Opposite personality

[Obsidian]

OK, I saw this program on Discovery and now I'm kinda wondering about it.

It stated that in relationships, the majority of people are attracted to those of the opposite personality. Like extroverts to introverts, dominants to steadiness/submissive etc.

Apparently this is because opposite personalities also have opposite characteristics, like different immune systems.

So when these people have kids, they're passing on the characteristics of two types of immune systems, which will help the offspring better able to survive (rather than same personality, therefore same immune system, so the offspring only gets one type of immunity.)

This is picked up because when you meet someone, subconsciously your mind detects the other person's pheromones (sp?) and it is able to distinguish this, so it makes you attracted to the person.

I know this is an asexual board, but I found this kinda interesting. So, I just wanted to get people's opinions on this.

If you're attracted to someone is it usually of the opposite personality? Or, have you noticed it happening in relationships of those around you?

It also got me thinking about homosexuals and asexuals. If we're not into procreation, would we still be directed towards an opposite personality, or what?

Thanks for your input

[Kensington]

I don't really feel attracted to people very often but when I do they're always shy/quiet like me.

I'd never really thought about why opposite personalities attract, but that's kind of interesting...

[Vicious Trollop]

That theory makes no sense to me at all. Most extroverts drive me crazy in real life. An introvert like myself is the only possibility for a romantic relationship. Truly, for the most part I can only be friends with introverts. I don't think I'd have much in common (in terms of what we like to do, if nothing else) with your average extrovert anyhow.

[Cate Perfect]

*points to Virago's post* All that. My God, I could never live with an extrovert. I can barely talk to them for short periods of time.

Biologically the theory makes sense--about the immune systems in kids, but personality-wise I'm only ever interested in people who are like me.

Most of the couples I know are very similar--they've also been together for ages so perhaps they were different when they met and grew to be so alike. My parents, on the other hand, are nothing alike. They also drive one another insane. Lesson learned: Don't be with someone different from you.

Cate

[Shockwave]

People say that opposites attract but it's the similarities that keep people together.

[Guest]

I have heard from a person involved in some of the research about immune system differences and attraction.

She studied tests where women were asked to rate the sexual attractiveness of scents from sweaty men's shirts, and they gave higher ratings to shirts of men who have different immune system markers. She said that the effect might be only really significant at the at the extremes, and maybe most of it's evolutionarily usefulness is preventing inbreeding. e.g. a woman might be a bit repulsed from the scent of her brother's sweat, because their immune systems are so similar.

In any case, scent is only be one factor in whether someone is attractive.

With respect to personality: I don't think personality necessarily tells you much about a person's genes/immune system. Even if it did, I don't think different genes = more attractive is a really solid relationship. For example, studies have shown that if you morph a face toward the 'average' face (i.e. reduce it's distinctive features), then people rate it as more attractive. This is the opposite of the result you would expect if people sought genetic diversity by being attracted to people that they can tell are genetically different.

Remember that many of ideas in popular science articles are still only hypotheses - they might seem reasonable in a certain light, but they often have not been proved, and there may be evidence against them.

[ColiNi]

I have heard from a person involved in some of the research about immune system differences and attraction.

She studied tests where women were asked to rate the sexual attractiveness of scents from sweaty men's shirts, and they gave higher ratings to shirts of men who have different immune system markers. She said that the effect might be only really significant at the at the extremes, and maybe most of it's evolutionarily usefulness is preventing inbreeding. e.g. a woman might be a bit repulsed from the scent of her brother's sweat, because their immune systems are so similar. This is all theory, of course - it's tough to be certain why a trait has evolved.

In any case, scent is only be one factor in whether someone is attractive.

With respect to personality: I don't think personality necessarily tells you much about a person's genes/immune system. Even if it did, I don't think different genes = more attractive is a really solid relationship. For example, studies have shown that people find composite faces (made by combining many different faces) more attractive than most single faces. An interpretation is that people are more attracted to the 'average' face, and less attracted to distinctive faces (in fact, some studies suggest that there is an inverse relationship between distinctiveness and attractiveness, although the site I linked to argues against it). This is the opposite of the result you would expect if people's libidos were driven to seek genetic diversity.

Remember that many of ideas in popular science articles are still only hypotheses - they might seem reasonable in a certain light, but they often have not been proved, and there may be evidence against them.

PS some people here often ask questions about what 'sexyness' and physical beauty are supposed to be. The site I linked to might help shed some light on the topic, because they've experimented with a lot of combinations of morphed faces and beauty standards. For example, they combine the faces of the six 'Miss Germany' finalists, and the composite was rated as far more attractive then all of the real humans. They even list some prototype 'attractive', 'unattractive', 'babyfaced' etc. faces.

[pejoratist]

You are absolutley correct on that(thanks, discovery channel!)

Another tidbit about hormones and opposites and attraction: We do in fact get a "sense" of what kind of person a potential mate is, and we get that almost exclusively from their smell. And as a pretty solid rule of thumb, we as humans are least attracted to those that smell the same as we do(once again, this promotes a heterogenous blend of mating partners).

