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ryn2
55 minutes ago, JMS said:

About the same for me.  As my life as slowed down a bit, its becoming a bit more difficult to deal with.  I used to travel extensively and work hard...but now that I don't and I am home more....its more difficult. 

That’s a really interesting point.  Societally/collectively we have the sense that both the desire for and occurrence of sex within longstanding couples decreases over time (for a whole host of reasons), something which ace and low-libido sexual people may look forward to seeing happen.

 

Several individuals have talked about how that DOESN’T represent their experience, at least from a desire perspective... but I don’t recall seeing anyone else note that a change/lessening in “job responsibilities” brought the mismatch in their relationship into sharper relief.

 

I have to think that might happen more often than we know, though.

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JMS
17 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

That’s a really interesting point.  Societally/collectively we have the sense that both the desire for and occurrence of sex within longstanding couples decreases over time (for a whole host of reasons), something which ace and low-libido sexual people may look forward to seeing happen.

 

Several individuals have talked about how that DOESN’T represent their experience, at least from a desire perspective... but I don’t recall seeing anyone else note that a change/lessening in “job responsibilities” brought the mismatch in their relationship into sharper relief.

 

I have to think that might happen more often than we know, though.

Well, I think I buried my desire with work and travel.  I was always busy and on the go.   Now, I work from home as I get closer to retirement.  Its more in front of me.   I can think of several reasons this has heightened rather than diminished my desire for sex but those may only be my own. 

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cupid69
19 hours ago, JMS said:

Well, I think I buried my desire with work and travel.  I was always busy and on the go.   Now, I work from home as I get closer to retirement.  Its more in front of me.   I can think of several reasons this has heightened rather than diminished my desire for sex but those may only be my own. 

If I were you I'd concentrate more on filling your life with other forms of entertainment, like a sport maybe, or the gym, swimming, tennis, tai chi, in fact fill your mind and body with activities that will tend to take up the slack. If you can maybe expand your social life as well, with or without your SO it will enrich you. 

There are very few sexual males who make it to this website and express how they feel and it's very difficult to get any answers as there aren't any! You are who you are and the same goes for any partner. 

As you point out, your relationship is good except for sexual intimacy. I would work on the good bits and expand on them. You will never change someone's sexuality and this website will not give you any answers to this. Hope you can see where I am going with this and good luck for the future!

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JMS
3 hours ago, Apostle said:

If I were you I'd concentrate more on filling your life with other forms of entertainment, like a sport maybe, or the gym, swimming, tennis, tai chi, in fact fill your mind and body with activities that will tend to take up the slack. If you can maybe expand your social life as well, with or without your SO it will enrich you. 

There are very few sexual males who make it to this website and express how they feel and it's very difficult to get any answers as there aren't any! You are who you are and the same goes for any partner. 

As you point out, your relationship is good except for sexual intimacy. I would work on the good bits and expand on them. You will never change someone's sexuality and this website will not give you any answers to this. Hope you can see where I am going with this and good luck for the future!

Thanks, Apostle, that is the same conclusion I've reached.  I know there are no answers...I've been looking for them without realizing there are others in this boat for a very long time.  SO, if nothing else, I have learned I am not alone and that its her orientation and not something I did or do.  That is a whole lot of good from my perspective.

 

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SusannaC

Learning I’m not alone still leaves me feeling a lot alone.  Maybe it’s just my mood today, my depression rearing it’s ugly head. 

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ryn2
29 minutes ago, SusannaC said:

Learning I’m not alone still leaves me feeling a lot alone.  Maybe it’s just my mood today, my depression rearing it’s ugly head. 

Sorry you’re feeling crappy!  *hugs*
 

Learning I’m not alone isn’t the same as solving something, and sometimes it carries unhappiness along with it (ugh, maybe there IS no solution!), but it usually does help me in this sense:

 

1 hour ago, JMS said:

not something I did or do

 

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Traveler40
57 minutes ago, SusannaC said:

Learning I’m not alone still leaves me feeling a lot alone.  

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way today. You’re definitely not alone, but that doesn’t solve the situation. It can feel empty and vast. Hope this passes quickly. 🤗 

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JMS
2 hours ago, SusannaC said:

Learning I’m not alone still leaves me feeling a lot alone.  Maybe it’s just my mood today, my depression rearing it’s ugly head. 

