether of the final one or the practice one. You keep alluding to such interesting themes and correlations, I want to know what the conclusions are now, gosh darnned it all!! :P

 

On 1/12/2018 at 1:25 PM, Emery. said:

Probably a typo because of logging in on here and in other places as Emery :P Maybe a subconscious pun ;) I sometimes make those.

 

Sure, it does take time. I've had so many unfortunate and/or confusing love stories lately that I'm not sure now where I'm standing. However... maybe I'm too worried. This guy hugged me for good morning today :redface: Totally not the first time, but I noticed I'm closer with him than other friends. Does this mean we are in love? Maybe. Return to reality... he doesn't really mind how I behave, so? I managed to forget over Christmas how I behave... I'm such a total dude, lol. If he didn't get discouraged so far, then he probably will not, because i have cuter sides... Anyway... nothing happened so far. 

This sounds super promising :D Sometimes things happen slowly, but that's totally fine. Good luck :D

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Heart
On 1/12/2018 at 5:07 PM, Mezzo Forte said:

I appreciate the sentiment! I do have a bit of a time crunch though because I present my practice run on 1/26, and the presentation itself is 2/3, so I'm definitely at a point where I need to be making progress fairly quickly. My biggest concern is actually staying within the 20-minute time limit though, especially when the live interviews were ~30 minutes each. If I were to split up the presentation based on each person (plus my self-reflection), then that leaves >4 minutes per person once you include intro/concluding materials. I'll likely need to organize the presentation by topic rather than person, and even then, I will probably need to just decide which topics to prioritize. I don't like having to potentially make cuts like that, but perhaps I'll be able to work the full interviews and commentary into something else, like a publication or something. This conference is only the beginning of my work with trans musicians, so who knows what the future holds :)

Oh my goodness, I don't think I've ever had a presentation in my entire life where I thought to myself "oh dear, I don't think I have enough material..." ;)

 

I certainly appreciate the timing dilemma! Are you able to publish a paper after the presentation? Sometimes, that can be a way of saying more things than you had time for in a 20 minute presentation.

 

On 1/13/2018 at 2:16 PM, Andiamo said:

At your recommendation, I just looked up TransLucid. I haven't read much of it yet, but I really like it so far! Even as an AFAB person, they are definitely relatable. Thank you!

Oh hey there! Long time no chat :D So how's your horse-life? (See that? Instead of gossiping about love-life, I'm asking to gossip about horse-life. Horses are well worth being their own section of gossip! ;) )

 

On 1/13/2018 at 3:03 PM, butterflydreams said:

Thank you for this alternative viewpoint, Heart. I definitely don't feel scale-breakingly awesome, but I appreciate the sentiment. I've told a few people about my giving up and mostly they think it's a good idea. Because apparently "love finds you when you least expect it". A pithy phrase to be sure, but one my life simply hasn't shown to be true. I wasn't looking for the love of my life, someone to spend the rest of my life with. I was just looking for someone who loved me and wanted to be with me at all. In the 10 years I've been open to it, not a single person has shown me that kind of interest. I can't convey how painful that feels, and how much it makes me want to just end it all sometimes.

 

I genuinely can't imagine a person being into me. I can't imagine them seeing me as female either. All I can think of is, "why me? Why would anyone be interested in me?" So maybe I'm just not meant to be with other people romantically at all. It's not that now just isn't the right time--it's not--but also it's just not meant to be. I do pretty darn well alone if I do say so. The one thing I'm scared of is never getting to experience normal love like a normal person. All I want to be, my whole life, is to just be normal. What's it like to kiss someone? What's it like to cuddle? What's it like to have someone who loves you more than they love anyone else? I don't know, and it makes me feel like I'm just taking up space here, ultimately disposable. But I have to stick around for friends I guess, because their lives would be ruined if I weren't here. Always for someone else I guess.

