gambit_boi Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Rose_Rose yes, you can absolutely be in a relationship if you're asexual! aren't friendships relationships, after all? some asexuals have romantic relationships, some don't, some choose not to categorize. just because one doesn't want sex, doesn't mean you don't want companionship and love. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperSinger Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 You're right. I am somewhat of a wus when it comes to dealing with people, but my fears and inhibitions aren't something I can just cast aside, and my social troubles can't be solved by taking a pill or a 2-day course on 'people skills'.Yes, I could try harder and risk more, but it's not something I'm comfortable with or motivated enough to do. I have enough to deal with at the moment without exposing myself to unecessary emotional bruising. I'm acutely rejection-averse and don't seem to have the usual emotional padding that lets people bounce around between rejections until they click with someone, so I like to tread very carefully, if at all. I may be pathologically wussy, but I'm afraid that saying "Just snap out of it already" isn't terribly useful. I'm not saying "snap out of it" necissarily... Just that perhaps you should risk more. I don't know, perhaps I'm just biased. After all, I may not like or want sex, but I do enjoy being around other people. I think that on some level, all people have a desire to be excepted by others and to have the company of others. You yourself expressed this in your sharing of your "ideal relationship". Now, I'm not saying that you should dive into the world of dating. Not at all. I am saying, however, that perhaps you should try giving people more of a chance than what you appear to be. This is merely a suggestion. Take it or leave it. But I think that perhaps it would be beneficial to you. Even if you start off simply by making one new friend. Link to post Share on other sites
A-Ole Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 I think that on some level, all people have a desire to be excepted by others and to have the company of others. I dunno about that... it seems to me that there are plenty of people who are pretty hardcore about wanting to be alone (some of whom actually flat-out dislike other people), and those folks show no desire for acceptance, and sometimes even treat those around them in a way that makes acceptance virtually impossible. I think we need to be careful about claiming that people really do want something on some hidden level, because we don't like it when sexuals tell US that we DO feel attraction, sexual desire, etc "on some level" after we've said otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Oyster Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 I understand what Peter means about hugging. I am afraid my husband will miscontrue things and want to "go further". :shock: So I tend to avoid hugs and just have a goodnight kiss (or peck if you like). Link to post Share on other sites
Oz Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 I would concur with that - I'm in a relationship, neither of us want sex, but we enjoy a lot of hugging, cuddling, gentle kissing, etc. We go out a lot, go clubbing on the Goth scene every weekend, travel to gigs, etc. We occasionally go on railtours together, it's nice to ride through the countryside arms round each other and know there's nothing "expected" other than to fall asleep together when we get home.All we ask of each other is love and companionship, it's all we need and all we want. Hmm - slogan "Love is... Knowing there's no sex required"? :D Wow, I'm happy for you, I hope one day I find a partner like yours. Link to post Share on other sites
balletrich Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Hi everybody, I am new here, but wanted to jion in this thread. I am in a relationship, with someone of a high sex drive, and maybe this sounds a little odd, but as he understands, loves, protects, and cherrishes me, I want to make him happy also, so we do have sexual relations, I must admit it does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for me, but maybe its a bit of give and take????? I know I'm not being true to myself, and I must admit I really dont like it, but it would break his heart if he knew how I really felt, and as everything else, is so wonderful, I feel its the least I can give him. Does this ring true with anyone else?????? Link to post Share on other sites
Bestatued Head Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 I like being alone most of the time, generally, because when I start having relationships (friend-whatever) with people I become irritable and withdrawn. Link to post Share on other sites
PeterMacKenzie Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 This thing - 'relationship' you call it? What would such a thing be? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 This thing - 'relationship' you call it? What would such a thing be? My definition of a relationship is developing a bond to another person, who could be female or male. Um, I guess something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly Green Monkey Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 This thread slipped away. Link to post Share on other sites
Bestatued Head Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 This thing - 'relationship' you call it? What would such a thing be? My definition of a relationship is developing trust for another person.An interpersonal bond so to speak. SGM: What do you mean "slipped"? Link to post Share on other sites
Silly Green Monkey Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 It escaped, disappeared. Link to post Share on other sites
Bestatued Head Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 It escaped, disappeared. got'cha Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 Hmm - slogan "Love is... Knowing there's no sex required"? :D That makes me feel really good. I always believed that you had to have sex with someone in order for them to love you. I'm glad that there can be love without sex and that it can be genuine. Link to post Share on other sites
pyromancer Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 Hmm - slogan "Love is... Knowing there's no sex required"? :D That makes me feel really good. I always believed that you had to have sex with someone in order for them to love you. I'm glad that there can be love without sex and that it can be genuine. No, it's possible to have a truly deep and powerful love for someone without there being a hint of sexuality there. Think of the love children lavish on their pets, and even sometimes on their soft toys - it's pure, innocent - and incredibly deep. My own view is that to love someone without sex is a much purer, deeper love than the sexual kind, though that could just be A-eliteism on my part. :D Link to post Share on other sites
the other one Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 I am in a relationship, with someone of a high sex drive [snip] I want to make him happy also, so we do have sexual relations, [snip] I must admit I really dont like it, but it would break his heart if he knew how I really felt... Are you sure he'd be upset? Are you sure he doesn't know? Speaking from the other side, I've always thought my OH's attitude to sex was strange, and eventually, after years of marriage, realised that he wasn't really interested in me sexually, even though he loved me deeply. I have only begun to understand this now that I've come across the idea of asexuality - but I knew all along that there was something that didn't add up. I did try talking to him about it, but unfortunately we lacked a common frame of reference, so we never got anywhere. All I'm suggesting is that if your OH doesn't realise something's up, he may well do at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
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