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Lakewolf

Here's an insulting article!

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Lakewolf

Scroll down to the bottom; you'll see what I mean. It's printed in red:

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Trend Spotting: Asexuality

Sun, 2007-04-15 04:56 — Marnia

Is there a trend toward asexuality? Recently accounts of two aspects of such a trend have appeared in the media.

Asexual Visibility and Education Network

MTV recently reported that there are a growing number of young people who don't like sex. Many seem well-adjusted, socially-active, pro-intimacy - and certainly not victims of abstinence education. They just don’t like sex. Some have had sex partners of both sexes. Some live and sleep with others quite happily. But sex simply holds no allure.

Although The Journal of Sex Research reported in 2004 that of 18,000 people interviewed, one in every hundred said they had never felt sexually attracted to anyone, this phenomenon remained in relative obscurity. However, visibility is growing. In 2001 David Jay created the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN — www.asexuality.org). He doesn’t view his asexuality as a problem, and decided to reach out to others by creating a network. AVEN now has 10,000 members. There are also 12 foreign language sites, the most active of which is German.

Some sexologists are gnashing their teeth and insisting that asexual people are emotionally unhealthy — in part because sexologists’ self-imposed rules define avoiding sexual thrills as immature, or even as a pathology. But are the experts right? In time humanity may recognize that the current obsession with orgasm as a path to good health and trusted companionship is itself distorted. And that the so-called asexuals are merely learning to weight relationships more heavily than sexual thrills. Certainly, that’s what one senses in the words of AVEN spokespeople:

You can take the sex out of relationships and they can have just as much power…because sex isn't just about sex. …It's about people feeling validated. It's about having fun. ... And those are all things that I still do and I still want in my life. ... To me, intimacy is something that happens in almost all my relationships. …[a relationship based on trust, common hobbies] or the fact that you both like to cook can bring two people really, really close without sex ever being a serious issue.

And there’s still plenty of physical contact going on. Many asexuals have "cuddle buddies," or friends they hug and kiss or share beds with. AVEN’s founder freely admits that one’s asexuality may not be forever. "If the term ‘asexual’ fits today, then use it. If it doesn't fit next week, then stop using it."

These asexuals face the same challenge as those of us interested in orgasm-free intercourse: how to reveal to a potential lover why one wants to forego conventional sex. As one asexual put it:

Sometimes I think it would be easier to explain to people if I had lost my penis in some kind of accident instead of telling them that I'm asexual.

In any event, AVEN’s founder says the point is to offer people a different way of defining themselves, one that is not dictated by an orgasm-hungry media that knows sex sells everything from stories to advertising.

The problem in our culture is that there’s a sense that people need sex to be happy…that you need sex to define yourself, to understand yourself, to connect with other people. And everything that’s going on in the asexual community disproves that.

It’s refreshing to see that members of a generation that has been bombarded with constant sexual stimulation are finding a way to protect themselves from the false message that it is urgent to act on sexual impulses. Is asexuality an impairment, as the sexologists would have these people believe, or really just a comfortable way to tread water within respectful boundaries? Perhaps it’s actually an ideal means of nurturing oneself and one’s development in a sweet, safe emotional environment where one can be quite at ease with members of both sexes. Perhaps it also teaches the value of escaping the herd and thinking for oneself.

Certainly such people have a better chance than most of forming honest relationships based on mutual respect, rather than upon seduction born of biological urges. By being ethical and respectful of boundaries, one certainly creates a sounder foundation for a future sexual relationship (should that eventuality arise). And who knows what benefits may flow from avoiding the neurochemical roller coaster ride of constant sexual stimulation for its own sake? Would a bit more peace of mind be amiss in today’s world?

Perhaps young asexuals, tired of watching the chaos in the love lives of their parents, have figured out that casual sex isn’t the healthful balm society would have us believe it is. Perhaps they have figured out that generous touch and relationships are more precious than physical stimulation…if one has to choose.

Objectophilia

German newspaper Der Spiegel recently published an article called "Objectophilia, Fetishism and Neo-sexuality." Apparently people can develop lustful feelings for objects...such as the Berlin Wall, musical instruments, trains and buildings. Most assign genders to the object of their affections. Some kiss and caress their beloveds; others take models of their love objects to bed for more intimate contact.

Retired professor Volkmar Sigusch believes this attraction to objects is proof that society is increasingly drifting into asexuality.

"More and more people either openly declare or can be seen to live without any intimate or trusting relationship with another person," Sigusch says, adding that cities are populated by an entire army of socially isolated individuals: "Singles, isolated people, cultural sodomites, many perverts and sex addicts."

Objectophiles may truly be afraid of intimacy and therefore unable to tap the benefits of close, trusted companionship, touch, and the exhange of subtle energies between living partners. One stated that

you can reveal yourself to an object partner in an intimate way, in a way that you would never reveal yourself to any other person.

