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15 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

Mm, I know. Effort appreciated muchly. 😘

 

Lol we're gonna gross people out in this thread too. 😂

Well, no, but I just realized I feel rather fandom-ish for liking every single one of yours and Skulls' comments.  So I'm going to stop and expect both of you to assume I approve.  

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1 hour ago, Ceebs. said:

I don't make plans with people because there's about a 75% chance (and that's being generous) that I'll cancel them.

If I have to go through with plans I make sure it’s something I’ve paid for in advance 😂 because then I feel obligated to make myself go.

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2 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

I just had to frame the whole thing differently for myself, so it wouldn’t bother me, and now it doesn’t.  :)

 

Years ago I had these two mutual friends. One of them, E, has the habit of asking people to hang out without telling them that she's invited many people to hang out. It's a bit of a mindfuck if you're an introvert and show up to what you think is a one on one coffee chat and end up with 6 people, headed to a porch party. Our other friend, B, hated that she did this because it always hurt his feelings when he'd show up and other people would be there. 

 

I didn't understand it. E invited me out once and I showed up to a group, and thereafter I just understood that plans were probably not exclusive. When they were, it was a pleasant surprise. When they weren't, I wasn't disappointed. I never understood why B kept insisting E was being an asshole when we all knew exactly what was going to happen. Why set yourself up for disappointment? 

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18 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

I'm good at, like... being friendly to the cashier at the grocery store by making dad jokes. Or asking nerdy questions of the lab tech who's drawing my blood. It kind of weirds me out, I come across as very open and friendly hahaha.

So much same!

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4 minutes ago, Sally said:

Well, no, but I just realized I feel rather fandom-ish for liking every single one of yours and Skulls' comments.  So I'm going to stop and expect both of you to assume I approve.  

Nope, active adulation or bust!! 

 

(kidding...) 

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Plans are evil. I usually end up feeling ugh do I have to leave the house... just want bed and netflix...

 

And I tend to just reply to people online as I can. Dont talk a lot. Can be months between convos for some. 

 

My partner excluded. I want to do everything with her. But, honestly, even with her plans for sexual stuff can sometimes end up lets not tonight..  

 

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Just now, Serran said:

Plans are evil.

Omg I thought you were talking about @Chimeric's partner and I was so confused trying to make sense of what you were saying!!!

 

It's 1.35pm and I haven't had my morning coffee yet. I'm blaming the lack of covfefe.

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7 minutes ago, Ficto. said:

Omg I thought you were talking about @Chimeric's partner and I was so confused trying to make sense of what you were saying!!!

 

It's 1.35pm and I haven't had my morning coffee yet. I'm blaming the lack of covfefe.

In fairness, my plans are @Evil, so.... =D

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Just now, ryn2 said:

I do it all the time at work.  I just don’t seem to be able to apply it in friendom.

Same!

 

I'm very friendly and able to have very interesting, engaging convos with randoms (even cashiers etc). And as anyone can tell, I'm great at conversing in the forums (publicly). I can go for days and days in one convo, typing thousands of words over many, many accumulated hours :P

 

Get me alone and I can be damn good at convo for the first few messages, but then I become overhelemed and scuttle away to hide and lick my brain wounds.

 

Seriously, I'm just not a good person to get to know privately. My brain just doesn't function right for it or something. Sigh.

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1 minute ago, Chimeric said:

In fairness, my plans are @Evil, so.... =D

Ahaha, that was so funny I'd have spat my coffee out laughing if I'd actually gotten up to make it since I typed my comment about not having coffee :P

 

..Sadly though I am still sitting here without coffee. But still, made me laugh! haha

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1 minute ago, Ficto. said:

I'd have spat my coffee out laughing if I'd actually gotten up to make it

Whew, laziness pays!!  :)

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1 minute ago, Ficto. said:

..Sadly though I am still sitting here without coffee. 

For crying out loud get coffee what are you thinking??! :P

 

4 minutes ago, Ficto. said:

Seriously, I'm just not a good person to get to know privately. My brain just doesn't function right for it or something. Sigh.

Same. And it's not like my incredibly inconsistent communication style is the only problem. Let's see, there's... lying to always please them, being angry when they don't lie to please me, feeling personally attacked by misplaced punctuation... 

 

I'm a fucking nightmare. 

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Its easy at work for me. Most people I work with do all the talking so I just listen or give polite mmhmm, oh, that is sad, etc. Yay for social rules being easy to just follow. 

 

My friends are people like my first ex (who i keep in contact with) who we talk sometimes, not much. We caught up IRL two years ago. So there but not actively needing attention. 

 

Only friend I talk to regularly in PM is @Puck. Other people its casual public convos, polite nonsense. I dont connect with many people to the point of talking and spending time with. 

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Yeah, this is why my partner’s ditching me has been challenging.  Everyone says “eh, just rely on your family and friends.”  Welp, no family... and my partner was the only friend I actually spent time with regularly.  I *have* friends, even locally, but not “hey, can you stop over and help me do xyz?” friends.