Hi, I do understand that too.  I hope it passes quickly too.  For me, its so eye opening that I'm not the only one experiencing this, that, while knowing the whys does not "fix" anything (and won't), the positive for me is that I can talk to others who understand, who know the pain.  I've not had that before. 

 

To all of you who have responded, thank you so very much.  I wish I could hug you all.

 

Thank you Susanna...it means a lot to me. 

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cupid69

I suspect there are many more sexuals who do not know about their SO's sexuality and bear the pain alone. At least on this site there are a few of us who truly understand what we are experiencing. 

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Violet1920

Hello, my name is Angelique. I met my boyfriend at work, and we were instantly enamored with each other. It was an instant connection and we quickly started a relationship and found a lot. I can’t say that I’ve been more happy in a relationship or more in love with anyone. But everything went downhill when it came to any sexual conversation or contact. My boyfriend (i’ll just call him BF from now on so he can remain anonymous) is asexual and I am not. When we first were dating he told me he didn’t want to have sex because of past experiences with his ex-girlfriend that made him feel self-conscious about having sexual dysfunctions. So being only the second woman he’s ever slept with, I understood and didn’t  take it personally. And then two other times we had sex it seemed like he genuinely wanted to have sex with me. It seemed like he really wanted to have sex with me, for all the reasons that someone would have sex with someone that they love. For emotional connection, sexual pleasure and because you are sexually attracted to that person. After one night of showing signs of wanting to have sex with him and him not wanting to or realizing what I was trying to do I finally realized there is something deeper into what was happening. One night after trying to flirt with him and him not reciprocating or acknowledging my flirtation. I asked him if he found me sexy. And he said he did. But after more conversation he finally said he identified as asexual and did not have any sexual attraction. At first it was hard to compromise On how to move forward and it was hard for me to  wrap my head around the thought of being asexual as I am a very sexual person and very much enjoy sex on various levels. But most of all I feel like I’ve been lied to and I’m having a hard time getting over the fact that he basically tested his sexuality out on me to figure out if he was asexual or not. He admitted to doing this because he so badly didn’t want to identify as asexual, I asked him why he ask for nude pictures of me if he believed himself to be asexual, and his reply was “I wanted to find out if I was really a sexual or not.” I feel used and most of all I feel insanely unattractive. He says that he finds me aesthetically attractive, which I also don’t understand, I don’t think I’d be able to understand no matter how many times he explained it to me. But he says what he finds attractive is my face and hair, which leads me to question does he find my body disgusting? I’m not just a head so I’m having a very hard time feeling pretty around him or feeling even like I want to do things like hold hands, hug or kiss because he doesn’t find me attractive. I’m not just a face I’m a whole body and he’s not attracted to the whole of me I have a hard time believing him when he says he thinks I’m pretty. Another reason I’m having a hard time, is he says he will have sex with me for “my sake” but I don’t want to have sex with someone who’s just having sex to please me. It feels fake, it feels forced and I’m disgusted with myself for wanting to have sex, and what’s the point of him having sex with me if he doesn’t have get anything out of it.  He’s tried to explain several times he gets emotional connection out of it because we’re spending time together, but we could be spending time together not having sex, which I know that’s what he’d rather do. And that’s not good enough for me.  We decided to have an open relationship, so I can get my sexual needs, but I only want to have sex with him because I love him and that is a form of love I would like to show him and have received on myself. I love him very much, and I want to stay with him because in every way conceivable besides sexual attraction we are perfect for each other. I’m desperate for this to work, I’m desperate to understand, I don’t understand asexuality (especially his), he’s my Prince Charming other than this issue we are having.  Are there any other sexual partners of asexual‘s having this issue, and if so how did you get over it?

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alibali

I'm an asexual probably verging slightly on the heterosexual. I'm single and divorced and have had several relationships.  Occasionally I would  like a cuddle from the opposite sex, but mostly I just want their company.  If your BF really is an asexual then he is not likely to ever make the connection between wanting to be with you and sex. I am sure he does find you attractive but again he is not going to make the connection between that and sex. I think your self esteem has been affected by his lack of desire but you need to understand that his lack of desire is not to do with attractiveness so please don't "take it personally".

 

I don't think this is something either side understands. Its something we just have to accept about the people in our lives.

 

So some hard choices.  If he is the individual you want to be with for the long term you would have to accept that you will have to compromise on sex as he will if you do have sex.

