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Fellow Sexuals

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Lady Girl

I sympathize with you completely. It is pretty unforgivable that your husband has made empty all those years of your life. It would have been far better if another sperm had reached his mother's egg first.

Please read the front page of AVEN rimmer.

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Lady Girl

Hi,

I just found this and I haven't read much of the site yet but I hate that no one can really understand what's going on. At the beginning of our relationship my partner told me he wasn't a very sexual person, I didn't see the relationship going anywhere so I didn't worry about it. As it progressed he transitioned which I thought would change things, he got sober which I thought would change things, and he's had surgery which I thought would change things.

What we end up with is a lesbian leaning bisexual and a heteroromantic transman who rarely wants to have sex at all, and when he does it's with men.

He loves me and sees himself with women, but only occasionally wants to have sex with men.

I know we talk about it all the time, and I really just don't know if I can do this, or if I should do this. But I know that I'm a better person with him than with any other partner.

I feel guilty in some ways, because honestly I think that there are psychological issues behind his aversion to sex, but I'm hoping I can find something here to answer my questions.

I just wanted to welcome you to AVEN. It sounds tough for you right now, only he can know if he's asexual though...maybe you should show him this site! :)

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Fazermint

Came here because I thought my girlfriend was asexual, turned out she was just a prude. Might stick around anyway.

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test account

Came here because I thought my girlfriend was asexual, turned out she was just a prude. Might stick around anyway.

*facepalm*

Sorry, I don't know whether to laugh or not. :lol: :unsure:

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raven 25

Ok, So I know I'm not the only Sexual here on AVEN. What I'm wondering is how many of us are there and what are your reasons for being on AVEN.

Personally I'm here because my best friend recently came out as asexual so I'm trying to learn more about where she is coming from. Also I haven't been here very long but I'v already made some pretty awesome friends and I can't wait to meet even more.

So I'd love to hear your story if you're willing to share.

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raven 25

I am sexual and struggling with an asexual partner. Cant seem to get past the hurt and distancing I feel. Also am feeling cheated as I wasnt told until well in the repationship.

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Lady Girl

I am sexual and struggling with an asexual partner. Cant seem to get past the hurt and distancing I feel. Also am feeling cheated as I wasnt told until well in the repationship.

A couple questions if that's ok...you say you weren't told until well into the relationship, so I take it things were different at first, something changed, and they told you?

I know it doesn't mean much coming from me, but please don't feel hurt. I do understand the distant feeling, but there are ways to get thru that and feel close again if you two are wanting to work thru it. Is this something you're considering?

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Fallinginandout

Just joined, first post.

So I am rapidly figuring out that the only people that could possibly understand any of this are other sexuals who find themselves in a similar relationship. It is a lonely feeling when you find out that your best friends can't help you - but it helps to find that there are total strangers who 'get it'.

That is why I am here.

Welcome Neighbor,

That's why I am here also. Married 43 years to what I have only recently figured out is some variant of an asexual. She is romantic and affectionate though which helps. I too spent a lifetime of questioning my masculinity, etc.

It feels comfortable being on AVEN where, like you, I have found others like my wife and myself. Wished I had found AVEN many years ago. We have been through it all and I had stopped looking for a community.

Welcome again.

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TheRequiemRose

...Hello AVEN.

I am a lurker and have been for a few months. I am a biromantic bisexual who is engaged to a ??? ???.

I read some of the posts and response for "support" when I feel burnt out about sexuality and my fiance. I hope that I can maybe find some asexuals and sexuals who could help answer some of my questions.

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C172

Ok, So I know I'm not the only Sexual here on AVEN. What I'm wondering is how many of us are there and what are your reasons for being on AVEN.

Personally I'm here because my best friend recently came out as asexual so I'm trying to learn more about where she is coming from. Also I haven't been here very long but I'v already made some pretty awesome friends and I can't wait to meet even more.

So I'd love to hear your story if you're willing to share.

It's been so long since I registered for this site. I kind of forget my exact reasons. I think I remember a time when I felt kind of "oversexed". That is, bombarded by sexuality in our culture. I'm single and intend to remain that way. I hate the idea of marriage, which, too often these days, leads to divorce. I also just don't like people enough on a platonic level, so why would I want to share a romantic life with one. That said, I am very sexual in that I look at females all the time, and crush on them, and explore fetishes, etc.

If I remember correctly, I think I just took this concept in my head of "asexuality", not even knowing if it existed, and googled it, and here I came.