 

You're sweet to say I'm an amazing person. But in my experience, people don't want amazing, they want normal, which I'm just not, try as I might. I'm afraid the older I get, the more people won't want to bother putting in the extra effort it would take to be someone's first relationship. I'm depressed :(

You've had such a long battle with depression, I wish there were more that I could do. Remember that sometimes depression lies to you. Sometimes, your brain can tell you that you're worthless, or will never be worthy of love, but remember that those are lies born from the depression, not reflections of reality. Right now, maybe it is true that you're not in a good place for a relationship and I can see that. But always know that I value you as a person, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. I hope one day you can find more reasons to stay on this earth than just not ruining our days. I hope you can find light at the end of the tunnel in your own life. You're worth it, and I mean that as genuinely as I can :cake:

 

In case it helps, most trans women I know have been able to date when they are ready. They are seen as women in their relationships, and function as such. It's definitely within the realm of possibility. In some ways, transition can be so much faster than you expect. But in others, it can take so much longer than you ever would have guessed. Trust me, it only gets better from here, if any of the wonderful trans folks I've talked to are representative. :cake:

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Andiamo
55 minutes ago, Heart said:
On January 13, 2018 at 5:16 PM, Andiamo said:

At your recommendation, I just looked up TransLucid. I haven't read much of it yet, but I really like it so far! Even as an AFAB person, they are definitely relatable. Thank you!

Oh hey there! Long time no chat :D So how's your horse-life? (See that? Instead of gossiping about love-life, I'm asking to gossip about horse-life. Horses are well worth being their own section of gossip! ;) )

(Horses are definitely worth gossip.) Over winter break, my trainer at home had me riding the resident crazy pony almost every day for a solid week and a half. I think I learned a lot, and we were doing great together by the time I left! Today, at my first lesson back at college, I rode a pony that I haven't ridden for nearly a year, and he was acting super excitable when I first got on but I was able to get him under control and working well way faster than I would have been able to before break. So the horse-life is going well. :D

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Starbogen

Argh I'm watching My Life in Pink for the first time for a class and it's pissing me off so much. Why are some people, a lot of people, like this and even worse.. Why can't they just let people live and be happy. Why are they so gross and miserable that they have to destroy everything that's different and that they can't understand..

Anyway thise probably makes no sense anyway but I'm just so frustrated right now.

There's this song from IASIP called Go Fuck Yourselves and every time I hear it I feel like that's pretty much what I want to say to the people who have a problem with the way I am.

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999papercranes
2 hours ago, ChillaKilla said:

Miles?

Yeah. I’m happy though because I know he wasn’t doing too well and I’m hoping top surgery will ease some dysphoria for him and maybe he’ll feel better. I haven’t been watching him for long, only about a year, but watching him helped me accept that I was a trans guy. 

 

2 hours ago, Starbogen said:

I totally get this and it's actually one of the reasons I barely watch any transition stuff related videos anymore. Unless it's about some really interesting topic that I haven't seen many people discuss then I won't watch it. Most of what they talk about are things I've already heard and read about or else it's things that make me feel really jealous and bad.

Usually I try to avoid them too. They make me feel absolutely crushed and like everything’s so far away. Like I’m suffocating. (Sorry for being melodramatic... I don’t know how else to put it.) I want so badly just to be like them, happy/less dysphoric. 

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Starbogen
3 minutes ago, 999papercranes said:

Usually I try to avoid them too. They make me feel absolutely crushed and like everything’s so far away. Like I’m suffocating. (Sorry for being melodramatic... I don’t know how else to put it.) I want so badly just to be like them, happy/less dysphoric. 

No I get it.. Part of me feels like I shouldn't complain so much because I'm able to go stealth so in that way I have it much easier than some people who can't medically transition yet but at the same time I just want my body to look and feel normal too, and it suck to see all these people get that when I probably won't be able to have that for like 5+ years.

And I'll be 22 this year so in terms of when I'll get to start hormones and have surgeries in the future I'm feeling pretty old already...

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999papercranes
23 minutes ago, Starbogen said:

No I get it.. Part of me feels like I shouldn't complain so much because I'm able to go stealth so in that way I have it much easier than some people who can't medically transition yet but at the same time I just want my body to look and feel normal too, and it suck to see all these people get that when I probably won't be able to have that for like 5+ years.

And I'll be 22 this year so in terms of when I'll get to start hormones and have surgeries in the future I'm feeling pretty old already...

Aw man, I’m so sorry. I know how much it hurts to wait... I can’t imagine being in your place. I hope you can get what you need soon. I can’t do much but offer a virtual hug if you want one :mellow: Just know that everyone transitions at their own pace... I know a trans man online who started testosterone at like fifty. I don’t think you’re too old ^_^ 

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Mezzo Forte
8 hours ago, Heart said:

I certainly appreciate the timing dilemma! Are you able to publish a paper after the presentation? Sometimes, that can be a way of saying more things than you had time for in a 20 minute presentation.

