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Fellow Sexuals

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Apostle
1 hour ago, ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ said:

As someone who works with all males, I assure you this is false.  😂😂

Yes, gossiping is not necessarily about running someone or persons down. It's generally talk for the sake of talking, or in modern times, using Facebook to type nonsense.

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ryn2
9 minutes ago, Apostle said:

Not in the UK it isn't. Traditionally, the word gossip has been a term used for women talk.

The media today may have changed this to some extent.

So what do you call the equally common man-talk Tele agreed research supports?

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ryn2
10 minutes ago, Apostle said:

Yes, gossiping is not necessarily about running someone or persons down. It's generally talk for the sake of talking, or in modern times, using Facebook to type nonsense.

We normally use “chit-chat” or “small talk” to refer to harmless talking for the sake of talking and “gossip” for spreading rumors.

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Apostle
On 4/17/2019 at 5:20 PM, anisotrophic said:

In contrast, @Apostle sticks to this one thread,

Really?

 

Ask Chandrakirti where I first started posting then?

 

@anisotrophic, you need to do your homework on other threads as clearly you haven't. 

There's also the personal insults that you seem to be throwing around at me, like ' making embittered, negative blanket statements about asexual folks as a demographic' or 'secretly bitter and venting your anger'.

Sure, I'm cheesed off about my situation. I also know I have to live with it. My expectations of married life were not what I was led to believe and it was a shock to discover a multitude of human differences that I was not prepared for. You are obviously of the younger generation, with access to lots of books, other similar genders, social media, the internet etc. I didn't have any of that, hence my presence on this post.

 

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Apostle
8 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

So what do you call the equally common man-talk Tele agreed research supports?

Man talk?

 

Definition of the word 'gossip' as per the English Oxford dictionary is as follows:

 

'Casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details which are not confirmed as true'.

 

I wouldn't call talking to my friends about football or house repairs or gardening for example, gossip.

There is quite a difference between the above statement and that of the definition of 'gossip' in Oxford dictionary. I rest my case.

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ryn2

I guess we could just say “spreading rumors” and remove the ambiguity.

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☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Literally though.... The dudes at my job will SEEK ME OUT in the laser lab to come vent and bitch about other members.  I stay out of everything.  I have no time for drama.  But, I also always let people vent so I get the role of church confessional or some such. 

 

Okay...to be fair, I do enjoy some of the drama....from afar.... Like watching a train wreck....

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Telecaster68

Honestly, really, does it matter?

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☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

No, not at all.  But I got the impression that @Apostle's understanding of what I meant by men gossiping was the equivalence of his definition of 'man talk'.  I wanted to clarify.

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Telecaster68

I've heard it mean both rumourmongering and chitchat.

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ryn2
55 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Honestly, really, does it matter?

Only in the context that he was challenging being called a gossip (not by me) because the term applies to women...

 

...and, I suppose, because if a word really is used differently elsewhere that’s good to know.  Here it universally has a negative connotation.  Calling someone a gossip where I live implies that they are shallow and untrustworthy.

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Anthracite_Impreza

Gossip's gossip where I am, the mouth it comes out of is irrelevant.

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Jonnyb7283

I’m on AVEN because my partner is ace. She is the most amazing woman I’ve ever had in my life. I’m here to understand more about my partner, and to try to see how other mic sexual and ace couples deal with their differences of libido.

 

I’ve just given up on sex since the first time my partner kissed me. That day I realized that I didn’t need sex to know how much she loved me/ how much more important she was to me than sex ever could be.

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Telecaster68

It's great you can find a way for your relationship to work. How long since you found out about her asexuality?

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CBC
12 minutes ago, Jonnyb7283 said:

I’ve just given up on sex since the first time my partner kissed me. That day I realized that I didn’t need sex to know how much she loved me/ how much more important she was to me than sex ever could be.

That's... fortunate... I guess.

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Jonnyb7283
4 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

It's great you can find a way for your relationship to work. How long since you found out about her asexuality?

From the first day I asked her out on a date. Was a little surprised by this, but I’m so happy we both have given each other the chance. Our first anniversary is coming up this week and I’m hoping for many many more

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☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
3 hours ago, Jonnyb7283 said:

...and to try to see how other mic sexual and ace couples deal with their differences of libido.

With my hand mostly.  👏🙃😂

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Telecaster68
2 hours ago, Jonnyb7283 said:

From the first day I asked her out on a date. Was a little surprised by this, but I’m so happy we both have given each other the chance. Our first anniversary is coming up this week and I’m hoping for many many more

That's great. Good to get a success story.

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Traveler40

 

5 hours ago, Jonnyb7283 said:

I didn’t need sex to know how much she loved me/ how much more important she was to me than sex ever could be.