I've never known an asexual, or at least an "out" asexual, if that term must be relevant. But for whatever reason, I guess it's something I want to learn more about.

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ScottTerp

My longtime partner of 12 years has either just come out as Asexual, or he is stewing on so much repressed emotional trauma that he can't ever look at any of it. Either way- i am here. Yes I love him, but . . . I miss everything. Sex, touching and being touched, kissing. . . it has been gone for more years than I care to admit. Yes, I am the stupid romantic that keeps hoping things will turn around- and yes, he is my best friend and satisfies 95% of what i want and need in a man. But damn- that last 5% is a doozey and I have so far professed to be faithful to him- we are in couple's therapy but if he doesn't get his own individual therapist to figure this out within a half a year, I am going to have to insist on a separate lover, because it is not fair to me. I came from an abusive background as a young gay kid, emotional and sexual abuse, and it took me a long time and alot of work to unpack those emotional bags- but i did it. I had to re-claim my own sense of sexuality, and I did.

:::::::::::Sigh:::::::::::::

I was 20 then, I am a 41yo man now. Dont get me wrong- we have a "nice" life together, some awesome friends (when we can see them) a house together, three cats. He was smart and insisted we buy a house together- otherwise I would have been long gone a long time ago.

Anyhoo- Not sure if this helps at all. Asexual people have a right to be that- but I know me, and I am so sexual its not even funny. Know yourself, and respect yourself- follow your gut to happiness- and dont get into the habit of pleasing others. "Given what you can, but get what you need."

Big Love

Scott

PS anyone who wants to email me seperately can do so , or chat or whatever to share or support. Ta

Edited by Lady Girl
Fix double text

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penquin1160

I'm sexual, 52 and have been married for 21 years; my wife recently identified as an asexual. I'm doing what I can to save our relationship and to determine if I can adjust "sexuality" and find a compromise we both can live with. Any thoughts from sexuals on how they have adjusted to their relationship with an asexual would be appreciated. I hope the information found on this site will be helpful and can serve as a positive way to help save our marriage. I'm romantically and physically in love with my wife. Not sure how I'm going to cope.

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Lady Girl

I'm in a very similar situation. My husband is not repulsed, but has very little interest in sex (if none) so for us to be able to compromise is a wonder to me in some ways. I guess I feel it really shows how much he cares for me, and I do my best to not show him when I am not happy about the arrangement. I'm not always successful with that, but he knows I try. I'm thinking about starting a support thread for the sexuals on this site. Personally, I need encouragement at times and I think it could be a good place for us to talk about ways to cope/adjust as you mentioned.

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jojo2003

Hi penquin,

It is a though situation. I have been in my relationship for more than 15 years and my partner is sexually repulsed. So no compromises on the sexual part. But of course there are still compromises to be made in terms of physical contact for instance.

We have to talk a lot about what is allowed and what not and what my minimal needs are.

There are times and always will be times when you think you don't know how to cope, but then there are times I get very happy feelings from my relationship.

Have you shown her this site? Starting with the general information can give a lot of information already and maybe knowing she is not alone might work also.

Good luck.

Oh and LG, Good idea. Maybe adding a support chat channel for immediate counseling or am I to enthousiastic right now?

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penquin1160

I have shared this site with my wife and she has started to view the open and honest insight provided. I also like the idea of a sexual support thread.

I'm lucky my wife is not repulsed. She "wishes" she had a connection between her romantic attraction and some physical attraction and knows it is frustrating for me. I'm just glad we now understand that she is not alone, and what she doesn't feel is normal and just represents another facet of human sexuality. We continue to discuss options that provide an equal and fair compromise for both of us. I know our relationship will never be "normal", but at this time I have no idea what "normal" is.

I know leaving her is not an option.

I would also like to minimize those times when I am clearly frustrated (and I unfortunately take it out on her- which of course is not fair to her).

Thank you for comments. It's nice to know I'm not alone either. :)

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Lady Girl

Realizing that what I thought was normal might not be, was something I thought about a lot too the first couple weeks after we figured this out. I totally understand feeling bad about taking out your frustration on her, it's really difficult to not do that.

The conversations about what might be equal and fair are pretty important and will possibly have to happen more than once. Not expecting sex outside our agreed amount has helped us both in lots of ways. Life still puts pressure on a person though, so it's not like everything is suddenly smooth sailing, it's just not near as rough as it used to be.

That's great she has joined the site too, I think I may have seen her in the Welcome Lounge? My husband is a member, but doesn't participate like I do.

I will be working on a pinned support thread over the next couple of weeks.

