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I'm sexual! :lol:

It's just that I'm not sexually attracted to anyone :P

I came to AVEN because I admitted that I was asexual and needed to look for a community.

I did some sexual stuff though (in the traditional sense). I've had sex with a girl before and experimented with some buddies when I was in my freshmen year. But both really didn't appeal to me much.

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I'm sexual! :lol:

It's just that I'm not sexually attracted to anyone :P

I came to AVEN because I admitted that I was asexual and needed to look for a community.

I did some sexual stuff though (in the traditional sense). I've had sex with a girl before and experimented with some buddies when I was in my freshmen year. But both really didn't appeal to me much.

Generally when someone on here says "sexual" they mean non-asexual, not people who are sexually active. You're welcome to contribute to the thread of course, I do from time to time, just thought I'd clear up any possibly confusion over some of the weird terms we use on AVEN sometimes.

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I'm a sexual who has just recently embarked upon a relationship with an asexual. I joined AVEN to try to grasp her identity a bit better and find out how to better support her identity as asexual. I'm also interested in finding out how other asexual/sexual relationships are navigated so I'm not surprised by the challenges that come up. I'm really excited this resource exists for asexuals as well as those of us who love them.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm a sexual who has just recently embarked upon a relationship with an asexual. I joined AVEN to try to grasp her identity a bit better and find out how to better support her identity as asexual. I'm also interested in finding out how other asexual/sexual relationships are navigated so I'm not surprised by the challenges that come up. I'm really excited this resource exists for asexuals as well as those of us who love them.

Hi there and welcome,

Glad to be of service. You'd find a lot of information browsing through old postings, but if there is anything specific you want to know about sexuals in a relationship with asexual companions, let us know...

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The World Beyond

I'm Asexual, but I have a question for sexual people. Is it possible to be sexual, but not very sexual, like almost to the point of being asexual?

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Down in Texas

As far as I am concerned there are as many possibilities as one can imagine. Just like numbers on a number scale you can be anywhere on that scale you feel you are or think someone else may be whether that be on the Sexual side or Asexual side ( Gray area). However only you can decide where exactly you think you are.

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I'm Asexual, but I have a question for sexual people. Is it possible to be sexual, but not very sexual, like almost to the point of being asexual?

Depends on what you mean... I personally believe that this whole "sex drive" thing is a bit overrated, in the sense that mating habits depend strongly on culture. In many societies, even secular societies, sexuality is not nearly as prevalent as in ours, and there people have much less sex, and much later, and much more moderately. This whole "teenagers always want to have lots of sex" story is only true in a limited number of cultures, essentially in the post-sexual revolution West, and in the many cultures that were affected by the West in a number of ways.

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I'm Asexual, but I have a question for sexual people. Is it possible to be sexual, but not very sexual, like almost to the point of being asexual?

Yes, in about 5 different ways:

1. You could be sexual with a very low libido/sex drive.

2. You could be sexual, but only be attracted to very few people.

3. You could be sexually attracted to people only in very specific situations (romantic relationship for example)

4. You could be sexual, but like only very few and specific sexual practises.

5. You could be sexual, but just not care that much about sex.

Some of these people would contest being labelled sexual, and would choose to label themselves grey-A or demisexual (a label for no. 3 in particular); some are fine with the sexual label.

Human sexuality. What a mess. :)

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My advice to sexual dating a gray asexual,I would read the ebook "Kinky Asexual" to get an idea on how to compromise in an asexual/sexual relationship

To Asexual : I would read ebook"Kinky Asexual" to get ideas on how to communicate to you sexual about engaging in"sex"

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I am a sexual female. I have been married to my asexual husband for over 16 years and have three kids (thank goodness for adoption! lol). He was interested in sex before we got married, but it turned off like a switch during the honeymoon and has been that way ever since. He has no explanation for why this happened. I find I sometimes feel so resentful and deceived. It's so hard to deal with. I used to always think my husband just wasn't into me or that I was unattractive, but a few years ago I started looking for a "cause", so to speak. Eventually found this site, pretty much when I was at the point I felt like I couldn't take it anymore and might jump on some random strange man walking down the street. Then I started getting depressed again and had to stop thinking about it and had to take a break from reading online and Aven, and now I've started thinking about it again and decided to reconnect with Aven. It's really helpful for me to talk with people in the same situation. I had talked to my husband a lot after finding Aven, and he agreed that he is asexual (had never heard of it before). I'm so conflicted...feel like I can't keep living like this but don't want to put my kids through a divorce, so I live in limbo. Unfortunately on top of no sex we have absolutely no intimacy or affection of any kind. My husband pretty much doesn't talk to me. I'm thankful he's a good father. I'm 38 and my kids are 3, 6, and almost-8. I've been trying to throw myself into activities and am planning to go back to college in the next year or so for a career change, but still, there is such emptiness in my life that I don't think will ever be filled. Happy to be back here and hope to learn and share with you all. smile.gif

I am right there with you and just found this board. Your story and mine exactly same minus the kids.

