Pretend Sexuality & Assumptions! | What do other people think?

[devdev]

Please, take this quiz! I'm really interested to see how people answer! I'm thinking that if we get an overwhelming tendency of response, we'll learn how to better-identify other asexuals and maybe that'll give us a better chance of determining whether others are asexual!

I'm labeled by others as male, and I'm physically male. I think initially, I tend to be labeled as "gay."

I feel pressure to pretend to have a sexual orientation, but I often end up acting both "gay" and "straight." One moment, I feel the need to act "straight," and the next minute, I feel the need to act "gay," because I start to fear that I'm giving people the wrong idea about what I want. I suppose most people who aren't super-close to me might be a bit confused. Ultimately, I think I get some sort of sick joy out of confusing people or keeping them guessing, probably because I don't like being labeled either way and I'm amused by the fact that people seem so content to label each other one way or the other.

[Nyxity]

I tried to vote, but the last two had no answers suitable.

When people initially meet you (based on mannerisms, speech, and appearance) how do you think they tend to label you?

I have no idea

I'm labeled as male - do you pretend to have an orientation? Answer the way you typically respond.

I'm not labeled as male

I'm labeled as female - do you pretend to have an orientation? Answer the way you typically respond.

No, I don't give into the pressure

In general, which sexual orientation and gender do you find tends to suit you best as a friend? Which orientation and gender tends to relate best to you personally?

I have no idea. I don't know many people.

Do you think people are generally confused about your sexuality?

I don't think enough people know me well enough to decide that.

[Hayley]

I imagine that, when people initially meet me, they assume that I'm heterosexual simply because that is what is considered to be the norm. The fact that I am romantically involved with someone of the opposite sex most likely reinforces this assumption.

I am female - I don't pretend anything about my orientation. If people ask or the subject arises I'll mention and explain my asexuality, but I don't think any sexuality or even a lack thereof is something that there's any need to make a big issue about. I couldn't care less.

My friends are extremely varied, I don't suit any particular orientation or gender as friends better and can't imagine why it would matter. I cannot answer this question.

I don't know. I find that, if I have a male partner at any time, people assume that I am heterosexual. That combined with the fact that I don't ever really mention finding someone attractive likely means I just get dumped into the heterosexual box with most people.

[devdev]

As for friends... there needs to be an "I don't know/I don't care/Other" option. Depends on personality more than anything else. Sometimes I find girls/women to be a little too catty; females have some damn weird social dynamics. With a close friend, of course, those things shouldn't be an issue, but I do find I'm more self-conscious with females. Probably most of the best conversations I've ever had are with guys (though not exclusively, for sure), and as long as I know they're not interested in me for superficial reasons, I'm a lot more relaxed than I am with women. All that being said, I still definitely have more female friends/acquaintances than I do male ones. And I couldn't give a crap what orientation anyone is, as long as they're not trying to hit on me.

Please realize, I'm not asking for you to judge your friends according to their sexual orientation. I'm asking you think about the people with whom you tend to become the closest friends. I'm asking you to think about the sexual orientation and gender those people commonly tend to have. I'm hesitant to allow for the selection of an alternative option, because I want to force people to think about their tendency to want to connect with these different types of people. Perhaps I should revise the wording a bit and possibly allowing multiple selections.

[Blerdivor]

I don't feel I fit under the choices. I think confused is the only way I can describe myself.

[ily]

I think most people assume I'm straight. I think that's what most people assume about everyone, unless you look stereotypically gay. I even thought I was straight before I knew about asexuality, so it's not like it's hard to do. I think most of us consider asexuality to be our orientation. That said, I don't pretend to have a different one. People will always see what they want to see, and there's not much I can do about that.

[dream.incinerator]

I don't really fit under the choices since I'm androgynous, it would be nice to have androgynous/genderqueer/intersex choices too.