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penquin1160

I don't think she has joined... I believe she is having a look at the forums. I would be surprised if she ever posted (just not her thing). We had a nice chat yesterday, will see where this goes. I'm sure our conversation will last our lifetime.

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Avistew

I'm sexual and I've never been with an ace. My current boyfriend is sexual, although since I'm poly, I could very well have another boyfriend who happens to be asexual sometime down the road.

I'm on AVEN because I like learning about different people, and since I'm sexual I hang out a lot on this section of the website and try to answer questions that aces might have.

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Guest Scarlet Spider

Ok, So I know I'm not the only Sexual here on AVEN. What I'm wondering is how many of us are there and what are your reasons for being on AVEN.

Personally I'm here because my best friend recently came out as asexual so I'm trying to learn more about where she is coming from. Also I haven't been here very long but I'v already made some pretty awesome friends and I can't wait to meet even more.

So I'd love to hear your story if you're willing to share.

Of course you're not the only one.

No joke, i found this site purely by accident. :o I don't remember what i was looking for but once i saw it had a forums page i joined. And still asexual at the time i thought joining the site was a pretty good idea, and opportunity to learn more about asexuality. I am of course strictly sexual now but still remain here and help other members deal with their sexual identification as best i can.

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zita

Hello,

I have had a long term relationship with an asexual partner and it gets harder everyday. I am in a bad mood all the time and I know what is missing. I don't know how to find a sexual "friend" to solve my need without having to go into a detailed information and keeping the whole thing in safe terms.

Heeelp!

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jojo2003

Dear Zita,

I would like to advice you and do understand what you mean with a "sexual" friend, but could you explain what you mean that you do not want to go into detailed information and the safe terms.

Do you mean that you don't want to jeopardise your current relationship or that you do not want to explain to someone why you need a "sexual" friend or do you mean to say that you do not want to inform your asexual partner?

I am hoping not the last, because in my opinion cheating never works...

Let me know on which part you want advice and there are a lot of sexual partners to help you.

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piercethesirens

I am a sexual, just like most of you on this topic.

The main thing that sparked my interest here is that my partner is an asexual, and I want to be able to understand her, see how asexuals see things, and see how sexual-asexual relationships work, as I don't know much about asexuality.

I do accept her asexuality, and I want our relationship to work out, without the contrasting views on sexuality getting in the way. If anyone has asexual partners and are sexuals themselves, I'd appreciate if you message me so that I could come to you for advice, because I might need it. And I always am up for making friends, so we will get along, no matter what. (:

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Roy M.

I'm a former heterosexual turned asexual here, so I know a lot of the pain some of you sexuals go through here.

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jojo2003
I am a sexual, just like most of you on this topic.

The main thing that sparked my interest here is that my partner is an asexual, and I want to be able to understand her, see how asexuals see things, and see how sexual-asexual relationships work, as I don't know much about asexuality.

I do accept her asexuality, and I want our relationship to work out, without the contrasting views on sexuality getting in the way. If anyone has asexual partners and are sexuals themselves, I'd appreciate if you message me so that I could come to you for advice, because I might need it. And I always am up for making friends, so we will get along, no matter what. (:

I am a sexual partner in a mixed relationship for more than 15 years now and there are a lot more of us on this forum. Some of them in much longer relationships even. But if you want to ask something in private, please feel free to send me a private message pierce!

I'm a former heterosexual turned asexual here, so I know a lot of the pain some of you sexuals go through here.

I am sorry Rome, I have to ask. You turned asexual due to reading the Aven forum? How did that work?

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Roy M.

Oh, no. I mean that I turned asexual but not necessarily because of this site. In fact, I didn't join until well after I was asexual.

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jojo2003
Oh, no. I mean that I turned asexual but not necessarily because of this site. In fact, I didn't join until well after I was asexual.

Thanks, that clears up a lot of misunderstanding on my part. I reckon you're in the same situation as my partner. We did not know it had a name untill we found information about asexuality.

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Roy M.

I was aware of asexuality before. I was just actually heterosexual for most of my pubescent and post-pubescent life.

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spider21b

hey!, very much a sexual and been with my gf for 4 years and yep asexual she is

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Lady Girl

hey!, very much a sexual and been with my gf for 4 years and yep asexual she is

Hi and welcome to AVEN. Congratulations on 4 years, that's great! :)

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kisabunnie

I am sexual and on AVEN to gain a better understanding of asexuality, and with the hopes of introducing my friend (who is asexual) to this community so he can get a better sense of who he is and know that he is not alone.

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