The Chocolate Jew Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 Does anyone else feel like they have a tendency to develop interests in people who can't reciprocate because of the sexuality issue? I think my problem is when people *are* interested in me, they get sexually attracted and come on to me quickly, which pushes me away, but when they're *not* as interested, I can have time to develop a friendship and a close connection, but then they don't feel as strongly about it as I do. Sometimes I feel like I've lost all my peers--like I have a way of relating that hasn't worked well since I was in high school. Sometimes I find myself thinking, `Where are all the other kids my age?' I can't find anyone who wants to have a close friendship anymore unless they also want it to be a romantic/sexual relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Shockwave Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 YES! Link to post Share on other sites
cait Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 Generally when people approach me it has a lot to do with sexual attraction...but they manage to play it cool and act and think that it doesn't. It's all, "no it's not about that at all", but then I realize what a fool to believe this nonsense I am. I assume people are like me, just a little bit, but it turns out I'm a total FREAK! And of course, anyone who is not too passionate for my own good would never approach me anyway, because I'm one of those...cold silent types, I suppose... I feel like all people want and talk about (who are my age) is sex these days. It might drive me into a mental breakdown at any point now...well...not for another six months anyway, not until I get too tired of being alone and stupify myself into having another relationship. *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 LOL! awww-wwww-wwww *consoles Jeremy* There, there. *patpatpat* I used to. Something horrible. Then after the last crush ended horribly I finally...I don't know what happened. Something in me died and I stopped caring about people that way. That was...6 years ago. Dead on the Inside and Loving It, Cate Link to post Share on other sites
human_being Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 I fall over and over again ... it's like I've never learned my lesson :cry: Link to post Share on other sites
Quirky Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 Does anyone else feel like they have a tendency to develop interests in people who can't reciprocate because of the sexuality issue? Yes, that happens to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Vicious Trollop Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 Dead on the Inside and Loving It :lol: So much. My best friend is currently caught up in an inappropriate crush, not a rare thing for her though she is normally a relatively rational person. She knows it will not work out and he does not feel the same. Yet she continues to torture herself. I can't understand this, because I have this useful (but disturbing) ability to turn feelings off like a light switch. Relationship not going anywhere? I'm over and out. I don't develop crushes. If a romantic relationship were ever to develop in my life, it would start out detached, grow into casual friendship, and slowly slowly evolve to more and more. I do not get invested. I do not care about people easily. Once I do learn to care, I'm tremendously loyal and loving, but the inappropriate crush is not my territory. Link to post Share on other sites
KAGU143 Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 I used to. Something horrible. Then after the last crush ended horribly I finally...I don't know what happened. Something in me died and I stopped caring about people that way. That was...6 years ago.Dead on the Inside and Loving It, Cate Yes here too, but only "once upon a time ..." About 30+ years ago I finally had enough. I won't say that part of me died - rather that I deliberately did my best to completely kill it. I wasn't 100% successful, and it took a while, but what I did manage eventually was to isolate it into what is, for all practical purposes, another personality which I do NOT allow to speak or control me. In fact, I utterly despise that aspect of myself. Ever since I learned to deal with it and keep it in line, though, I have been reasonably content with my life. Not deliriously HAPPY, but I will take contentedness (with occasional periods of lonliness and alienation) over total emotional devastation ANY day of the week! An unexpected by-product of the personality isolating process is that there are now 4 of me! We keep in touch, though. No missing time gaps or anything like that .... 'Just a little crowded in here at times! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA................!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -Greybird, Nancy M. and Phoenix (is it Halloween yet?) Link to post Share on other sites
Squick Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 I don't think there's such a thing as the "right" person for me. Relationships with sexuals are disastrous, but relationships with asexuals would suck, too. I need a man who is sexually attracted to me but who doesn't want to have sex with me. I don't have high hopes. Oh yeah, and he'd have to tolerate me and my ways. I can't tolerate myself half the time. Maybe I should have more than just the one cat...become one of those "cat ladies." Anyway, I don't know if I've always fallen for bad people. I often fall for really good guys, I guess. I mean, I'm not developing crushes on drug addicts or wife-beaters. But there's a difference between who I fall for and who falls for me. I fall for nice guys, but I attract total kooks. The biggest problem is that they tend to fall hard and fast. There haven't been many of them; I'm not a girl guys are lining up for. But the ones who have liked me have been telling me they loved me from day one, even a guy online. I've never "just dated." I guess the guys who fall for me are the lonely loser types. In that sense, we should be compatible, but somehow, no dice. Link to post Share on other sites
jhhalpha Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 I'd say 100% of the people I've "had a crush on" have been the wrong people. Most of them I have known since school, post school however most girls I meet are either already involved, or have never aproached me (I'm not an initiator). I'm not unattractive, or nasty, but I put out a "Back, Back!" sort of aura. I've never had the oportunity to broach the asexuality subject. It will be interesting. But as they say... opposites attract. Link to post Share on other sites