[Zorya Vechernyaya]

That theory doesn't make sense at all.

People tend to be attracted to those like them, because those like them seem genetically more simular. We want to reproduce ourselves.

Apparently this is because opposite personalities also have opposite characteristics, like different immune systems.

Not true. And the whole idea of 'incompatable parental immune system types = increased survival for children' is quite silly.

Observationally, most couples I know or see tend to be rather simular.

Personally, I've never been attracted to men very different from me. That a man has my interests, my views, my personality traits and my tastes - that is attractive to me.

[A-Ole]

I don't know if we can ever really judge how much other couples have in common, as many such things aren't part of their interactions with "outsiders," so I can only speak for my own relationship. My husband and I have very little in common; not only are there virtually no activities we both enjoy, we each hate the food the other eats, the music the other listens to, the colors the other prefers-it's endless. Works fine for us. :-)

[Cate Perfect]

Pardon my incredible noseyness, but how did you get together, Princess?

Cate

[Aeireono]

Personally I don't think I could get along with someone with a completely different personality to mine. My friendpartnerwhatsit is a lot like me and we have a lot of interests in common... I don't think I would have been drawn to her if she was different to me. It's having stuff in common with people that makes me want to get involved with them.

[KAGU143]

Maybe I'm the odd one here, but many (if not most) of my friends are a lot more socially outgoing than I am. So is my husband.

The funny thing is that, while I find introverted people fascinating, I am usually too introverted myself to make the first move in approaching them. And if they are introverted as well ... well, then neither of us will ever bridge the gap.

In some situations I can be somewhat more outgoing, such as in business situations where I am extemely confident in my qualifications. In those cases I behave more as an ambivert.

I like being around outgoing people because they are somehow sort of invigorating to me. And yet, at the same time, they tire me out to the point that I need hours of solitude to recover.

*shrugs*

I can't explain it either.

-Greybird

[Vicious Trollop]

The funny thing is that, while I find introverted people fascinating, I am usually too introverted myself to make the first move in approaching them.

I'm the same way there. Introverted people intimidate me. I find extroverts much easier to talk to, because they'll take the first move and steer the conversation until I'm comfortable. With other introverts, we're probably both thinking the same thing, and the conversation's not going to go anywhere.

But once that barrier has been broken, I'm much more likely to have a satisfying conversation and eventually friendship with an introvert.

[wombat]

Maybe it's just me...

But i would say that i'm more drawn to the same type of personality.

That being off-kilter crazy...but with a deep serious side as well.

But...then again...i've never been in a real relationship. So...who knows how it might actually turn out.

I'm going to go eat some BUTTER PIES!!! Cause...

Admiral Hawlsy, he notified me

He had to have a cut...or he couldn't get to see?

So I had another look, and i had a cup of tea...

AND A BUTTERPIE!!!!

[A-Ole]

Pardon my incredible noseyness, but how did you get together, Princess?

Cate

I don't think you're being nosy-people ask me this all the time. I ran an ad in the phone classifieds section of my local alternative newspaper, he answered it, we talked on the phone for about 30 hours over a 10 day period, then we met in person, he had love at first sight and never looked back, and once I loved him too it was a done deal... we knew within a month of meeting that we'd marry. :-)

[KidKash]

OK, I saw this program on Discovery and now I'm kinda wondering about it.

It stated that in relationships, the majority of people are attracted to those of the opposite personality. Like extroverts to introverts, dominants to steadiness/submissive etc.

Apparently this is because opposite personalities also have opposite characteristics, like different immune systems.

So when these people have kids, they're passing on the characteristics of two types of immune systems, which will help the offspring better able to survive (rather than same personality, therefore same immune system, so the offspring only gets one type of immunity.)

This is picked up because when you meet someone, subconsciously your mind detects the other person's pheromones (sp?) and it is able to distinguish this, so it makes you attracted to the person.

I know this is an asexual board, but I found this kinda interesting. So, I just wanted to get people's opinions on this.

If you're attracted to someone is it usually of the opposite personality? Or, have you noticed it happening in relationships of those around you?

It also got me thinking about homosexuals and asexuals. If we're not into procreation, would we still be directed towards an opposite personality, or what?

Thanks for your input

I have been attracted to my complete opposite in every aspect of which I can think. Generally, they've had similar traits though. Psychologists and sociologists will tell you the same thing as well; people seek out those who are similar, especially now.

[Libra2000]

My relationship with my husband seems the same as princess's. We are complete opposites. We have been together for 27 years.

A lot of my good friends are extroverts, I am not. They seem to give me energy when I am with them and I find their sex lives and behaviour so bizarre it makes me more than happy to be asexual. Who needs all that complication in their lives? :?

Libra

[LonePiper]

I usually tend to be attracted to people a bit more like me. I'm sort close to half way between introvert and extrovert, leaning a bit more to introvert and that's the kind of person I usually go after. However, I think this might have a lot to do with the fact that so many of the extroverts I know are obsessed with sex.