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WhiteFringe

Hello. I'm relatively new here and have been reading many forum posts and stories on mixed orientation relationships. I have not yet posted anything on forums or anything, so this is new. Please excuses if I am in the wrong place. I'm here because even though I have had some sort of suspicion that my girlfriend is asexual, I always just thought she felt disinterested for personal reasons like being nervous about anything sexual, since she has a lot of social anxiety,

 

Recently, after talking to her about asexuality, asking general questions about how she feels about certain sexual things to determine whether she is asexual or not, she definitely is. We have been together for over 4 years now, but it's been quite tough on the both of us. I am very sexual (seriously, with no doubt, as straight as an arrow). This caused problems more recently than it ever has, because even though we were sexually engaging with each other, she never before expressed how much she doesn't like it (aside from feeling neutral about things, nothing that I thought would constitute as being serious). We've never had sex, because she asked that we wait until we are in a better place in our lives with our own house. Now, I could respect that, and would never force her to participate in coital activities without her full consent.

 

She expressed that every time we would have some form of outercourse, she would feel very sad, even though she doesn't "hate" it. She has always displayed a disinterest in any form of sex, and never, ever thinks about it. It would never bother her if she were to never engage in any sexual activity. Now, to express further, she is comfortable with hugging and kissing, but kissing is where it stops in terms of pleasure (I guess it could be worse for me).

 

She stopped being intimate with me not only because I can't bring myself to do anything with her knowing she doesn't enjoy it, but also because she feels somewhat repulsed by any sexual activity. She is trying hard to fill my needs, but I can't let her do things she doesn't want to do, even if that means I'll be tense, sad and irritable (which also makes things difficult).

 

So here is the conundrum:

- I enjoy outercourse, and would love to continue to intercourse, but she does not enjoy outercourse, and does not want sex (she says we can one day, but we both know the problem will stay, since she won't magically begin to like sexual activities).

- We have tried numerous compromises from where I would not engage and wait for her to initiate anything (which ends up where she just never initiates for weeks or months), and where she says she'll occasionally be intimate. This also doesn't work, because she definitely does not enjoy it, and I still feel like I'm using her.

 

I looked up polyamory and open relationships, but knowing her, she won't let that ship sail. How does one proceed? There are numerous accounts and forum posts and topic on this, I have seen, but yet, I see no answer but to 

 

1. suck it up, and respect her boundaries.

2. break it off (which I don't want to do). (I mean really don't. She is absolutely perfect, our views on life, the future, etc are so perfect. I doubt I could find someone who would fill my sexual needs as well as my romantic, emotional and companionship needs as she does.)

 

I just don't know what to do. 

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uhtred
2 hours ago, WhiteFringe said:

Hello. I'm relatively new here and have been reading many forum posts and stories on mixed orientation relationships. I have not yet posted anything on forums or anything, so this is new. Please excuses if I am in the wrong place. I'm here because even though I have had some sort of suspicion that my girlfriend is asexual, I always just thought she felt disinterested for personal reasons like being nervous about anything sexual, since she has a lot of social anxiety,

 

Recently, after talking to her about asexuality, asking general questions about how she feels about certain sexual things to determine whether she is asexual or not, she definitely is. We have been together for over 4 years now, but it's been quite tough on the both of us. I am very sexual (seriously, with no doubt, as straight as an arrow). This caused problems more recently than it ever has, because even though we were sexually engaging with each other, she never before expressed how much she doesn't like it (aside from feeling neutral about things, nothing that I thought would constitute as being serious). We've never had sex, because she asked that we wait until we are in a better place in our lives with our own house. Now, I could respect that, and would never force her to participate in coital activities without her full consent.

 

She expressed that every time we would have some form of outercourse, she would feel very sad, even though she doesn't "hate" it. She has always displayed a disinterest in any form of sex, and never, ever thinks about it. It would never bother her if she were to never engage in any sexual activity. Now, to express further, she is comfortable with hugging and kissing, but kissing is where it stops in terms of pleasure (I guess it could be worse for me).

 

She stopped being intimate with me not only because I can't bring myself to do anything with her knowing she doesn't enjoy it, but also because she feels somewhat repulsed by any sexual activity. She is trying hard to fill my needs, but I can't let her do things she doesn't want to do, even if that means I'll be tense, sad and irritable (which also makes things difficult).

