Virgins -asexual or not - do you plan to lose it and why?

[vogue]

I've always had a low sex drive and thought I was asexual ... But after doing some self-exploration, learned I am sexual but there were other issues (anxieties and intense fear of sex...) that kept me from doing it. My philosophy/morals on sex also prevented me from just losing it to any guy either...however, now I am 25 and think I am way too old to be a virgin, asexual or not!! I want to get it over with.

Do any of you feel the same and how do you approach or plan to lose your virginity? Do you care much about the person you lose it to? What do you plan to tell them? When do you want to lose it, if ever?

Thanks, hopefully this will help me as well with my ownsituation...I'm leaving the country on Thursday and set an arbitrary deadline that I want to lose it by then. Will update if it happens :)....

[Wineblood]

I'm asexual (for now, I think) and I'm also a virgin. To me sex isn't a big deal so doing it for the first time isn't either. It'll happen when it happens, in the meantime there's zombies to kill...

[Hot_Air_Balloons]

What the heck? Why should you set a deadline for such a thing?!? Just to conform to society's dumb rules? You should respect yourself to do whatever you think is right for you. No one else has to know you private business anyway.

I am almost 27 (next month! Wow I am getting old! lol) and I am a virgin. Actually I am very repulsed by sex so I will be a virgin for life. I'd rather die than let someone touch me like that. I don't care if it makes me unusual. Actually I am proud of it. It helps make me more unique. I don't believe in sex before marriage anyway, so even if I were sexual, I would wait. But only you can decide what is right for you. If you rush into something you might regret it for the rest of your life.

Don't worry about being an "old" virgin. I used to worry about people finding me out too, but then I had a female problem question (about whether virgins need pap smears) and I was searching online for answers. I ran across many message postings of women saying they were 30, 40 50 something year old virgins asking the same question!

Really no one will know anyway unless you tell them. And if your gut is telling you something, listen to it! I don't know how many times I ignored a gut instinct for things and ended up regretting it!

Welcome to AVEN :)

[------]

Hot_Air_Balloons has highlighted what I wished to point out. You should simply be you - don't feel you have to do something just because it's the norm. If you're worried about what people think: if they ridicule you: are they worth knowing?

On the other hand I understand the frustrations of wanting to do something but having anxieties stopping you. I would in that case, take it slow. Much like if you were afraid of dogs and wanted a puppy. I don't see age as a factor but we each have our own world views. I wish you good luck on that.

Do any of you feel the same and how do you approach or plan to lose your virginity? Not exactly. I cannot possibly say what I will want to do in the future. Perhaps in several years I will want to have sex but for now I do not really mind.

Do you care much about the person you lose it to? Yes. It is an intimate experience, I wouldn't simply do it with the first person I found.

What do you plan to tell them? Presuming we're going with the idea of having sex with somebody I care about they will already know that fact about me before the idea of us two having sex together comes up. If they have a problem with it: they aren't worth knowing.

When do you want to lose it, if ever? I don't have a deadline. Personally I would much rather wait fifty years and find the right person to be with than to rush into it at twenty-six and have a miserable, sexual relationship. That is me being rather pessimistic I must add.

[Demacrux (emi star...)]

i really don't plan to lose my virginity..i just don't care about having sex whatsoever so being a virgin is nothing particularly important to me.

[Pandoren]

I'm asexual, nearly 22 and a virgin. I don't plan on losing it because I don't see why I should. As well as that, I'm not sure I ever will be in a relationship, so the whole intimacy and sex thing is unlikely to come up and to be honest, if it ever did, she'd be shown the door. I don't mean that in a nasty way, but I could never compromise and wouldn't want her to be denied what she needs to we'd definitely separate.

[ThePieMaker]

I don't really *plan* on losing it. I mean, it could happen one day, but I don't forsee that happening nor do I feel any need whatsoever for that to happen. Then again, I don't really identify as a virgin so much. I think virginity is more like a symbol for resisting nature's call to shag. I don't have that call. Therefore it doesn't hold any great meaning to me and just feels like a moot point.