Yet, if we leave it to sexologists to define healthy intimacy, then we may miss the important distinctions between AVEN-style asexuals and objectophiles.Perhaps the most important question to ask is "what makes intimacy so frightening?" Could it be that we project onto others the uneasiness and emotional chaos that follow use of another person to gratify selfish pleasure? Certainly poet Willaim Blake thought so.

The Clod and the Pebble

"Love seeketh not itself to please,

Nor for itself hath any care,

But for another gives its ease,

And builds a heaven in hell's despair."

So sung a little clod of clay,

Trodden with the cattle's feet;

But a pebble of the brook

Warbled out these meters meet:

"Love seeketh only Self to please,

To bind another to its delight,

Joys in another's loss of ease,

And builds a hell in heaven's despite."

If the source of alienation is projected uneasiness born of pursuing biology's selfish agenda (more and more varied offspring), then careful union and the integrity not to exploit others to attain fleeting neurochemical rewards in the bedroom may be the key to healthy intimacy. Perhaps the rise of pro-intimacy asexuality is an important signpost after all.

Related links

AVEN founder speaks about his experience on YOU Tube

An asexual speaks about his life and experience

"Falling in Love with Things"

Asexuals Push for Greater Recognition

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Reuniting Articles about Sex Article by Marnia Robinson and Gary Wilson

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FallenAngel

My response to that whole red part:

.........

the Berlin Wall... really... I don't even know how to respond to that haha. "Lustful feelings towards objects" haha yeah. That's just...wow. I don't even know where to begin...

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ProdeFemme

:lol: *wipes away tears*

I'm going to need a little time to wrap my head around having no interest in sexual activity and doing sexy times with objects being one in the same.

Luckily, I'm a big enough asshole to be able to openly laugh at people who are less intelligent then I am, screw the PC police... :lol:

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Olivier
Objectophiles may truly be afraid of intimacy and therefore unable to tap the benefits of close, trusted companionship, touch, and the exhange of subtle energies between living partners.

... if we leave it to sexologists to define healthy intimacy, then we may miss the important distinctions between AVEN-style asexuals and objectophiles.

Sounds reasonable, and sympathetic, to me. They explicitly draw the distinction between objectophiles and asexuals who may want companionship without sex. They're saying that if people don't listen to the types of asexual viewpoints AVEN provides, then there's a risk of seeing not being attracted to men or women as a paraphilia or a perversion, and that that would be a bad thing.

I'm not seeing the insult here at all, I'm afraid. In fact, I think it's an excellent and thoughtful article.

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ProdeFemme
Objectophiles may truly be afraid of intimacy and therefore unable to tap the benefits of close, trusted companionship, touch, and the exhange of subtle energies between living partners.

... if we leave it to sexologists to define healthy intimacy, then we may miss the important distinctions between AVEN-style asexuals and objectophiles.

Sounds reasonable, and sympathetic, to me. They explicitly draw the distinction between objectophiles and asexuals who may want companionship without sex. They're saying that if people don't listen to the types of asexual viewpoints AVEN provides, then there's a risk of seeing not being attracted to men or women as a paraphilia or a perversion, and that that would be a bad thing.

I'm not seeing the insult here at all, I'm afraid. In fact, I think it's an excellent and thoughtful article.

Oh see I took that to be part of the article writer's clarification and objection to:

Retired professor Volkmar Sigusch believes this attraction to objects is proof that society is increasingly drifting into asexuality.

"More and more people either openly declare or can be seen to live without any intimate or trusting relationship with another person," Sigusch says, adding that cities are populated by an entire army of socially isolated individuals: "Singles, isolated people, cultural sodomites, many perverts and sex addicts."

Which I deemed the offensive part. I certainly find that part a little ridiculous; Volkmar seems to be the one flubbing up any distinction between the two, not the writer of the article. I agree, the writer seems to be entirely reasonable.

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thecoldground

Remember the website this actually comes from - http://www.reuniting.info/

On it's own intro page, the website claims to "highlight the intriguing parallels between (1) modern neuroscience discoveries lovemaking montageand (2) sacred sexuality traditions that emphasize the importance of using sex to achieve inner balance."

The website appears dedicated largely to selling a book, called "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow," about "achieving peace between the sheets." Basically this webste is bullshit, and it's no surprise they think we're cultural sodomites - they look like evangelical/scientologist/whatever nutjobs. As far as I'm concerned, they can complain all they like, it shows we're starting to make an impact at least. With visibility comes hatred. If we ever got truly mainstream exposure, there'd be prejudice as well as understanding. You know what I found when I was looking for the original article? Well, when I first saw the "Trend Spotting: Asexuality Sun, 2007-04-15 04:56 — Marnia" I thought it must have come from The Sun newspaper (horrible disgusting right-wing rag).

