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2 hours ago, Apostle said:

Of course, it does depend when you find out that their orientation wasn't what you were led to believe. 

I think the original reference was to “coming out” to friends and family of origin... who may still love you very much but whose biases may preclude their accepting that you aren’t cishet.

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19 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

How TF do you even fit in 4 times a day?? O.o

 

 

Most I ever did was 7 times in one day. But, it took quite a lot of the day. 

 

But yeah. Every day that would become tedious for most people I think...

 

My ex wanted once a day, our "compromise" was 3-5 times a week but that was so tedious for me. I hated it. 

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Anthracite_Impreza

@Serran 😐

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15 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

@Serran 😐

Then imagine being in a brothel and 4-7 times a night, 7 nights a week, being the 'average' amount, and also having to have it twice a day every day with your 'partner' who is the one who makes you work in the brothel Y_Y ..No wonder celibacy is so easy for me, lol. *sigh*

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4 minutes ago, Serran said:

I cant even imagine once with a stranger. Ew. 

Yeah you feel literal terror, and that's aside from the pain. It's the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced and it never got easier in the whole two years I had to do it 😕 

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Anthracite_Impreza
2 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

Yeah you feel literal terror, and that's aside from the pain. It's the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced and it never got easier in the whole two years I had to do it 😕 

I'm not sure if you're still into him but the sentiment still counts

Spoiler

c12a336d5c8af8832df9533c3d139c77.jpg

 

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3 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I'm not sure if you're still into him but the sentiment still counts

  Reveal hidden contents

c12a336d5c8af8832df9533c3d139c77.jpg

 

I'll always be into him 😍 thank you so much!! :3 :cake: (edit: cake fail lol)

 

(I'm on my phone and can't post a gif, but pretend this space is a nice Cap/Bucky gif!) 

 

i was super depressed before sorry, normally I try not to go all doom and gloom like that but reading through some of the comments here brought back lame old memories. The nice Loki/Thor huggles pic made me happy again though, thank you! ^_^

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Fallen Unicorn
On 5/3/2019 at 9:40 AM, CBC said:

one 30-year-old woman mentioned that her 49-year-old husband wanted sex four times a day. Upon further discussion, she said that she was fine with once or twice a day almost all of the time, but otherwise would give him a handjob or a blowjob because four times was too much. Good lord, ya think?!

😂 That's terrible. And I thought I was a really sexual person. I certainly wouldn't want it that often, I'd get nothing done.

 

22 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

Then imagine being in a brothel and 4-7 times a night, 7 nights a week, being the 'average' amount, and also having to have it twice a day every day with your 'partner' who is the one who makes you work in the brothel

 

22 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

Yeah you feel literal terror, and that's aside from the pain. It's the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced and it never got easier in the whole two years I had to do it 😕 

Did...did this really happen to you? Are you in a safer place right now? I'm concerned.

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Fallen Unicorn
22 hours ago, Serran said:

I cant even imagine once with a stranger. Ew. 

Yeah, I thought since I was a pretty sexual person, I would be into that, or a friends-with-benefits type situation. But it seems that I can't have one without the other: can't have sex without romantic love, can't have romantic love without sex.

 

Are a lot of people like that?

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6 hours ago, Fallen Unicorn said:

Did...did this really happen to you? Are you in a safer place right now? I'm concerned.

Yes it did but it was like 8+ years ago now so it's okay. I know I need some kind of therapy or something because I still can't physically be near guys without freaking out, but I prefer to be at home anyway so can avoid upsetting situations for the most part. Thank you for your concern though, that's kind of you :3 :cake: 

 

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7 hours ago, Fallen Unicorn said:

Yeah, I thought since I was a pretty sexual person, I would be into that, or a friends-with-benefits type situation. But it seems that I can't have one without the other: can't have sex without romantic love, can't have romantic love without sex.

 

Are a lot of people like that?

A fair amount of people are. Then a lot arent. My friends tend to only have sex within a romantic relationship.

 

I can't even imagine having sex without love involved. It would feel so awful !

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anisotrophic
14 hours ago, Serran said:

I can't even imagine having sex without love involved. It would feel so awful !

I think sex+love is very normal, but I've had a FWB & it was very relaxed, I trusted him ... but he just wasn't someone I could feel romantically about (I think I couldn't quite understand him). But I definitely considered him a friend! :)

 

And another one-off thing, but someone I knew... but (1) I already knew these people, they weren't via deliberate dating/seeking, (2) my sexual desire is much stronger when it's alongside a romantic one.

 

Deliberately dating/seeking someone feels artificial, it didn't work for me when I tried it long ago, although I expect I'll be trying it again someday. And romance/love are so entangled that I think it'd be very unrealistic to not plan for them likely coming together. They generally do for me.

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
On 7/5/2010 at 12:30 AM, Shinnok said:

I'm Sexual. My SO is Asexual. The reason I stay on this forum is because this forum has become a place for me to go to when I feel like I have no where else to go. I have friends here

Hi! I think I just stumbled to the right place..but my problem is that I don't actually know... I believe my boyfriend might be asexual, it is really hard on me and I guess, actually worse for him ..but he doesn't seem to want to even think about it, he just prefer to ignore the situation...so I don't know if the problem is that he is not attracted to me, or if he is actually asexual. Any suggestions on how to bring up the matter? I don't want to offend him or make him feel bad in anyway...but I can't pretend that is not in issue when he doesn't want to be touched :(.. I worry...and I'm a nurse...so I really hope the reason for this is not some kind of sickness/tumor....ogm it sounds like I'm overreacting (sorry).