winter Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 i used to fall for the wrong people all the time. so i decided to give up on that. then i fell for an asexual - what luck! funny though, you find someone who can get past the sex thing, and he can't get past the emotional issues. i think i'm done for a while myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Cupcake Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 In the sense that nothing could ever come of the attraction, yes I always have. I've only 'fallen' for two guys in my life, really. I can't say for sure if I was actually in love with them, but I felt very deeply and intensely, so I'd like to think that (in an ideal world) I definetly could have truly loved them if the situation was different. Thing is, though, each of them was a guy that was hopelessly out of my reach in some way. Either he was in a tight relationship or physically lived too far away from me. I've noticed that every guy I ever feel a genuine attraction to is like that; I don't consciously go looking for those types, but that's how it invariably turns out. I used to think I was cursed or something, but I've come to realize that probably the real reason for this (which continues, I haven't found a way to squash that attraction completely yet) is that it's like a fantasy. Basically, I can want them in any way, dream of them, idealize them (to a point), and fantasize that I could be in a happy relationship with them. (What made the fantasy so strong and so appealing is that the guys I was into were quite intriguing, warm and really very much like me and I think we could have been great friends at the very least.) But if the real prospect of an actual relationship ever reared its head and seemed directly imminent, then the thought lost all its desire and appeal. I prefer fantasy to reality; it's safer and more controllable. So, the guys I like are the 'impossibles'; deep down, some part of me must know/sense that the likelihood of the two of us getting together for real is nearly nonexistent (therefore, the threat of the issue of sex would never present itself), and so allows me to become enraptured with them with near total abandon. ::shrugs:: Oh well. I'm not perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
wombat Posted November 6, 2004 Share Posted November 6, 2004 Well...It's a mix really. I tend to ATTRACT the wrong people. And I guess....sometimes i have gotten attracted to the wrong people. Kinda Although...I am must say I have always been attracted to intelligent, fun loving, independent, kind ladys. But mostly, I attract the wrong people. I'm charasmatic and I tend to breath new wind into those with mental disorders. Not saying that's bad. But...I'm very much ANTI DRAMA. There was that Online e-mail thing I had with this one girl...but....she also turned out to have a mental disorder. And I was basing the relationship on the wrong things. Not who she was....but the stupid fact that she was like me in non personalty ways...asexual....and something else (see my 15 questions repsonce!). So...i guess I fell for her cause I thought it was fate and it had to be that way. But....after 2 depression periods lasting more than 2 months....I think i'm done. But.....yeah. We'll see what develops. Everyone should be friends first. COMMUNICATION, HONESTY, RESPECT, and TRUST. Link to post Share on other sites
zarxo Posted November 7, 2004 Share Posted November 7, 2004 Generally when people approach me it has a lot to do with sexual attraction...but they manage to play it cool and act and think that it doesn't. It's all, "no it's not about that at all", but then I realize what a fool to believe this nonsense I am. I assume people are like me, just a little bit, but it turns out I'm a total FREAK!And of course, anyone who is not too passionate for my own good would never approach me anyway, because I'm one of those...cold silent types, I suppose... I feel like all people want and talk about (who are my age) is sex these days. It might drive me into a mental breakdown at any point now...well...not for another six months anyway, not until I get too tired of being alone and stupify myself into having another relationship. *sigh* most people's motives are sexual, believe it or not, regardless of straight, gay, bi, whatever, even friends, most people choose their friends, lovers by a sexual attraction regardless of how latent it is. it's been my observation. Link to post Share on other sites
Musiclover666 Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 most people's motives are sexual, believe it or not, regardless of straight, gay, bi, whatever, even friends, most people choose their friends, lovers by a sexual attraction regardless of how latent it is. it's been my observation. So true! I don't think I ever had a friend who didn't want more. Link to post Share on other sites
Vicious Trollop Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 Well, yes. But sex isn't really the issue. Recently, I've realized that the only people I've ever felt something approximating romantic attraction to are older women; 40-50ish professor types, intelligent, professional and dynamic as I hope to be. There's not usually the prospect of any sort of a relationship as these women are usually my professors, so sex isn't the issue. Maybe that's a strange confession, but these are the sort of people I feel an affinity with. Luckily, my feelings are easily satisfied: if the object of my affection has a soft spot for me and is willing to indulge me in conversation, I'm good. I'm not, you know, a threat to their husbands. But they'll probably never know the extent of my adoration, and if they did it probably would seem inappropriate. EDIT: haha, I didn't realize I'd already responded to this topic, and my above comments seem to completely contradict this. Ah well. Like I said, this is a recent revelation, and I'm still not particularly unnerved by my inappropriate crushes. Link to post Share on other sites
98slbrookes98 Posted November 26, 2004 Share Posted November 26, 2004 Yeah I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 26, 2004 Share Posted November 26, 2004 I have a thing for punk rock girls who usualy turn out to be bisexual.....why? I dont know.............. That doesnt mean the are the wrong people..........It Doesnt mean I will ever be more than their friend.....Thats just what I noticed about my self.... Link to post Share on other sites
Kombucha2000 Posted November 26, 2004 Share Posted November 26, 2004 thread tried to escape. Link to post Share on other sites