[Hot_Air_Balloons]

I'm asexual, nearly 22 and a virgin. I don't plan on losing it because I don't see why I should. As well as that, I'm not sure I ever will be in a relationship, so the whole intimacy and sex thing is unlikely to come up and to be honest, if it ever did, she'd be shown the door.

LOL! That's how I feel too about relationships! :D

[jow]

I think it would be rather mean to my husband (if or when I acquire one) if I wouldn't sleep with him, so I guess then.

That said, there's this guy I talk to who wants to and I'm thinking...maybe...because in the grand scheme of things is not as big a deal as people make it out (I'm quoting from a friend of whom I asked advice). Trouble is I was TLW when I was younger, and I think I'd feel rather guilty =/

[Preskom]

I'm an androromantic, biofemale/neutrois, virgin, non-libidoist/repulsed, asexual.

So virgin 4ever.

Because my genitals aren't a part of me. I don't wear tampons, never did and never will allow anyone, anything, myself to touch me there. (the only person allowed to touch them is the surgeon who will remove them)

If I'm raped one day... there will be lots of dead bodies, including myself.

[snufflebottoms]

I'd like to lose it one day, but I'm not sure when or with who. I guess if it happened in the heat of the moment that'd be nice, since I wouldn't be able to dwell on it before hand. I'd like to lose it to a friend.

[Data]

It just don't matter to me. Personally I think that the term virginity is irrelevant to me as I feel no need to have sex. In the past I maybe had two thoughts about it, one was that I will just schedule it on when I will be older, 18 year old seem fine*, and the second when I was 18 that there is no point to it when I don't feel any need or curiosity about having sex. It didn't seem interesting so I didn't think more about it.

*That is kinda funny in itself moving sex to later date as if it were some chore like cleaning your house.

[Thunderstorm]

Sometimes I wish I could use the "I am waiting till marriage" excuse. The only problem is, everyone knows I don`t want to get married and it is sooo not common in my country to wait until then. I am 22 and virgin. Am I planing to lose it? I don`t know. Kind of? It`s kind of weird... on the one hand I would like to try it, but on the other hand-I hate my and male genitalia. I can`t see it let alone touch it. So I am not sure how this will work out lol. Like someone said- why shuld you bother what other think? But the problem is, at least in my case, I have a feeling that at that age (20`s)everyone is talking abut sex all the time. And then they start asking questions... And I keep get akward looks if I say I don`t like it, I am not interested etc. God forbit telling them I am still a virgin, they would think sth is seriously wrong with me (and proceed teling others about it) >.< So I have to make excuses and try to avoid this kind of questions and it is just sooo annoying. I sometimes wish I could just say "look, I am not interested, I hate everything down there and I am not the only one so stop bothering me about it!" But like I said... responses won`t be good. So yeah, I would like to loose my virginity, if for nothing else just to stop people asking me stupid questions. I know that shouldn`t be the reason, but... can`t help it. But I am not gonna have sex with the first guy just to lose my virginity. I will wait for someone who likes me the way I am and we will see.

[Salt Shaker]

I eventually will...

Honestly, the opportunity has never come up. Plenty of my boyfriends didn't want sex or they were too busy playing video games to notice me laying on their bed.

[Sleeping Beauty]

On my wedding night/morning after if I marry a sexual. Maybe never if not.

[vogue]

Hi all,

thank you for your confident and honest replies. I feel much better about being a virgin now, knowing there's others out there like me. Salt shaker, how old are you?? I find that hard to believe...you need to get some guys who truly want you, that's what you deserve...it doesn't seem like it was meant to be anyway :)

thunderstorm I feel the same way as you...another poster said they'd prefer losing it to a friend and I sort of feel the same way but it would create a really awkward situation with my male friends and potentially ruin our friendship..

Right now, I am contemplating losing it to a guy I'm not serious about and don't see myself dating so I won't be nervous about it if I don't perform well (which I won't - I have a lot of performance anxiety which is worse with a guy I really like.) I have a low sex drive anyway so just a but of experience to quell my anxieties and insecurities is fine..once I've gained that, I can find a real bf who I like.