So, then....problem somewhat solved?  It sounds like you’re generally satisfied with where you are.  That’s great and you’re not alone: There are numerous folks on here who have seemingly been successful at setting sex aside for the greater good. Whatever works towards your fulfillment in life. 👍🏻

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Fallen Unicorn
5 hours ago, CBC said:

That's... fortunate... I guess.

Skeptical?

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Apostle
On 4/20/2019 at 10:28 AM, Jonnyb7283 said:

From the first day I asked her out on a date. Was a little surprised by this, but I’m so happy we both have given each other the chance. Our first anniversary is coming up this week and I’m hoping for many many more

It's refreshing to hear that her honesty has helped you make a decision. It could be that you too are on the asexual spectrum as well of course.

Good luck for the future.

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CBC
On 4/20/2019 at 10:50 AM, Fallen Unicorn said:

Skeptical?

A tad. I wish them well of course, very sincerely, but a lifetime of no sex with someone you love is different than a year of no sex at the beginning of a relationship when you're eager to please and to be what someone wants.

 

But I do hope it works, in a way that doesn't cause anyone to feel like they're not being true to themselves.

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Traveler40
55 minutes ago, CBC said:

A tad. I wish them well of course, very sincerely, but a lifetime of no sex with someone you love is different than a year of no sex at the beginning of a relationship when you're eager to please and to be what someone wants.

 

But I do hope it works, in a way that doesn't cause anyone to feel like they're not being true to themselves.

Second this thought!  

 

At times it feels this sentiment is one which we “should not utter” these days. There seems to be a silencing of sorts happening around here recently.  Thanks for saying that which I think most of the time @cbc... 🍷 to having a pair 💪🏼😆

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CBC
9 minutes ago, Traveler40 said:

Thanks for saying that which I think most of the time @cbc... 🍷 to having a pair 💪🏼😆

Ladyballs. 8) 

 

Otherwise known as ovaries, I guess. Damn useless things if you're not having kids.

 

But yeah. I wish people the best in their love endeavours, because why on earth would I not... it's a beautiful, affirming, deeply meaningful thing to experience... but I see so many mixed couples that either flat-out don't work in the long run or one party is grudgingly doing something that's not innate to them (be it having sex or giving it up) that it's hard to not have a tad of scepticism when it comes to new relationships that are doing ok for the time being.

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Telecaster68

It's a tricky path to walk, suggesting a bit of caution, while not wanting to train on their parade.

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ryn2

I think some of the approach depends on what the poster is asking/is “here for.”

 

If someone is strictly relating a success story and not raising concerns - or giving an example of personal success in response to someone else’s question - telling them they’re probably wrong seems a bit harsh.  On the other hand, if they’re relating their current state and then asking whether it’s sustainable/if there are pitfalls to avoid/if they should be concerned that one partner is happier with the arrangement than the other, then it makes perfect sense to give them honest feedback (even if that feedback is not positive or encouraging).

 

It’s kind of like marriage - if someone is talking excitedly about their upcoming wedding, that’s probably not a great time to haul out all your divorce stories... but if they’re wondering if they should get married/expressing concerns/asking what to be aware of going in/etc. then sharing your experiences is reasonable and helpful.

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CBC
15 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

but if they’re wondering if they should get married/expressing concerns/asking what to be aware of going in/etc. then sharing your experiences is reasonable and helpful.

Life tip, speaking from experience, for the wondering and wavering and uncertain amongst us... don't tell absolutely no one you're getting married because it sounds less mortifying more romantic and exciting that way. Give people a chance to grill you on wtf you're doing. 🙃

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ryn2
5 minutes ago, CBC said:

Life tip, speaking from experience, for the wondering and wavering and uncertain amongst us... don't tell absolutely no one you're getting married because it sounds less mortifying more romantic and exciting that way. Give people a chance to grill you on wtf you're doing. 🙃

Especially important if it really is “less mortifying” that’s behind the silence...

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CBC
9 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

Especially important if it really is “less mortifying” that’s behind the silence...

I was going to say maybe I was a tad dramatic, but honestly no. My parents didn't meet my husband until we were in a relationship for 21 months, and it was a situation that forced them to meet out of necessity. I avoided it for ages and was beyond uncomfortable. And I felt so stupid because he's a great person, he really is. And somehow I thought I was in love. But something was so very... off... that I hated being open about it. Maybe if I'd bothered letting anyone else into my head they would've talked sense into me.

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Traveler40
23 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

It’s kind of like marriage - if someone is talking excitedly about their upcoming wedding, that’s probably not a great time to haul out all your divorce stories... 

Crap - I just cleared editor in error when AVEN booted me mid-thought.  Sigh ok, watered down version of my thought warning:

 

I don’t see this analogy as even remotely similar to that of attempting mixed relationship advice. It’d be like comparing bear experiences to that of ones had with Sasquatch.  One is just more rare and therefore begs to be shared perhaps.  I understand your general point though.

 

Anyhow, we are officially 1-for-1 in bad analogies today! 😂

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