ryn2 Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 10 minutes ago, will123 said: That's my brother's in laws to a T! They weren't happy unless someone was dying or in bad health. Reveal hidden contents For fuck sakes! I’m not trying to defend your BILs, because some people really do revel in others’ misfortune, but - when you’re wired to spot all the flaws - finding problems comes as a relief. If things are going too well there’s this overwhelming sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop... of having missed/overlooked something. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Deja Vu Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 26 minutes ago, ryn2 said: I think it’s more than a conscious choice. It’s to some degree how you’re wired, or not. To what degree that “wiring” is nature v. nurture I don’t know, but I’ve seen one person “stick out” in a family with the opposite collective mindset a few times so there’s likely at least some nature involved. My father escaped from a Communist prison in Czechoslovakia in 1948. My earliest recollections were of our living room full of Czechs crying and reminiscing about the old country. My father decided to quit that group because he saw no point in the drama, and wanted to look forward instead of back. I believe that wore off on me. Like dad, who was a card carrying futurist, I also became somewhat of a futurist. It allowed me to take risks because I thought the potential outcome would be worth it. It also allowed me to take precautions (some of which paid off handsomely) by anticipating what futurists call "alternative futures". So look forward, don't go blindly but DO go into the future! 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tyke Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 (edited) I'm conscious I haven't written anything about @Deja Vu's post about meet-ups. And being older than practically (or in my case EVERYONE) else. I must admit I was more than a little apprehensive about the first meeting I attended. That was one of the Birmingham (UK) meets and it had maybe 20 or 30 people there? Some of them I'd interacted with on the forum, so it was nice to meet them in real life for the first time. And because it was such a large meet there were some sub-activities - such as a few people went to a local art gallery, there was a short trip on a canal boat, some people stayed in a group playing board games. That sort of thing. So I could dip in and out. I found the younger set to be very open to chatting about this and that with an elderly (but just discovered) ace. I don't have kids and not much family at all, really, so access to 20/30 year olds is very limited in my day-to-day life. They were generally fine and fun (and welcoming). Quite a few of them were new to meet-ups themselves, so we had that in common, too. So my advice would be to just try it out. I'm quite a chatty person and can manage small talk (for a while, at least). One thing we hardly talked about much was asexuality. Certainly we didn't sit around in a circle and relate our experiences to the group. As it turns out I made friends with a group of 4 other aces, spread around the UK and we've been on trips and meals and theatre shows together. Four of the five of us went to the international meeting in Utrecht. We've also organised other meets open to any Aven member based on an event (museum trips, mainly) and these have been fun, entertaining and educational. And just to clarify the others ages range from Tyke minus 23 to Tyke minus 33. Age is no barrier, it seems. And I couldn't leave this post without mentioning meeting up in Australia with @Autumn Sunrise and @Kazbe, both long-term members of this thread who showed me around parts of NSW that I probably wouldn't have seen without them. And when you are travelling solo for 6 weeks (as I was) it's good to have a friendly face to look forward to meeting. So, to finish this post and link it to the previous few posts, I'm an optimist and a glass 3/4 or more full. What could I lose? An afternoon and a bit of cash. What could I gain? A host of new experiences and new acquaintances, hopefully friends. It's a no-brainer, isn't it? Edited February 26, 2020 by Midland Tyke adds the section about pals ages 13 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Deja Vu Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 23 minutes ago, Midland Tyke said: I'm conscious I haven't written anything about @Deja Vu's post about meet-ups. And being older than practically (or in my case EVERYONE) else. I must admit I was more than a little apprehensive about the first meeting I attended. That was one of the Birmingham (UK) meets and it had maybe 20 or 30 people there? Some of them I'd interacted with on the forum, so it was nice to meet them in real life for the first time. And because it was such a large meet there were some sub-activities - such as a few people went to a local art gallery, there was a short trip on a canal boat, some people stayed in a group playing board games. That sort of thing. So I could dip in and out. I found the younger set to be very open to chatting about this and that with an elderly (but just discovered) ace. I don't have kids and not much family at all, really, so access to 20/30 year olds is very limited in my day-to-day life. They were generally fine and fun (and welcoming). Quite a few of them were new to meet-ups themselves, so we had that in common, too. So my advice would be to just try it out. I'm quite a chatty person and can manage small talk (for a while, at least). One thing we hardly talked about much was asexuality. Certainly we didn't sit around in a circle and relate our experiences to the group. As it turns out I made friends with a group of 4 other aces, spread around the UK and we've been on trips and meals and theatre shows together. Four of the five of us went to the international meeting in Utrecht. We've also organised other meets open to any Aven member based on an event (museum trips, mainly) and these have been fun, entertaining and educational. And I couldn't leave this post without mentioning meeting up in Australia with @Autumn Sunrise and @Kazbe, both long-term members of this thread who showed me around parts of NSW that I probably wouldn't have seen without them. And when you are travelling solo for 6 weeks (as I was) it's good to have a friendly face to look forward to meeting. So, to finish this post and link it to the previous few posts, I'm an optimist and a glass 3/4 or more full. What could I lose? An afternoon and a bit of cash. What could I gain? A host of new experiences and new acquaintances, hopefully friends. It's a no-brainer, isn't it? Wow! Thanks for the perspective. 