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Fellow Sexuals

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richvidaurri

None of here who identify as "Sexuals" are going to understand. Sexual feelings are just that, feelings, one either has them or doesn't have them. I'm also not quite certain this is the best place to try and understand asexuals as most of the people here, you may have already noted, are young women who are rather confused about the whole thing themselves. As much as they want to give, God bless their souls, they can't. But the reality is not at all confusing. One does or one does not. Simple. There really is no "coming out" because there's nothing to come out over. And David Jay, for all of his good intentions and organizing skills, may as well be whistling in the wind. There is no "asexual community" because how does one form a community of nothing? What we have is a blessing from God: unalloyed Nihilism at its most fundamental level and that's the way we most of us like it. NOTHINGNESS.

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Sally

Richvidaurri, I think you may need to take a longer look at AVEN, because some of what you've said above is just not true. There are many men on AVEN, and there are also quite a number of women who are neither young nor confused. There is a "coming out", if asexuals wish to do so; there are many threads on that. Finally, AVEN is an asexual community.

I have no idea what you meant by mentioning unalloyed nihilism, because asexuality has nothing to do with any belief system (or non-belief system).

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jojo2003

Richvidaurri,

I don't think it is fair to impose your own frustrations on someone who is genuinely trying to understand their partner. Your post shows a lack of respect for all that this forum stands for and the help AVEN offers to others.

If you are not happy with a forum please refrain from using it.

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Dionysus232

I am a sexual, straight person.
The reason I'm on AVEN is because my sister is an Asexual.

For a long while our parents thought she was just gay or was just particularly picky about her partners. (which she hasn't had a BF since high school in 2005)

She hasn't official said she's an asexual but she's looking into it. I should introduce her to the site.

I myself see nothing whatsoever wrong with her, just how she is set in life, and she's happy- which is all I care about.

Mostly I'm on the site for forum information, and updates. :)

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Subject37

I'm on here because my partner was and possibly is asexual, and I once identified as ace, too, but not longer do.

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pushover
I'm Sexual. My SO is Asexual. The reason I stay on this forum is because this forum has become a place for me to go to when I feel like I have no where else to go. I have friends here

You are NOT here alone and be comfortable knowing that we are walking in your very shoes..pushover

I don't want to derail the conversation, but do have a question for some a sexual or some sexuals at some point. I wondered how I'd go about finding the sexuals on AVEN, but this thread seems like a pretty good place! Let me know if anyone's free for a chat. Thanks!

Don't do chats but am also in Canada; I read many threads and am always willing to provide an opinion when the subject arises...pushover

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pushover
I am a sexual, straight person.

The reason I'm on AVEN is because my sister is an Asexual.

For a long while our parents thought she was just gay or was just particularly picky about her partners. (which she hasn't had a BF since high school in 2005)

She hasn't official said she's an asexual but she's looking into it. I should introduce her to the site.

I myself see nothing whatsoever wrong with her, just how she is set in life, and she's happy- which is all I care about.

Mostly I'm on the site for forum information, and updates. :)

Please take an active interest in her. It's more important than some of these threads might suggest. As a 40 year sexual, living with an asexual, it can be long and rough, or long and pleasant; the partners she choses has everything to do with her happiness and well-being. Of course, introduce her to this sight; don't delay...thank you

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Ariesmom07

I'm sexual married to an asexual...Basically I came here for support or information at first. I knew my husband had issues after we'd been together a year. We actually split for awhile before we were married because of this and my lack of understanding. I love my husband dearly and he is the only one for me so I've come to terms with the fact he just isn't sexual. We haven't had sex in over a year now. The longer time passes the more comfortable I become. Sometimes I miss having a sexual connection, but I am comforted by the fact that we have a great marriage and its based on something other than sex something I had never experianced before. We have a beautiful daughter together and he is my best friend. My advice to other sexuals who may be reading this and wondering if they can handle this kind of relationship would be to really ask yourself what is the most important thing in a relationship to you? If you honestly can't see yourself ever being happy without sex then get out now...staying in a sexless relationship isn't always easy and it definitely isn't for everyone. I know I have seen my husband break down many times and he feels bad about NOT being sexual he really wishes he could be like the majority of other people so realize it isn't easy for your partner to feel as if they can't make you happy either. Sometimes splitting up is the best solution for both of you to be happy. On a comedic side note there are great advantages to not having a sexual relationship I used to worry about stupid stuff all the time...I can let my lady bits grow wild, I don't have to worry about doing things in the bedroom I am uncomfortable with or worry about my husband cheating or trying to find any on the side :D

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dragonfly2013

I just found this site tonight and didn't know there was such a place!

