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FallenAngel

why do some asexuals have sex?

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FallenAngel

If asexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone, then why do some have sex? Is it for fun? It's something that I don't understand.

I know some people have high sex drives, but for me, I don't need anyone to satisfy that...

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ChaliceFlame

_ Because they feel neutral about sex and will have it to pleasure their partners.

- Because it may be the only way to keep having a relationship with a person who is sexual.

- Because they want children.

- Because they are curious.

- Because of peer pressure.

I think I've got it covered?.

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G_BOAA

I guess asexuals could have a variety of reasons to have sex. I think many asexuals that are in loving relationships with sexual people feel that there must be some sort of compromise in the relationship for it to work. Others might try it out of curiosity, they may not have a particular desire to have sex but as the old saying goes "curiosity killed the cat".

I would identify myself as asexual as I have never felt a desire for sex or find anyone sexually attractive but would not rule out having sex at some time in the future if I was in a long term relationship with someone!

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Nalle Neversure
I think I've got it covered?.

-Because they enjoy it.

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FallenAngel

Well what if the person isn't in any relationship and just has sex?

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thecoldground

In my experience, lots of sexuals have sex that they don't really want or need. Sometimes it's a self-esteem thing.

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articvibe
I think I've got it covered?.

-Because they enjoy it.

always a good place to start i think, although i dont understand all of the hype that sexuals give sex it is fairly pleasurable albeit a little exhausting.

But yeah curiosity and peer pressure as well as that the first time i did it, i did it because i thought i had to i mean being a ypung male livieng in a very sexualy active community sex is more of a comming of age a barbaric/primitive ritual to enable one to reach adult hood. That said i dont think my limited experiences compare in the least to a sexuals it just dosent feel the same as they describe it not awe inspiring or anything just sex. Took me along while to realise that all of those small pieces that seemed to be missing wasnt something wrong i was subconciously forcing my self to be something i wasnt. And then along came asexuality :D.

All that said i cant say i have ever desired sex im mildly curious about sex in the same way im curious about wheither or not that fence "really" is eletric.

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newgirl

I think people are getting asexual and gray asexual confused because a TRUE asexual doesn't like or have intercourse but gray asexual do.

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Sally
I think people are getting asexual and gray asexual confused because a TRUE asexual doesn't like or have intercourse but gray asexual do.

TRUE asexuals do have sex, for all kinds of reasons.

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suburbanmuse

ChaliceFlame covered it all.

newgirl - Strange choice of words and tone there.

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hyenaboy

A lot of good reasons have been mentioned already.

I think "for the sake of their partner" is probably one of the biggest motivations for an asexual to have sexual intercourse. A fantastic comparison is giving a massage to someone. The person giving a massage to someone else is likely not experiencing physical pleasure themselves. Giving a massage is generally pretty boring, and if you're really working them for a while, it will strain you a little bit as you're putting pressure on them. However, the knowledge that you are giving the receiver something that they are very much enjoying is enough to continue to do it. There is a sort of emotional pleasure that comes from it.

This is similar for asexuals who will willingly have sex with their partners. There are probably quite a few in which the act of intercourse is too much to enjoy even on an emotional level, but we're all different in what we're able to bear and what we aren't. I don't think an asexual is any less of one just because they will willingly have sex. We all know there's a distinct difference between asexuality and celibacy.

As for those willingly having it outside of a relationship ... probably what thecoldground suggested... they may need a self-esteem boost. Or quite possibly they might be looking for intimacy from someone, and they may feel that sex is the only way to get it at that time.

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Guest Fosco

Urm. Alot of Asexual couples, where both are asexual, have sex. Because they want to, they respect and love each other.

Having an orgasm is for most enjoyable, regardless of sexuality, or lack of. People of all sexualities including asexual, have sex because they enjoy it.

Asexual: A person who does not experience sexual attraction. Plenty of sexuals have sex with people they don't find sexually attractive, why can't asexuals?

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newgirl
I think people are getting asexual and gray asexual confused because a TRUE asexual doesn't like or have intercourse but gray asexual do.

TRUE asexuals do have sex, for all kinds of reasons.

Correction intercourse not sex, I'm not going to play word games on this topic. The word sex is to general of a word but honestly!!!