Edited by Lady Girl
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  • 3 weeks later...

I joined AVEN because I have been immersed in the pride community (I was raised by my gay uncles) my whole life and after watching (a)sexual I feel like the discrimination asexuals experience is awful and sad. If anyone should understand the struggle of someone who doesn't fit within the social norm it should be the LBTG community.

I love this place because it provides a home for those who are asexual with no judgement, only love.

Go Asexual Pride :)

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Newly registered sexual here. Heterosexual female to be specific.

I wanted to join this community because I have always been interested in various discussions on sexuality from homosexuality to bisexuality to pansexuality and everything in between and around it. I want to learn more about asexuality and continue growing and gaining knowledge about the people around me in society!

I suspect one of my friend's is an asexual although she has not openly identified as one, I suspect she may not know what it is. She identifies as a lesbian but she has regularly shown no interest in sex with the women she's dated. In fact her ex-girlfriend used to come to me all the time complaining about the lack of intimacy and lack of interest.

Demisexual is a new one for me. I had never heard the term and I really want to know more about this one since I do identify with the description of it, "A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone."

Whether it's at work with co-workers or hanging around friends I have often been around people who express attraction towards other people that they do not know or that they are not in a relationship with. I have never understood how a person can feel sexual attraction to someone they have no connection with. It's just strange to me. When I have said to them, "Oh I only think my boyfriend's cute, I don't feel attracted to other men," they often respond with, "Well there's nothing wrong with LOOKING!" clearly not understanding what I am saying or how I am feeling at all.

So this is a very interesting new term for me and one that I strongly identify with, although I want to learn more about it before I go off labeling myself as such, hehe.

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  • 2 weeks later...

My sexual orientation is normal, is a sexual person, I have not found beside asexual friend, I would like to know more about the asexual knowledge!...

What is 'normal' for each person is different, no matter the orientation. Perhaps you mean you are in the majority regarding this?

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  • 2 weeks later...
midnight-strobe-lights

sexual and here because i want to know as much as possible to relate to (rather than harass) my gray-a boyfriend of over a year (:

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sexual and here because i want to know as much as possible to relate to (rather than harass) my gray-a boyfriend of over a year (:

Greetings, and welcome!

Do you have any specific questions in mind? If so, please feel free to ask me here or by PM, or simply make your own thread in Q&A to get a broader range of opinions. :)

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sexual and here because i want to know as much as possible to relate to (rather than harass) my gray-a boyfriend of over a year (:

Welcome! Feel free to join in any of the conversations around the board and especially in this forum. I can personally totally relate to your sentiment.

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My story, short version:

Married for 12 years, starting to get weary during the first year because of obvious signs of repulsion from my wife. Suspecting she was lesbian, then thinking I had the answer when I found out she’d been aggressed in her youth. Counselling, but it didn’t work. Thinking, like everybody else at that time, including our counsellor, that lack of sexual desire was a pathological state that had to be cured, I saw it as my mission to “heal” her. I tried everything, from candles and silken bed clothes to renouncing on sex altogether for half a year, giving her complete freedom to have sex with whoever she wanted (which of course she didn’t), hoping the right man would “set her free”. Although I kept telling myself she was a victim and it wasn’t her fault, I couldn’t help thinking it was something about me, “If she finds me repulsive, then I probably am”, until there was nothing left of my self confidence.

Then I found out about asexuality and it all made sense. She has it all. “I’ve never felt sexually attracted to anybody in my whole life”, even before she was aggressed, sort of sums it all up. It’s a tremendous relief to both of us, especially to me, realizing that I’m – hopefully – not all that repulsive after all. On the other hand it puts us in an impossible situation, as we have young children. The fact that there might be Asperger involved does not make it easier for me to leave. Continuing the little that was left of the sexual part of our relation is out of the question, now I know she’s actually of a different orientation than I am, and that she will never fancy me the way I fancy her.

I’m not expecting advice, I’m just happy for the possibility to share.

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hello all, have an initial question and don't know where to ask - i'm brand new here and also pretty techno-phobic! so bear with me? i'm a sexual person looking for dialogue/connection with others around relationship issues with asexual persons. should i pretty much keep to this forum, or is it acceptable to also post on asexual forums/topics? i don't want to intrude if inappropriate as i realize this site is for/about asexual folks.

thanks much! angel o

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Hi and welcome! You can post here for support from asexuals and sexuals alike. I tend to think the rest of the board is to learn about how it feels to be asexual, get to know the community, and offer sexual viewpoints on occasion.

You can start your own thread if you like, join in current conversations, or PM someone like me if you want to ask a more private question. :) :cake:

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thanks again lady ghoul, appreciate your ready replies!