After reading the FAQ and reading the termonology, I am sexual married to a grey/asexual.

It has been tough to say the least. I love him very much after 17 years but cannot wrap my brain around opting to not have sex again. I am a young 49.

I look forward to learning from you all and I know I will find great support.

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Lady Girl

Welcome to AVEN dragonfly! We are definitely here to offer our friendship and support. My husband is asexual too and I'm sexual...I'm 45 and we've been married 26 years. I'm glad you found us! :cake:

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rojopeps

I am a sexual female. I was confused about my sexuality but ultimitly decided, I am heterosexual. But i still have romantic feelings towards females. I am young and have yet to be in a legit relationship. So im not sure if I am biromantic/homoromantic ect. It is possible to be heterosexual and bi/homosexual right?

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Lady Girl

I am a sexual female. I was confused about my sexuality but ultimitly decided, I am heterosexual. But i still have romantic feelings towards females. I am young and have yet to be in a legit relationship. So im not sure if I am biromantic/homoromantic ect. It is possible to be heterosexual and bi/homosexual right?

Perhaps bisexual? Perhaps biromantic heterosexual? Do some more reading around. You'll figure it out! Welcome to AVEN.:cake:

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LonelyInSA

I hope to find understanding and possibly some kind of solution for the situation I am in (which is probably not uncommon - but I find it....frustrating).

I have been in a 12year Lesbian relationship which seemed to have turned a-sexual after about 5 years (from my partners' side).

I have many questions to ask and hope that all of you out there might be able to shed some light on it for me

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jojo2003

Welcome LonenlyInSA,

I hope we can be of some assistance to you. Feel free to ask whatever you want. Then I'll decided whether I want to answer :).

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Lady Girl

I hope to find understanding and possibly some kind of solution for the situation I am in (which is probably not uncommon - but I find it....frustrating).

I have been in a 12year Lesbian relationship which seemed to have turned a-sexual after about 5 years (from my partners' side).

I have many questions to ask and hope that all of you out there might be able to shed some light on it for me

Welcome! It can be very...frustrating. Of course, many of us find ways to work around that, but there's always going to be a certain amount of disappointment (for both people in the mixed relationship).

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Down in Texas

LonelyinSA welcome to AVEN. You will find both Heterosexuals and Homosexuals, also Sexuals and Asexuals. When it comes to the feelings between Sexuals and Asexuals the
experiences are basically the same no matter what your orientation is. So ask your questions and be prepared to receive answers from all directions. I hope that you can find someone that can help you in whichever issue you may be having. Just understand that you need to take what you can use and let the rest go as needed, in order to give you some peace of mind. Some answers come from pain others come from fear and yet others come from lack of experience. That is why I suggest you use your own personal mental filter.

You need to know that when it comes to the GRAY areas of sexuality or asexuality there are multiple levels on both sides. No one knows from what level you are speaking from or what level you are dealing with. Only you will know that and that has to figure in to your own personal evaluation of your status of your relationship. No one can help you there because no two people are the same in any given situation.



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Broker

Sexual here. Ive been married for over 25 years to a woman that I now realize is asexual. We've been celibate well over a decade. Maybe by learning more, I can save my sanity.

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Lady Girl

Sexual here. Ive been married for over 25 years to a woman that I now realize is asexual. We've been celibate well over a decade. Maybe by learning more, I can save my sanity.

Welcome to AVEN. I hope you find support here. I've learned a lot from this community. :cake:

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Geno

I'm here because I am a sexual aromantic.

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JustcallmeRiley

Hello. I've just been reading reams of posts the last couple of days and thought I'd go ahead and post. I'm here because I'm highly sexual but had an alarming (for me) total loss of libido awhile ago while on an antidepressant (SSRI). I still struggle with depression but am terrified to take the meds because I know what will happen. I guess I just wanted to see what it's like for people on the other side - who don't experience their sexuality the same way I do mine and for whom waking up tomorrow with all my throbbing bits would be discomfiting.