There are two types of asexual asexual AND gray asexual. A TRUE asexual doesn't like or engage in intercourse if they DO they are GRAY asexual. The reason why we have confusion on this topic is because we group "True" asexual and gray asexual together.

1. Gray asexual

* people who do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes

* people who experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive

* people who are technically sexual, but feel that it's not an important part of their lives and don't identify with standard sexual culture

* people who experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them

* Functionally asexuals who experience sexual feelings but do not engage in them

* people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances

* people who experience some parts of sexuality but not others, according to a theoretical model such as Rabger's

1. "True" asexual

individuals who do not experience sexual attraction or have no interest in or desire for sex.

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suburbanmuse
1. Gray asexual

* people who do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes

* people who experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive

* people who are technically sexual, but feel that it's not an important part of their lives and don't identify with standard sexual culture

* people who experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them

* Functionally asexuals who experience sexual feelings but do not engage in them

* people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances

* people who experience some parts of sexuality but not others, according to a theoretical model such as Rabger's

1. "True" asexual

individuals who do not experience sexual attraction or have no interest in or desire for sex.

Under your own definitions, how would you define someone who is an individual who does not experience sexual attraction, has no interest or desire for sex, but still has it because they have a sexual partner? Are you saying they are gray? They still fit into your definition of a "true" asexual.

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busyjon

Under your own definitions, how would you define someone who is an individual who does not experience sexual attraction, has no interest or desire for sex, but still has it because they have a sexual partner? Are you saying they are gray? They still fit into your definition of a "true" asexual.

Based on the information he gave, I would think they would be gray

people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances

they enjoy sex because of the specific circumstance that they enjoy the enjoyment of their partner. In other words because their partner is happy, they are, thus enjoying sex.

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hyenaboy
I think people are getting asexual and gray asexual confused because a TRUE asexual doesn't like or have intercourse but gray asexual do.

TRUE asexuals do have sex, for all kinds of reasons.

Correction intercourse not sex, I'm not going to play word games on this topic. The word sex is to general of a word but honestly!!!

There are two types of asexual asexual AND gray asexual. A TRUE asexual doesn't like or engage in intercourse if they DO they are GRAY asexual. The reason why we have confusion on this topic is because we group "True" asexual and gray asexual together.

1. Gray asexual

* people who do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes

* people who experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive

* people who are technically sexual, but feel that it's not an important part of their lives and don't identify with standard sexual culture

* people who experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them

* Functionally asexuals who experience sexual feelings but do not engage in them

* people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances

* people who experience some parts of sexuality but not others, according to a theoretical model such as Rabger's

1. "True" asexual

individuals who do not experience sexual attraction or have no interest in or desire for sex.

I'm a nonlibidoist. I don't masturbate nor do I have any desire to. I don't experience sexual attraction. I have no interest in having sex, no sexual desire, but I am not a virgin. I have engaged in sexual intercourse willingly. I didn't like it, but I still did it. Knowing all of the above, do I automatically get placed into the gray-a category? Because I certainly don't put myself there, and you really have no right to tell me that I have to. Let's not mix up sexual attraction with sexual behaviour.

I am very opposed to the definition of a "true" asexual. The general consensus on AVEN is that an asexual does not experience sexual attraction. That's it. What we do about it doesn't come into the picture.

Does a "true" homosexual refrain from engaging in heterosexual intercourse, even though they may have chosen to for personal reasons? A friend of mine identifies as a lesbian, but recently had a serious (sexual) crush on a male friend of hers. Are you going to tell her she's not a "true" lesbian because of that one instance?

That's kind of offensive.

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suburbanmuse
Based on the information he gave, I would think they would be gray

people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances

they enjoy sex because of the specific circumstance that they enjoy the enjoyment of their partner. In other words because their partner is happy, they are, thus enjoying sex.

I guess it all depends on your definition of "enjoy". Say I don't enjoy death metal music. If my partner asked me to go to a death metal concert with him. He's going to enjoy the concert more because he's experiencing it with me. I'm not going to enjoy the music at all. Yes, it gives me emotional satisfaction to do something nice for him. That doesn't make me enjoy the music.

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Typical Power

Your probably like me,

Nonlibidoist, and maybe a bit Anti.

