AVENguy Posted March 28, 2003 Share Posted March 28, 2003 This is a spinoff thread from the "sex" dialogue in general rantings. The topic is: Are asexual people averse to sex, or do we just not care? Let's start with a hypothetical from skiddalox: An asexual person who has never heard of sex before....someone comes up to that one, and moves closer, and undresses the one, rips off the knickers, strokes the bottom, bites gently into the skin... Would the asexual person FEEL anything sexual? NO because he/she hadn'T been given sexual genes or whatever! (ooooops my roomate is going bonkers at the moment but anyway....) But would the asexual person be disgusted out of the blue? I don't think so, because there is no need, he/she would probably be a bit confused but not disgusted. He/she would think: Oh! Why is he/she doing that to me? Oh you can put THAT into this hole? Interesting! Like a puzzle, but i think it's not fun, though he/she seems a bit off track, starry eyes, drooling expression, weird. So this person isn't particularely averse to sex, it's just kinda awkward. Now let's continue.. This same person, curious about what exactly is going on, leaves the nonsexual bubble in which they have spent their life and ventures out to find that sex is EVERYWHERE, on billboards, in conversations, in media, in moral and political debates. They find that they can't so much as talk to someone of the same age without (depending on the equally odd notion of "sexual orientation") sex being expected to be an eventual part of the conversation. Something that doesn't make an ounze of sense is just odd, but something that doesn't make an ounce of sense that's really important is pretty scary. This is why I go out of my way to avoid sex, not because of the act itself but because there's so much of a social mess around it. I have more thoughts on this, but I'll leave it at this for now... Link to post Share on other sites
bard of aven Posted March 28, 2003 Share Posted March 28, 2003 I think I agree, if I understand what you are trying to say. I don't find the thought or depiction of sexual activity particualrly disgusting. Messy, perhaps. But messy does not equal bad, for me. And sometimes hilarious. And as I have said in other threads, I actually enjoy most of the strong odors associated with being embodied. Sex is just not something I am interested in or attracted to doing with anyone. As far as having asexuality put you out of the conversational or social loop, or making certain conversational or social situations uncomfortable or fearful, sure. That happens. When that happens, I tend to listen attentively and not speak. On those rare occasions when conversants try to pry something out of me, I tell them that I don't discuss my personal life with people not involved in it, and don't understand why anyone does. Oddly, the people who know I am asexual think the really oddball, screwy, scary thing about me is that I don't own a tv. Not owning a tv puts me out of the social and conversational loop a lot more than being asexual. There is another interesting question buried in skiddalox's thread: rips off the knickers, strokes the bottom, bites gently into the skin... Would the asexual person FEEL anything sexual? NO because he/she hadn'T been given sexual genes or whatever! I wonder about that. I am not sure it is universally true of asexuals. People subjected to involuntary sexual stimulation sometimes find themselves involuntarily stimulated, even if they are repulsed rather than attracted. It happens in some cases of forced sex, more to men than women, I think, and in some instances of seduction by one outside of one's usual orientation. Now that would REALLY be scary, and really screwy to try to deal with during and after the fact. The scariest part of being asexual for me is probably when someone does make advances on me physically. Fortunately, it's a very rare occurrance..... (and this is my post 100...no longer a junior...yippie!!!) boa Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted March 28, 2003 Share Posted March 28, 2003 It's the same answer to the "Do asexuals masturbate?" question. It varies with each individual. If I would have been in that scenario, it wouldn't have went past the "moves closer" part. I don't know why I am so repulsed by sex, but I am o_O Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted March 28, 2003 Share Posted March 28, 2003 It's the same answer to the "Do asexuals masturbate?" question. It varies with each individual. If I would have been in that scenario, it wouldn't have went past the "moves closer" part. I don't know why I am so repulsed by sex, but I am o_O Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted March 28, 2003 Share Posted March 28, 2003 Damn double post. Sorry x_x Link to post Share on other sites