Having said that, however, I seem to be able to make friends a lot easier with extroverts.

[Obsidian]

LonePiper wrote:

...I think this might have a lot to do with the fact that so many of the extroverts I know are obsessed with sex.

Funny, I've noticed this too. Maybe it's a trait with the personality.

Maybe because they're really people-orientated or something so they feel the need for it :?:

[quietbraggadocio]

Actually in modern psychology terms masculine and feminine are now classed as instrumentality and expressivity. I'm cross-classed myself, I have a great empathetical ability and work well with and understand people (actually I'm a real empath too), but I'm not very good at getting stuff done. I'm not effeminate at all though, and I associate as straight after asexual.

In fact I'm attracted to cross-classed or androgenous (equally high instumentality and expressivity) women, normal girls I really see as weak and socially flimsy. Intelligence, wisdom, being able to put up a good argument, and a good sense of focus are what I look for, not glitz and ditz. That and being tall, toned, or tomboyish.

I'm high expressivity male attracted to high instrumentality females, I've actually accidently 'outed' three lesbians who I had crushes on (they just came out to me though, 2 of them anyway). Left me heatsick each time too. :cry:

[zarxo]

I do think when one "settles' for the opposite attracts thing, they are not getting the best. I think a greater forge is for similar polarities to co-exist, sorta like a fusion...much harder to grasp and make happen but when it does, bam! I do think there is a thing called relationship fusion, it's very rare and I think can happen. Yes opposites attrack, VERY EASILY, who wants just anything sticking to them as static to a comb? I think I can agree about the opposite attracting for the sake of creating a better offspring, but let's think, isn't the world over-populated? I think the subconscious universe is pivoting a way for order to care of itsefl, even if it's through chaos. Being gay or being asexual, could be a means to curbe the tide of over-population....could be a thoght process initated by the ONE itself, being us as well, but that's another topic, later.

[Obsidian]

zarxo wrote:

...Being gay or being asexual, could be a means to curbe the tide of over-population....

Yeah, I agree. Apparently, scientists reckon homosexuality and asexuality is on the increase. It'll be interesting in a couple of decades to see what's going on.

:D

[SuperSinger]

as an asexual who dates.... I'd say I'm much more apt to date someone who's personality is similar to mine.

[Obsidian]

Cool. Thanks for all your replies.

That's real interesting. :) :)

[cait]

Strangely my first boyfriend was complete opposite of me. I think it's an interesting theory, though it likely does not ring true to most people. Of course, if you have opposite personality types (ex. extrovert vrs. introvert) it does not mean you have nothing in common. We had a similar sense of humor and stuff, and I think what draw me in were the similarities not the differences. I do crave security though, so I generally become attached to people who are protective and braver than I. I also feel like maybe there are certain personality traits I wish I had, and I look for those in others as well... *shrug*

[pejoratist]

People are complex. There is no such thing as a total opposite, nor a total match.

A couple may appear to have tons in common but be in personality very different, and vice versa. What would you classify such people as? Opposites or perfect matches? It's all subjective.

[cait]

People are complex. There is no such thing as a total opposite, nor a total match.

A couple may appear to have tons in common but be in personality very different, and vice versa. What would you classify such people as? Opposites or perfect matches? It's all subjective.

True that.

[Chameleonthing]

I think the pheremone thing is more primal than our modern society can handle. Yes, if I were sexual and I were in a room of "hot" men and I HAD to screw one of them, I might make my decision based on the subconscious olfactory signals I was picking up.

In reality, though, I base these things on appearance (I'm a masculine girl, and I tend to fall for feminine [or metrosexual, or whatever] guys, partly because I'll bet we'd have a lot to talk about) and personality. If I don't "get" his sense of humor, or if he can't understand why I need to be alone sometimes, a relationship simply won't work, regardless of how compatible our genes may be.

In summary: opposites attract in a primative sense. Similarities attract in an intellectual sense.

[KSpaz]

In summary: opposites attract in a primative sense. Similarities attract in an intellectual sense.

Now that is profound. 8)

It's a really good way of putting it. "Opposites attract" as a way of ensuring genetic variability is all and well when you're not human...when you don't have to watch movies, or talk about morals, or discuss a book. But as humans, we have the burden of a higher intellect, and need our brains to be stimulated more than other animals (at least most of us do :P ).

The mating drive probably has a lot to do with differences in genes and, it being no secret, the attractiveness of the desired partner.

However, mating is not the only thing that a person finds a life partner for. Especially not in this community!

I'm not sure being super similar is the most important requirement...it's more like....are you able to get along? Do you enjoy each others company? Having similarities helps these, but does not make it the only way to get along. Some people find it fascinating to discuss different view points, or to learn about new things from their partner.

From my experience, sort of going against my whole point here, is that I do like guys that are more similar, as far as personality goes, to me. Guys with rather zany senses of humor, and a love of nature and kids movies...definitely fit me better than guys that lack those things.

Personality/intelligence, though, is basically my only premise for similarity. Anything in the physical realm does not matter one way or the other.