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suburbanmuse
I am very opposed to the definition of a "true" asexual. The general consensus on AVEN is that an asexual does not experience sexual attraction. That's it. What we do about it doesn't come into the picture.
That's kind of offensive.

Yes, this! Thanks Serenity.

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FallenAngel
I am very opposed to the definition of a "true" asexual. The general consensus on AVEN is that an asexual does not experience sexual attraction. That's it. What we do about it doesn't come into the picture.
That's kind of offensive.

Yes, this! Thanks Serenity.

Agreed.

To everyone, please have a neutral tone in your posts. I don't want a war starting on a thread ><

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daveb
1. Gray asexual

* people who do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes

* people who experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive

* people who are technically sexual, but feel that it's not an important part of their lives and don't identify with standard sexual culture

* people who experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them

* Functionally asexuals who experience sexual feelings but do not engage in them

* people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances

* people who experience some parts of sexuality but not others, according to a theoretical model such as Rabger's

1. "True" asexual

individuals who do not experience sexual attraction or have no interest in or desire for sex.

I don't like terms like "true" or "pure" in this context. But leaving that aside and, for the sake of argument, assuming your criteria listed above are correct I see nothing there that precludes a so-called "true" asexual from engaging in sexual intercourse, whether currently or in the past.

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Gizmo
If asexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone, then why do some have sex? Is it for fun? It's something that I don't understand.

I know some people have high sex drives, but for me, I don't need anyone to satisfy that...

For me I am indifferent about sex, could take it or leave it, would rather do something else. Orgasims (sp?) feel good, but sex isnt any better/worst then a vibrator. Only thing different is that my partner enjoys sex and I enjoy seeing my partner happy :P

So since it is just whatever to me and is a thing my partner likes I do it with him. Best example I can come up with is lets say your partner REALLY likes to go fishing and you are neutral on it... so you go fishing with them to make them happy since you really like them and you don't hate fishing it is just huh whatever.

I hope I explained that ok....

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Sally
Correction intercourse not sex, I'm not going to play word games on this topic. The word sex is to general of a word but honestly!!!

The act of sex and intercourse are different words for the same activity. If you're going to ask people questions, you should let us use the common terms for things.

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Siggy
There are two types of asexual asexual AND gray asexual. A TRUE asexual doesn't like or engage in intercourse if they DO they are GRAY asexual. The reason why we have confusion on this topic is because we group "True" asexual and gray asexual together.

Number one, you can't just declare a definition and expect everyone to use your definition. Doesn't work that way.

Number two, using the word "True" is a bad idea (especially in all caps). It's too normative. There is nothing inherently better about asexuals as opposed to gray asexuals, so why are we calling one of the groups "true"? Is the other group "false"? If you would like to draw distinctions between people, use neutral terms as much as possible.

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Guest Fosco
I think people are getting asexual and gray asexual confused because a TRUE asexual doesn't like or have intercourse but gray asexual do.

TRUE asexuals do have sex, for all kinds of reasons.

Correction intercourse not sex, I'm not going to play word games on this topic. The word sex is to general of a word but honestly!!!

There are two types of asexual asexual AND gray asexual. A TRUE asexual doesn't like or engage in intercourse if they DO they are GRAY asexual. The reason why we have confusion on this topic is because we group "True" asexual and gray asexual together.

1. Gray asexual

* people who do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes

* people who experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive

* people who are technically sexual, but feel that it's not an important part of their lives and don't identify with standard sexual culture

* people who experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them

* Functionally asexuals who experience sexual feelings but do not engage in them

* people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances

* people who experience some parts of sexuality but not others, according to a theoretical model such as Rabger's

1. "True" asexual

individuals who do not experience sexual attraction or have no interest in or desire for sex.

Urm...citation need! Where did you read that? Cause half of what you said would fit into demi-sexual, not gray-asexual.

Also, everyone, please stop with the 'true' and 'pure' wording. It's quite offensive to people who do actually identify as gray. The wording suggest you somehow believe their asexuality is somehow less valid. These discussions have a history of being closed when words like 'true' and 'pure' get thrown about.

[/member to member]

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ChaliceFlame
I think people are getting asexual and gray asexual confused because a TRUE asexual doesn't like or have intercourse but gray asexual do.

