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Afraid to talk to my parents


NEETfreak

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Hey everyone, it's Chrona again.

:blush: I'm posting here today to rant, basically. And maybe ask some more questions. (I'll try and make this shorter than my last thread here. Haha)

So anyway, the last thread I posted here I had been talking about how I'm unsure of myself. And I'm still just as unsure. (Although the responses I got did make me feel better. :) )

Now, I'm starting to feel like I'd really like to try out experimenting - in hopes of it helping me figuring myself out. (What I mean by "experimenting" is doing things like: using a boy's name, getting people to call me 'He', and dressing in a more masculine manner.)

At the moment, we're too low on money where I could go out and get a haircut and get me some boy's clothes, so that part is pretty much not an option right now.

However, I could still get my family to call me 'He' and use a different name. The problem is: I'm scared to approach them about it, for a number of reasons.

#1) Timing. There probably isn't a good time to bring it up, but I don't want to just spring it on them. I just can't figure out when would be a better time to discuss this with my parents.

#2) What would I say? "Mom, Dad, I want to be called 'He' now, and I want my name to be (insert chosen male name)" just isn't enough.

They already know of my gender issues, but we hardly ever talk about it. I've only talked about it three, maybe four times with my Mom, and only one of the times was my Dad present. None of those times did I really take the time to accurately explain how I feel. (It's not easy to explain. Especially since every time I bring it up, I get so nervous and/or emotionally upset that I can't even make full sentences, and just end up crying.) I've been thinking about showing them my last thread I made, "Unsure of myself" - because it's the closest I've ever gotten to explaining my feelings clearly. But I don't know.. I feel like if I don't sound 100% sure that I want to be male, they won't take me seriously and will just try to convince me to like the body I was born with.

#3) is related to the last bit of #2. What if they don't take me seriously?? I don't want to go through the stress of arguing with them. I have good parents. They try to be accepting and understanding, they really do. But I know them, and I know it would be extremely difficult for them to believe me when I say "I want to be male" - Especially since I've gone through my whole life so far as a girl. A very feminine girl, and have only recently shown signs of discomfort with gender. To them, it must seem very sudden. How could I possibly convince them that it is possible for some people to have little to no problems with gender for a good portion of their life but later in life it begins to bother them? I mean, even I had trouble believing that. Until my last thread here, I was pretty much convinced that if you haven't felt this way since you were very young, then what you're feeling isn't true. (Because the things I had read seemed to imply that) But thankfully, some very nice people told me that that's not always the case.

And I suppose I'll end my rant here. Thanks to any of you who took the time to read and/or respond. :blush: (Apologies I couldn't organize this post any better. It's pretty late so my mind isn't exactly working at full speed right now. As it is, it took me over an hour just to write this much. Haha)

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I'm sorry, I don't have any advice to offer (as of yet anyway, I might get an idea or even ask my Mom for an idea) but I will wish you luck.

I'm glad your figuring yourself out. If you want to try a haircut but (really) cant afforded it (If you have a small budget, some haircut places, though not that good, can manage a boy haircut well enough) whatsoever, my Aunt get's her hair cut at a school (of beautition/haircut training/etc) for free. They do a decent job and they have their teachers watching over to make sure they cut well (that's what my aunt says, and her hair look's good too). Just an idea.

For guy clothing, this is probably obvious but I'll say it anyway, you can just look as boyish as possible, and there are places that sell really cheap clothing (Heck, Dollar stores are a thing to check out) if you really really want to buy some and have some money, like $10. Heck, even though I would never get clothing myself from a thrift store (or garage sales), that is an option as well and they are pennies literally. And with it being summer there are a lot of options.

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Guest Viinasu

*hugs* i think you should just tell them, sometime when nothing important is going on. you are who you are, and you should talk to them about it. if you don't, you'll probably regret it later. and they sound pretty understanding.... the worst they can do is say no.... that's what i think, anyway.... >.>

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You are braver than I, my friend.

