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Fellow Sexuals

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uhtred
1 hour ago, Keith James said:

My wife of 37 years came out to me as an Asexual two weeks ago. She read an article in the Minneapolis Tribune about Asexuality and it checked all the boxes for her. I read the article and we talked about the hurt we were both feeling. A quick Google search turned up this site and this forum. This forum is very helpful in digesting all the feelings I am experiencing. I am NOT alone. A therapy session is scheduled for next Thursday to help me move forward. What that forward is I could not tell you at this moment. Asexuals are 1% of the population and I married one. Thank you all for contributing to this forum. Perhaps I will be able to contribute at some point in the future.

A number of us are in similar situations, Its not good.

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anisotrophic
2 hours ago, Keith James said:

She read an article in the Minneapolis Tribune about Asexuality and it checked all the boxes for her. I read the article and we talked about the hurt we were both feeling

Welcome! And I'm sorry, it's really painful. It also felt better for me to know, in the end, but it did take months to feel better. I can only try to imagine how it feels for you;  my husband and I haven't been together as long, just a decade and a half.

 

But I think if your partner approached you, and you both have empathy -- it sounds like you do -- that's really valuable. Try to keep that going (but it takes both partners, you're just one half). the worst difficulties often seem to be from a lack of communication/caring (although it's still painful, even with that). I hope we hear from you more!

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Sally

Just a note -- asexuals are probably quite a bit more common than 1% of the general population.  There are likely many asexuals (especially those who are older) who do not know the term and thus just think that there is something wrong with them, plus people in countries which don't have such easy access to social media, etc. that Westernized countries do.  

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Ours
12 hours ago, Keith James said:

My wife of 37 years came out to me as an Asexual two weeks ago. She read an article in the Minneapolis Tribune about Asexuality and it checked all the boxes for her. I read the article and we talked about the hurt we were both feeling. A quick Google search turned up this site and this forum. This forum is very helpful in digesting all the feelings I am experiencing. I am NOT alone. A therapy session is scheduled for next Thursday to help me move forward. What that forward is I could not tell you at this moment. Asexuals are 1% of the population and I married one. Thank you all for contributing to this forum. Perhaps I will be able to contribute at some point in the future.

We’ve been married 20 years and just learned the term this summer. I love my husband but it hasn’t been the relationship I had hoped for. As painful as today is take some peace that it wasn’t you she was rejecting she was trying to give what she could. Not enough but what she could. I’m going to assume the kids are grown and with that you have more options then you think you do. 

 The more asexuality is known/ written about the better the future is.

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Apostle
13 hours ago, Keith James said:

My wife of 37 years came out to me as an Asexual two weeks ago. She read an article in the Minneapolis Tribune about Asexuality and it checked all the boxes for her. I read the article and we talked about the hurt we were both feeling. A quick Google search turned up this site and this forum. This forum is very helpful in digesting all the feelings I am experiencing. I am NOT alone. A therapy session is scheduled for next Thursday to help me move forward. What that forward is I could not tell you at this moment. Asexuals are 1% of the population and I married one. Thank you all for contributing to this forum. Perhaps I will be able to contribute at some point in the future.

@KeithJames. Good luck with your journey but I have to say that the therapist will not solve your problem of mismatched sexualities so that may be wasted costs.

Only you and your wife, by talking about your differences, can actually move you both into an understanding relationship if you can both accept each-others way of life. It won't be easy but if more than 50% of the things you like about each other outweigh the remainder that you don't like then give it a go. The pebble in the shoe will however, remain forever.

 

I don't know where you get the 1% from but when you add in gays, lesbians, transexuals, bisexuals and the disinterested etc then that adds up to a lot more of the heterosexual pool being minimised for choice purposes if you want to match your heterosexuality to another. This has probably always been the case however except that nowadays there is a lot more information available online and elsewhere.

 

 

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Apostle
3 hours ago, Sally said:

Just a note -- asexuals are probably quite a bit more common than 1% of the general population.  There are likely many asexuals (especially those who are older) who do not know the term and thus just think that there is something wrong with them, plus people in countries which don't have such easy access to social media, etc. that Westernized countries do.  

Sally, I agree, it's considerably more than 1%. One of my sons says he has quite a few of his friends and acquaintances, both male but mostly female who are disinterested in sex and any type of relationship, including male to male and female to female. They are just happy to have a friendship, that's all.

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Fallen Unicorn

Hey guys, I'm back from a long hiatus! I'm currently seeing an asexual person in a queerplatonic relationship 🙂

 

From my posts in the past, I did have a really bad relationship with an asexual person who was manipulative. I thought I needed sex to be in a relationship, turns out it was their manipulative nature that drove me away. Anyways, I'm really happy to be back!

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Nai

I guess I am going to introduce myself here even though I have been on this site foooor six years? :P

 

Hello everyone, call me Nai!

 

I identified as gray ace since 2014-ish up until around last year, some things happened, and I realized "wow, I was just a REALLY late bloomer!" I identify as pansexual now (though, usually, I just call myself queer when someone asks). I never mentioned it on AVEN until now because I did not really.....care? :lol: It didn't feel like a big deal to me, I don't place too much care on figuring out my sexual orientation. So I guess it was an accidental secret for about a year. It did make me become more disconnected from AVEN, however, since I no longer identify with the ace spectrum. So I'm trying to be on a little more again now, since I do enjoy the forums!

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michaeld

Welcome back! Can't relate personally as I am and always have been asexual, but you're still very welcome here of course, and I'm glad you're sticking around! :cake:

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Serran

I go to see my wife in a few days (omg Visa hurry up already so I can just live with my wife) and... I still find it a very odd experience to be looking forward to the sexual part of being with a partner. But a good odd. 

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