 

So here is the conundrum:

- I enjoy outercourse, and would love to continue to intercourse, but she does not enjoy outercourse, and does not want sex (she says we can one day, but we both know the problem will stay, since she won't magically begin to like sexual activities).

- We have tried numerous compromises from where I would not engage and wait for her to initiate anything (which ends up where she just never initiates for weeks or months), and where she says she'll occasionally be intimate. This also doesn't work, because she definitely does not enjoy it, and I still feel like I'm using her.

 

I looked up polyamory and open relationships, but knowing her, she won't let that ship sail. How does one proceed? There are numerous accounts and forum posts and topic on this, I have seen, but yet, I see no answer but to 

 

1. suck it up, and respect her boundaries.

2. break it off (which I don't want to do). (I mean really don't. She is absolutely perfect, our views on life, the future, etc are so perfect. I doubt I could find someone who would fill my sexual needs as well as my romantic, emotional and companionship needs as she does.)

 

I just don't know what to do. 

Sorry you are in this situation.  In the end I think the choices are simple, just all bad.

 

Leave. Cheat Live like a monk. 

 

My only advice from >30 years married to a near-asexual is to give up hope.  Don't expect things to ever improve, you will just feel worse every time that they don't. 

 

Everyone is different, but I'd say in many cases ending the relationship really is the best for both people 

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WhiteFringe
39 minutes ago, uhtred said:

Sorry you are in this situation.  In the end I think the choices are simple, just all bad.

 

Leave. Cheat Live like a monk. 

 

My only advice from >30 years married to a near-asexual is to give up hope.  Don't expect things to ever improve, you will just feel worse every time that they don't. 

 

Everyone is different, but I'd say in many cases ending the relationship really is the best for both people 

I appreciate the feedback. This was the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I still feel like that, even if this kind of rejection hurts a lot, I cannot blame her, because she isn't to blame and nor am I ( I think). 

 

The only way I can possibly end the relationship with a clear conscience is if we both agree that it's for the best. And I know this all seems like an impossibility, but even if I end it, I still want to be part of her life and be her friend. A part of me feels like I'll do anything for her, even if I end up miserable, but another part just feels broken, and depressed. I'm just venting now. sorry. 

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ryn2
3 minutes ago, WhiteFringe said:

I appreciate the feedback. This was the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I still feel like that, even if this kind of rejection hurts a lot, I cannot blame her, because she isn't to blame and nor am I ( I think). 

 

The only way I can possibly end the relationship with a clear conscience is if we both agree that it's for the best. And I know this all seems like an impossibility, but even if I end it, I still want to be part of her life and be her friend. A part of me feels like I'll do anything for her, even if I end up miserable, but another part just feels broken, and depressed. I'm just venting now. sorry. 

*hugs*
 

It’s a crappy situation all ‘round.

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uhtred
2 minutes ago, WhiteFringe said:

I appreciate the feedback. This was the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I still feel like that, even if this kind of rejection hurts a lot, I cannot blame her, because she isn't to blame and nor am I ( I think). 

 

The only way I can possibly end the relationship with a clear conscience is if we both agree that it's for the best. And I know this all seems like an impossibility, but even if I end it, I still want to be part of her life and be her friend. A part of me feels like I'll do anything for her, even if I end up miserable, but another part just feels broken, and depressed. I'm just venting now. sorry. 

I'd say that it has nothing whatsoever to do with blame, its all about compatibility?  Can you be happy without sex (or with minimal sex) for the rest of your life? You do your partner no favors by sacrificing their happiness to them, because if they love you, that is the last thing that they would want.   

 

Unfortunately this is a situation where each may have a very difficult time understanding how the other feels.  To a sexual person,  there is this sense of "why can't he/she just XYZ,  is is so much to ask?" and for the asexual person to feel "is sex all he / she cares about, isn't love supposed to be much more important". 

 

 

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WhiteFringe
2 minutes ago, uhtred said:

I'd say that it has nothing whatsoever to do with blame, its all about compatibility?  Can you be happy without sex (or with minimal sex) for the rest of your life? You do your partner no favors by sacrificing their happiness to them, because if they love you, that is the last thing that they would want.   