I would actually love to keep growing this project, either by continuing conversation with the people I've already interviewed, adding more people to the list, or both. My ideal would actually be a book, though I'd gladly get a paper published too. :) 

 

Honestly, I'm getting so caught up with my teaching that I'm falling behind on stuff like transcriptions and organizing the presentation itself. That said, I have two test runs of my presentation coming up through my alma mater: one for the musicology faculty/students, and one for a Gender and Langauge course taught by a PhD student friend of mine. Definitely puts the pressure on me to have everything ready. :P 

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Emery.
12 hours ago, Heart said:

This sounds super promising :D Sometimes things happen slowly, but that's totally fine. Good luck :D

Thanks :)

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Heart
16 hours ago, Andiamo said:

(Horses are definitely worth gossip.) Over winter break, my trainer at home had me riding the resident crazy pony almost every day for a solid week and a half. I think I learned a lot, and we were doing great together by the time I left! Today, at my first lesson back at college, I rode a pony that I haven't ridden for nearly a year, and he was acting super excitable when I first got on but I was able to get him under control and working well way faster than I would have been able to before break. So the horse-life is going well. :D

Haha. My horse does that every time I leave for Europe too :P She pretends to forget everything we were working on, and it takes a month to get back to where we left off. Granted, I usually leave her for three to four months, so it's much longer than a week or two. But I seriously doubt she has that bad memory! I think she just has a severe case of selective hearing and cumpolsory terrible-two-style pushing the rules ;) And somehow, I still think she's gorgeous and love working with her... funny how that works, eh? :cake: 

 

8 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I would actually love to keep growing this project, either by continuing conversation with the people I've already interviewed, adding more people to the list, or both. My ideal would actually be a book, though I'd gladly get a paper published too. :) 

 

Honestly, I'm getting so caught up with my teaching that I'm falling behind on stuff like transcriptions and organizing the presentation itself. That said, I have two test runs of my presentation coming up through my alma mater: one for the musicology faculty/students, and one for a Gender and Langauge course taught by a PhD student friend of mine. Definitely puts the pressure on me to have everything ready. :P 

Yup, this sounds like academia. It's good to know that physics and music are so similar, at least in the "but I'm teaching and don't have time for research, and then I'm researching and don't have time for teaching, and then I have time for literally nothing because committee meeting/conference presentation/writing a paper" :P 

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Mezzo Forte
2 hours ago, Heart said:

Yup, this sounds like academia. It's good to know that physics and music are so similar, at least in the "but I'm teaching and don't have time for research, and then I'm researching and don't have time for teaching, and then I have time for literally nothing because committee meeting/conference presentation/writing a paper" 

Pretty much the classic Publish or Perish struggle, I suppose. :lol: The college I teach at puts more emphasis on education over research, so this is definitely self-imposed, but looks great for building up my career. I definitely love the scholarly side of things, even if I admittedly like the fieldwork and interviews a bit more than the armchair research. That stuff keeps the profession from being too antisocial. :P I really hope I can find my own way to have it all as a performer, scholar, and educator, especially in a world that pushes so hard toward specialization. Still, sometimes the best way to find your place in the world is to create it yourself, so I'll find a way. 

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butterflydreams
20 hours ago, Heart said:

You've had such a long battle with depression, I wish there were more that I could do. Remember that sometimes depression lies to you. Sometimes, your brain can tell you that you're worthless, or will never be worthy of love, but remember that those are lies born from the depression, not reflections of reality. Right now, maybe it is true that you're not in a good place for a relationship and I can see that. But always know that I value you as a person, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. I hope one day you can find more reasons to stay on this earth than just not ruining our days. I hope you can find light at the end of the tunnel in your own life. You're worth it, and I mean that as genuinely as I can :cake:

I know depression lies. I think giving up wholeheartedly on a relationship right now is what has to be done. And not in an "I'm expecting when I stop looking, something will come up" kind of way. I guess my life path is just a little different and maybe more challenging than most. I'm tasked with working on one of the most difficult things that most people never bother with: learning to truly love myself as myself, by myself. But it's not a prerequisite to a relationship. I don't like it when people assert that. It's a prerequisite to being a well-rounded and stable human being and nothing else. 

