Am I too old for my mom to be washing my hair?

[Cupcake_Master]

People say I'm too old. I don't understand why they say that, don't all girls moms wash their hair?

When are you "too old"?

[Aimeendfire]

Im not sure what you mean...does she go with you into the bath/shower and wash your hair?

[Cupcake_Master]

Im not sure what you mean...does she go with you into the bath/shower and wash your hair?

She washes it in a sink, she stopped doing that when I was eleven or so, because it hurts both our backs.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but... no, that's not normal.

Are you sure? Positive? One hundred percent sure?

Other girls don't let their moms wash their hair? Why not?

I can understand washing yourself, I started doing that when I was nine or ten, but washing your hair?

[Aimeendfire]

I think its a personal thing really. personally I think its a little weird, but my mum never washed my hair like that.

[bristrek]

No your parents should not be washing your hair still, my parents stopped washing my hair I don't know when, but it was so long ago I don't remember. Well before I started secondary school, probably not long after they let me have a bath by myself. I mean I'll bet they were near by the start off with and had those shampoos designed for kids that don't sting but.... I was a kid. You're an adult.

Maybe parents do it now and then as a bonding thing, I dunno, if they're especially tuned into grooming like some do that brushing long hair before bed thing in movies. But washing all the time? Added in with the other posts you've made about your parents and what they won't let you do by yourself and so on.... it is really NOT normal.

Seriously, your parents have issues and they aren't letting you grow up which frankly is doing more harm than good. You need to talk with them and if that fails get in some other adult members of your family because it's just.... wrong. I appreciate they're trying to look out for you but they're really doing you no good at all.

[Cupcake_Master]

Talk..To my parents?

But, honestly, I don't see much of a problem with my lack of independence or lack of social skills. I want to be near them their entire life, and it's not like I'm going to have a job where I'm going to need to interact with people often.

[sunny_girl]

Right. Well. *clears throat* My mother used to wash my hair for me when I was little, (I say little, I mean up to the age of 12/13) but at that point in my life, I didn't have any friends, I rarely left the house apart from to go to school, and my mother is a very possessive person, so I let her carry on. (And I didn't really know any better...)

However, when I was 13/14 I made friends, started hanging out with people (hello, social awkwardness) and realised that gosh, I was too old to be having my mother wash my hair- the only problem was, she wouldn't really stop. |: I'd do it myself, but then about once a week she'd pitch a fit and drag me upstairs and wash my hair anyway (even though I'd already washed it on some days!) because I was 'doing it wrong' and 'couldn't survive without her'. This behaviour stopped when I was 15 - though once when I dyed my hair she did drag me to the hairdressers and pay them to dye it again because I looked like a 'slapper' apparently. [i'd dyed it blonde]. Gradually though, her possessiveness stopped, and now I don't live with her, or speak to her that often, which is sad, but...

In answer to the question though - you are too old, and I don't think it's right. I don't think it really makes for a healthy mother/daughter relationship.

[Cupcake_Master]

But, me and my mother have a perfectly fine relationship. We're best friends. She's more or less one of the only friends I have, actually.

[sunny_girl]

But, me and my mother have a perfectly fine relationship. We're best friends. She's more or less one of the only friends I have, actually.

Do you wash your mom's hair at all? Is it just something that you do? I wash my nan's hair for her, but only because she's not physically capable of doing it herself, and sometimes I wash my friends' hair- if we're having a sleepover and decide that hairdye is the way to go, or we're getting ready for a night out. S:

[bristrek]

But, me and my mother have a perfectly fine relationship. We're best friends. She's more or less one of the only friends I have, actually.

Which is WRONG. She isn't treating you like a friend, there's no way in hell I'd treat my friend like your mom treats you. She treats you like you're still a kid, like a doll to look after and protect forever and ever - not at all like a child who she is supposed to nurture and help grow up. Yes it's great to be close to parents, to be friends with them. Fantastic, I'm all for it. But it is NOT okay for them to treat you like a five year old doll! And it isn't just the hair thing, odd as it is, it's all the other posts I've seen from you.