TRUE asexuals do have sex, for all kinds of reasons.

Correction intercourse not sex, I'm not going to play word games on this topic. The word sex is to general of a word but honestly!!!

There are two types of asexual asexual AND gray asexual. A TRUE asexual doesn't like or engage in intercourse if they DO they are GRAY asexual. The reason why we have confusion on this topic is because we group "True" asexual and gray asexual together.

1. Gray asexual

* people who do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes

* people who experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive

* people who are technically sexual, but feel that it's not an important part of their lives and don't identify with standard sexual culture

* people who experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them

* Functionally asexuals who experience sexual feelings but do not engage in them

* people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances

* people who experience some parts of sexuality but not others, according to a theoretical model such as Rabger's

1. "True" asexual

individuals who do not experience sexual attraction or have no interest in or desire for sex.

I tend to agree with these. Except that I think an asexual would have sexual relations for the reasons I mentioned.

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ChaliceFlame
Urm. Alot of Asexual couples, where both are asexual, have sex. Because they want to, they respect and love each other.

Having an orgasm is for most enjoyable, regardless of sexuality, or lack of. People of all sexualities including asexual, have sex because they enjoy it.

Asexual: A person who does not experience sexual attraction. Plenty of sexuals have sex with people they don't find sexually attractive, why can't asexuals?

This doesn't make sense to me. If they enjoy sexual relations, then they are not asexual.

I could see two asexuals experimenting with sexual relations because they are both curious.

That's like saying there's a homeosexual couple consisting of one woman and one man, they have sexual relations together because they respect and love each other. Ummm then they being heterosexual not homeosexual.

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hyenaboy
Urm. Alot of Asexual couples, where both are asexual, have sex. Because they want to, they respect and love each other.

Having an orgasm is for most enjoyable, regardless of sexuality, or lack of. People of all sexualities including asexual, have sex because they enjoy it.

Asexual: A person who does not experience sexual attraction. Plenty of sexuals have sex with people they don't find sexually attractive, why can't asexuals?

This doesn't make sense to me. If they enjoy sexual relations, then they are not asexual.

I could see two asexuals experimenting with sexual relations because they are both curious.

That's like saying there's a homeosexual couple consisting of one woman and one man, they have sexual relations together because they respect and love each other. Ummm then they being heterosexual not homeosexual.

Still the confusion between attraction and behaviour...

We define an asexual as 'someone who does not experience sexual attraction', full stop. It may seem confusing, but an asexual can enjoy sex with another person.

A couple consisting of a homosexual man and a homosexual woman who have sex are not "being heterosexual". They are having hetero sex -- the act can be considered heterosexual -- but that doesn't affect who they are and how they define themselves.

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PiF

As mentioned the reasons are varied

For me with one exception because my ex wife wanted a child, then almost any other occasions was to make some one I cared for/loved deeply happy

For me and some others it was a halfway point and wasn't a problem as certianly I am not anti-sexual but I also wanted to meet a partner half way

I cannot ask them to totally understand my needs if I will not meet thiers and that's where the halfway point came in

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Guest Fosco
Urm. Alot of Asexual couples, where both are asexual, have sex. Because they want to, they respect and love each other.

Having an orgasm is for most enjoyable, regardless of sexuality, or lack of. People of all sexualities including asexual, have sex because they enjoy it.

Asexual: A person who does not experience sexual attraction. Plenty of sexuals have sex with people they don't find sexually attractive, why can't asexuals?

This doesn't make sense to me. If they enjoy sexual relations, then they are not asexual.

I could see two asexuals experimenting with sexual relations because they are both curious.

That's like saying there's a homeosexual couple consisting of one woman and one man, they have sexual relations together because they respect and love each other. Ummm then they being heterosexual not homeosexual.

Having heterosexual sex doesn't make you heterosexual. In the same way that having homosexual sex doesn't make you a homosexual. What you feel, and believe is what makes you that person.

The definition of an asexual is: A person who does not experience sexual attraction. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. No where in the definition does it mention that an asexual cannot enjoy sex and still call themselves asexual. People just seem to think it imply that, but it doesn't.

I am not sexually attracted to anyone or anything, it doesn't mean I can't have or enjoy having sex.

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