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Sexual here!

Recently joined AVEN because my partner identifies as asexual and wanted to understand more about him and just diversity in general. Have already made some pretty amazing people, and there is a lot of information and stories out here , i am really enjoying it all!

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This is great!

do tell! :)

keep wanting to sit and write a bit about my situation and how/why i ended up here on AVEN. but i get so overwhelmed with how complicated/jumbled it feels/seems to me and my brain keeps going dead moments into writing even a line or two. (and of course i want it to be neat & tidy & organized & logical & linear & sequential & succinct & GAAAAAAAA!!!)

i do need some insight & support at some near point though, so i'm writing this hoping to prompt/discipline myself - and have some compassion for the messy stuff any writing might turn out to be.

note: just reading everything i have so far, every here & there on the site, has been helping clarify a lot, help me understand things a little better. it's just the "but what to do with all of this?" part for one thing that's tripping me up.

thanks for being here all. xo

(oh, xo if it's welcomed ^_^

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Down in Texas

It's welcome. And if it helps. I wrote most of my post on Word and then copied and pasted to the site on the thread I wished to post on. Take your time most of us cruise the site regularly.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm a pansexual greyromantic.

I have a few asexual friends and another who is in the grey area.

I've been lurking here for a while, like the intelligent conversation and figured I'd join. Maybe even tell my friends in RL about this sight later down the track.

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I'm here because I believe that society's view of love is broken. Too often the majority of society associates romance with sex, sex for romance, and doesn't practice intimacy. The problem here is that intimacy is not exclusive to romance and can be found in platonic relationships or relationships where sexuality would be wholly inappropriate (parent-child relationships). In order to understand what romance sans sex means for people, I decided I should listen to voices of people for whom the distinction between sex and romance is arguably more important.

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I'm here mainly just to help me and my partner learn a little more about our relationship from other similar ones and so that I, personally, can learn what to expect and how to be as good as I can be to the girl I love.

I'm Asexual, but I have a question for sexual people. Is it possible to be sexual, but not very sexual, like almost to the point of being asexual?

Yes. Well, my circumstances may have been the result of this that might not quite work the same for others. When me and my girlfriend got together, she was always sexually repulsed, but neither of us really knew anything about asexuality back then and I assumed it was just a mentality. But after noticing she wouldn't budge, I just shut up and let her talk herself out and the points she made did make sense, sex doesn't mean anything in a relationship and, thinking about it non-instinctively, it is kind of gross. Of course I never truly lost the want for it because it's like a state of hunger, but it made being platonic a whole lot easier from a different perspective. Funny how early lack of understanding probably did us a bit more good than if we'd have known right off the bat. XD

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MikeysGrrrl1979

I'm here because I have nowhere else to turn for support, I have no friends that I can talk to about any of this. I'm a sexual married to a possible asexual/gray a. We haven't been intimate in over 7 months, it's tearing me apart inside. I cry myself to sleep some nights because I long to feel his touch and for him to desire me the way that I desire him. There are times that I feel like some sick pervert because my every waking thought is about making love to my husband, remembering the last time we were intimate and how unbelievably hot it was. It's not like that all the time, some days are worse than others. I have both good days (able to go about my business with little to no thoughts about sex) and I have my bad days (crying, depressed, severe anxiety, thinking non stop about lovemaking with my husband), I'm not even sure if I have more good days or more bad days anymore.

I have tried talking to him a couple of times, he's not sure if he's asexual, he does admit that he does have a very low sex drive, however based on our previous conversations, he really seems to identify with being asexual/gray a.

I've been lurking on these forums on and off as a guest for months now, I just wish there was more information and support for partners of asexuals. There are just so many emotions to deal with, so many things that I can't even begin to express and I just want to find somewhere I can turn for that support without feeling judged or made to feel as though there is something wrong with me because I want all of those things with my partner, things that at one point were there but haven't been in quite some time.

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I've been lurking on these forums on and off as a guest for months now, I just wish there was more information and support for partners of asexuals. There are just so many emotions to deal with, so many things that I can't even begin to express and I just want to find somewhere I can turn for that support without feeling judged or made to feel as though there is something wrong with me because I want all of those things with my partner, things that at one point were there but haven't been in quite some time.

Hi! I'm pretty sure I greeted you in the Welcome Lounge...I just wanted to say hello again. It's been that long for me too and I can relate to a lot, if not all, of your feelings. There's nothing wrong with you and I'm sorry you're having so many bad days. When that's happening it is really hard to figure out what to do next. I have run the gamut of options (other partners, separation, separate beds...) and was not truly happy with any of them. I don't know that I have any great advice since each person has to deal with it in their own way. I do feel that our partners feel as bad as we do even if it doesn't seem like it. I hope you find a way to have more better days than bad days though. Feel free to PM me anytime. :cake:

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