 

Unfortunately this is a situation where each may have a very difficult time understanding how the other feels.  To a sexual person,  there is this sense of "why can't he/she just XYZ,  is is so much to ask?" and for the asexual person to feel "is sex all he / she cares about, isn't love supposed to be much more important". 

 

 

Yes, that is typically how our discussions go. She doesn't feel like she can make me happy, and, to an extent, she is right. Even if everything else is perfect in our relationship, this is a big drawback. It's not something I can easily live without. 

 

The first 3 years of our relationship was amazing, and perfect. But this is only because she would be intimate with me often enough (without telling me that it is breaking her spirit). But when she told me that it does, it all went downhill from there. It's like everything froze and now I can't have the relationship back the way I really want it. I am constantly swinging back and forth between celibacy and ending it (the relationship, not me). Thank you for taking the time to respond, it means more than you think.

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anisotrophic
20 hours ago, WhiteFringe said:

even if I end it, I still want to be part of her life and be her friend

Poly isn't just about sex, it's not really about sex in the end – some aces identify as poly (you might want to read "More Than Two" to understand it better). It's about continuing to love one person when you potentially start to love another. After you move past infatuation and new relationship energy, at some point the distinctions between deep friendship (no "just" about it) and romantic love become very blurry and break down.

You've ruled open/poly out because you don't think she'd be OK with it, but it doesn't sound like you should continue indefinitely in this current state. Nor does it sound like you want to lose what you have now. I don't recommend cheating (i.e. hiding anything), but I think it might be necessary for you to change this relationship – whether that gets characterized as "poly" or "breaking up, but continuing a deep friendship".

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Serran

 

9 minutes ago, anisotrophic said:

 

 

 

After you move past infatuation and new relationship energy, at some point the distinctions between deep friendship (no "just" about it) and romantic love become very blurry and break down.

For some it does. For many it doesnt. After 10 years the lines for me never blurred in my longest relationship. I doubt they ever would blur to me. One reason many people cannot do poly. Their romantic love is strong for life, very distinguishable and for a singular person, not to be shared. 

 

But if both the poster and their partner are OK with shifting the relationship then it can work. It just can be difficult depending on how people feel about it. It's a discussion to have though for sure. 

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WhiteFringe
2 minutes ago, anisotrophic said:

Poly isn't just about sex, it's not really about sex in the end – some aces identify as poly (you might want to read "More Than Two" to understand it better). It's about continuing to love one person when you potentially start to love another. After you move past infatuation and new relationship energy, at some point the distinctions between deep friendship (no "just" about it) and romantic love become very blurry and break down.

You've ruled open/poly out because you don't think she'd be OK with it, but it doesn't sound like you should continue indefinitely in this current state. Nor does it sound like you want to lose what you have now. I don't recommend cheating (i.e. hiding anything), but I think it might be necessary for you to change this relationship – whether that gets characterized as "poly" or "breaking up, but continuing a deep friendship".

Yes, I agree with you, but it makes it difficult, because my girlfriend doesn't even understand her own emotions, meaning that any new development in our relationship would make her extremely uncomfortable (regardless of the change, ). Even if she rationally understands why this is a better option, emotionally, she won't be able to cope with a poly/open relationship. She is very possessive in our relationship and definitely won't "share" me with anyone.

 

I don't fully know how to articulate my situation without being somewhat inaccurate, because she is a complex creature and even after 5 years of knowing her, her emotions, thoughts and rationale still puzzle me. Now, I would also prefer not to have a poly relationship, but might be fine with an open one.

 

. . .If she's upset when we're intimate, upset when she's not (because she sees it is affecting me), but doesn't want to be intimate in any sexual way, but says she would to keep me happy (which I don't want, since it make the experience fake and only to please me, which is selfish; then what else is there but to end it?)

 

Can I honestly be celibate for the rest of my life for the sake of my girlfriend? Most probably not. Can we find a suitable, monogamous compromise? I doubt it. We have a deep relationship aside from sexual, and whenever I ask her if she can tell me what separates a romantic relationship from a friendship, she can't reply with words. Only mumbles. 

 

This means that we might as well be friends, because not much (in terms of relationship dynamics, aside from certain physical intimacies like kissing) would change. Thus it must be the best option to either be friends and find more suitable partners, or consider an open relationship. Am I wrong? I am sorry for taking you on this thought process, but my mind is all over the place the last couple of days regarding this to find the optimal solution that would benefit everyone.

