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Fellow Sexuals

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Apostle
On 6/21/2019 at 8:36 AM, alibali said:

 

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Apostle
On 6/15/2019 at 6:21 AM, xstatic ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ said:

 

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xstatic ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
On 6/24/2019 at 4:37 AM, Apostle said:

Well, not in my particular case. Lived an enforced celibate life for nearly 25 years now and the secret, if there is one, is to be flexible in the relationship and compromise, no matter how much it hurts, to make the best of it. Too many people give up on relationships because they cannot see the wood for the trees. Also, people change as they get older so it's another reason to be adaptable. 

Both couples, when under stressful times, should look at why they got together in the first place and work on that.

 

My opinion, that's all.

Oh I don't disagree.  I was going off of the info that the op was really young and hadn't experienced that sort of relationship before.  Hence my worry of built up resentment.  

 

I've been married twice.  Been extremely sexually active in my life.  At this point in my life, being with an asexual seemed completely fine for me because I know what part of the relationship I'm not getting and I weigh its worth.  (And at this point in my life, that worth isn't very high)

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Apostle
On 6/25/2019 at 3:43 PM, xstatic ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ said:

 

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xstatic ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
5 hours ago, Apostle said:

May be different for males I suspect. They can go on reproducing until they die whereas females cannot. 

Female sex hormones include estrogen, progesterone, and small quantities of testosterone. Once the menopause kicks in usually the desire diminishes rapidly.

For men, the testosterone level gradually reduces over age but is always there.This is the sexual hormone driver for them.  

It's.... much more complicated than that.  I assure you, my sex drive is still very high.  It's actually higher over the last three years than I remember it ever being.  That's not it.

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Apostle
On 6/26/2019 at 4:49 PM, xstatic ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ said:

 

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alibali
36 minutes ago, Apostle said:

Hmm? For the majority of the female population I think I am correct. You must have a hormone imbalance then I suspect. 

Is your sex drive bothering you though? If it isn't then hey, make the most of it if you enjoy it although you do state you are in a relationship with an asexual and that sex doesn't seem high on the list and your sex life doesn't bother you so it does seem rather confusing!

I'm confused too. I figured out i was asexual after a menopausal friend told me the great thing about hormone replacement meant she got her sex drive back.

 

That means that what Apostle says is likely to be true in terms of dwindling hormones but to me it also suggests that sexual desire must be about more than hormones. Otherwise why would someone miss their sex drive. Surely you would just be happy with whatever happened and find pleasure in being close with your partner.

 

 I've had my hormones tested (when i was still trying to find out why i had no desire) and they've always been "normal" but I have never desired sex for its own sake. I think there is something else  which fuels desire, not just hormones. I used to have a libido but no sex drive.

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anisotrophic

"Females". Reproduction in females, female hormones, female sex drive.

 

Back to the cringy ferengi statements, I see. Don't mind me, please, do go on. 🙄

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CBC
Just now, anisotrophic said:

"Females". Reproduction in females, female hormones, female sex drive.

 

Back to the cringy ferengi statements, I see. Don't mind me, please, do go on. 🙄

I noticed exactly that as well. 🙄😒

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xstatic ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

I'm choosing to ignore the 'females' thing.  LoL

 

So, let me make something clear.  My hormones are fine.  I'm in my 30's.  I'm not menopausal.  I'm a girl who has had her ass beat by people she loved.  I'm the girl that was given divorce papers while in the hospital after an attempted suicide.  I've been abused emotionally, physically, and controlled financially.  And after taking it for years, I lost everything.  

 

My (now) boyfriend gave me a great job when I hadn't had work experience in 12 years.  He put faith in me.  Helped me start over.  He never raises his voice.  He's kind and generous.  Toxic masculinity now gives me PTSD.  My ex still torments me.  My boyfriend takes me in any time I feel upset and he holds me at night and makes me feel safe and loved.  I haven't felt safe in a very long time.  Feeling safe is so much higher on my list of importance than getting my rocks off.  There are more important things than sex.  

 

I am perfectly happy with my relationship.  Yes, I'm sexual.  But I don't care that he isn't.

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Apostle
On 6/27/2019 at 2:02 PM, xstatic ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ said:

 

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SusannaC

Apostle...... I am trying so very much to understand your position in this conversation.  Why bring “rape” into the discussion?  Civilized sane people don’t resort to rape as an alternative for sexual frustration in an ace/allow relationship.  If you believe otherwise, please explain.  Sorry for the interruption🤔

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degenerate
On 6/28/2019 at 4:56 AM, Apostle said:

Ferengi.

If you find this comparison insulting, try avoiding behaviors that make the comparison valid.

 

On 6/28/2019 at 4:56 AM, Apostle said:

It's not the men's fault but nature's, it's the situation all over the world and many men cannot control themselves and resort to rape. I find this unacceptable of course.

This is an insult to men. As if rape is normal male behavior that only superior men manage to overcome.

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CBC
On 6/28/2019 at 4:56 AM, Apostle said:

It's not the men's fault but nature's, it's the situation all over the world and many men cannot control themselves and resort to rape. I find this unacceptable of course.

Um.

 

Are you insane? 😂

 

When a rapist of any gender, you know... rapes... it's 100% their fault.