Just wondering if you've tried non-SSRI antidepressants like Wellbutrin or Effexor, which have fewer sexual side effects.

I haven't tried Effexor - I'll definitely look into it next time. Wellbutrin I cannot tolerate well. It gives me horrible anxiety attacks and acid reflux. Weirdly, I also became convinced that my apartment was haunted when I took it. Once I switched meds, the "ghosts" disappeared. That was just odd.

I took wellbutrin and I though while I was taking it that my depression was caused by demons... That kind of scared me away from antidepressants

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accidentally the david

So about a year ago I posted here regarding the start of a brand new relationship I found myself going into with a girl who I knew to be
asexual.

I just want to say that a year and some weeks has gone by and things are going strong. :) I'm happier than I've ever been - and know that she is my other half entirely. Absolutely love her with all of my heart and I'm glad we gave things a shot that time ago.

Things weren't a completely smooth sail from the moment the bottle breaker blessed the ships voyage, but anything that did come up we spoke about openly and resolved them before they became the kind of problems that would sink us if we let them become worse than they were then. It has been the cornerstone of our relationship really - unconditional communication.

Here is to another year and many more :D

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Lady Girl

It has been the cornerstone of our relationship really - unconditional communication.

Here is to another year and many more :D

I agree with you there! Congratulations!!! :cake:

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Mysticus Insanus

@ the david... Tons of :cake: for both of you, always makes me happy to see another mixed couple that makes it work! :D

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AsAKite

I just joined, but yes I am. I joined because my brother is asexual

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Forever

I got back to AVEN because I find it quite interesting to read about asexuality. Also, I think it's good if there's sexuals on here because asexuals might find it hard to talk about sexual attraction etc. all on their own, am I right? Also, this way, we can discuss things from various points of views.

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Lost23

I'm new to this sight. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 11 years now. I have finally come to terms that he is asexual. The first 3 months we date we had regular sex about once a week, then it became once every three months, then once a year, and now we have not had sex in 5 years. I bring it up but he makes excuses why we dont have sex anymore. I brought it up to him that maybe he was gay but he said he definitely was not. Then i brought it up with him that possibly he was asexual. I explained what it was and he said that maybe he was. I love him very much but there are times I become very sexually frustrated and I become depressed. Are there any support groups for sexuals who are dating asexuals? I don't want to break up but I don't know if seeking a sexual partner is cheating. Sometimes as a joke I would tell him I was going to find someone just to have sex with but come home to him. He tells me that would be fine. But of course that is not what I want to hear. I'm so confused...I'm only 31 years of age. Last time I had sex was in 2008, will that be the last time I would have ever had sex????

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Lady Girl

Hi, and welcome to AVEN. I think the two of you might want to have a talk about where to go from here. Frustration is probably not healthy if it's too frequent or never goes away (or contributes to depression). My husband identifies as asexual and we have a compromise...there are other asexual people on the site that also compromise on sexual activity and frequency of it for their sexual partner. There is also the option you mentioned of having another person be part of your life. Again, that would be something the two of you need to talk through and decide if that's really what you both want to have happen. Another option of course is breaking up, but since you have asked for support, I'm going to guess that is not the one you would like to take.

We are here to support you as much as possible and answer questions if you have any. Talking to your boyfriend about a possible change in the current status of sex in your relationship and letting him know what some of your hopes might be, seems like the next reasonable step. Best of luck, and feel free to PM me if you wish to talk privately.

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cloud3344

I'm here because I got tired of people asking me why I'm dating someone who doesn't want to have sex with me...... I've always thought the answer to that was fairly obvious.

It's something that continues to blow my mind. While I did struggle with it at first, I've never been to the point to where I thought it was a deal breaker. The rare few who I am comfortable enough with to talk to about it always ask me why I stay with him when it's easy to find someone who is willing to have sex with me or feel the need to tell me there is something biologically wrong with my boyfriend... I guess I got tired of others closing off their mind to the idea. Now I've stopped talking to people like that and just come here .

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Lady Girl

Hi and welcome! I can understand that, I have had some experience with that kind of reaction as well. I hope you enjoy it here! :cake:

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jojo2003

Hi there Cloud,

Welcome. I can understand where you are coming from. I tend not to discuss these things with anyone, because it is firstly something between me and my partner, but it also creates a lot of reactions you are talking about. And these are the same people who will tell you that they love their partner unconditionally :).

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