Thanks for any help ❤️

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3 hours ago, Marux2019 said:

Hi! I think I just stumbled to the right place..but my problem is that I don't actually know... I believe my boyfriend might be asexual, it is really hard on me and I guess, actually worse for him ..but he doesn't seem to want to even think about it, he just prefer to ignore the situation...so I don't know if the problem is that he is not attracted to me, or if he is actually asexual. Any suggestions on how to bring up the matter? I don't want to offend him or make him feel bad in anyway...but I can't pretend that is not in issue when he doesn't want to be touched :(.. I worry...and I'm a nurse...so I really hope the reason for this is not some kind of sickness/tumor....ogm it sounds like I'm overreacting (sorry).

Thanks for any help ❤️

My advice is to talk to him - even if it is difficult.  It doesn't do either of you any good to let this lie.  Find out if you can be happy together with a level of sex you both enjoy, because if you can't, there is no point staying in an unhappy relationship.   If you wait, he may never discuss it. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
In need of help

Help I think my partner is asexual and I am not. No interaction sexually in 3yrs! And even though countless conversations and arguments no results. I’m ready to through in the towel but a friend mentioned this as a possible answer on the whys. Anyone else? 

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AceMissBehaving
5 minutes ago, In need of help said:

Help I think my partner is asexual and I am not. No interaction sexually in 3yrs! And even though countless conversations and arguments no results. I’m ready to through in the towel but a friend mentioned this as a possible answer on the whys. Anyone else? 

Are you looking for people in the same boat, or answers to the hows and whys?

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5 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

you having more sex than you want,

Not possible as it looks today....

 

Of course it was a typo, but of all the typos you could make, that one? 😬🤭

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DavidAttenboroughFan

Hello all! I am writing because I am in a relationship with an asexual girl. I'm really struggling because this is my first relationship (I am 19) and I am having a hard time managing it. I am sexual. My girlfriend and I do have sex but definitely not as much as I would like. I feel guilty for wanting sex so badly when I know she doesn't want it. I don't know how to handle this anymore. I love her so much and everything else about our relationship is wonderful. I don't want to break up with her because of something that should be so insignificant but I am also really really struggling. I find her so sexy and attractive and it drives me crazy that she doesn't feel the same way about me. Any tips or advice from people in this situation?? I feel so conflicted. 

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7 hours ago, DavidAttenboroughFan said:

Hello all! I am writing because I am in a relationship with an asexual girl. I'm really struggling because this is my first relationship (I am 19) and I am having a hard time managing it. I am sexual. My girlfriend and I do have sex but definitely not as much as I would like. I feel guilty for wanting sex so badly when I know she doesn't want it. I don't know how to handle this anymore. I love her so much and everything else about our relationship is wonderful. I don't want to break up with her because of something that should be so insignificant but I am also really really struggling. I find her so sexy and attractive and it drives me crazy that she doesn't feel the same way about me. Any tips or advice from people in this situation?? I feel so conflicted. 

In  the 1980s  when I was 18 I met a girl and fell in love. The term asexual wasn't known back then, but I did know that I desired her sexually but she did not desire me.  I felt guilty for my desire. I felt like love should triumph over all, and that I should rise above my base nature.    We are still married, and I still love her.  

 

But - scarcely a day has gone by in the last almost 40 years that I have not felt some resentment that I have never had the sort of sex life that would have made me happy.  I have everything I ever wanted in life - but there is that one hole that nothing can fill.   There are brief times when she does become interested in sex for a few weeks or a month, and I remember what it is to be happy.   It is made worse by knowing that she loves me and wants to make me happy. 

 

Don't be me.   You and she are not compatible. There is not fault / blame. Neither of you is a bad person.  But you won't be happy together. 

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8 hours ago, DavidAttenboroughFan said:

...something that should be so insignificant but I am also really really struggling.

A. It’s certainly not, in any way, insignificant.

B. If you’re struggling now, add a few more decades, a couple of kids and a history together and know that if it seems impossible to break it off today, it only gets tougher with time. 

 

Do yourself a favor and listen to what you’re feeling. Please understand that this won’t magically correct with time and there’s nothing stopping you from being great friends.

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I don't think it's a good idea either if sexually you are incompatible. It's obviously significant for the sexual. It's just asexuals find it insignificant.....for them only. I don't understand asexuals who find it insignificant for them think it should be for sexuals.  Hence why I am on here as an asexual and not following asexual problems page.....

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I....agree and disagree?  Like, I do think the advice given is appropriate for you.  If you're already feeling these feelings, then they're not going to get better, they're probably only going to get worse.  I personally chose a relationship with an asexual, but I have almost 40 years of life under my belt.  I've lived a sexual life.  I've made a choice based on past data.  But, if you're are already feeling like you are missing out on sex, then your relationship is going to end in resentment and tears.

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DavidAttenboroughFan

Thank you all for your advice, its great to hear from people who have been in this situation for longer. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only person who feels this way, none of my friends understand what its like. I feel like this girl is everything I need in life and it hurts me more than I can say to even think about ending this. Have you found that you can compromise for a long term relationship despite some dissatisfaction? She is super open to compromise and isn't averse to sex, its more that she doesn't find me sexually attractive that I'm struggling to come to terms with. Thanks so much for being honest with me!!!

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TurnedTurtle

Can you find some solace in that it's not just about you -- she doesn't find anyone else sexually attractive either?

Edited by TurnedTurtle
had left out the word "find"
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Look into the split-attraction model.  It was all I needed to understand my partner better and accept him from who he is and how he loves.

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