[kt8]

I'm female, and I would say that it's a pretty even split - I don't know what people are thinking, but I'm guessing that they tend to assume that I'm straight. However, when they spend more time with me, then it gets to the point where they're no longer sure if I'm straight. I've had two friends tell me that they had been wondering what my orientation was, since I don't really express interest in either sex, but I have my hair short in the fashion of (I guess) the stereotypical lesbian, so they had been confused. And since they asked me point blank what my orientation was, I just told them that I'm asexual. I wouldn't lie about my sexuality, but usually people don't ask, so I let them assume that I'm straight (since I'm hetero-romantic, anyway). If they think I'm lesbian and voice this, I tell them that I'm not (which is true).

As far as friends go, the large majority of my friends right now are gay men, and the female portion are straight. Of course, this isn't really a tendency, it just happens to have worked out that way - last year, I had friends of all varieties, but mostly spent time with straight men and women. But really, I have all kinds of friends - I have best friends from all sexualities of every sex. Including asexuality! :P

[pawprint prettysure]

When people initially meet you (based on mannerisms, speech, and appearance) how do you think they tend to label you?

Female - they probably can't decide my orientation

I'm labeled as female - do you pretend to have an orientation?

no, I don't give into the pressure

Think about the people who really "click" with you, your closest friends. Think about the orientation label and gender these friends tend to be given by society. What are they?

"gay/lesbian" people of my same gender

Do you think people are generally confused about your sexuality?

yes, they are confused or can't decide

[devdev]

I don't really fit under the choices since I'm androgynous, it would be nice to have androgynous/genderqueer/intersex choices too.

I do! If you're androgynous, you can select "They probably can't determine my gender." I'm asking your gender as it would be determined by others, not yourself. And if people can't determine your gender, they can't determine your orientation.

I feel like people aren't reading my poll!

[martianJusticiar]

I don't know what other people see me as. I have such a hard time thinking of myself as a sexual being that I literally forget to imagine the possibility of being considered so by other people. Some people in high school thought I was a lesbian, but only after a while of knowing me as "that girl who has short hair, wears the boy's uniform and hasn't been seen dating any boys." Since then, the only people who have jumped to conclusions are people who I have explicitly told I was asexual and didn't want to believe me... you know the type.

I'm pretty out about being asexual. All of my friends know it, and if they refuse to believe it... well, they don't stay my friend for long. I've even been out at work before... it's not something I share in interviews, but if the subject comes up, I'm honest about it. As far as I'm concerned, someone who's shallow enough to dislike me for my orientation is someone who will find something else stupid to dislike me for, so lying and compromising at my own expense to make other people more comfortable isn't worth it.

Most of my friends are also female, but they're pretty mixed as far as orientation goes. I even know a couple of other asexuals and someone I strongly suspect is demisexual.

[Guest]

I'm male. That means I'm a guy. Since I'm 22, I'm a man. That means I'm male.

Most label(ed) me a gay/homosexual. At school and even college, both strangers and aqaintences asked if I was gay or stated "he must be gay *giggle*". It didn't help how most of my friends were male and I usually hung around with them.

At school I mainly pretended to be straight where such issues arose, but during the later years and especially throughout college, I presented a more neautral interest and steered clear from such related topics as much as possible. I can't really recall anyone asking about my sexuality throughout college though. For the most part, it was no ones business.

All my friends were straight to at least some degree, although a few were questionable though.

People are confused about my sexuality but instead of thinking about it they just go ahead and assume quickly and spread false rumours, mostly to try to get me bullied more.

People can be so stupid....

[annwyl_cariad]

Female - They probably can't decide my orientation

No, I don't give in to the pressure

Straight people of both my gender and other genders

Yes, they are confused or can't decide.

I have had several friends tell me that before I came out to them as asexual, they honestly didn't know what the hell I was, haha. In the past, I have always made a point of not being explicitly any particular orientation, because I like to challenge the assumption that sexuality is simply a matter of giving yourself a particular label and then that's who you are. A lot of people probably thought I was bi or pan, which is perfectly fine with me. Of course, a lot of people probably thought I was straight just because I have a femme appearance rather than a butch one. And yeah, especially in middle and early high school, some people thought I was gay just because I expressed no interest in getting a boyfriend. I like it when people are confused about my orientation. It clearly makes them uncomfortable and challenges their expectations, and I like that.