AVENguy Posted March 28, 2003 Author Share Posted March 28, 2003 Thinking outloud/online... Ok, so there are two types of sexual aversion- A) Aversion to the physical act of sex itself B) Aversion to the expectations around sex (if that makes any sense.) I aree that we can't make blanket statements about what asexuals feel and what they don't, it's definitely going to be a mix. I'm trying to imagine myself in that situation and there are alot of elements flying around ... Generally speaking I like my knickers on, thank you very much, and if I am going to remove them I would like to have a good reason. If someone else takes it upon themselves to remove them I'll consider that an invasion of my personal space, and that will make me uncomfortable. That being said I like hugging people, and at times I even like sleeping with them (the literal definition, obviously.) So would sleeping next to someone be all THAT different if our orafaces were configured differently? (Unlike some members of this board I've never HAD sex, so I can't really answer this question from experience. Not that I think it's an important enough question to warrent the energy required to find out, and not that I think there's anything wrong with having had it..) It makes a big difference in my mind whether or not they know I'm asexual. If they don't then they're going under the active assumption that the sex is first and foremost about us getting off (not us sleeping together), which would probably make it a good deal less desireable. This is the expectations bit. If someone that physically close to me expects me to react in a way that I'm not then I can see it getting pretty uncomfortable pretty fast, both because they're doing alot of things to my body that I don't particularely like and becuase they're expecting me ot get as sexually excited as they are, which isn't what I want to do. The other possibility, which (MAYBE) works better, is that they know I'm asexual and have an arrangement where we sleep together and do all of the things about that I like and they sort of have sex with me on the side. An abstract kind of hug. I don't know how pheasible this is, or if it would even work psychologically for the sexual person. Basically reducing sex to it's sensual components and taking it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted March 29, 2003 Share Posted March 29, 2003 No energy to think about the question right now but thank you DJ, you put into words what ive been trying to articulate for a while - "This same person, curious about what exactly is going on, leaves the nonsexual bubble in which they have spent their life and ventures out to find that sex is EVERYWHERE, on billboards, in conversations, in media, in moral and political debates. They find that they can't so much as talk to someone of the same age without (depending on the equally odd notion of "sexual orientation") sex being expected to be an eventual part of the conversation. Something that doesn't make an ounze of sense is just odd, but something that doesn't make an ounce of sense that's really important is pretty scary." That pretty much sums it up. That's my life, our lives. *would dearly like to say something intelligent now but has hardly ever felt this tired before and can really not think* maybe I better stick to reading the posts and not responding yet, lol...I havent been here in a few days..so busy...I need the connection but i gotta come back when Im less tired. im at work now and counting the minutes (90) till i can leave and go sleep. Kate Link to post Share on other sites
coralleane Posted March 29, 2003 Share Posted March 29, 2003 It's vaguely like taxes. In my happy little private life that don't make much of a difference and I could happily never think about them, but unfortunately every time I get my paypacket I am forcefully reminded that I have to pay the damn things, and that gets on my nerves. And I expect that didn't make an ounce of sense to anyone not inhabiting my mind. ~Coral Link to post Share on other sites
ogbg Posted March 29, 2003 Share Posted March 29, 2003 It's vaguely like taxes. In my happy little private life that don't make much of a difference and I could happily never think about them, but unfortunately every time I get my paypacket I am forcefully reminded that I have to pay the damn things, and that gets on my nerves. And I expect that didn't make an ounce of sense to anyone not inhabiting my mind. (cheers wildly) Wow!! What a fantastic comparison!! :D YAAAAY!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Skiddaloxx Posted April 1, 2003 Share Posted April 1, 2003 In the sex thread i started to wonder about all the people, who are apparently getting sick by the act. For me, it gradually became an "Asexuality Vs. Aversion to Sex" discussion, which basically are 2 different reasons why people don't f%$k. It might not be true but asexuality is like a blank canvas or an auto-handshake. It's not dependend on outside-stimuli or stimuli at all because the antenna for sexual attraction doesn't exist within _______whereas_______ an aversion to sex, may it be to the mere physical act or the general hype around it (which for me is another story with anthology-volumen), suggests that there is a problem with sex when there shouldn't be one. Sorry, i have to leave now! I love all your interesting posts! :D Your Skiddaloxx Link to post Share on other sites
ogbg Posted April 4, 2003 Share Posted April 4, 2003 'Kay, I got an idea... let's envision a tuna salad. Yes, a tuna salad. HUMOR ME.... (grins) Some people will eat it, some people won't. The reasons for not eating it? Person one: (shrugs) "I simply feel no need to eat the tuna salad!" :? Person two: (gags and retches) "Eww, it smells totally gross!!" :x Person three: "A p...poor fishie got KILLED to make that salad!! (sob!)" :cry: Heck, they've all got different reasons for not wanting to eat the tuna salad, and they could bust off into seperate groups because of that: -"People who simply don't feel like eating tuna salad" -"People who are repulsed by tuna salad" -"People who are against the consumption of tuna salad because it supports the killing of innocent fishies" BUT it all boils down to one thing - None of them want to eat the tuna salad!! Catch my drift?? lol We may all have different viewpoints of sex, but ultimately, we're all the same. (cheers) We're asexuals!!! Woohoo!!![/code] Link to post Share on other sites
