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Fellow Sexuals

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ryn2
5 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

Becoming significantly underweight was a way to minimise many physical sensations.

Hm, good point!

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11 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

Yeah, my mom died when I was in my mid-30’s (my dad, with whom I was always closer, died when I was 30) so we never got to move past our issues.

Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that. Mine are still alive... getting up there, though. I was born when my mum was 40 (turning 41 later that year) and my dad was a couple months shy of 45. I'm also an only child. The age gap and lack of siblings, along with their respective personalities, created a weird and isolating atmosphere for me. I'll be 34 in March, my mum will be 75 and my dad 79. They're in relative good health for people their age, but the idea of their passing scares me a little. I don't have many people in the world. In the last few years I've tried very hard to improve my relationships with both of them. I don't know that they're actively doing much differently, but my own efforts still help the situation as a whole.

 

10 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

Hm, good point!

Yeah, losing lots of weight was... effective... in achieving the goal of minimising physical stuff for sure. Comes at a price though. A massive one that's not worth it. It's been 19 years now and I'm still disordered. My weight borders on a normal range, which is an improvement on emaciated (or overweight; I actually spent over a year following a half-hearted but very necessary -- unless I wanted to die -- recovery attempt at least 40 lbs heavier than I'm meant to be), but my body has endured so much permanent damage and I still struggle with various behaviours. It's depressing af and I'm so bloody sick of it.

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7 hours ago, Ficto. said:

It's 1.35pm and I haven't had my morning coffee yet. I'm blaming the lack of covfefe.

Just coming back here seven hours later to say that I hope you're adequately caffeinated now. :P

 

It's 2.30 am here and I'm very caffeinated (and some degree of stoned) and making a big pot of applesauce because, you know, fuck normal sleep. The night is young haha, and this is how people with no social life do Saturday night. Or any night tbh, but my point remains. 8) 

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Sally

Although I don't really feel comfortable with one-to-one relationships (except with my partner), I do like  being around a group of people I know.  However, I have a weird phobia of getting panicky if I have to travel 1) not under my own speed, i.e. my own car, or 2) if I have to have someone as a passenger in my car, I'd have to tell someone "I'll meet you there",  which people don't really like.  Thus, neither one-to-one  nor groups work out well.  And I've tried to therapize this damned weird phobia away over many years (also tried meds) and it just doesn't  want to go away.  So shit.  

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Brains truly are assholes sometimes.

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Sally

Most of the time.   Yea, 99 out  of 100 specific time intervals in life.  

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I'm trying hard to reduce that to maybe, oh, 95 of 100? Realistic expectations are where it's at. 8) 

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
58 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

Just coming back here seven hours later to say that I hope you're adequately caffeinated now. :P

 

It's 2.30 am here and I'm very caffeinated (and some degree of stoned) and making a big pot of applesauce because, you know, fuck normal sleep. The night is young haha, and this is how people with no social life do Saturday night. Or any night tbh, but my point remains. 8) 

Wait is it Saturday night there? It's Sunday night here! :P or is it your Sunday morning :o

 

I've had a pretty wild evening actually. Was just in the bath for like an hour drinking a cup of tea and listening to a true crime doco on my phone. Washed my hair. That sort of thing can be difficult sometimes! I then put on some clean PJs, and now I'm sitting in my chair wondering if I should go to bed (it's 9.37pm) or be a rebel and have ANOTHER cup of tea while reading some Return of Sherlock Holmes 🤔

 

I did end up having that coffee this morning..aaah.. this afternoon.. eventually though, thank you. It was the highlight of my day!! I lay on the couch and wrote with a nice blue pen and drank coffee. My blue pen then ran out so I switched to a black one. I fed the kids at some points during the day as well. Living the wild life here :P

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I had other stuff I was gonna say but tbh I'm too high to remember what any of it was. But yes, it's technically Sunday morning (3.47 am)... aka, Saturday night until I decide to go the fuck to sleep. Which for all I know right now could end up being noon hour or something.

 

Goddamn this Ghost Train Haze makes me productive. :D 

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Also @Skullery Maid and I are very terrible for each other's sleep schedules. :lol: 

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Skullery Maid

PracticalBestKomododragon-size_restricte

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1 minute ago, Skullery Maid said:

PracticalBestKomododragon-size_restricte

You're excellent at your job, FYI. ;) 

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

Related image

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Skullery Maid

^^ that's fair 

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Totally fair. And I get even more gross when I'm high, so. :D 

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ryn2

I went to sleep in the late evening (I’m in ceebs’ timezone, GMT-5) but kept having weird nightmares.  Applesauce might have been a better use of the time!

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I'm still awake. :D Skullz decided to attempt sleep about half an hour ago (5.00-ish am her time). I'm making more coffee, like the crazy person I am.