 

20 hours ago, Heart said:

In case it helps, most trans women I know have been able to date when they are ready. They are seen as women in their relationships, and function as such. It's definitely within the realm of possibility. In some ways, transition can be so much faster than you expect. But in others, it can take so much longer than you ever would have guessed. Trust me, it only gets better from here, if any of the wonderful trans folks I've talked to are representative. :cake:

Am I ready? I feel like that has nothing to do with it. It takes two to tango as the saying goes. I could be ready all I want, but if I don't encounter someone else who sees me for me, it's all moot. I dunno, I believe other trans women can be successful, but I don't feel like I can. I still don't even think I look like a woman.

 

I'm trying to work on getting back into shape. I'm a little bit overweight and I've had two bad years for cycling in the summer. I'm hoping to lose about 10% of my body weight. If I'm gonna be alone, I might as well try to be healthy.

 

Thinking about all this stuff always puts tears in my eyes :(

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Heart
1 hour ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Pretty much the classic Publish or Perish struggle, I suppose. :lol: The college I teach at puts more emphasis on education over research, so this is definitely self-imposed, but looks great for building up my career. I definitely love the scholarly side of things, even if I admittedly like the fieldwork and interviews a bit more than the armchair research. That stuff keeps the profession from being too antisocial. :P I really hope I can find my own way to have it all as a performer, scholar, and educator, especially in a world that pushes so hard toward specialization. Still, sometimes the best way to find your place in the world is to create it yourself, so I'll find a way. 

Wouldn't that be the dream! I wish I were three people at once, so one person could teach, one could research, and one could focus on staying healthy (exercising, eating well, get the chores done etc). But hey. I guess I'll do the best I can with just the one person that I am :P Good luck though, your goals sound super awesome and possibly even possible :D:cake:

 

58 minutes ago, butterflydreams said:

I know depression lies. I think giving up wholeheartedly on a relationship right now is what has to be done. And not in an "I'm expecting when I stop looking, something will come up" kind of way. I guess my life path is just a little different and maybe more challenging than most. I'm tasked with working on one of the most difficult things that most people never bother with: learning to truly love myself as myself, by myself. But it's not a prerequisite to a relationship. I don't like it when people assert that. It's a prerequisite to being a well-rounded and stable human being and nothing else. 

 

Am I ready? I feel like that has nothing to do with it. It takes two to tango as the saying goes. I could be ready all I want, but if I don't encounter someone else who sees me for me, it's all moot. I dunno, I believe other trans women can be successful, but I don't feel like I can. I still don't even think I look like a woman.

 

I'm trying to work on getting back into shape. I'm a little bit overweight and I've had two bad years for cycling in the summer. I'm hoping to lose about 10% of my body weight. If I'm gonna be alone, I might as well try to be healthy.

 

Thinking about all this stuff always puts tears in my eyes :(

I wish I had better words for you Hadley <3 :cake:

 

*hugs*

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Andiamo
6 hours ago, Heart said:

Haha. My horse does that every time I leave for Europe too :P She pretends to forget everything we were working on, and it takes a month to get back to where we left off. Granted, I usually leave her for three to four months, so it's much longer than a week or two. But I seriously doubt she has that bad memory! I think she just has a severe case of selective hearing and cumpolsory terrible-two-style pushing the rules ;) And somehow, I still think she's gorgeous and love working with her... funny how that works, eh? :cake: 

That's hilarious. Horses can be so silly.

She's not even my pony! My horse did remember me, even though I had been gone for the semester. This pony's one I hadn't ridden for over two years. 

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Heart
9 minutes ago, Andiamo said:

That's hilarious. Horses can be so silly.

She's not even my pony! My horse did remember me, even though I had been gone for the semester. This pony's one I hadn't ridden for over two years. 

Horses have amazing memory... when they want to ;)

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butterflydreams
18 hours ago, Heart said:

I wish I had better words for you Hadley <3 :cake:

 

*hugs*

It’s ok, I really appreciate what you had to say. I know it probably sounds stupid and corny, but I’m starting to really try dating myself for the indefinite future. If I have to live with myself, I might as well love myself and treat myself at least as well as I’d treat a partner. And I mean actually taking myself out on dates. Restaurants, walks by the water, whatever. Just something so I feel like I’m worth it.

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Andiamo

One of my employers may have just unintentionally sabotaged my chances at getting a summer job that I'm applying for by accidentally sending them something that includes both my birth name and chosen name.