Skiddaloxx Posted April 5, 2003 Share Posted April 5, 2003 I don't eat............... .........fish. Link to post Share on other sites
Bestatued Head Posted April 6, 2003 Share Posted April 6, 2003 Wooooh! Skiddaloxx, what was that for? That looks fun........ Link to post Share on other sites
ogbg Posted April 6, 2003 Share Posted April 6, 2003 You don't eat fish?! What's WRONG with you?!! lol Oi, joking, joking... I'm actually a vegan. Hee hee hee :P Do you avoid eating fish because it tastes/smells gross? Or do you feel sorry for the fish? I can't imagine it has anything to do with health reasons, because doctors and nutritionalists are always saying how damned healthy it is :x Ugh!! Link to post Share on other sites
ogbg Posted April 6, 2003 Share Posted April 6, 2003 You don't eat fish?! What's WRONG with you?!! lol Oi, joking, joking... I'm actually a vegan. Hee hee hee :P Do you avoid eating fish because it tastes/smells gross? Or do you feel sorry for the fish? I can't imagine it has anything to do with health reasons, because doctors and nutritionalists are always saying how damned healthy it is to eat fish :x Ugh!! Link to post Share on other sites
ogbg Posted April 6, 2003 Share Posted April 6, 2003 Whoops! Double-post! My bad :cry: Computer wasn't loading, so I figured the message hadn't been sent yet and I could change the last sentence. Bloody 'ell!! lol Link to post Share on other sites
Skiddaloxx Posted April 6, 2003 Share Posted April 6, 2003 O, i stopped eating fish when i was 13. I am not sure why, cause i loved it as a kid. And btw: you are loooooovely! *wink wink nudge nudge* >(|||°} Link to post Share on other sites
Moose-Alini Posted April 7, 2003 Share Posted April 7, 2003 Heh I used to like fish when I was younger but now I can't stand it. Maybe this is like that garlic question, do asexual people like fish?! :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
bard of aven Posted April 7, 2003 Share Posted April 7, 2003 I only like 2 kinds of seafood: cooked and raw. boa Link to post Share on other sites
Moose-Alini Posted April 7, 2003 Share Posted April 7, 2003 Actually I guess ill clarify. I love sushi but I hate cooked fish. Cooked always tastes more fishy than sushi. Link to post Share on other sites
coralleane Posted April 7, 2003 Share Posted April 7, 2003 I like most sorts of fish. ;) ~Coral Link to post Share on other sites
coralleane Posted April 7, 2003 Share Posted April 7, 2003 But not fishfingers or fishsticks. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted April 8, 2003 Share Posted April 8, 2003 I love fish! And seafood! The only seafood I won't eat is clams because I don't like the texture. If they're fried though it's all good :) EDIT: Argh . . . I just noticed the double sense meaning of my last post >_< Link to post Share on other sites
ogbg Posted April 8, 2003 Share Posted April 8, 2003 Holy flying goldfish!! This is one fishy chat!! I'm certainly feeling like a fish out of water. I would pull a red herring, and ask if we cod get back on topic, but I have other fish to fry And once you all realize how trout... erm, trite, this conversation has become, I think you'll be singing a different tuna anyway!! Ha ha ha!! Well, I'd better high-tail it out of here before everybody turns green around the gills from my excess punning!! (grins) Yeep!! I'm FINished now, I swear!! I can be salmon, erm, solemn when I try really hard... (cringes at her own puns) (WAVEs)!! Sea you later :P Link to post Share on other sites
aury Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 rips off the knickers, strokes the bottom, bites gently into the skin... Would the asexual person FEEL anything sexual? NO because he/she hadn'T been given sexual genes or whatever! anyone who bites me is gonna have a foot up their ass. :? :x Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 Oogie - *LMAO* Link to post Share on other sites
Shadow Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 Oddly, the people who know I am asexual think the really oddball, screwy, scary thing about me is that I don't own a tv. Not owning a tv puts me out of the social and conversational loop a lot more than being asexual. Hee, boa, if you haven't seen this you must check it out: an article in this week's Onion, titled "Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television." (click title for link) I pass on this link in the spirit of affection and giggles; I see myself in the parody as much as anyone, since last year I didn't have a TV and damned if it didn't come up in conversation fairly often! I mean, someone makes a reference I don't get, and there's not much I can say other than "umm, I haven't seen any TV in a year." And, back on topic - oogieboogie, I loved your tuna salad comparison. It works quite well. Link to post Share on other sites
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