The fact that you even feel like you should talk to them is a wonderful thing and shows that you are much more sure than you give yourself credit for. Since you seem to know what steps you want to take next, try to articulate those steps and how you feel about them as clearly as possible. If you don't think you can stay collected enough to explain, then practice what you want to say, and write it down until you feel like you've got it clearly expressed.

Keep us posted, we're here for you if you need us.

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Thanks you three. :)

And well, Eswehau, I did talk to my parents today. A lot of stuttering was involved on my part (was nervous as heck. lol), but my parents agreed to call me he. I even told them to use the name Nicolas, rather than my birth name. So that went really well.

Trouble is.. I felt discomfort. It sort of felt like I was trying to be someone else. I'm so used to people calling me she and using my birth name, that it felt strange. I want to be a guy, I really do. But I guess for the most part, I still can't take that part of me very seriously when it comes to life outside of the computer.. I can pose as a guy on the internet just fine and not be bothered. Why it's different, I don't know.

What ever it was that caused my feeling upset, it's made me really depressed now. I've become even more unsure of myself than before. Many new questions and thoughts ran through my mind after I, in a sense, chickened out. (Not long after I had that conversation with my parents, I asked them to go back to calling me she again, and using my birth name)

"Does this mean I like being a girl after all?", "Or is it that I just rushed into it too fast?", "If this means I'm happy as I am, why do I keep feeling the desire to be a guy?", "Did I feel stressed about it simply because I'm used to being a girl, because I lived as one my whole life so far?", "What does this mean??".

I also had negative/depressing thoughts like "The kind of man I see in my mind, I'll never be able to become, anyway. He doesn't resemble me in the slightest.. Maybe I should just try to force myself to accept the body I was born with. What I want is impossible", "My parents must think I'm losing it. It's bad enough I forced them out of their comfort zones to call me He, but then all of the sudden I say 'Nevermind. Just call me she again'. If they weren't doubting my desire to be a man before, surely they must be now..", "I'm pathetic. I don't even know what the heck it is I want.", etc.

:( In a way, I kind of regret asking them to do that. All it did was worsen my gender confusion. But part of me is kind of glad that I had the guts to even bring it up to them.. Still. I wish the results turned out differently. Maybe one day I'll try again, but right now I think I would lose my sanity if I had to think that much again. It sucks, not knowing anything about yourself, what you like, what you want.. Especially when I look around, and it seems like everyone else is so sure of themselves.

Anyway, sorry for the depressing rant. You were probably hoping for something more positive. :wacko:

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And well, Eswehau, I did talk to my parents today. A lot of stuttering was involved on my part (was nervous as heck. lol), but my parents agreed to call me he. I even told them to use the name Nicolas, rather than my birth name. So that went really well.

That is awesome. :) Congratulations, especially since talking to them is a huge step and takes a lot of courage. :cake:

Trouble is.. I felt discomfort. It sort of felt like I was trying to be someone else. I'm so used to people calling me she and using my birth name, that it felt strange. I want to be a guy, I really do. But I guess for the most part, I still can't take that part of me very seriously when it comes to life outside of the computer.. I can pose as a guy on the internet just fine and not be bothered. Why it's different, I don't know.

What ever it was that caused my feeling upset, it's made me really depressed now. I've become even more unsure of myself than before. Many new questions and thoughts ran through my mind after I, in a sense, chickened out. (Not long after I had that conversation with my parents, I asked them to go back to calling me she again, and using my birth name).

Oh, *hugs*

Coming out can be difficult (as I am sure most people realize), and one can have doubts. It can be embarrasing, and that might cause people to again call themselves by their given gender.

If your parents now know that you are (or might be) a transguy, and are accepting, then that is awesome. There are still friends and school/work and such to transition at, but parents might be the biggest, and that is done.

Do you know if there are transguys near where you live that you could talk to and meet?

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