She's supposed to let you develop, make some mistakes and learn from them, have friends and learn how to interact with society in your own way which may not be the outgoing way that some have but you need to find that out on your own - not because she's locked you into her dollhouse.

I don't mean to be insulting to her, but she probably has some issues that she's taken out on you inadvertently and sounds like she's given you a few as a result. You need to talk to her about it and if you're so close to her this shouldn't be a problem. And you both need to talk with others about this all because it is not normal and it is not right and it is hurting both of you.

[Cupcake_Master]

Do you wash your mom's hair at all? Is it just something that you do? I wash my nan's hair for her, but only because she's not physically capable of doing it herself, and sometimes I wash my friends' hair- if we're having a sleepover and decide that hairdye is the way to go, or we're getting ready for a night out. S:

No, my mom washes her own hair.

I can wash it.

My mom does it better. My mom wants to wash it. My mom doesn't let me wash it. She doesn't think I can wash it, because I do it slowly and softly. I don't want to wash it anymore, because she washes it.

I'm fine with not washing it.

[bristrek]

My mom does it better. My mom wants to wash it. My mom doesn't let me wash it. She doesn't think I can wash it, because I do it slowly and softly. I don't want to wash it anymore, because she washes it.

How else are you supposed to wash your hair, by pulling it all out? I hope that she isn't harsh when she does your hair. And have you read what you typed? It maybe be how you worded it or something but it sounds.... worrying to my ears to say the least. This is not healthy. It isn't.

[Cupcake_Master]

How else are you supposed to wash your hair, by pulling it all out? I hope that she isn't harsh when she does your hair.

Well, I guess you can say that. She pulls my hair, but she's always done that. To my mom, to my aunts, to my cousin, and to me.

[bristrek]

Well, I guess you can say that. She pulls my hair, but she's always done that. To my mom, to my aunts, to my cousin, and to me.

Aside from the fact that that's bad for your hair and in fact not the better way to wash it? That's no kind of way to act to anyone. And I assume that you meant 'to herself' when you say 'to my mom'?

[Cupcake_Master]

Aside from the fact that that's bad for your hair and in fact not the better way to wash it? That's no kind of way to act to anyone. And I assume that you meant 'to herself' when you say 'to my mom'?

No.

I have two moms, technically. My biological mom, and my grandmother.

As I said... not healthy. You need other friends. End of story.

Bleh, no thanks. I can't think of myself as being friendly toward even most people within my family, only my mom, dog and grandparents. I'm going to befriend a complete stranger?

An annoying complete stranger?

[sunny_girl]

Bleh, no thanks. I can't think of myself as being friendly toward even most people within my family, only my mom, dog and grandparents. I'm going to befriend a complete stranger?

An annoying complete stranger?

...not all strangers are annoying. |: There's a saying that 'a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet' and whilst not a hundred percent true, it's a pretty nice way to think about things. I think making more friends will allow you to enjoy life more. Seriously.

[Plaid]

As I said... not healthy. You need other friends. End of story.

Bleh, no thanks. I can't think of myself as being friendly toward even most people within my family, only my mom, dog and grandparents. I'm going to befriend a complete stranger?

An annoying complete stranger?

Why do you think that someone outside of your family will be annoying? Usually, you'd make friends with someone you got along with anyway.

I'm also a little concerned after reading some of your topics, Cupcake. You're going to have to be away from your family at some point, and the way you're going you won't be able to cope.

[Retasha]

Eh, not to be rude or anything, but how do you plan to survive when your parents are no longer able to do everything for you? From all of your topics, you seem to be in a very unhealthy situation. It isn't normal for parents to make their children so dependent upon them. If I was Abby from the Dear Abby column, I'd say your parents, and you, need some time with a therapist.

And to answer the question of the topic, from the time I was eight my mom has only helped me was my hair a few times, when I had broken bones in my hand and couldn't manage it myself.

[Cupcake_Master]

No, I meant, I find people annoying.

I like being alone. That's why I don't want friends, they're bothersome.

Eh, not to be rude or anything, but how do you plan to survive when your parents are no longer able to do everything for you? From all of your topics, you seem to be in a very unhealthy situation. It isn't normal for parents to make their children so dependent upon them. If I was Abby from the Dear Abby column, I'd say your parents, and you, need some time with a therapist.