cait Posted November 26, 2004 Share Posted November 26, 2004 Generally when people approach me it has a lot to do with sexual attraction...but they manage to play it cool and act and think that it doesn't. It's all, "no it's not about that at all", but then I realize what a fool to believe this nonsense I am. I assume people are like me, just a little bit, but it turns out I'm a total FREAK!And of course, anyone who is not too passionate for my own good would never approach me anyway, because I'm one of those...cold silent types, I suppose... I feel like all people want and talk about (who are my age) is sex these days. It might drive me into a mental breakdown at any point now...well...not for another six months anyway, not until I get too tired of being alone and stupify myself into having another relationship. *sigh* most people's motives are sexual, believe it or not, regardless of straight, gay, bi, whatever, even friends, most people choose their friends, lovers by a sexual attraction regardless of how latent it is. it's been my observation. Yeah, and it's all instinctual anyway, and I suppose it isn't too bad of a thing. I'm just feeling confused and paranoid is all. I think I am just not physical enough, too delusional, or as I see it too "spiritual" for my own good. Link to post Share on other sites
gypsylady Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 I sure wish I could figure out how to use the quote thingy. I'd also have to say that 100% of my attractions have been to the wrong people. Sexual ("ahem") people. Those have always been the wrong kind for me but I didn't know *that* was causing the problem. What can I say? I'm older than many of you... cate - I understand completely what you're saying. I'd mostly had it after my second to last relationship, but this last one did me in (it was actually the first time I'd ever broken up with someone - I found it hurt JUST AS BAD as being broken up with). And I decided that it isn't worth it. I want a few good friends to grow old with and around. With that, I wouldn't care much about the rest of it. I don't want to put up with the emotional crap anymore. I think that if I *ever* want a serious ltr with someone again, I will use the personals. That way I can explain *exactly* who I am and what I want and can (theoretically at least) weed out the inappropriate answers. I pray I'll never feel the need to do that. But I'm so solitary that I do get lonesome and I can see myself wanting someone to cuddle with... It's always dangerous to like someone just because they like you. I've done it - it was *never* a success. In fact, those were the relationships in which I got most hurt or even abused. Don't go there, people. Please. Link to post Share on other sites
Kilraven Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 I fall over and over again ... it's like I've never learned my lesson :cry: I have made a conscious decision to remove myself from "the game" so to speak. In other words, I am not looking for a relationship, and will not respond if a relationship tries to find me -- other than to take evasive action. Last person I fell for turned out to be a male-to-female transsexual. While I had no problem with that, she had personal issues of her own that got in the way... She was the one who broke things off. She later realized that the issue that led to the breakup was just a great big huge misunderstanding (one that could have been cleared up if only she had asked me for my side of the story), and made overtures to the effect that she'd like to pick things up again. I declined the offer. In a way, it's a shame. She and I had an incredible amount in common -- same tastes in movies, TV, music, sci-fi... and neither of us were particularly interested in sex. (And, always a bonus, she was very attractive. Enough that I didn't even suspect her trans status until she told me...) Next time I get interested in someone, despite my best efforts to the contrary, I will stick my head in a bucket of ice water until I come to my senses. :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
ApolloSeek Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 Does anyone else feel like they have a tendency to develop interests in people who can't reciprocate because of the sexuality issue? I think my problem is when people *are* interested in me, they get sexually attracted and come on to me quickly, which pushes me away, but when they're *not* as interested, I can have time to develop a friendship and a close connection, but then they don't feel as strongly about it as I do. Editing . . . I used to fall for toxic people. That is until I built up the early warning and anti-crush systems. The early warning systems are the best for keeping me out of trouble. Occasionaly they fail. Then the anti-crush systems take over. Link to post Share on other sites
MsMagicMuggle Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 Gosh, I can soooo relate!!! I have this problem all the time! You've pretty much said everything, so I won't elaborate - but it's a resounding YES for me. Debbie x Link to post Share on other sites
infinitely_random Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 Yes. (Straight-asexual female here.) Not only do I fall in love with guys who're sexual, but a lot of the time they're gay. So not only can I not match their sexual attractions, but they can't be emotionally attracted to me anyway. There we go. Link to post Share on other sites
veritydivine Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 I'd have to say yes, though it's in a past tense sense. I have fell for the wrong people, who were so decadently wrong they felt right for a very long time. I fell hard, got my heart ripped out, chewed up, taken back for a second round and then handed to me on a rusty bicycle seat. That was pretty much my changing point. I made a decision, consciously and unconsciously, to completely disengage myself from any possibility of involvement. And, to refer to cate's quote, Dead inside and loving it...thats my motto. I'm mentally and sexually gutted from the inside out. Though I'm almost sure I could have a long term relationship if the situation were right. But since I don't anticipate that to ever happen, I'm happily content being asexual. And would easily be just as happy as a newly wed bride if I spent the rest of my entire life in the presence of good but distant (location-wise) friends. Link to post Share on other sites
alucard Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 :( Yes Link to post Share on other sites
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