Best responses to your asexuality

[Senny]

Our plans for world conquest of cakeshops appears to be ahead of schedule!

YEAHH! :D

[Axalotl]

Told three more friends yesterday. There was more "thanks for letting us know," which I think is the best response possible, especially when followed with a "but it doesn't really make much of a difference, you're still the same person."

One admitted she couldn't really understand it, but I can't understand sexual attraction so that is hardly surprising.

The wierd thing was her initial response.

Another friend (during a long drive): So, it's your turn to come up with a conversation topic. But not Latin.

[very brief conversation about Latin, which none of us speak]

Me: Ok, there has been someting I've been meaning to tell everyone. I'm not heterosexual.

Her: Wow. I had a dream yesterday that you told us that.

Later someone else added "So...we probably shouldn't try to set you up with someone then."

Me: Yes, that would not be a good idea.

[Mad Hatter]

I'm careful with the people I tell, basically so that I only have to deal with positive responses.

Me: oh btw I'm asexual

Friend: really? that's cool.

Me: so you don't mind?

Freind: Nope. To be honest I've suspected it for a while!

<3

[kt8]

"Are you lesbian or something?"

"No, I'm asexual."

"Oh... cool."

Later: "You're my awesome asexual friend, you're so cute! I love you."

And then there was:

"So you're asexual, huh?"

And I said yes, and answered a few questions about how one can still be romantically attracted to someone. Answering questions of curious people is the most satisfying, post-coming out senario, I think. And then another friend wants to do a presentation on it. :P

And then the best is the response of another asexual to finding out that you're asexual, and then sharing similar experiences. That's always nice.

[Library Cat]

Had a good experience just last night, wanted to share it.

So I was talking to one of my friends, let's call her D, on cbox. We were talking about our favorite movie (Repo! the Genetic Opera), and roleplaying with the Largo siblings (characters from the movie). Now, I have this fangirl love for Luigi (Weegee, we call him affectionatly, much to his distaste), and this happened:

D : *pokes your profile* says you're asexual. (I say I'm asexual on DeviantArt, where we met)

D : Or does Weegee not count?

Me: Oh, I am, why?

D : Cause you love Weegee.

Me: Well, asexuals can still pursue romantic relationships and fall in love, we aren't emotionless. ^^

D : Oh, I was thinking about sex, but nevermind. Cool. ^^

D : Sorry if I offended.

Me: Oh, don't worry! I'm glad you asked!

Me: Usually people think I'm lying, am repressed, or was abused. Which is not the case. v.v

D : I don't mind anyone's sexuality, as long as they aren't doing it to look cool.

D : Like a lot of kids saying they're bisexual when really they're not.

Me: Well, I don't think asexuality is considered cool. No one knows about us.

Then a little later in the conversation...

D : I need a man.

Me: I just want someone to play board games with.

D : Awwww.

D : Weegee can play CandyLand... I think.

Me: It would be sweet if he did! <3

D : I can see it now... "Luigi: MR. PLUM? ****! *stabs board*

Me: LMFAO.

Best response ever. ^^ And she seemed genuinely curious, which made me really happy!

[HeidiUK]

Ha! That's totally awesome! You have a cool friend.

H xx

[Lupin1]

Talking to my roommate from college on AIM:

Me: I've decided that I'm asexual.

Her: Again?

Me: I've decided that before?

Her: Yup. You told me that our first year of college.

Me: *disappointed* Oh. And I thought this was a new realization about myself...

Her: Nope.

Me: Oh... ok.

Me: So, how's the family?

[geek-in-a-half-shell]

"You're asexual? What a waste..."

For some reason, I lol'd HARD. :D

[Sally]

I finally told a lesbian friend about it and said, "You've probably never heard of asexuality, have you?" and she said "Oh sure, I have," and then she went on to discuss something else. Absolutely no reaction. It was wonderful.

[Urrrrn]

My sister's boyfriend.

"So you don't have a boyfriend?"

"I'm asexual."

"Really? Cool. Cause guys are fuckin assholes!"

He was the first person who didn't compare me to an amoeba.