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/deidr...-under-20s.html

Now that is offensive.

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AllyCat

What's a cultural sodomite? Is that like a cultural Catholic? "Oh, I don't believe in God, but I'm a cultural Catholic; I go to church on Easter and make pyrogis on Christmas." "Oh, I don't indulge in deviant sex acts myself, but I'm a cultural sodomite; I go to the Fulsom Street Fair every year and wave a leather flogger half-heartedly." That sounds sort of sweet, actually.

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Pandoren

I was reading this article thinking "insulting? whats wrong with this? Sounds ok to.... wtf?" rofl

Asexuals and objectophiles? I think I can spot where they were trying to go with that but... what a sudden deviance in conversation lol

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Henny

I can totally see a cool "Hitler" video coming out of this.

Person 1: We have a new article on Asexuality, sir. It has some questionable content, though.

Hitler: Looks good to me. What's wrong with it.

Person 1: Mein Führer... They...

Person 2: They insinuate asexual people are "Singles, isolated people, cultural sodomites, many perverts and sex addicts".

*Hitler takes off glasses*

Hitler: You who are asexual, stay. Everybody else, leave the room.

*almost everybody leaves the room*

*Hitler rant commences*

:P

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Pandoren

That scene has had sooooo many re-writings lol. The one that I first saw was Hitler gets banned from World of Warcraft...

(off topic, yeah...)

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PiF

When late, I've often said where is that fucking train but I can't recall ever saying I want to fuck that train

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Guest plasticsoul
Perhaps young asexuals, tired of watching the chaos in the love lives of their parents, have figured out that casual sex isn’t the healthful balm society would have us believe it is. Perhaps they have figured out that generous touch and relationships are more precious than physical stimulation…if one has to choose.

This is probably the article's biggest error - yet again we see the media trying to philosophize asexuality, refusing to accept that it's not a choice.

Objectophiles may truly be afraid of intimacy and therefore unable to tap the benefits of close, trusted companionship, touch, and the exhange of subtle energies between living partners.

And this is probably the saddest part of the article. Leaving aside the "exchange of subtle energies" psychobabble, how sad that "close, trusted companionship" only means sex.

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ProdeFemme
When late, I've often said where is that fucking train but I can't recall ever saying I want to fuck that train

:lol:

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carried in bags

not much thought was put into the word "objectophile" was there. i think this may say more about him that us, so lets give him a few minutes along together with his alarm clock, food processor or other "objects" he has around

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rosalie

This article is a bit intriguing to me, as it starts very well and I must say that the whole first part (before the red) is quite clear and neutral (even positive) and then suddenly the red part is thrown in and has a very different tone. It looks to me like two completely different articles / written by different authors copied/pasted into each other. Even if the original article would be referring to the article of Der Spiegel and to this German professor's quotes, it should have another tone or writing style.

Ok, the conclusion is perhaps saving it a little by drawing the attention on the distinction between objectophiles and AVEN-type sexuals.

One of the major challenges faced by asexuality in the future is that it should be more or more talked about and known, but in such a way that it is not associated with (or compared) to other deviant behaviors, to avoid confusion.

I wish the focus would rather be on the fact that there are bi, gay, straight and aromantic asexuals, which would show asexuality more like another shade of human sexuality and romantic attractions and not like a behaviour that is opposed to or rejecting sexuality. (I don't know whether I express myself very clearly here - if I think of something better to say, I'll edit this post later on!)

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Guest member25959
Yet, if we leave it to sexologists to define healthy intimacy, then we may miss the important distinctions between AVEN-style asexuals and objectophiles.

I....I don't get it. Is it supposed to be a joke, do I laugh yet?

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CatLadyCody928

"Apparently people can develop lustful feelings for objects...such as the Berlin Wall, musical instruments, trains and buildings. Most assign genders to the object of their affections."

Haven't humans given gender affiliations to objects for centuries? I do remember having to learn which objects had "le" (male) and "la" (female) before them, or I'd be wrong in French class!

How absurd.....

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------
My response to that whole red part:

.........

the Berlin Wall... really... I don't even know how to respond to that haha. "Lustful feelings towards objects" haha yeah. That's just...wow. I don't even know where to begin...

She married the Berlin Wall and then had an affair with a fence! The slut. :o

Objectophilia does make sense and so does the article... irritatibly. It's got sound arguments, if he/she really understood but he/she doesn't so. *shrugs*

Trend Spotting: Asexuality

Sun, 2007-04-15 04:56 — Marnia

Is there a trend toward asexuality? Recently accounts of two aspects of such a trend have appeared in the media.

Sun? That wasn't published by the The Sun was it? That doesn't make any sense.

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sunny_girl
Trend Spotting: Asexuality

Sun, 2007-04-15 04:56 — Marnia

Is there a trend toward asexuality? Recently accounts of two aspects of such a trend have appeared in the media.

