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League Girl

Have you ever been accused

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League Girl

Of things like playing games with people because you sent them the mixed signals? Have you ever been accused of being selfish because you weren't into sex?

I learned that trying things like having sex once and then never again can make a guy think you played a game with them or have them think there is something wrong or not having sex with them can make them think you are playing mind games. Same as if you try kissing and then you never do it again, your partner can also think you played a game.

I have been accused of being selfish because I wasn't interested in having sex and my husband wanted it and people were acting like I was being selfish. Then they contradict themselves by saying no one should force me to have it and it's my decision while before they were acting like I should be raped by giving in to have sex.

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killjoy188

If you don't tell people you aren't willing to have sex, romantic partners will assume you will. And of course your husband assumes you will have sex with him. You don't have to have sex that you don't want, but if you get married or in a committed relationship and deny sex to the other person, what are they supposed to do?

Basically, you have to have communication and compromise for an asexual-sexual relationship to work. And it sounds like you don't have that.

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PyroNeko

My ex accused me of sending mixed signals, only...I didn't know what signals I was/wasn't sending. I had clearly communicated to her that I was in no way, shape, or form interested in sex on numerous occasions. She believed that the only way to "express 'love'" was through sex, which is something I completely disagree with...so, needless to say, this was one of the many things that we were incompatible on. :unsure:

I think all you can do is communicate with your partner what you are and are not comfortable doing. I understand that your partner has needs too, but both of you need to be comfortable with what you do/don't decide to do.

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sindi

Yes, I've been accused for being selfish and self-centered because I prefer living alone... I don't get it though, there were absolutely no real arguments why it would be "wrong". I guess the person who accused me just had personal issues & bitterness because he had never dated anyone although he wanted to (and he was almost 30 years... )

I've also been accused for "playing games", even if it was just normal friendly chatting in my opinion. After a social situation with several people I discussed alone with a guy (who had been there) and kind of mentioned about my asexuality. His reply was: "and still you're flirting with guys like a moment ago". Maybe he was half-joking, but I was still like WTF...

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cfc

I try my best to get on with everyone, I do have the ability to get on really well with women as far as friends go, but only once it ever happened, I was just being me, mixing in, having a laugh & joke, this woman, quite a few years younger than me & in some ways quite immature, thought that I was sending out signals, she was trying to get me to go out with her, she was already going out with someone that I knew, I believe that she was also carrying his child at the time (which she ended up having terminated), she bomarded me with phone calls at all times of day & night, turned up at my house & would often wait for me if I wasn't there, she'd turn up at my work place, I tried to let her know that I wasn't interested in a nice way, I eventually went & saw her partner, he was so besotted with her that he was happy to have an open relationship so that didn't work, in the end I had to make it plainly known, so I confronted her again, she went mad, she started hitting, kicking, headbutting & biting me, she went off her head but I refused to give in. Her final act of revenge as to accuse me of raping her, luckily I walked away from that on a technicality, I am impotent, what I was accused of, I physically couldn't have & wouldn't have done, not to her or anyone else.

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Latvia

My ex accused me of being selfish for not taking nude photos of myself for him to masturbate to (it was a long-distance relationship).

I've also been accused of "playing games", because apparently some guys think that girls can't like video games/comic books, so by "pretending" to be into them I'm flirting with them. <_<

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Samael

I try my best to get on with everyone, I do have the ability to get on really well with women as far as friends go, but only once it ever happened, I was just being me, mixing in, having a laugh & joke, this woman, quite a few years younger than me & in some ways quite immature, thought that I was sending out signals, she was trying to get me to go out with her, she was already going out with someone that I knew, I believe that she was also carrying his child at the time (which she ended up having terminated), she bomarded me with phone calls at all times of day & night, turned up at my house & would often wait for me if I wasn't there, she'd turn up at my work place, I tried to let her know that I wasn't interested in a nice way, I eventually went & saw her partner, he was so besotted with her that he was happy to have an open relationship so that didn't work, in the end I had to make it plainly known, so I confronted her again, she went mad, she started hitting, kicking, headbutting & biting me, she went off her head but I refused to give in. Her final act of revenge as to accuse me of raping her, luckily I walked away from that on a technicality, I am impotent, what I was accused of, I physically couldn't have & wouldn't have done, not to her or anyone else.

