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I went to sleep in the late evening (I’m in ceebs’ timezone, GMT-5) but kept having weird nightmares.  Applesauce might have been a better use of the time!

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27 minutes ago, Apostle said:

I would state that for most sexual people, they know what to expect of one another.

Apparently not, as 50+% of marriages end in divorce and arguments/differences over sex is the most cited reason.

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13 minutes ago, Apostle said:

Could be that one partner is not getting enough or any sex though. Maybe one of the partners is sex averse? Who knows. Most divorces are either about money or sexual incompatibility. It doesn't mean that all divorces are between sexuals though.

If aces are only 1% of the population (or even if that’s somehow very low and they’re 5%, which would make asexuals more prevalent than homosexuals), a lot of sexual/sexual marriages have sexual issues too.

 

It seems like a pervasive issue beyond what “my partner is ace” or “my partner turned out to be gay” can explain.

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1 minute ago, Apostle said:

Not sure where these 'ace' figures are plucked from but there are certainly more than 1% of the population. The ace spectrum, like the autism spectrum, is quite large and I think there are many more people who do not think they are asexual than is suspected, especially as they may not think they are not sexual. 

Just in the people in my circle of friends, there are certainly more than 1% who are probably not sexual! I know at least 4 out of 20 who are separated/divorced due to sexual incompatibility. That's more than 1%!

So... You define "asexual" as "whoever has the lesser sex drive in a couple"? 

 

So... unless the two people are perfectly matched, you're going to label one asexual? 

 

So... you understand that's incorrect, yes? 

 

 

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Yeah, things like “wants less sex than their partner” and “no longer wants sex with this specific partner” are much broader than asexuality.

 

I’m sure the aces would be overjoyed to be 20-25% of the population!

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It would be interesting to see what the percentage of genuine asexuals is.

With any study conducted there is a massive reliance on accounting for enough people to get a decent representation but also on the people being surveyed to be honest/accurate. I suspect some people who are asexual won’t identify as such due to not knowing and some will not due to a refusal to be known as asexual. Equally I believe there are those who mistakenly identify as asexual and consciously, falsely identify as asexual. And I believe that there are more people who mistakenly/falsely identify as asexual than you’d think.

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1 minute ago, Apostle said:

Probably not of the world population, at least in the way things are panning out in the third world countries. Could be so in the western world though, due to the type of life we now lead.

 

I find this implausible unless you are counting  young children who haven’t yet developed sexual desire and people so old that they need to eat soup these days because chewing on some meat is beyond them. Even then 20% is way over the mark.

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31 minutes ago, Apostle said:

I said sexual incompatibility is a major factor.

That was my point - that there is clearly quite a bit of sexual incompatibility between individuals whose *orientation* is compatible as well.  It’s not all (most, even) between aces and sexuals.

 

Also, not all asexuals are sex-averse; the two terms are not interchangeable.

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There’s a difference having an aversion (a strong dislike for or disinclination) to something and not having an active desire for it. Aces who are neutral towards sex aren’t sex-averse.

 

From the perspective of the partner who isn’t desired, or who is having to settle for much less sex than would be ideal, does it really matter if the other partner is ace, low-libido, or just not interested sexual in them specifically?  Given the ratio of breakups to ace people there is much more of the latter two than the first going on.

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29 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Asexuals can apparently like sex without wanting to have sex, and just see it as using someone else to masturbate. They'd be quite happy to never have sex again though.

 

Nope, I don't get it either, and I'm a tad skeptical about their asexuality if that's their experience, but apparently it's A Thing.

I LOL’d, because my personal experience with/of sex isn’t nearly this “different” and yet you keep lumping me in with the aces.

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8 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

It's 'averse'. 'Adverse' is different.

 

I know it's pedantic but I'm a pedant and this is like nails down a blackboard to me. If having to type 's*x' instead of 'sex' is a reasonable request, then USING THE RIGHT FUCKING WORD surely is.

 

:) Normal service has been resumed. 

Who says we can't type "sex", or that not doing so is a normal request?  

 

Also, there is no such thing as normal service, for you or anyone.  And that's not being pedantic, although it is being asshole-ish.    :)

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7 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

I should be marking student papers at the moment, so in lieu of that: 'you need to argue not just assert'.

Ah, THAT'S why you continue to be an AVEN member, despite its shortcomings:  distraction.    

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7 minutes ago, Apostle said:

I'm curious to know why you have stated that your sexuality is effectively 'ace'? 

I had been in a very long relationship with someone I once loved very, very much but have never found sexually attractive.  At the time we met I thought that it would grow over time, but it didn’t.

 

Before that, I had some relationships (my first, especially) where I was very sexually attracted to the other person and some where I wasn’t.  While sex has never been my “love language,” if you will, I don’t think it was just a case of using whoever was there as masturbatory aid either.

 

I’ve said this before, but over the course of the long relationship I’ve had a number of things transpire - I’m nearly 25 years older than I was when we met, I spent a long time making myself have sex with that partner when I really didn’t want to (and had reason to believe he was ace), I had a stroke, I went on medication (some of which can affect libido), I went through perimenopause and then menopause.  All that took place over the last 17 years.  In the past 10 or so, and especially the past five, my libido has all but vanished.

 

I’ve also never found older people sexually attractive at all, and nowadays I’m certainly one of them.

 

So, at this point in my life - although I can’t relate at all to the younger aces (and even some of the older ones) who grew up oblivious to/disinterested in sex, I don’t foresee embarking upon another sexual relationship.

 

So, I may as well be asexual at this point.  I don’t think I so much discovered an underlying thing about myself as had my sexuality die over time.

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