I tend to click best with straight people, in general. The vast majority of my friends are straight women. I have more gay male friends than straight male friends, but my straight male friends are closer to me than my gay male friends. The gay guys I know...I love them to death, but they talk about sex all the time and it gets old after a while. (Not to say all gay guys are like this, just the ones that I know).

The straight guys that I do click with, I really like and have a lot of fun with. And now that I'm more out as asexual, the straight guys I choose to associate with don't expect something out of the relationship that I don't, which has been a big barrier in my relationships with straight guys in the past. I've only recently started to explore the possibility of straight male friendships again, because past experience had led met to believe that the guy will always try to get with you, and I'm now realizing that's not the case, especially if they know from the start that you're not into that kind of thing.

I also have one very good female friend who identifies as bisexual, but whom I suspect may have some asexy tendencies.

[Bero]

I have no idea what people think of me. Sexuality never really comes up in my social circles, and all my friends are straight (as far as I know). They probably assume I'm straight, too, as I've never given them any indication otherwise. (My long-time online friend has called me "the most asexual person [she's] ever met" though...) When I came out to my parents, they said they got that I wasn't really into guys, and they just assumed I wasn't into girls, either, so maybe that's the general consensus? (To quote Big Bang Theory, a kind of: "We just assume [bero] has no 'deal.'")

For people I'm not close to, if they don't care, they probably assume I'm straight. If they do, they probably assume I'm a lesbian, since I've never had a boyfriend (and don't go crazy over "hot guys"), basically all my friends are female, and I dress in guys' clothing and act fairly masculine. No one's ever labeled me where I could hear them, though, so that's just guesswork.

I'm generally an extremey tricky person to pin down, though, so most people probably don't feel like trying to figure out my orientation, especially since I don't talk about those things. So I picked all the enigmatic options on this poll (except the gender one (assuming that you meant biological sex)... it's pretty obvious I'm physically female :().

[Rai]

The questions were a little confusing. But I'm assuming you mean pretending to be Hetero/homoSEXUAL rather than hetero/homoROMANTIC.

I'm physically female, probably labeled that way by people too.

And I guess if you assume I'm a female, then I'd be seen as a "lesbian" because I tend to date girls.

Since I'm only open to asexual relationships now, you might call me more "panromantic", but my "kind of man" is so obscure it might as well not even be counted as an option.

Oddly enough my orientation depends a lot on how my gender feels like expressing itself at any given time. When I'm feeling FEMALE then I oddly find myself more "straight", my usual gender which is well...nothing...leaves me feeling more "whatever" to the gender of who I'm dating. When I'm feeling MALE, again I'm more straight (of course, towards females as a heterosexual male). Though I think if I were physically male, I might be more attracted to other men.

Of course this isn't something I want to ramble off to people I've just met, so "lesbian" sums it up well enough. I rarely even get into the asexual bit.

[articvibe]

When people initially meet you (based on mannerisms, speech, and appearance) how do you think they tend to label you?

Male and they proably think im gay on first apperance just going off the way that i dress :P but i honestly couldnt give two sh*ts

I'm labeled as male - do you pretend to have an orientation?

Noo i like to confuse, i just love messing with peoples heads especialy seen as someones sexuality is seeen as privlaged information these days so peoople are too polite to assume :P

Think about the people who really "click" with you, your closest friends. Think about the orientation label and gender these friends tend to be given by society. What are they?

Female friends and lesbians, lesbians becuase there not interested in me and just girls in generaly because there just so damn beautifull lol not so much men because ive got massive man hate/resentment problems lol if i didnt think that feminisim is screwing with society i would soo be in there.

Do you think people are generally confused about your sexuality?

Lol yip in fact its a frequent topic of disccusion amiungst my new friends when they think that their out of ear shot from me, i find the whole thing terribly ammusing ^^

[AVENCakes]

I'm non-binary.

Most people aren't really sure where to put me or think I'm a guy.

No matter what they think I am- they think I'm gay.

I don't pretend to be anything.

I click more with people who aren't heteronormative or binariest, particularly those at the lower level of the sexuality scale.

[GardenMeLost]

When people initially meet you (based on mannerisms, speech, and appearance) how do you think they tend to label you?