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tyke Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 6 minutes ago, Deja Vu said: Wow! Thanks for the perspective. I've just added/edited a little more info. My pleasure! 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kelly Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 On 2/17/2010 at 11:42 AM, Kelly said: We have a number of people that are. I am a bit of a baby, though. I am presently celebrating my 51st b-day. Welcome! Yikes. I recently celebrated my 61st. Time flies! 11 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 3 minutes ago, Kelly said: Yikes. I recently celebrated my 61st. Time flies! Happy slightly-belated! 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Sunrise Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 1 hour ago, Kelly said: Yikes. I recently celebrated my 61st. Time flies! You're almost exactly the same age as my youngest sister (Belated) Happy Birthday 🎂 🍸 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Deja Vu Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 2 hours ago, Kelly said: Yikes. I recently celebrated my 61st. Time flies! I probably don't belong on this thread anymore. BUT going with the optimist/pessimist thread earlier, I feel younger than my years. So I'll take the 5th, as the years in my life don't matter - it's the life in my years. Unless you all vote me off the island. 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 3 minutes ago, Deja Vu said: I probably don't belong on this thread anymore. BUT going with the optimist/pessimist thread earlier, I feel younger than my years. So I'll take the 5th, as the years in my life don't matter - it's the life in my years. Unless you all vote me off the island. Are you past 50? Anyway, we never check IDs here, and have always welcomed younger members, too. 3 hours ago, Midland Tyke said: about meet-ups To me your post highlights some of the differences between UK meetups and the few US ones I've been to. Not that there's anything wrong with either, but the UK meetup scene sounds so much better, in terms of number of meetups, number of attendees, and variety of activities and events. Getting to meet up with a few individual aces when traveling is a wonderful thing! I have managed to do that a few times, and it can really enhance the travel experience. At the very least you get to meet someone and maybe have a nice time with them and maybe even see bits of the area you might not have seen otherwise. 2 hours ago, Kelly said: Yikes. I recently celebrated my 61st. Time flies! My siblings and I have had a long term conversation going on by text, where someone will post something, people will respond, and maybe it will go quiet for periods of time. There has been a little talk on there recently in relation to my brother's illness, but my oldest sister wanted to keep things quiet. Her and my youngest sister seemed to think it was better to walk on tiptoes and be all hush hush about it. I felt like my brother would be annoyed at that idea. To me it kind of felt like how people might act if someone were dying. Anyway, I posted a brief text the other day wishing him well and hoping for a speedy recovery, so he could see that whenever he was able to. I don't know if he has seen it, but he did post this morning that he was improving. So that (being able to get on his phone and text us) is a good development. 10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kelly Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 On 2/17/2010 at 11:42 AM, Kelly said: We have a number of people that are. I am a bit of a baby, though. I am presently celebrating my 51st b-day. Welcome! 2 hours ago, Kelly said: Yikes. I recently celebrated my 61st. Time flies! Thanks, peeps, for the well wishes. But what I was amazed at was that I jumped into the thread, posted, kind of stayed out of the thread, and then the next ting I knew, ten years whizzed by. 😮 And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Semisweet Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 Happy 61st, @Kelly! I’m the same age and still sometimes forget I’m a sexagenarian (which somehow doesn’t sound like the most apt word on this forum ). Interesting discussion about being an optimist vs. a pessimist. I’m kind of in between—a realist. I tend in many situations to assume that all will turn out well, but prepare myself with info or contingency plans in case it doesn’t. But everyone has their own way of seeing things: A friend of mine who’s almost absurdly cheery about everything sometimes claims I’m being negative when I’m just stating a fact. Last week I was waiting for a bus when a man came along to wait too, and (unsolicited) he started talking my ear off with complaints: “The bus is always late... Why are they always cutting the schedules... The fabric seats on the buses are horrible, they attract bedbugs...” and so on. I just tried to look busy checking my phone (and then made sure I sat on the opposite end of the bus from him ). It reminded me that when someone does nothing but complain, you start tuning out everything they say. 11 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 2 hours ago, daveb said: he did post this morning that he was improving. Excellent!! 