Wow dude, that woman has some serious problems lol

Anyways, some sexuals can act that way... largely because they are driven by their sexual needs i think. but of course this person was more than sexual, and a real special case haha :D

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CBC

My ex accused me of being selfish for not taking nude photos of myself for him to masturbate to (it was a long-distance relationship).

:blink: Wow... that seems incredibly stupid.

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killjoy188

My ex accused me of being selfish for not taking nude photos of myself for him to masturbate to (it was a long-distance relationship).

I've also been accused of "playing games", because apparently some guys think that girls can't like video games/comic books, so by "pretending" to be into them I'm flirting with them. <_<

My Christian friends often complain about how mad their boyfriends get when they refuse to send them topless photos, so I think that is a common problem, ridiculous as it is.

Also, I didn't find out about that last until recently...I now know to never talk about video games/manga in front of boys, they get the wrong idea!

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Decisive Pink

I've also been accused of "playing games", because apparently some guys think that girls can't like video games/comic books, so by "pretending" to be into them I'm flirting with them. <_<

Also, I didn't find out about that last until recently...I now know to never talk about video games/manga in front of boys, they get the wrong idea!

So true! Apparently girls can't have an honest interest in anything masculine. We're just faking the interest so they'll hit on us! :lol:

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FallenAngel

My ex always accused me of teasing him and not giving him any...

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Jazmin

It really annoys me how people can think we are sending "mixed signals" when we are just being friendly or polite. How on earth does friendly chatting and saying a casual "how are you?" translate to "I have the hots for you?" or flirting? I mean, WTF. I've had occasions where guys have thought I liked them and that me talking to them meant that I had a crush on them. After I realised that was what they were thinking I just stopped talking to them altogether! They just made everything awkward after that. I didn't see why I should keep talking to them since that itself would probably make them think even more that I was sending signals. Now I no longer really know if I should be friendly to people or not :mellow: It just seems to backfire. I don't know if it's just me, or if a lot of asexies feel this way, but where is the line between what gets interpreted as friendly and what gets interpreted as flirting? I don't think I flirt at all, but I obviously must have been doing something wrong when I was trying to be nice/friendly, hence the misunderstandings and etc :/

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Guest member31022

I am a massive flirt, unfortunately ,and if I get on with someone, I will want cuddles, or I'll lean on them if we're sat next to each other, etc.

So yes, I used to get called a tease ALL THE TIME. Now if I meet a boy who I'm not interested in but like as friends, I will be very clear, explain that I am a huge flirt and that they give good cuddles and I don't want anything more. This seems to work.

And yes, I have also been called selfish for refusing to give someone nude photos. Stupid boy.

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ily

It really annoys me how people can think we are sending "mixed signals" when we are just being friendly or polite.

I think sometimes "mixed signals" means "I'm trying to envision something that isn't here, but the strain is giving me uncomfortable cognitive dissonance". Although sometimes it can definitely be a lack of communication, which I agree, seems like what is going on in the OP's examples.

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Guest Viinasu

hmmm.... sort of. when someone asks me out, i always say no. and i've had some comments like "oh, i guess you don't date black guys" or "oh, i guess you must be a really religious person, then...." when i'm not a racist, and i'm a freakin' atheist.... x.x it drives me crazy that people just jump to conclusions about me when i say no.

and what's worse, i always get asked by people who don't even know me. i mean, what if they hooked up with me and i turned out to be a huge b*tch? they don't even think about it, and they don't even know my name.... sometimes sexual people drive me crazy....

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Samael

hmmm.... sort of. when someone asks me out, i always say no. and i've had some comments like "oh, i guess you don't date black guys" or "oh, i guess you must be a really religious person, then...." when i'm not a racist, and i'm a freakin' atheist.... x.x it drives me crazy that people just jump to conclusions about me when i say no.

and what's worse, i always get asked by people who don't even know me. i mean, what if they hooked up with me and i turned out to be a huge b*tch? they don't even think about it, and they don't even know my name.... sometimes sexual people drive me crazy....

Haha xd They'll only drive you crazy if you let em: so long as you care what other people think about you, then, you'll always be stressed out if some random mister x thinks this or that about you. Life becomes easier if you simply let go: you shouldn't give a rat's @ss about the opinions of every imbecile that can't or won't understand, and simply never will :D

Indifference is a liberating thing...

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