Male - they probably label me "gay/homosexual"

I've had friends tell me that people ask them frequently if I am gay.

I'm labeled as male - do you pretend to have an orientation? Answer the way you typically respond.

no, I don't give into the pressure

While I said no, I often accentuate my gay mannerisms as I more closely identify with the GLBT culture than the heterosexual culture. I don't often tell people what I am, as I have not 100% decided myself, but I tend not to correct people one way or the other.

In general, which sexual orientation and gender do you find tends to suit you best as a friend? Which orientation and gender tends to relate best to you personally?

"gay/lesbian" people of my same gender

"straight" people of opposite gender

I often say "I can't think of any straight male friends that I have. The ones who are straight are incredibly GLBT friendly and/or flamboyant." I rarely get along with straight males. For some reason I don't have many lesbian friends, but I get along with straight or homosexual females.

Do you think people are generally confused about your sexuality?

yes, they are confused or can't decide

Like I said before, people are always asking me or my friends. Sometimes I find it really entertaining that people must know! Other times I get just as frustrated as them. If they are close friends, I'll talk to them about the asexual culture, but often times I'll leave it ambiguous on purpose.

[outofeden]

It's kind of obvious that I'm biologically female, although I have short hair.

People just assume I'm a lesbian. I mostly let guys think I'm a lesbian so they won't hit on me.

My closest friends tend to be straight guys or girl who are bisexual and/or not traditionally girly.

[TheLocalDinosaur]

I am many times mistaken to be a boy, but it doesn't really bother me. I prefer looking androgynous because I don't like stereotypical gender roles. I believe many people are very confused about my orientation, but I like to keep people guessing, because then they might ask and I'll have the opportunity to share with them about asexuality. :)

[Sally]

I don't know why this has never occurred to me before in a long life, but a number of people have asked me if I'm lesbian over the years, which I am definitely not (both men and women ick me out). I always wondered why they thought so. Maybe some asexuals give out such a cluelessness as to sexual cues and an absence of sexual tension that people just go to the next square: lesbian for women and gay for men. It always kind of pissed me off that they felt it necessary to classify me to settle their own confusion.

[skai]

I don't really know if other people ever wonder about my orientation or anything like that. In highschool though, I admit I used to be worried that people would think I was a lesbian because I never had a boyfriend or talked about boys. I know that being gay or lesbian isn't bad, some of my best friends are, but in my highschool a person could be practically tortured if they came out. Obviously I was incredibly insecure back then, and now I really don't give a shit what other people think of me.

[vrazda verlaine]

I'm female. I think most people assume I'm bisexual. I'm a bit "subculture" looking, which is kind of a stereotypical image of a bisexual girl. I say I'm straight if I don't feel like sharing the fact that I'm asexual - I am heteroromantic, so it's not really a lie. My friends are honestly all across the board, so I wasn't sure what to choose for that section.

[fangirl42]

People assume I'm lesbian. Oddly, my presentation doesn't matter: when I present in a more feminine manner, they assume I'm femme; when I present in a less feminine manner ('cause I don't really ever present as masculine), they assume I'm butch. Continuing the trend, when most of my friends were male, people assumed I was a lesbian; now that most of my friends are female people assume… the same thing. I guess I set off people's gaydar, or something.

[Axalotl]

I do not know if it is just the circles I move in, but sexuality doesn't seem to be a big deal. I've never had a partner, but others in my group are in the same boat while being clearly heterosexual. So everyone seems to asume I am just a reserved heterosexual, and I assume they are heterosexual if I have no reason to believe otherwise. Which I don't, as every partnering has been male-female.

[Senny]

The results of this poll are very interesting! I'm intrigued by how it shows that most people assume asexual men are gay, while most people assume that asexual women are straight, although more women than men "pretend to be gay".

Anyways, because I'm panromantic and panaffectionate, I present and people read me as bi/queer, thought I wouldn't call it "pretending".

[Sleeping Beauty]

I am clearly a girl and people assume me to be straight since I am visibly heteroromantic and I am supposed to be celibate (you know, the same old "You haven't met the right person yet"). I gave up trying to explain the difference since the most open minded friend I have didn't get it, so I pretend to be straight.