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Hotness blindness


Siggy

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A Long Time Ago

I've always had hotblindness that oscillated from slight to total periodically over time including during a period of time when I was slightly sexual (my sexuality has been quite fluid). During that sexual phase, it was somewhat odd to be hotblind for a part of it, now that I think about it. Regardless of what my sexuality is (slightly sexual, asexual, grey-A), I have always been able to separate aesthetic beauty from hotness and never confused the two (quite a few sexuals confuse the two).

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For me, I can sometimes tell when others think someone is hot, even though I don't find them hot myself. Other times I don't see it at all. For example completely don't get how Robert Pattinson or Megan Fox are seen as hot. I tend to think people who have nice personalities also look more attractive.

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I guess I have that.

for the longest time I though "hot" meant "aesthetically pleasing" or something like it.

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This explains a lot. I could never get a similar reaction when my friends spot somebody "HOT". I would usually reply, "She has beautiful skin." or "He's pretty good looking." If I have no mood, I would go "Tsk..." or just ignore, for all I care, you're not going to be in any relationship with that HOT person anyway.

I think I get "over-friendly" sometimes and also get oblivious when somebody is interested in me. Sigh.

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I don't like the word "hot". I never have, not even when I was very young. I never quite understood why it made me uncomfortable until I learned what "objectification" means. I'd much rather call someone/be called myself handsome, or beautiful, or gorgeous, or even just attractive - all words with less implications of the person in question being simply subjectively "doable", and more respect and admiration.

I know that sounds weird coming from someone as sexual as me, it's just a quirk I've always had. I'm simply not comfortable with that word.

P.

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I consider myself biromantic, for a variety of reasons. However, I find women much more aesthetically attractive; and since I am a woman myself, I am allowed to say things like "She's pretty" without anything more being expected of me. I definitely recognize the attractiveness of men, in a "He's handsome" kind of way. But it seems to me like "hot" is something else. It's not just physical aesthetics, which is about all I'm capable of. It also implies sexual desire, and most sexuals I've talked to say it takes into account personality as well. So if someone were to say, "Isn't he handsome?" I could agree or disagree as I saw fit. But someone saying, "Isn't he hot?" just baffles me.

This happened earlier:

Ali: *waves to friend through the window of the restaurant we're eating in as he walks by* *turns to me, explaining* He's in my class. He's Irish. Isn't he hot!?

Me: *slight awkward silence, only brief*

Ali: Or didn't you see him?

Me: *relieved, although I had seen a little* No, I didn't see him that well.

Ali: Well, he's hot. Just take my word for it.

It's something I can't participate in. For me, people are never "hot". They might be aesthetically attractive, but as far as I understand the term "hot", I don't feel that. I would never snap my head around to look at someone because they were "hot". In malls, I don't make comments as some of my other friends do, like, "I haven't seen many hot guys around today" because I truly don't see the hotness. In malls and crowds and stuff, I don't even see aesthetic attractiveness, because it's just not on my radar. It's really awkward for me to talk about hotness, particularly with friends who talk about it all the time.

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  • 1 month later...

Asexual, but...

I've always thought "hot" = "aesthetically pleasing"? I never knew it had a sexual meaning.

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  • 3 weeks later...

So, I can appreciate aesthetic beauty from an artistic view, and I think some people are sexy based on the way they move. However, a simple photo of someone I find irrelevant in terms of hotness. The people I consider sexy are also not necessarily what others consider hot, because it's actually uncorrelated. I love painting portraits of pretty people (and I spend enough time looking at their face if I'm painting them that I dislike painting unattractive people). My crushes are often enough people I find sexy but not handsome or pretty. They tend to have awesome personalities and a certain grace when they move. They are also not hideous.

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I don't think I notice "hotness". Generally, this is what happens with me. I'll be with a friend who comment on how "hot" someone looks. If I think about it, I can see why someone might consider that person "hot", but it takes someone else to comment on it first. Generally, I just see a person who I'm talking to or interacting with in some way. I'm a married asexual and people will tell me my husband is "cute", but to me he just looks like the person I've hung out with and had a partnership with for a long time. I think he's nice looking (cute and geeky at the same time), but it's always funny to me that other people notice he's attractive since I generally don't notice when people are attractive.

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It's something I can't participate in. For me, people are never "hot". They might be aesthetically attractive, but as far as I understand the term "hot", I don't feel that. I would never snap my head around to look at someone because they were "hot". In malls, I don't make comments as some of my other friends do, like, "I haven't seen many hot guys around today" because I truly don't see the hotness. In malls and crowds and stuff, I don't even see aesthetic attractiveness, because it's just not on my radar. It's really awkward for me to talk about hotness, particularly with friends who talk about it all the time.

I too don't notice aesthetics in a crowd. There would have to be a small number of people in front of me for me to take note of their appearances. There seems to be a fascination with "hot" people, where people turn their heads around to just stare at them, or they go looking for them...etc. I have even heard of people choosing universities based on which campus had the most hot people on it. I don't understand all that.

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  • 2 weeks later...
red_brick_dream

I seem to be incapable of separating small details from the big picture. I notice and appreciate physical beauty in its presence, but don't notice or lament it in its absence. If someone is adorable and awesome but not classically "beautiful," it wouldn't occur to me to look at them in that way, because I already harbour a solid association between the way the person looks and the way the person is. Like the cover of a great book. The content makes the cover less and less relevent, but that's not to say a beautiful cover can't be appreciated. Furthermore, the attributes are transitive: the beautiful insides of a book, by association, can make even a mundane cover seem all the more beautiful or noteworthy than it did at first. The reverse isn't true.

But then, "beauty" is to "hotness" what "speed" is to "velocity." Simple beauty isn't strictly the subject of "hotness."

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My sense of hotness is really weird. Usually I can't tell unless they're on the extreme ends of the range, and even then it's a bit uncertain. It's true there are a few people I've thought were attractive that my firends thought I was nuts for, and people do tend to look better if I get to know them, so...

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  • 2 weeks later...

You are all wrong. There is no such thing as "blindness" to hotness or how attractive someone is or even to how non-sexually, aesthetically appealing they are because it is ALL SUBJECTIVE.

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Vampyremage

Asexual, but...

I've always thought "hot" = "aesthetically pleasing"? I never knew it had a sexual meaning.

This is exactly how I have always interpreted "hot". Well, I guess I knew that it had a sexual meaning but for me that meaning didn't really amount to anything. I basically interpreted aesthetic attractiveness to equal sexual attractiveness and it wasn't until very recently that I even realized that there was a difference between them.

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Asexual, but...

I've always thought "hot" = "aesthetically pleasing"? I never knew it had a sexual meaning.

This is exactly how I have always interpreted "hot". Well, I guess I knew that it had a sexual meaning but for me that meaning didn't really amount to anything. I basically interpreted aesthetic attractiveness to equal sexual attractiveness and it wasn't until very recently that I even realized that there was a difference between them.

Yep, I'm in the same boat. For most of my life it had never even occurred to me that there's a difference.

Granted, I didn't understand why my friends were drooling after the "hot" people, but I sorta brushed it off and thought, "To each his/her own."

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