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CBC

Also congrats on finding it unacceptable like any non-rapist. Good job on not raping and not condoning rape. Must be difficult for you, because that's what men are wired to do obvs. 

 

giphy.gif

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SusannaC

Apostle, 

I tried to warn you- as I knew the tigers were preparing an attack........but then again, you did lay out the bait🤔

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CBC

Would those be... female tigers? :P 

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SusannaC

Bloodthirsty can occur with all orientations, races, genders- even extraterrestrial, IMHO.

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SusannaC

Seriously though, I don’t intend to poke fun at Apostle, well, not exclusively at least.  I want to have compassion for his real and painful plight in his marriage- that’s why he is here!  Like so many of us, he is trying to come to peace with actions and past decisions.   The comment about rape just seemed unusual and awkward and out of context with the discussion.  Participating in a strange discussion involving rape got me in a bit of trouble once🙄, so i thought I’d throw a warning his way. 

I don’t in any way think Apostle condones rape, but I do suspect he harbors anger with females in general- as a result of his marital frustrations.   Just my suspicion🤷‍♀️

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Kyriee
On 7/4/2010 at 6:19 PM, hiddentears said:

Ok, So I know I'm not the only Sexual here on AVEN. What I'm wondering is how many of us are there and what are your reasons for being on AVEN.

Personally I'm here because my best friend recently came out as asexual so I'm trying to learn more about where she is coming from. Also I haven't been here very long but I'v already made some pretty awesome friends and I can't wait to meet even more.

So I'd love to hear your story if you're willing to share.

 

(sadly) Sexual pan & ciswoman here.
My lifemate is ace, I think I figured it out before They did.
During the NRE phase we were fine, then it kind of drifted off and now it's been almost 2 years since we had sex.
I came on here to try to figure out ways to cope with our now completely non-existent sex life, because while literally everything else is great, this one bloody thing is really doing a number on me mentally/emotionally.
Which isn't fair to Them (I fully and absolutely support Their identity and never want Them to feel like something is wrong with Them), so.. here I am again to try to figure out how to make this work. I was hoping to find ways to kill my libido so this was not so frustrating for me, but got fussed at for that, so it's back to the drawing board.


 

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Skullery Maid
25 minutes ago, SusannaC said:

I don’t in any way think Apostle condones rape, but I do suspect he harbors anger with females in general- as a result of his marital frustrations.   Just my suspicion

MeaslyWaterloggedInsect-small.gif

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Sally
4 hours ago, Kyriee said:

 

(sadly) Sexual pan & ciswoman here.
My lifemate is ace, I think I figured it out before They did.
During the NRE phase we were fine, then it kind of drifted off and now it's been almost 2 years since we had sex.
I came on here to try to figure out ways to cope with our now completely non-existent sex life, because while literally everything else is great, this one bloody thing is really doing a number on me mentally/emotionally.
Which isn't fair to Them (I fully and absolutely support Their identity and never want Them to feel like something is wrong with Them), so.. here I am again to try to figure out how to make this work. I was hoping to find ways to kill my libido so this was not so frustrating for me, but got fussed at for that, so it's back to the drawing board.


 

There really aren't any ways to safely or effectively kill your libido.  And unfortunately, there may not be a way to make the sexual thing work, unless your partner is willing to have compromise sex, and unless you are willing to accept that they will not want it.  That's difficult for sexuals to deal with, but it's a reality that has to be dealt with.   The two of you are simply different, and neither of you can change that.  

 

 

 

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Kyriee
3 minutes ago, Sally said:

There really aren't any ways to safely or effectively kill your libido.  And unfortunately, there may not be a way to make the sexual thing work, unless your partner is willing to have compromise sex, and unless you are willing to accept that they will not want it.  That's difficult for sexuals to deal with, but it's a reality that has to be dealt with.   The two of you are simply different, and neither of you can change that.  

 

 

 

Yeah, the thought of Them having sex just to placate me honestly turns my stomach - I endured an abusive marriage for nearly 20 years and had to do a lot of sex I didn't really want to because my partner guilted/etc me into it. I NEVER want my lifemate to feel like They need to do that. It's something Their ex used to do to Them as well (guilt trip/coerce into sex), so it's not something on my radar.
They tried a couple of times over the last couple of years, but I could tell They just really didn't want to do it, so I put the kibosh on it.  If They WANT it, great, I will happily and thankfully accept, but trying to force Themselves to do it just for me? The thought makes me shudder. I know it works for others, I just can't do it.

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Apostle
On 6/29/2019 at 5:52 PM, SusannaC said:

 

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Apostle
On 6/29/2019 at 7:15 PM, CBC said:

 

 

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CBC

Lmao.

 

You're just saying "female" repeatedly now to try to get a rise, huh? 

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Apostle
On 6/29/2019 at 7:38 PM, CBC said:

 

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CBC

Funny, I feel like your comment was an insult to the majority of men, whereas mine was a sarcastic response. I mean, I'd be insulted if I was a dude and I was being told I couldn't really help it.

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Apostle
On 6/29/2019 at 9:43 PM, SusannaC said:

 

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CBC

I've been called far worse than "psychologically damaged", my friend. :) 

 

2.37 out of 10 for effort, though.

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