2 hours ago, Kelly said: And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. I carved all the lyrics to “Time” into a tabletop at the Uni library as a first-year undergrad... 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 21 minutes ago, Semisweet said: I’m kind of in between—a realist. This is how I see myself, but this is what others say: 21 minutes ago, Semisweet said: I’m being negative when I’m just stating a fact 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tyke Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 5 hours ago, Kelly said: Yikes. I recently celebrated my 61st. Time flies! What? No complicated mathematical formula? Just plain old 61? I love your number posts, btw. 😀 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pickles. Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 3 hours ago, Kelly said: Thanks, peeps, for the well wishes. But what I was amazed at Well, I love posting pictures of cake, so you're going to have to put up with it. Oh, oops...it's the cake that's 61 in that picture (true story). Let me try again... Happy birthday, @Kelly, and thanks for all you do for Aven! 10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 Whether they are optimists, pessimists, or somewhere in between, don't most people think they are realists? 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 4 hours ago, Semisweet said: Interesting discussion about being an optimist vs. a pessimist. I’m kind of in between—a realist. I tend in many situations to assume that all will turn out well, but prepare myself with info or contingency plans in case it doesn’t. But everyone has their own way of seeing things: A friend of mine who’s almost absurdly cheery about everything sometimes claim I’m being negative when I’m just stating a fact. Last week I was waiting for a bus when a man came along to wait too, and (unsolicited) he started talking my ear off with complaints: “The bus is always late... Why are they always cutting the schedules... The fabric seats on the buses are horrible, they attract bedbugs...” and so on. I just tried to look busy checking my phone (and then made sure I sat on the opposite end of the bus from him ). It reminded me that when someone does nothing but complain, you start tuning out everything they say. The former sounds good. The latter reminds me of a Dr Wayne Dyer video I saw in college in the late 70s. I think it was about his book Erroneous Zones. Anyways he was talking about a similar situation. Standing at the checkout ad the next person (a complete stranger) comes along and starts telling him about all their problems. He didn't wanted to hear them and I doubt anyone else would either. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 3 hours ago, ryn2 said: Excellent!! I carved all the lyrics to “Time” into a tabletop at the Uni library as a first-year undergrad... LOL Quote Ticking away the moments that make up a dull dayFritter and waste the hours in an offhand way. The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,Shorter of breath and one day closer to death. This suits the 'regulars' that sit daily in front of the 'general store' in my village... The one chap is about 10 years older than me, never worked a day in his life and looks in worse shape than my grandfather (who was a farmer and died in his 70s). 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Deja Vu Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 58 minutes ago, will123 said: The former sounds good. The latter reminds me of a Dr Wayne Dyer video I saw in college in the late 70s. I think it was about his book Erroneous Zones. Anyways he was talking about a similar situation. Standing at the checkout ad the next person (a complete stranger) comes along and starts telling him about all their problems. He didn't wanted to hear them and I doubt anyone else would either. Sounds like a Woody Allen movie! 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 I guess there are some aftereffects from my brother's illness - my mom sent me a picture they took of him walking with a walker. I guess it's physical therapy? I've been trying to find information about aftereffects of meningitis and recovery and such, but it seems to be quite a range and varies from person to person. Also sounds like it can take weeks before the full extent of any aftereffects and long term effects are fully known. 8 AM and someone in the neighborhood is firing up some sort of power equipment. (thank goodness for earplugs) 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tunhope Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 I'm not sure if I'd call myself a realist as I think I live in a self-made fictional world half the time. No, not strictly true: I know that the world of the books I write isn't the real world but I can be anywhere - in the street, in bed, anywhere at all - and I'll be developing plots and stuff. I think in a way it's escapism as I read the news and think too much about the awful things that people do to each other. There is such cruelty. So does that make me a realist or an escapist? I don't know. In a personal sense, I'm very optimistic: lots of things have happened in my life but I'm still here and still positive. In a worldly sense, I'm pessimistic. So, an optimistic pessimist (although someone on AVEN already has that name) or a pessimistic optimist. Not sure which. 