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Article from the Times of India


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sinisterporpoise

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-st...how/5059068.cms

Expect to see my response on Examiner.com soon.




2015 Edit - For future reference:


Meet the asexuals
Anjali Thomas

Mating and the rituals surrounding it have shaped world history and religion, divided countries, and toppled empires.

It's hard to ignore the internal chemical tempest that rages under the veneer of civilised life, but the world over, there are people — youngsters mainly — who are simply shrugging off the need to have sex. They're not nuns or priests opting for a life of chastity, nor do any of them suffer sexual disorders or hormonal imbalances. They're simply people who don't see what the sexual ballyhoo is all about.

In India too, where the sexual revolution is still taking off in fits and starts, there are men and women who have little or no sexual inclination. "Does that make me frigid?'' asks 25-year-old, Kolkata-based lawyer Indrani Banerjee, who calls herself an asexual — a word that many 'sexually enlightened' people are identifying with. "I don't have the desire to have sex with a man. And I'm not attracted to women either...unless you're talking of Salma Hayek,'' says Banerjee who is not a virgin.

The website asexuality.org or rather, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) describes an asexual as someone who does not experience sexual attraction. "Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community: Each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently," reads the homepage.

For a majority of impassioned people raised on a diet of films like Basic Instinct and Pretty Woman, the idea of feeling no spark, no sexual connection, is a denial of one's basic needs. After all, didn't someone say that man is a sexual being? A 'true' asexual, however, can live life to the fullest, without missing that oft-quoted spark.

"We're not eight-legged, pop-eyed aliens or amoeba in human form. Some asexuals don't feel romantic love at all...but are otherwise normal. Some have romantic love...minus sexual feelings. We're ordinary, normal people, you know," says Banerjee rather indignantly. Even people who masturbate, but do not feel the desire to have sex with anyone are asexuals, she says.

Chris D'Souza, 31, identifies with this. The Mumbai-based freelance graphic designer has lost interest in sex over the last year. "There was no dearth of experience during my college days," he says, wryly. "But for the last few years, sex gives me little pleasure. My work hours have gone haywire, and I just couldn't be bothered to go through the whole ritual. Not even for Salma Hayek!" D'Souza is currently dating, and while he enjoys the companionship of his girlfriend — "the cuddling, hugging, emotional support" — he admits that there's a strain on the relationship.

In that respect, Banerjee, who says she's "almost single" does not want her parents sweating it out trying to find a suitable boy for her. "I don't want a string of failed relationships because of my lack of willingness to have sex, either."

In a society that has coined at least 6,500 slang words and off-colour phrases for sex, there is little research on asexuality. In the Kinsey Reports of 1948 and 1953, sexologist Alfred Kinsey created a separate X category, for those with "no socio-sexual contacts or reactions". Around 1.5 per cent of the adult male population fell into the ambiguous X category. In 2004, Canadian researcher, Dr Anthony Bogaert, documented that one per cent of adults have absolutely no interest in sex. This was based on interviews with 18,000 people and their sexual practices, the findings of which were published in The Journal of Sex Research. In 2007, the Kinsey Institute in a small survey on the topic found that "self-identified asexuals reported significantly less desire for sex with a partner, and lower sexual excitation".

"There's nothing wrong with being happily asexual," says Dr Shamsah Sonawalla, associate director (psychiatry research) and consultant psychiatrist, Jaslok Hospital. "Besides, what society considers normal includes a wide range of variables. Just as there's nothing wrong with a person who has a high libido, the other end of the spectrum — someone with no libido — is also fine. To call it a disorder, it must adversely affect the person's life."

