aquilegia Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Can anyone give me advice on when they've been in a relationship with a non-asex. partner? I've been with my boyfriend two years and love him very much, but the lack of sex is a major hurdle in our relationship - he thinks because I'm not interested I don't love him. (I haven't told him I'm asexual) I still want to make it work though, has anyone had any success in this? Link to post Share on other sites
Obsidian Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 Hey aquilegia :D I don't have any experience in this...so I really can't help you. I guess if I was in your position though, I'd just tell him the truth, show him the website so he'll understand where you're coming from, and that it's not him. Anyway, all the best in your relationship :D :D Link to post Share on other sites
winter Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 really, the only way to work this one is to be honest. he has to understand where you're coming from. it will certainly clarify a lot for him. Link to post Share on other sites
jhhalpha Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 Yup, yup. honesty and communication. Mix well and bake over a lifetime. Link to post Share on other sites
aquilegia Posted November 2, 2004 Author Share Posted November 2, 2004 Thanks guys, appreciate the advice! I've only just discovered (last week) that the way I feel isn't that unusual and there's even something to describe it so at the moment I don't think I'm ready to tell someone else. I want to, just nervous I guess. I know my boyfriend should know, I just need to build up the courage! Link to post Share on other sites
cait Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 point him to this board ... it can be hard for some people to comprehend things, especially if they are letting insecurities guide their reason, the way he assumes you don't love him. Link to post Share on other sites
pejoratist Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 If he's gone two years lacking in both sex and an explanation for the lack of sex, then odds are you have a pretty considerate and open-minded partner(or a shameless cheat). I think he deserves to get the full story now, and it is likely that he will be quick in accepting it, all things considered. Link to post Share on other sites
Metsubo Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 Or someone very patient. I think I'm gonna stop telling people I'm not interested in sex, because it seems that a lot of people get relationships when they think they're getting sex... Link to post Share on other sites
98slbrookes98 Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 Honesty is the best policy. If I were in a relattionship, I'd tell my girlfriend straight away. Link to post Share on other sites
A-Ole Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 I've been happily married for 7 years to a sexual man. My advice is to make plain what should be obvious, that lack of sexual desire has nothing whatsoever to do with LOVE, or the lack thereof... although I have to wonder if, after 2 YEARS together, it's actually possible that he thinks you don't love him-he may be using the old "if you loved me you'd do it" idea to try to manipulate you into giving in. And yes, at some point you need to tell him the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Aricaiu Posted November 8, 2004 Share Posted November 8, 2004 I agree that you should tell him. Part of being in love is being open with each other. I told my boyfriend of two years that I had a lot of sexual anxiety when we first started dating, and it is really great having someone to talk to about it. Link to post Share on other sites
LostPenguin Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 TELL HIM. Very important, IMHO. I told the guy I'm involved with currently very soon in the relationship, and it was admittedly a shock- however, it got it out of the way, and it reset expectations and such. The fact that you two have gone for two years without sex, however, makes me feel very hopeful for you and your relationship, and I hope everything goes well for you two. :) Link to post Share on other sites
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