[Cehrazad]

This isn't so much a response to my asexuality, but in one of my classes, my professor was talking about something or other and said, "we've all experienced sexual attraction at sometime or another." I shook my head. I've no idea if she saw it or not (large lecture class) but she paused and said, "well, most of us experience sexual attraction." Closest thing I've ever heard to a professor saying asexuals exist at all outside of the biological context. I went and talked to her after class, and she was really great about it. She said that she realised what she'd said after she had said it and didn't want to exclude anyone, but that she also didn't want to get into an indepth discussion of the topic in order to avoid any potentially nasty situations, especially considering it really had nothing to do with what we were actually supposed to be talking about.

Also, I love this topic, by the way. Every response makes me smile. to all.

[toujours]

The best response to my asexuality is the fact that it has come from most people. In no particular way, but mostly in genuine interest and sincere belief in what I'm saying. Bad responses are more scarce.

UHmmm also, perhaps the fact that people ask me to show them my writings about it, cause they are interested.

[VirginalLikeSnowWhite]

This came from Conservative Christian: "That´s good. Too many people are whores nowadays."

[ThisGirlKissedPau]

I really loved this one: "I ENVY YOU!" is what somebody said to me once XD

[Epsilon]

This topic makes me smile! :D

I don't really remember all of the responses I've had...mostly silence I think. I've only told my best friends, my family, and some guy that kept joking about us having sex. I'm not hiding it or anything though. If the topic of my sexual orientation comes up, I'll definitely let people know. :cake:

[Floor]

"I want only your happiness."

That made my week!

[Jingo]

So this may not even count as "omg best thing ever" or even a coming-out, but it makes me feel thankful anyway, knowing how some responses can go horribly wrong.

My guy friend and I joked about me being asexual long before I seriously considered the label (I split in half once a year and my other me dies from lack of food in my house ;)). Then a few weeks ago there was the incident that made me seriously consider it, when I admitted I wouldn't even want to kiss and he basically had to collect his jaw off the floor. But instead of denying what I said he sort of interrogated me ("So what if this happens? Okay, say it's someone you like? What if they try doing this?") but it wasn't in a challenging way, and at the end of it he was just like huh. So I guess you are an amoeba. :L

Since then the topic has come up a few times, and he's playfully poked at the idea to test boundaries I think ("I don't see how someone so asexual could have so many love songs on their iTunes." Well, dear, that's why I'm heteromantic. :P). I think he's just genuinely a little confused about the idea, which I find fine because he's fairly sexual and asexuality isn't really known. There is bound to be confusion. I think if he coupled that with a "I think you're lying/Asexuality doesn't exist" attitude I would be hurt by it, but he's more or less accepted it I believe (he said that he thought my asexuality was the most abnormal thing about me, which I could possibly take offense to excepttttt that I never thought I was normal even if you ignored my disinterest in sex xD so it just makes me laugh instead and makes me glad he sees it as a part of me, however odd it is).

So yeah. Maybe not the best response ever, and it might have made someone else in my shoes angry, but after reading the whole Worst Reactions thread I think this is probably on the upper end of possible reactions. I actually like that he ocassionally pokes the idea because it gives me a chance to think about it and get used to discussing it with others that might not respond well. It's nice to work this out in a "safe" environment with a friend before I may have to defend myself out in the open against people who are not as accepting. C:

[Senny]

This isn't so much a response to my asexuality, but in one of my classes, my professor was talking about something or other and said, "we've all experienced sexual attraction at sometime or another." I shook my head. I've no idea if she saw it or not (large lecture class) but she paused and said, "well, most of us experience sexual attraction." Closest thing I've ever heard to a professor saying asexuals exist at all outside of the biological context. I went and talked to her after class, and she was really great about it. She said that she realised what she'd said after she had said it and didn't want to exclude anyone, but that she also didn't want to get into an indepth discussion of the topic in order to avoid any potentially nasty situations, especially considering it really had nothing to do with what we were actually supposed to be talking about.

Also, I love this topic, by the way. Every response makes me smile. to all.

to your professor.