[asexual cake]

I'm an asexual virgin, and I don't think that'll change. I'm far more aromantic than romantic, anyway, so there really won't be a reason for it to change, outside of simple curiosity - but I'm too timid and private to have sex with just any random person.

[newgirl]

There is support groups for virgins

** warning these groups is mostly for sexual virgins who want sex not asexual virgin who are fine with limited or no sex***

Reluctant virgins

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Reluctant_Virgins/

Involuntary celibacy

http://incel.myonlineplace.org/forum/

[Shinnok]

I'm a sexual virgin. In all honesty, I hope I am able to try sex one day. I would not have it with just anyone. I would want it to be with someone I felt a romantic connection to. Someone I was in love with

I am not rushing to when I'll lose it. It'll happen when it happens, if it happens

[vogue]

Thx new girl :)

do you want to lose your virginity soon or are you asexual?

[Tyger Songbird]

I don't plan to lose it. It's seriously not that important to me at all. And I really don't want to have sex at all. So I'm a virgin that really doesn't care about having sex.

[vogue]

Thank you so much CBC girl...I feel the same way as you!! I never wanted to just lose it on a one-night stand either, but always to a guy I was in a relationship with.,,unfortunately there were always things that prevented that from happening when I did have a bf..and both of my relationships were rather short. I wasn't in love with them though.

Right now I just want to satisfy my curiosity and stop feeling weird...I'm sexual (to my knowledge..) but haven't experienced sex. I need to experience it to know how I feel about it...I hate feeling like an alien in convos about sex with friends and family. If it turns out I have sex with a guy I'm not into...I'm willing to take that chance. I'll admit..it's not the ideal scenerio for me..the ideal would be with a trusting boyfriend who I don't feel nervous around about sex and who can understand my anxieties. But that seems so rare I'd rather just lose it to a guy who's decent and who I can dump soon after, who I gained a bit of experience with...than be a virgin at 40 or 30 and wondering 'what if'...

[Percy McKean]

I have no intention of losing my virginity. My reasoning is that sex is for mating and reproducing. Since I plan on adopting children, if I decide to have any at all, there is no need for me copulating to produce offspring. It's not that I'm repulsed, I just don't see the logic in losing my virginity.

[Tabula Rasa]

I cannot say it enough -- There is NO deadline. The idea of a deadline comes from society and the media. If an idea is repeated often enough, people will believe it no matter how absurd.

That said, I do not plan to have sex. Close friendships? Of course. Sex, no.

I'm almost 28 years old.

:)

[vogue]

Tabula rasa: are you asexual or sexual..? To your knowledge

[Tabula Rasa]

Tabula rasa: are you asexual or sexual..? To your knowledge

Asexual.

[fix]

No plans to lose it. The idea of having sex kinda grosses me out. It's ok if other people have it but I want no part in it :)

[Rhi-Zhuk]

I'm asexual (for now, I think) and I'm also a virgin. To me sex isn't a big deal so doing it for the first time isn't either. It'll happen when it happens, in the meantime there's zombies to kill...

For me it's this, including the zombies part.

I think I may honestly be better suited to a relationship with a sexual considering my libido and the fact that I really would not mind having sex with them at all. It also gives me more options, though if I met someone who I really liked who was asexual, I'm all for that and then I may never lose it. Whatever.

[Sciatrix]

I'm 19 now (and identify as asexual). I might eventually try sex out of curiosity, or I might not. It would have to be a particular type of situation (i.e. a situation in which I trusted the other person very much and in which the other person understood exactly what I can and can't give), one that I don't think is likely to happen in the foreseeable future. If it does, peachy. If not, I'm not particularly bothered.

[Wineblood]

I might eventually try sex out of curiosity

This is how I would describe my interest in sex, purely curious. A bit like a recipe, try slight variations with the ingredients, see what happens then move on. There's more to life than cooking... I mean sex.