 

The applesauce turned out well... it's bourbon caramel applesauce. You know those coffee flavouring syrups? They're good for way more than coffee, haha.

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ryn2

LOL

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I love our all-nighters, it's fun to be in a relationship with someone else who's batshit insane. :D I mean, except when it's a total nightmare because you're both batshit insane. But it works. It's taken a few years to get better at navigating the batshit insane hahaha, but we're pretty good at it now.

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Apostle
On 1/18/2019 at 8:16 PM, Skullery Maid said:

 

x

 

 

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ryn2
27 minutes ago, Apostle said:

I would state that for most sexual people, they know what to expect of one another.

Apparently not, as 50+% of marriages end in divorce and arguments/differences over sex is the most cited reason.

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Apostle
On 1/19/2019 at 7:30 AM, Sally said:

 

x

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Apostle
On 1/21/2019 at 1:08 PM, ryn2 said:

 

x

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ryn2
13 minutes ago, Apostle said:

Could be that one partner is not getting enough or any sex though. Maybe one of the partners is sex averse? Who knows. Most divorces are either about money or sexual incompatibility. It doesn't mean that all divorces are between sexuals though.

If aces are only 1% of the population (or even if that’s somehow very low and they’re 5%, which would make asexuals more prevalent than homosexuals), a lot of sexual/sexual marriages have sexual issues too.

 

It seems like a pervasive issue beyond what “my partner is ace” or “my partner turned out to be gay” can explain.

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19 minutes ago, Apostle said:

It doesn't mean that all divorces are between sexuals though.

Well the vast majority certainly are. Most everyone is not asexual. As ryn2 said, "my partner turned out to be gay" is pretty uncommon as well. I imagine that I'll be getting a divorce at some point and that will be my reason, but it isn't most people's.

 

You're right that not all divorces are between sexuals, but almost all of them are. Aces are a very tiny portion of the population and sexual incompatibilities occur between people with otherwise perfectly matched orientations all the time.

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Apostle
On 1/21/2019 at 1:39 PM, Ceebs. said:

 

x

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Skullery Maid
1 minute ago, Apostle said:

Not sure where these 'ace' figures are plucked from but there are certainly more than 1% of the population. The ace spectrum, like the autism spectrum, is quite large and I think there are many more people who do not think they are asexual than is suspected, especially as they may not think they are not sexual. 

Just in the people in my circle of friends, there are certainly more than 1% who are probably not sexual! I know at least 4 out of 20 who are separated/divorced due to sexual incompatibility. That's more than 1%!

So... You define "asexual" as "whoever has the lesser sex drive in a couple"? 

 

So... unless the two people are perfectly matched, you're going to label one asexual? 

 

So... you understand that's incorrect, yes? 

 

 

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Telecaster68
38 minutes ago, Apostle said:

It may be because Tele is letting off steam and this is the one place where he can possibly do that and maybe feel he is getting some form of response, not necessarily always what he wants to hear but at least it is a sounding board. 

Tele was. Tele was also a bit pissed, in both British and American senses.

 

On how sex is a factor in divorces - clearly most divorces are between sexuals, just as most marriages are. The overlap between mixed and non-mixed marriages is probably that the tension around sex is that one partner isn't getting enough of it, and I'd propose that this is because the other changes the amount of sex they want. I've never come across a situation where both are happy having very little sex initially, and then one partner wants more; it seems to be always that there's more sex at the beginning, and tensions arise over the rate at which one partner wants less

 

I've trotted out the Kinsey broadbrush average frequencies many times (20s: 2-3 times a week; 30s: 1-2 times a week; 40s: 2-3 times a month; and declining at the same rate after that, although there seems to be some evidence for an uptick around the time of kids leaving home/early retirement sometimes too). Anecdotally from AVEN posts, it seems that the drop-off rate is markedly more abrupt for asexuals. Even if a new relationship and really trying means there's a quite a bit of sex initially, it seems to run out of steam in a few weeks or months, or as soon as the relationship becomes settled or real life intrudes. Or sometimes, the asexual partner stoically tries to keep up having sex for some years, but at a frequency that's way lower than the averages above, and not really very engaged, and finally says 'enough', and stops having sex entirely. 

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1 minute ago, Apostle said:

I know at least 4 out of 20 who are separated/divorced due to sexual incompatibility. That's more than 1%!

Sexual incompatibility because one partner has never experienced innate sexual desire for another person in their life? Or sexual incompatibility because they're not into each other anymore or want very different things sexually or have issues that affect a normal healthy sex life?

 

It's really not that highly uncommon for sexual people to have all sorts of reasons for not being that interested in sex at various points in their life.

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I find it odd when people say that 1% seems way too low. 1% is a huge fuckin' portion of the world's population. I actually doubt there are that many asexuals, unless we're including people who end up functionally asexual for a particular reason.

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