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I'm in Love, and it's Killing me.


BrokenInside

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BrokenInside

My boyfriend is asexual, and I am not. To me, sex is a big deal and means a lot to me, because I have severe abandonment issues and feel safer if I know that we've been that intamite. I love him with every fiber of my being, but everytime he rejects me after teasing me, I feel self consious and worthless.

Yesterday, I tried to understand him better but he dodged the question. I know that the subject is probably something he doesn't wanna talk about, but I need him to. I asked if he thought we were soulmates and he seems to think so as well. He said that he would only do those things with me.

Maybe it's all in my head, maybe it's the age difference making him do this (he's 18 I'm 15) or maybe it's the guilt that he's dating a guy...

I just need help.

I'm really suicidal.

Solemnly Sure,

BrokenInside

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Guest Pelagic

Um... Okay. I'm eighteen, and I know that I am VASTLY different than when I was fifteen...

when I was fifteen, I thought I was basically an adult and knew what I was doing, knew what I was feeling... Now I realize I'm no where near an adult, though legally I am, and that there is much I still know nothing about nor have experienced.

What I am saying here is that, first off, you are only fifteen. I understand being unstable and not in a good place mentally, but you cannot end your life or severely damage it over a relationship. You are only fifteen, you have so much to live for... it would be incredibly hurtful to all you know if you ended your life, including your boyfriend.

Secondly... yes, for many people, it is difficult to talk about their sexuality/asexuality. However, I'm confused as to what you want to know. He has told you he believes you are soulmates (meaning, he cares very deeply for you), you know he doesn't want sex, and anything he does do with you, he's told you he does it for you because he loves you. What are you confused about/need to figure out? And, sadly, a homosexual relationship may contribute to any uneasiness about talking about it.. .NOT because of you, but due to their own insecurities.

How long have you been dating, may I ask? Three years isn't much of an age difference, though like I said, the difference between a fifteen year old and an eighteen year old is immense. Nothing wrong with such a relationship, but extra patience and understanding and willing to compromise may be needed.

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Hello and welcome to AVEN.

It would be best for you two to talk. Communication is very important for relationships. If you cannot dicuss issues how can he think you can resolve them? Pretending it isn't there won't make anything better. If anything it would make it much worse.

It's great that you're doing your best to understand his situation but now he needs to understand yours and accept that sex is something you find necessary. It's an odd concept for many asexuals but if we're to be in a relationship with a sexual person it's something we have to understand. He's not getting it or not even trying.

There are ways of compromising about sex, which is possibly the best answer. You both need to compromise for example you have sex but not as often as you wish so you have sex you would like and he has times when he doesn't. There are also certain practices you could do instead of full-on sex. These are just ideas.

As for your age. I can understand how this one relationship can seem the most important thing. If it's worth fighting for then he needs to put the effort in too. If he doesn't and ignores something you need, do you really want to be in a relationship like that? I realise it's scary but it's not healthy.

Anyway, the first step is to really make him sit down and talk to you about it. It's causing problems in your relationship and that's not good for anybody.

Best of luck.

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If you feel suicidal, you need to talk with someone about that. Your boyfriend is not going to be able to give you a reason to live. Please talk with someone about your feelings.

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