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44 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

I've spent my life trying to actually physically disappear, or get as close to it as possible.

 

*refrains from giving everyone in this thread an unsolicited lesson in the psychology of eating disorders*

Based on the timing and what was going on in my life I think I was less trying to disappear and more trying not to transform from a kind of androgynous teenaged thing into a Woman(TM).

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2 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

Thankfully I still live with my husband as close friends/family even though we're not in a relationship anymore, because it's the arrangement that makes the most sense for now (nothing can change very imminently anyway and I have various health struggles), and we're both ok with it

I thought something like this would happen... or we would at least live nearby... but he abruptly moved 2000 miles away.  I was woefully unprepared!

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4 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

I used to, when I lived in my first apartment. She was my upstairs neighbour, a single woman about 18 years my senior. I guess technically old enough to be my mum, but more like a trusted older friend. And she was a mental health mess too haha. I miss her a lot, we both moved away from that place in 2014 -- she moved to Québec and I temporarily (and grudgingly) moved back to the city where I was born for practical reasons (I moved back this city again in 2016). She visits occasionally and I'm so happy we're still in touch. But I've not made any other connections like that since, unfortunately.

I used to as well; my next-door neighbor, about 20 years my senior.  Unfortunately last fall she decided living alone in a house had finally become too much for her and moved to an apartment about 30 minutes away.

 

Saturday night is wine night.  Oops!  🤐

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2 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

Skullz might be a self-proclaimed nightmare at times haha, but I don't really see that aspect. I see someone who helped me understand what a loving and healthy relationship is.

Fitting together well is a lot more important than “being normal.”

 

3 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

I also didn't want to be a Woman™ -- because something about having to deal with Men™, in more than a friendship sense, was terrifying to me.

I wasn’t having problems with that at the time, but getting curves+adulting was too much like turning into my (obese, unpleasant) mother.

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57 minutes ago, Serran said:

Its easy at work for me. Most people I work with do all the talking so I just listen or give polite mmhmm, oh, that is sad, etc. Yay for social rules being easy to just follow. 

 

My friends are people like my first ex (who i keep in contact with) who we talk sometimes, not much. We caught up IRL two years ago. So there but not actively needing attention. 

 

Only friend I talk to regularly in PM is @Puck. Other people its casual public convos, polite nonsense. I dont connect with many people to the point of talking and spending time with. 

We the lucky few feel grateful you have graced us with your time, wisdom, and experience though, if that counts for anything 😋

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1 minute ago, Ceebs. said:

I'm loved, I know that, but we don't connect well (definitely didn't even more so back then) and can be extremely toxic to each other.

Yeah, my mom died when I was in my mid-30’s (my dad, with whom I was always closer, died when I was 30) so we never got to move past our issues.

 

3 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

The sensory stuff goes two ways, though. I basically either abhor a sensation and it feels like torture and makes me want to rip myself apart and escape OR it's very pleasurable and I want to immerse myself in it completely and obsessively haha.

Yeah, I totally get both sides of this.

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5 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

Becoming significantly underweight was a way to minimise many physical sensations.

Hm, good point!

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Although I don't really feel comfortable with one-to-one relationships (except with my partner), I do like  being around a group of people I know.  However, I have a weird phobia of getting panicky if I have to travel 1) not under my own speed, i.e. my own car, or 2) if I have to have someone as a passenger in my car, I'd have to tell someone "I'll meet you there",  which people don't really like.  Thus, neither one-to-one  nor groups work out well.  And I've tried to therapize this damned weird phobia away over many years (also tried meds) and it just doesn't  want to go away.  So shit.  

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Most of the time.   Yea, 99 out  of 100 specific time intervals in life.  

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58 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

Just coming back here seven hours later to say that I hope you're adequately caffeinated now. :P

 

It's 2.30 am here and I'm very caffeinated (and some degree of stoned) and making a big pot of applesauce because, you know, fuck normal sleep. The night is young haha, and this is how people with no social life do Saturday night. Or any night tbh, but my point remains. 8) 

Wait is it Saturday night there? It's Sunday night here! :P or is it your Sunday morning :o

 

I've had a pretty wild evening actually. Was just in the bath for like an hour drinking a cup of tea and listening to a true crime doco on my phone. Washed my hair. That sort of thing can be difficult sometimes! I then put on some clean PJs, and now I'm sitting in my chair wondering if I should go to bed (it's 9.37pm) or be a rebel and have ANOTHER cup of tea while reading some Return of Sherlock Holmes 🤔

 

I did end up having that coffee this morning..aaah.. this afternoon.. eventually though, thank you. It was the highlight of my day!! I lay on the couch and wrote with a nice blue pen and drank coffee. My blue pen then ran out so I switched to a black one. I fed the kids at some points during the day as well. Living the wild life here :P

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