Sun? That wasn't published by the The Sun was it? That doesn't make any sense.

I think maybe it just means it was published on a Sunday?

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Guest Heligan
Objectophiles may truly be afraid of intimacy and therefore unable to tap the benefits of close, trusted companionship, touch, and the exhange of subtle energies between living partners.

... if we leave it to sexologists to define healthy intimacy, then we may miss the important distinctions between AVEN-style asexuals and objectophiles.

Sounds reasonable, and sympathetic, to me. They explicitly draw the distinction between objectophiles and asexuals who may want companionship without sex. They're saying that if people don't listen to the types of asexual viewpoints AVEN provides, then there's a risk of seeing not being attracted to men or women as a paraphilia or a perversion, and that that would be a bad thing.

I'm not seeing the insult here at all, I'm afraid. In fact, I think it's an excellent and thoughtful article.

I agree that its not saying anything against asexuals exactly; but I still dont like it.

It is 'defending us' from an association that I dont think really exists and is in effect manufacturing an association... and that association may well be the only thing some take away from the article.

I mean has anyone upon saying they are asexual been asked if they are 'in love with an object', or even desire an object in a sexual way. Doesnt the absence of sexual attraction, pretty much cover everything- people, animals, objects etc. She seems to have missed what asexuality is somewhere along the line.

I would be similarly ofended by an article defending loners against the charge of (actually its difficult to think of anything that isnt already linked to loners in some way LOL), umm ok, obsessive jelly eaters.

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Lakewolf

I've found LOTS of "good" articles while researching for the book/

<runs to the bathroom, throws up, returns>

I have to be careful though--I've developed an allergy to stupidity.

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Asterion Orestes
Retired professor Volkmar Sigusch believes this attraction to objects is proof that society is increasingly drifting into asexuality.

"More and more people either openly declare or can be seen to live without any intimate or trusting relationship with another person," Sigusch says, adding that cities are populated by an entire army of socially isolated individuals: "Singles, isolated people, cultural sodomites, many perverts and sex addicts."

"Retired professor?" Professor of what? Superciliousness? "odomites" & "perverts"--sounds like a real experienced sexologist, he do! Now he's discovered the Age of Anxiety, of alienation. Wilkommen in den zwanzigsten Jahrhundert, Herr Professor! But that's sooo Second Millennium... :D

As for "Objectophilia," it sounds like what used to be called the "polymorphous" deviancy, whose practitioners reportedly might go for "sex"with anyone/thing. But even then asexuals were known to exist, if not labeled as A.

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tarsier
When late, I've often said where is that fucking train but I can't recall ever saying I want to fuck that train
She married the Berlin Wall and then had an affair with a fence! The slut. :o

:lol:

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__AJ__

The berlin wall is pretty hot though

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Sarahmarie
not much thought was put into the word "objectophile" was there. i think this may say more about him that us, so lets give him a few minutes along together with his alarm clock, food processor or other "objects" he has around

Agreed.

The entire "objectophile" part strikes me as illogical to the point that further comment is unwarranted.

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Darnimax

Yep. Nothing turns ME on more than a periscope or a cheeseburger.

Whoever this loser talkin about object-fantasties probably tried to get it on with a hubcap from his car, or his wife's favourite book. So he probably knows what he's talking about. Still wish he'd keep it to himself.

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Guest member25959
My response to that whole red part:

.........

the Berlin Wall... really... I don't even know how to respond to that haha. "Lustful feelings towards objects" haha yeah. That's just...wow. I don't even know where to begin...

She married the Berlin Wall and then had an affair with a fence! The slut. :o

Lol, The Berlin Wall had an affair with the Iron Curtain?

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Lakewolf

That's why I'm writing the book.

Might have to be hospitalised for various cardiovascular conditions, though. :P

Wait..That's OK!!! I'd feel better & get more work done...if they'd let me. <feels disgusted again>

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TheMuffinMan

Oh come on. The Berlin wall's hot. You know you'd tap that.

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Mizal

Objectum-Sexuality: Married to the Eiffel Tower

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STCOo9Hh5lE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5Yuc7XSCJ4

http://www.youtube.com/user/vids4os

UK documentary featuring Erika Naisho Eiffel and Eija-Riitta Eklöf Berliner-Mauer.

Original media extorted the contributors and featured OS in a sensationalized way that falsely represented our way of love and life and planted a seed of fear into the minds of the public.

OS people are not known to be open with their intimacy yet the media has urged otherwise. For a person on the edge of the spectrum, preservation of one's way of love and life is priority and it is highly uncharacteristic for an OS person to jeopardize their relationship with an object by being overt or inappropriately affectionate in public.

That being said, this video is the corrected version minus the shock value produced merely for entertainment at the expense of real people.

I recommend you watch it if you're interested, only 20 minutes long but it's very, very interesting.

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