Jump to content

Demisexual Vs. Pansexual?


womaninablackdress

Recommended Posts

womaninablackdress

Just yesterday with all your help I realized that I might be "Demisexual". This is mainly because I see have to actually connect with somebody at an emotional level for me to want to have anything sexual with them.

My main confusion now is the main/ significant difference(s) between being pansexual and demisexual. I even went to a pansexual forum and read that so many of them seek for love (as opposed to just sex) and many of them look "inside" a person and identify as a pansexual because they don't really care much about the packaging.

So yeah, how do we differentiate the two? Forgive me for sounding naive (if I do) and thank you all for your help!

Link to post
Share on other sites

In very basic terms a pansexual is someone who is sexually attracted to someone regardless of what gender they, where as an demisexual is only sexually attracted to selective people. The demisexual can still be pansexual as well, but they could also be hetro, homo or bi as well.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Elliott Ford

Well, I identify as both demisexual and heterosexual so I guess a major difference would be that a demisexual person can have a gender preference.

I'm attracted mainly to female-identified people but I'm only sexually attracted to one of my three partners (I'm also polyamorous). I identify as demisexual because, other than my girlfriend, I'm pretty much asexual but I'm very very definitely sexually attracted to her. Being demisexual (for me at least) does not mean that I become sexually attracted to every person that I'm romantically attracted to and involved with but that I need to be so involved with a person before I can even begin to develop sexual feelings for them.

A pansexual person usually doesn't have a gender preference with their sexual attraction but, unlike a demisexual person, they may be able to have instant crushes or to feel sexually attracted to someone they have only met once etc. whereas a demisexual needs to already be in a romantic relationship with a person to feel sexual attraction to them.

I hope this helps!

I very newly ID as demi and this is my own interpretation of what it means to be demisexual. Other people may have different views about what it means to them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Pansexual = You can be sexually attracted to any gender, whether or not it is within the male/female binary

Demisexual = You are only sexually attracted to certain people with whom you have an emotional connection.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Soo, is pandemisexual possible? 'Cause I call myself that ..*grin*

Pan- as am attracted to all types of people, men, woman, intersex or anykind, not sexually though nor any primary sexual attraction; romantic, xxy and masculin. Rather passive too. :mellow:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, I suppose you could use panromantic demisexual? Only sexually attracted to certain special people that you are close to in the romantic/emotional sense, but who that is could be anyone regardless of gender or sex?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Fred_is_dead_7x

To Takinoxy: Its an identity, call yourself anything you want. Just realize that it might take a lot of explaining to get across to people, or to justify calling yourself Superman.

For the question: From my, disturbingly vast, knowledge of pansexuals: pansexuals like surprises, and traps, possibly right away.

Demisexuals' have a warm up period, no gender (or surprise) preference is implied. Theoretically, instant sexual attraction would have you disbarred.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Theoretically, instant sexual attraction would have you disbarred.

Although I have looked on wordreference, I don't understand what disbarred means. Instant sexual attraction I dont get any with anyone, but I can get sexually aroused on my own. Not sure it has to do with what you are saying.

Yes, when I explain to friends I do say that, but when asked in general about my sexuality I go for asexual and don't explain much.

What Bristrek87 says sounds fine, although doesn't demisexual involve romantic relation? ok, not always, but mostly I thought. Then saying romantic demisexual is the same thing, no? If that is, then no need to add the romantic part, and it would end up as pandemisexual, right? Ah well.

thanks for the replies!

Link to post
Share on other sites
womaninablackdress

Thank you all for your replies! Actually bristrek87 :cake: I especially like the term you threw my way; "Panromantic Demisexual" because that seems to capture specifically what I can identify as.

Still though, these terms are quite confusing (for most people I'm sure) because many demisexuals seem to have a gender preference (thus indicating that they do somewhat experience "primary sexual attraction"), contradicting the definition of a "demisexual".

Here are sentences from AVENwiki's definition of "demisexual".

The term "demisexual" tends to be used by adherents to Rabger's model of sexuality, referring to people who experience secondary sexual attraction but not primary sexual attraction.

Primary sexual attraction

an instant attraction to people based on instantly available information such as their looks or smell which may or may not lead to arousal or sexual desire

Secondary sexual attraction

an attraction that develops over time based on a person's relationship and emotional connection with another person

Therefore with this logic "demisexuals" should automatically be panromantic at least. Does that make sense?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you all for your replies! Actually bristrek87 :cake: I especially like the term you threw my way; "Panromantic Demisexual" because that seems to capture specifically what I can identify as.

Still though, these terms are quite confusing (for most people I'm sure) because many demisexuals seem to have a gender preference (thus indicating that they do somewhat experience "primary sexual attraction"), contradicting the definition of a "demisexual".

Here are sentences from AVENwiki's definition of "demisexual".

The term "demisexual" tends to be used by adherents to Rabger's model of sexuality, referring to people who experience secondary sexual attraction but not primary sexual attraction.

Primary sexual attraction

an instant attraction to people based on instantly available information such as their looks or smell which may or may not lead to arousal or sexual desire

Secondary sexual attraction

an attraction that develops over time based on a person's relationship and emotional connection with another person

Therefore with this logic "demisexuals" should automatically be panromantic at least. Does that make sense?

Not necessarily. Some demisexuals are only romantically attracted to certain genders.

Link to post
Share on other sites

As JayJayJay said, some demisexuals are only romantically attracted to certain genders. And this is true of asexuals too.

What you'll find on AVEN a lot is that we split up romantic and sexual attraction. Romantic attraction can go the lines of sexual ones in that you get heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, aromantic. And that basically just says who you tend to emotionally connect to in a romantic sense, who you get crushes on and fall in love with. So you'll get a heteroromantic asexual woman married to a heterosexual man, for example.

And because demisexuals or gray-aces in general tend to feel sexual attraction only to those they've fallen in love with, have formed that emotional bond to this means they're not all the same sexually. Just as not all asexuals are aromantic or panromantic, not all demisexuals are panromantic.

Add in the fact that some are now using the term demiromantic when they do't feel aromantic but don't quite feel fully romantic either... you can get a lot of variations. Sexuality has plenty of dimensions to it and it's near impossible to put down a blanket generality. Especially around these parts *g*

Link to post
Share on other sites

Indeed. I'm demisexual, but only with regards to females (my nonsexual boy-crush on Edward Norton notwithstanding). Specifically, I find Secondary Sexual Attraction is contingent on some form of Romantic Attraction, and since I'm only romantically attracted to girls, I'll only experience it with them.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

Oooh! Sooo Panromantic demisexual; not so far from pandemisexual.. given that I kinda made that word in my mind (then went to check it online), I wasnt so far off :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...