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 Hi all!! I consider myself an optimist. I tend to have a positive attitude, but life can throw us curve balls. The last 5 years I've been hit with more problems, tragedies, and unexpected hardships than all my life put together. I've had some moments where all I did was complain and feel sorry for myself. However, the last 5 years have also been some of the best times of my life. I started traveling, I meet awesome friends, my practice is very successful, and so much more including self-discovery. Despite some health-related crap, I've overcome them and I believe I'm the healthiest I've been. I got a haircut. Bye-bye dreads. I guess I was on a roll of chopping body parts off! Spoiler 12 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Deja Vu Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 2 hours ago, Tunhope said: I'm not sure if I'd call myself a realist as I think I live in a self-made fictional world half the time. No, not strictly true: I know that the world of the books I write isn't the real world but I can be anywhere - in the street, in bed, anywhere at all - and I'll be developing plots and stuff. I think in a way it's escapism as I read the news and think too much about the awful things that people do to each other. There is such cruelty. So does that make me a realist or an escapist? I don't know. In a personal sense, I'm very optimistic: lots of things have happened in my life but I'm still here and still positive. In a worldly sense, I'm pessimistic. So, an optimistic pessimist (although someone on AVEN already has that name) or a pessimistic optimist. Not sure which. I used to say it takes an optimist to be a pessimist, because the optimist can vision what could be, so despairs at what is. 10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Semisweet Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 @faraday☘, your new hairdo looks fantastic! 👍 And it must be super easy to take care of. 2 hours ago, Tunhope said: In a personal sense, I'm very optimistic: lots of things have happened in my life but I'm still here and still positive. In a worldly sense, I'm pessimistic. I can relate to this as well—it’s difficult to feel positively about the world right now, on various levels. But I have much to be thankful for in my life, despite some past challenges, and I also know there are many good people out there trying to make things better. 12 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 5 hours ago, faraday☘ said: Hi all!! I consider myself an optimist. I tend to have a positive attitude, but life can throw us curve balls. I got a haircut. Bye-bye dreads. I guess I was on a roll of chopping body parts off! Reveal hidden contents This male aro ace (with aesthetic attraction towards females) says you look great! Hair cut day for me too, but not as dramatic! 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Deja Vu Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 I just found out I'll have a new job when I return to work. New boss, new department. I'm glad to be done with my current department. In keeping with the optimism theme, this could be really exciting. In keeping with the pessimism theme (what could possibly go wrong?) I'm expediting my retirement plans, in case i need them. 10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 5 hours ago, faraday☘ said: I tend to have a positive attitude You are definitely one of the most positive people I know! One of your many charms. Great haircut and pic! 2 hours ago, Deja Vu said: I just found out I'll have a new job when I return to work. New boss, new department. I'm glad to be done with my current department. In keeping with the optimism theme, this could be really exciting. In keeping with the pessimism theme (what could possibly go wrong?) I'm expediting my retirement plans, in case i need them. Good luck with all of that! Hopefully the new job/boss/department will be good. And hopefully your retirement plans can come to fruition. I had a fun day. I went to the nature park as usual, but only did about a half walk. Got to the entrance/exit near the light rail stop and took the train into downtown. Browsed around the huge old bookstore and found some cool books (but only bought a few of them as I didn't want to be lugging around too many). Then took the train back to the nature park and did another half walk. Then back home. All in all a nice day. 10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Sunrise Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 5 hours ago, faraday☘ said: Hi all!! I consider myself an optimist. I tend to have a positive attitude, but life can throw us curve balls. The last 5 years I've been hit with more problems, tragedies, and unexpected hardships than all my life put together. I've had some moments where all I did was complain and feel sorry for myself. However, the last 5 years have also been some of the best times of my life. I started traveling, I meet awesome friends, my practice is very successful, and so much more including self-discovery. Despite some health-related crap, I've overcome them and I believe I'm the healthiest I've been. I got a haircut. Bye-bye dreads. I guess I was on a roll of chopping body parts off! Reveal hidden contents Lol! Nice one, @faraday☘ - you look so young - are you sure you really belong on this thread? 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Deja Vu Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 21 hours ago, will123 said: The former sounds good. The latter reminds me of a Dr Wayne Dyer video I saw in college in the late 70s. I think it was about his book Erroneous Zones. Anyways he was talking about a similar situation. Standing at the checkout ad the next person (a complete stranger) comes along and starts telling him about all their problems. He didn't wanted to hear them and I doubt anyone else would either. Sounds like a Woody Allen movie! 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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