In India, however, a person's sexual orientation becomes a problem when they step over the threshold. Young men and women, who have had limited avenues of experimentation enter matrimony only to realise that they have no interest in spicing up the marital bed. Psychiatrist Dr Anjali Chhabria has had many a distraught parent dragging an unwilling son or daughter — in the age group of 22 to 26 — in an attempt to save a new marriage. "That's when asexuality becomes a problem, a family problem of sorts," says Chhabria, adding that the first thing she does is rule out other possibilities such as sexual or emotional dysfunction, latent homosexuality, etc. Sonawalla stresses the importance of being happy with one's choice: "There are individuals who may have a low sex drive — transient or long-standing — and are distressed
by this." Called Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD), it is defined as a deficiency or absence of sexual fantasies combined with the desire for sexual activity. Stress, effects of medication and hormonal changes can also reduce a person's libido.


"Should I worry?" asks D'Souza, only half in jest. While he's happy with his lack of desire, it's taken a toll on his relationship with his girlfriend. But he can take comfort in the fact that his need not be a choice for life; the rules are not set in stone. Radhika S, 28, says that for five years she had no desire to have sex. "It didn't make a dent in the way I lead my life. But yes, I did meet someone recently." And sparks are flying.

SEXLESS IN THE CITY

TINTIN
He's 80 years old now but still hasn't had his heart broken. The debate over Tintin's sexuality continues with great vigour. A recent book even said that he was gay. The romantically (and sexually) detached youth with his cowlick, too-short trousers and scarf could well be asexual.

ISAAC NEWTON
A falling apple may have helped Newton define one of the most seminal laws of physics but when it came to the apple as a fruit of sexual temptation, he seemed to be gloriously unmoved. Researchers have remained foxed about Newton's sexual bent. Perhaps, in this department, there was no gravitational pull

SHERLOCK HOLMES
To say that the Baker Street boy was blind to feminine charm would be an outright lie. Remember Irene Adler, the woman who outwitted him in A Scandal In Bohemia? But in Holmes' bachelor world of reason, tobacco and murder most foul, sex was but an inconvenience

LOVE BITES
Cleopatra used to dab perfume between her toes. When she set out to meet Mark Antony, history records, she even sprinkled perfume all over the sails of her barge
When a man buys flowers, if ever, he tends to pick red. A woman, though, is inclined to go for pink or blue or whatever off-hue is at hand
The average woman uses up approximately her height in lipstick every five years
The average shelf-life of a latex condom is about two years
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television was Fred and Wilma Flintstone. Yabba dabba doo!
Sex is biochemically no different from eating large quantities of chocolate
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure
The primary ambition of a Zulu wife is to help her husband acquire sufficient means to buy another wife... so they can split the chores
The usage of Love in tennis for a zero score, dates from 1792 and means 'playing for love' or, in other words, playing for nothing

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This is a great thing for asexual visibility. It'd be nice if we could use it to make some progress in other countries as well.

Before this I was unaware of the Kinsey reports' x category.

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I'm a little bit torn on this. I understand asexuality has been gaining recognition in various countries, especially through mediascapes, but now in reflection I think this needs to be addressed with relation to the history of asexuality and the environment out of which this community has risen. One thing I've gathered and feel myself in the process of coming to asexuality the overwhelming question of why we need to internalize an orientation and why identity has become so important. I know it's contradictory to claim an identity and yet contest the thought of it, but the point is that as asexuality has been posed as the "lack" (of sexuality, sexual attraction, sexual identification, gender specificity, or what have you) and from the outsides has therefore been able to offer a contradictory perspective that illuminates issues prevalent in society, such as the fact that the sexual revolution and explosion of identities that has happened over the past couple of centuries has not only asserted universal natures of people (leaving asexuality out, since we're not "sexual") but therefore also has spread worldwide as a universalizing voice of freedom in human sexuality and claim for identity. I would hope asexuality would itself engage in critique of the sexual revolution and dominant ideas of human sexuality, not itself assist in spreading a very Western notion of identity or trying to claim that asexuality is universally existent. I suppose the only thing I can say is that notions of sexual identity have already spread elsewhere (asexuality slowly arriving on the scene) so long as there are other people who are in need of understanding themselves in the already established order of things, then that's great for them.

Maybe I'm a bit different in seeing asexuality as a political position as well. Maybe I'm not even making sense. And perhaps this is the wrong place to post my musings. :P Reading the article just left me feeling a bit off.

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