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Heart
1 hour ago, butterflydreams said:

It’s ok, I really appreciate what you had to say. I know it probably sounds stupid and corny, but I’m starting to really try dating myself for the indefinite future. If I have to live with myself, I might as well love myself and treat myself at least as well as I’d treat a partner. And I mean actually taking myself out on dates. Restaurants, walks by the water, whatever. Just something so I feel like I’m worth it.

This is genius. I used to go to restaurants by myself on a "sister date" with my sister when we were both in undergrad. We'd pick an evening, skype a bit to catch up on gossip, then we'd pick out a restaurant in the other's city and we'd each go to dinner alone, but it felt like she was there :) Speaking of.... I'm going to reach out to her and see if she'd like to do that again some time. We both became busy, but it was so nice...

 

And maybe I'll try a date with myself too one of these days. I have a "habit tracker" in my planner, and it's a list of things I want to make habits and I basically just check off each day that I actually do it, so I can better keep track of how well I'm doing. Things like, taking my iron supplement (I'm still a little anaemic... but getting better!), and exercising. One of the items though, that I have trouble with, is just called "take care of yourself/self care". Normally, I manage that about once a week, which is not the healthiest. Maybe I can work in some dates with myself to help me with that habit ^_^

 

1 hour ago, Andiamo said:

One of my employers may have just unintentionally sabotaged my chances at getting a summer job that I'm applying for by accidentally sending them something that includes both my birth name and chosen name.

Well chocolate fudge-sicle. That.... hurts. I don't know if I know your chosen name, unless it's Andiamo, but could you casually pass it off as a nickname, and just say everyone calls you that, without having to drag gender into it? I know some people who are cis who prefer to be called different names than their legal first name. I mean, usually it's because it's a name in a different language, or they prefer their middle name or something like that. But if your chosen name is neutral enough, maybe if they ask about it in an interview, you could just casually say "Yeah, everyone calls me that and I prefer that to the legal name." and nothing else?

 

*hugs* It sucks to have someone with presumably good intentions do something that could potentially cause harm :(:cake:

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Andiamo
1 hour ago, Heart said:

Well chocolate fudge-sicle. That.... hurts. I don't know if I know your chosen name, unless it's Andiamo, but could you casually pass it off as a nickname, and just say everyone calls you that, without having to drag gender into it? I know some people who are cis who prefer to be called different names than their legal first name. I mean, usually it's because it's a name in a different language, or they prefer their middle name or something like that. But if your chosen name is neutral enough, maybe if they ask about it in an interview, you could just casually say "Yeah, everyone calls me that and I prefer that to the legal name." and nothing else?

 

*hugs* It sucks to have someone with presumably good intentions do something that could potentially cause harm :(:cake:

Andiamo's my horse's name.

I'm going to try to pass it off if they ask about it, but I don't know how much she's told them. My chosen name is neutral, but it's nowhere near my given first or middle name. I'm just really worried now.

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999papercranes

Why am I so sensitive? My friend calls me a girl ON ACCIDENT and I feel a physical reaction in my stomach, like I got punched. And now I just feel sick. I don’t know why I have to overreact to such stupid little things. Ugh. I’m such a baby.

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daveb
1 hour ago, Andiamo said:

Andiamo's my horse's name.

I'm going to try to pass it off if they ask about it, but I don't know how much she's told them. My chosen name is neutral, but it's nowhere near my given first or middle name. I'm just really worried now.

Maybe, hopefully, it will work out just fine. Could you pass it off as a middle name or some sort of family name? My brother went by a nickname version of his middle name when he was younger because he has the same first name as my dad and my dad's dad.

And even if it does out you, maybe, hopefully the place you're applying for will be cool with it? It's unfortunate that your employer accidentally did that, but it doesn't necessarily have to sabotage your chances. 

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Mezzo Forte
Spoiler
16 minutes ago, Kelly said:

Grey's Anatomy is adding a trans character, Dr. Casey Parker, played by transman Alex Blue Davis.

 

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/greys-anatomy-transgender-storyline-explained-alex-blue-davis-interview-1075535

 

4807042_5.jpeg

 

Not totally on topic, but seeing other blond/blondish transmen always makes me happy. I'm always curious about how their facial hair comes in, and his distribution reminds me of how my own beard is coming in, which is encouraging. I look forward to when the day when my beard looks classy enough that I'll never have to shave again :P

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