 

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Traveler40

@WhiteFringe your thought process is clear, methodical and accounts for both the bigger picture and longer term. I agree with your assessments and drill down. Sex is an integral part of who you are, and you’ve said numerous times that you can’t live without it.
 

Open seems complicated given the element of possessive, and celibacy isn’t an option. So that leaves break up and become friends (which you already are mainly) or find some mutual agreement. I’m not sure that’s been fully vetted yet based on what you say, but the struggle will always be part of your dynamic regardless.

 

You're processing and that’s good. We all have our own choices and journeys. Just be true to what you need and don’t quiet that. I second @anisotrophic‘s sentiments: A change in the relationship status makes sense, whether that be a break out of the romantic into a friendship or some mutually agreed upon allowance to meet your needs.

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WhiteFringe
49 minutes ago, Traveler40 said:

@WhiteFringe your thought process is clear, methodical and accounts for both the bigger picture and longer term. I agree with your assessments and drill down. Sex is an integral part of who you are, and you’ve said numerous times that you can’t live without it.
 

Open seems complicated given the element of possessive, and celibacy isn’t an option. So that leaves break up and become friends (which you already are mainly) or find some mutual agreement. I’m not sure that’s been fully vetted yet based on what you say, but the struggle will always be part of your dynamic regardless.

 

You're processing and that’s good. We all have our own choices and journeys. Just be true to what you need and don’t quiet that. I second @anisotrophic‘s sentiments: A change in the relationship status makes sense, whether that be a break out of the romantic into a friendship or some mutually agreed upon allowance to meet your needs.

Thank you for the reply. At face value it seems like an obvious choice, but unfortunately there are just too many factors in my relationship that I didn't mention in the forum posts because it might be too long. These complicate my decision further. When I see her again, we'll need to honestly discuss all the factors and see what we can work out. I really hope we can come to a mutual agreement on this. All I want is for her to be happy.

Edited by WhiteFringe
ambiguity
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anisotrophic

@WhiteFringe if you feel like it's too much to unpack in this thread, please feel free to start a new topic for yourself!

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Expedition

@WhiteFringeyour gf sounds very like my ex wife. Once we split up, she seemed happier, presumably because of the lack of pressure of being in a relationship. 

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WhiteFringe
3 minutes ago, Expedition said:

@WhiteFringeyour gf sounds very like my ex wife. Once we split up, she seemed happier, presumably because of the lack of pressure of being in a relationship. 

Maybe, I don't know. It's difficult to imagine my girlfriend happy without me, or happy with me without me being celibate or having my right hand as the only means of intimacy.

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Expedition

From what you've said, she's comfortable with a friendship level of relationship even if she doesn't label it as such, so all you'd be doing is making that official. 

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WhiteFringe
37 minutes ago, Expedition said:

From what you've said, she's comfortable with a friendship level of relationship even if she doesn't label it as such, so all you'd be doing is making that official. 

Even if that were true, It would still change our future plans.

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WhiteFringe
1 hour ago, anisotrophic said:

@WhiteFringe if you feel like it's too much to unpack in this thread, please feel free to start a new topic for yourself!

Yes, I created a new topic called Mixed Relationship Advice.

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ryn2
4 hours ago, Serran said:

 

For some it does. For many it doesnt. After 10 years the lines for me never blurred in my longest relationship. I doubt they ever would blur to me. One reason many people cannot do poly. Their romantic love is strong for life, very distinguishable and for a singular person, not to be shared. 

 

But if both the poster and their partner are OK with shifting the relationship then it can work. It just can be difficult depending on how people feel about it. It's a discussion to have though for sure. 

It’s also challenging because it really does seem to be a hardwired thing; some people are capable of romantically loving multiple people at once, others are not.

 

So, while learned societal biases can be evaluated and worked past, there is sometimes still a mismatch underneath.

 

It’s definitely a conversation worth having, though.

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alibali

It's difficult. I don't think you can make her happy without being unhappy yourself. 

 

I am happy now I have accepted never again having a romantic relationship with anyone (i am divorced).  I have deep friendships with both men and women but there are times I wish I could have a proper hug from a man or I knew someone was always going to be there, but better miss out on that than feel pressured about sex. Asexuals who are happy being on their own still sacrifice some part of their need for relationships.

 

Its a conundrum but one your gf is going to have to address at some point even if you stay together.

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