I can take care of myself. How hard can that be? That sounds pretty easy.

I'll do everything for my parents, but I doubt that will happen until they're at least in their nineties.

[prettyeyes]

Aside from the fact that that's bad for your hair and in fact not the better way to wash it? That's no kind of way to act to anyone. And I assume that you meant 'to herself' when you say 'to my mom'?

No.

I have two moms, technically. My biological mom, and my grandmother.

As I said... not healthy. You need other friends. End of story.

Bleh, no thanks. I can't think of myself as being friendly toward even most people within my family, only my mom, dog and grandparents. I'm going to befriend a complete stranger?

An annoying complete stranger?

You should give "strangers" a chance! I'm a pretty antisocial person but I've met some pretty awesome people through the randomest of circumstances, like fighting over the same guy or reading each others' blogs on Myspace.

On the hair washing... I let my mother dye my hair for me because she nearly graduated from cosmetology school and I can't reach the back of my head for long without arm pain, but it isn't often and it's not all that odd. After all, if I went to a salon I'd be having someone else dye my hair too. I'll probably be helping her dye her hair when she's ninety. :lol: But your other posts make it kind of obvious that your mom's relationship with you isn't healthy and to be honest I think she's going to make your life very difficult for you if you don't break free now and assert yourself. Apparently she doesn't let you do anything and that is not fun, healthy, or a happy way to live. Please, do something for yourself.

[Cupcake_Master]

People just annoy me.

I get aggravated easily. If someone dislikes something I like, that annoys me. If someone says something bad about something I like, that annoys me. If someone is talking to me, or is even near me, that usually annoys me.

Even if they are my parents.

I can't stand being alone, but I don't like people interacting with me much. I guess you could say I have separation anxiety, which mixes with my Social Anxiety Disorder and possible Dependent personality disorder..

I'm just fine though.

[Bero]

Talk..To my parents?

But, honestly, I don't see much of a problem with my lack of independence or lack of social skills. I want to be near them their entire life, and it's not like I'm going to have a job where I'm going to need to interact with people often.

Cupcake, I don't think one more person telling you that this sitation is unhealthy is going to change your attitude, but your posts are so pathetic I almost can't believe them anymore. Whatever issues you have going on (whether they really are what you're describing here or not), you need someone to talk to, please.

You want to be near your parents their entire life. This is something I'd like in an ideal situation for myself, so I understand where you're coming from, but I'm not going to sacrifice living my life to my greatest potential in order to do so. And, I'm sorry--that harsh truth is that you won't always be around your parents. Things happen. Or maybe you're unnaturally determined in this and do accomplish it, fine--but what are you going to do when they're gone? You say you don't see a problem with your lack of indepedence and social skills now, but if you don't develop these at this point in your life, what do you think you're going to do when you really are alone? This will happen someday, and you need to acknowledge this. You also can have no idea what job you're going to have. Maybe you have a specific idea in mind, but good luck with landing your dream job on your first try. Sometimes things don't work out, sometimes you need to work at a fast food place for a couple years so you can support yourself while you pursue the job you really want.

Sorry I'm coming off as so harsh, but as someone who has little support outside of my family, the fact that you seem so confused at the idea of talking to your parents seriously concerns me. Someone else gave the metaphor of you being treated like a doll--I think it's highly appropriate. Dolls are sheltered, locked in a glass box, treated as the fragile things they have become, and the second life gets rough with them, they shatter. None of us want this to happen to you, so please find someone you can talk to--someone in real life outside of your family would be the best, but anyone here (myself included) can at least be something of a substitute.

Edit:

I can take care of myself. How hard can that be? That sounds pretty easy.

Coming from someone who is beginning to learn to take care of herself in college after having little responsibilities at home--it is not quite "pretty easy," and I even have all my meals prepared for me, my bathroom cleaned for me...

[ChaliceFlame]

I'd say it depends on the person, hopefully before they left home and started to live independently.