[Pandoren]

My brother brings it up occasionally...

I actually prepared and gave him a big speech, to which he shrugged and said "you can't help how you were born." I wasnt sure at first whether he was particularly taking me seriously or not, but he didn't let on if he wasn't. There have been two instances that I think of after that:

*talking about future kids*

"It's funny how you want children but you don't want to make them, but me and [now ex-gf] are more than happy to make them but can't have any."

*about an online game i think*

"This guy has no life. I mean, he lives with his parents in the basement. This guy is a virgin!" *looks at me* "Well, you know what I mean, I mean you are a virgin by choice, this guy just can't get any."

I suppose they are good enough lol

[cap'n shmazz]

"i admire that about you"

"i don't understand it, but i will try to by learning about you along the way"

[Celinra27]

D : I need a man.

Me: I just want someone to play board games with.

D : Awwww.

D : Weegee can play CandyLand... I think.

Me: It would be sweet if he did! <3

D : I can see it now... "Luigi: MR. PLUM? ****! *stabs board*

This mental image amused me greatly.

On topic, I think the best response came from two of my friends online (who I consider two of my best friends, even if I don't know them in real life (although one I managed to meet up with one since then, but now I'm getting off-topic again)). A couple years back when I was trying to figure out my orientation, I was asking them about how they knew their orientations (they're homosexual and bisexual). After a bit of discussion, I jokingly said I was probably 'nonsexual' or something like that. An internet search led to the Wiki article on asexuality, which led to AVEN. For a while I was there, cutting quotes from the FAQ section of the site into the chat they were in, with their responses being something along the lines of "wow, that is definitely you." So it was really nice that they not only accepted it, but agreed that it sounded like me.

What's also nice is that one of these friends and I have a rather open relationship, and he doesn't mind it when I ask him weird questions because I'm trying to understand sexual people.

Another response to asexuality (though not mine in particular) came in a theater class I took. We were learning about George Bernard Shaw, and the teacher mentioned that he never had sex, not even with his wife. Most of the class was stunned that there was someone like that. I thought it was awesome that the teacher mentioned it, and that now the class knew that there were people like that.

[geek-in-a-half-shell]

I have another one:

Me: I think I might be asexual..

Joe: I'm asexual....predator..

I love that guy!

[Amputation Defenestration]

Well, this guy's known almost as long as I have, but he recently said this:

"for srs, if I were asexual I'd marry you in a heartbeat. And we'd make wonderful adoptive parents XD"

Oh! I love best friends. :]

[~Salem~]

The best, and so far only, response I've had is

Me: "I'm asexual"

Friend: "I already knew you were!"

I love how she knows me so well

[ChaliceFlame]

I'd say the people in the marriage equality group/pro homeosexual marriage gave me the best response. However off hand I couldn't repeat them.

[Masquerade]

"I'm asexual."

"What's that?"

"[explanation]."

"Oh. I still love you."

Something to that effect. :)

[silverace]

.

[silverace]

.

[Percy McKean]

"Really? I've never heard of that. Do you mind explaining, if it's not too uncomfortable?"

Although most responses seem to run along the lines of "That makes sense."

[Library Cat]

Hey Silverace (cool name btw), your friend sounds so cool! He seems very comfortable in his heterosexuality to say he thinks some males are very pretty. There are so many hetero men who are really paranoid about that, and its refreshing when you meet a guy who realizes that acknowledging another man's looks does not change their sexual orientation, and that they can't "catch teh ghey".

My best response was from my friend Dev, who was curious and very open-minded. She was mostly curious because I have a huge fangirl crush on a movie character (Repo! the Genetic Opera), and was like, "So, does that mean you don't like Luigi? Or does he not count, or what?" So I explained I still felt ROMANTIC attractions, but I didn't look at people sexually. I admitted it was unusual, but I boasted I was an unusual person anyway, and played it off as a funny quirk. She totally understood, and thinks its sweet that I can love people without being blinded by lust.

Other friends I've told have all had good reactions too. Some even wondered if they could be ace too. Now, if only I could tell my family as easily...