Going by your posts, I suspect you come from a controlling family. This is exactly where I come from. Not being allowed to do things basically. Coming from my own experiences, I'd say having your mom wash your hair is a larger issue then just she likes to do it for you. I suspect there's a control factor involved. And if I'm right, you either became very submissive or suffering from screaming family fights on a regular basis.

I second that it's not healthy mentally. It will be a disadvantage when you get out in the real world and cannot fight for a job as well or need other skills to do things independently. Even if you get married, I think it's a bad idea to depend on another person for basic living skills.

Depending on your age and assuming you are not disabled to the point where you cannot care for yourself, you have to ask your mom, Are you going to continue to wash my hair for the rest of my life?. What's going to happen when either I leave home to work or go to college?.

I'd say if she really enjoys doing it and you enjoy it, continue it sometimes and have you wash your own hair sometimes.

On the other hand, washing your hair isn't that important a life skill IHO that you can't pick it up easily once you move out. SO I'd say if it causes a lot of family conflicts, I'd just drop it and let her continue to wash your hair.

When you have a controlling family, sometimes you need to pick your battles so all your energy doesn't go into family fighting.

[sunny_girl]

People just annoy me.

I get aggravated easily. If someone dislikes something I like, that annoys me. If someone says something bad about something I like, that annoys me. If someone is talking to me, or is even near me, that usually annoys me.

Even if they are my parents.

I can't stand being alone, but I don't like people interacting with me much. I guess you could say I have separation anxiety, which mixes with my SAD..

...okay, not to be rude or anything but you seem to have a pretty pessimistic outlook on people, and sound quite misanthropic. I would advise strongly about continuing with this line of thought otherwise you will never make friends. I share a lot of common interests with my friends, but none of us like all exactly the same things. How boring would it be if we did? I like that some of my friends don't like what I like - it makes for good conversations/faux-arguments and the chance to try and get them interested in it.

...and if people being near you annoy you... well, I really don't know what to say. You must be lonely. :c

[Cupcake_Master]

My family isn't controlling at all, we're pretty laid back and happy..

At least, I'm laid back, and happy.

Edit: I don't want friends. I can be misanthropic, actually, but that's for animal related reasons. I don't distrust or dislike humans, it's just..People annoy me.

Anyone, be them a non-human animal or human.

[Forensic]

I washed my hair alone since I was ... seven?

Quite honestly, your family sounds... I hate to say weird, but it really is, in my experience. Your parents are cultivating DEPENDENCE, not INDEPENDENCE. And you're fully submitted to that. And that's weird, and in my opinion, not healthy at all. Of course you don't want to experience the outside world. You can't cook, you can't wash your own hair, you don't have friends, you don't want to go outside without an adult (or at all), you no longer go to school outside the home, and it doesn't sound healthy to me at all...

Sorry.

[ChaliceFlame]

My family isn't controlling at all, we're pretty laid back and happy..

At least, I'm laid back, and happy.

Edit: I don't want friends. I can be misanthropic, actually, but that's for animal related reasons. I don't distrust or dislike humans, it's just..People annoy me.

Anyone, be them a non-human animal or human.

I have to agree with you on this one. Is everyone who likes being alone mentally unhealthy or is it a personal preference?.

I think a few people project their own desire for social interactions or friendships on others. Just as some sexual people project their desire for sexual relations upon us.

[Forensic]

I have to agree with you on this one. Is everyone who likes being alone mentally unhealthy or is it a personal preference?.

I think a few people project their own desire for social interactions or friendships on others. Just as some sexual people project their desire for sexual relations upon us.

I understand that portion. It's the group of things that worries me.

[Plaid]

I have to agree with you on this one. Is everyone who likes being alone mentally unhealthy or is it a personal preference?.

I think a few people project their own desire for social interactions or friendships on others. Just as some sexual people project their desire for sexual relations upon us.

I think most of us are more worried about Cupcake's complete dependence on her family for pretty much everything.

[sunny_girl]

I have to agree with you on this one. Is everyone who likes being alone mentally unhealthy or is it a personal preference?.

I think a few people project their own desire for social interactions or friendships on others. Just as some sexual people project their desire for sexual relations upon us.

I think most of us are more worried about Cupcake's complete dependence on her family for pretty much everything.

*nods* This.