age you first thought of yourself as asexual?

[lilgreenmouse]

when i came across this site and realized there actual was a term for my complete lack of interest, so...18/19 I guess.^^ I'm actually comfortable with the label since I'm not floating about in this odd, confusing state of mind of 'refusing to grow up and have sex like everyone else'.

[Cerridwen]

Well guess this post is a good post for my first post :lol:

It took me years to realize I just wasn't attracted to people sexually. I tried different men thinking "Everyone else loves it, maybe I just haven't found the right guy." I even tried a couple women thinking "maybe I'm gay". But nada nothing. I finally came to the conclusion it was me and that I just didn't like sex and that was OK when I was around 26. I didn't know there was a term for it untill a year or two later. I'm 32 now.

[GoAskDaddy]

Like a lot of posters in this thread, I didn't know there was a name for it or that there are many, many others like me. But I was very young when I discovered that I was different from others around 8 or 9. It became more apparent as I got older of course.

I didn't get why all my friends were suddenly boy crazy and OMG that's all they talked about, dreamed about, lol. The Drama's, the teenage breakups my friends went through, like their lives were over and they couldn't function properly lol "Geeze get over it!" I'd want to yell at them. It struck me as very strange behaviour on their part, back then. Not something I wanted to get involved in at all.

[Norah]

I never really discovered that I wasn't actually sexually attracted to people until recently, probably because for a long time, I just thought that my romantic attraction was the same as a sexual attraction. Then I got my first boyfriend, and figured out kissing was rather boring and did nothing for me (I mean the kind of kissing meant to be very sexual, get people horny and stuff. I quite enjoy smacking kisses that use only the lips, in a non-sexual way). Did some exploration but never got to intercourse with him, no desire to have sex with him, but I figured he just wasn't the right guy, since people always go on about how you'll feel it if you just meet the right person and all . Then with my current partner, still nothing with the kissing, so we have sex, I go 'meh', but I figure, it'll grow on me. If I do it more often it'll probably become better and more interesting, since people say the first few times are not very good anyway . So, never happened. So then I figured, I just don't have any kind of libido/sex drive; STILL hadn't figured out that I also do not feel any sexual attraction to my partner or anyone else. Then eventually I figure out that romantic isn't the same as sexual, and that I have never actually felt any kind of sexual anything toward anyone.

I don't know the exact age, but it was somewhere between early 20's and 25.

I dunno, for some reason it was very easy to overlook the lack of sexual attraction, probably because I do feel romantic attraction. I figured it out eventually because when remarking on pictures of people we find 'hot', it finally 'dinged' that no, I don't actually want to 'do' him (no romantic attaraction based on just the looks either). I just thinks he looks... nice. The way I think stuff can be beautiful.

[Verloren]

I knew I was different when I was 7, when I first hit puberty. I figured it wasn't anything too odd, after all I lived with a brother 9 years older, I played with boys, there were boys in my neighborhood, I was surrounded by boys, and just figured I didn't know any better since I didn't have any gal friends. I hadn't at the time realized that none of the boys (well especially my brother, I'm not really into that) were sexually attractive, I just figured they were friends and sexual and emotional attachment were the same. I never felt real sexual attraction, sexual urges, or the desire to date. I knew I was different until about a half year ago, when I realized I was asexual. I finally had a name for it. That was a relief...

[Plague #11]

I first realised I was different when I was 15, and decided to look up on Wikipedia what 'sexy' really was. It lead me to the page on sexual attraction, in which I realised I did not feel this so called 'sexual attraction' at all.

Later in the year, I was hanging with my bestie, J, and her friend, S. S asked us what we found kinky on boys. It was then I realised that this 'sexual attraction' thing wasn't just bullshit, and that I was truly different.

It wasn't until I was 16 that I came across the term asexual. After looking up several definitions, I decided that was what I was and completely forgot about it the next day.

Months later I started to wonder what I was. Bi-, homo-, hetero- and pansexual all felt very wrong, but bi was the closest I could get. Romantically attracted to males, aesthetically attracted to females.

A few days later, at one in the morning, I had this urge to look up asexuality. I Wiki'd it, and rejoyced since it felt right.

Umm, yeah. I'm not exactly sure how to end this...

So this will do?

[morning star]

I've always known I was though I never really knew about the term asexual until just recently.

[KAW9]

I remember the exact moment (but not the date :P) I heard about asexuality from my teacher when she was explaining something, and new right then I was asexual. I was 18. If someone had told me about this when i was younger it would have saved me a lot of stress.

[LittleMissAwesome]

I had suspicions around 14, first came across the term "asexual" a few months ago and thought it explained all my feelings, so I've identified as ace ever since. I'm 16 now :D

[GirlDreamer]

I don´t have en exact age. When i was younger I really stressed about being a virgin, but never had any interest in doing anything about it. I told myself that one day that would change, maybe if I found the right guy or something Needless to say, that never happened, but I really stressed about finding someone or just getting in a first relationship when I was around 19-20. I knew I was different though, I knew that I was supposed to find a guy and be in a relationship, but the thought never exited me much. I guess that when I was around 23-25 I started relaxing and accepting more that I just wasn´t interested. I didn´t think of myself as an asexual until a week ago though, just because I´d never heard the term before then.

[Samael]

I'm 23 now. Until now, I've never pondered what my sexual orientation is, and I've never thought about what the orientation of others could be. But that's just me: thinking about sexual things has always held as much interest to me as counting how many stars there are in the sky - quite a few, but I've never bothered to start counting them.

I stumbled on Aven a week or two ago then, and having read the FAQ it was pretty clear to me what my orientation is. I'm well aware that the society expects you to be interested in certain things, like having "quality time" with a person of the opposite sex. How can it be quality time if I can't see any quality in it to begin with? However, I've yet to feel any stress about complying to the so called norms, since I haven't experienced any persecution and being like the average joe has always held zero interest to me at any rate.

[mindsword]

I'm 23 now. Until now, I've never pondered what my sexual orientation is, and I've never thought about what the orientation of others could be. But that's just me: thinking about sexual things has always held as much interest to me as counting how many stars there are in the sky - quite a few, but I've never bothered to start counting them.

Stop stealing my thoughts...

I knew I was mildly different, but I always assumed late bloomer. besides, its not like it mattered, right? Its my life to live. When I finally found AVEN the pieces came together and I knew what i was. it was terrifying and wonderful at the same time.

[Guest Fosco]

16, I was out walking the dog when it really struck me.

"Gosh...I'm asexual. Oi! come back you!!"

;)

[Ben V]

5th of April 2009, aged 17. Figured that out just then from emails I sent to a friend

[Lord Dandylion]

began seriously suspecting it around the age of 14-15. Made up the word when I was 13-14 to describe myself as a joke but only this week decided to make the title official. The thing that confused me most recently is that I seem to occasionally be a bit demi-sexual, which is why I came to question it, but asexual seems more fitting.

[asexual cake]

I found (and adopted) the term when I was sixteen, but I knew I wasn't interested in sex for several years before then (and I remember having to explain my plans for lifelong celibacy as early as age twelve).

[Kasbunny]

A long time ago, back in like middle school, really. I equated myself with organisms that reproduced asexually, and figured since I never wanted to have sex, I was asexual. But I never... labeled myself as such, I guess? It was just something I thought to myself that I was. Because all the kids around me were getting in to relationships and kissing and as each year passed, getting hotter and heavier with their preferred gender, and I... wanted no part of that. So more and more, I was thinking, "I really an asexual", but because I had romantic leanings, I was also like, "well, maybe I just need to meet the right person".

But even when I was in a serious relationship, I had no yearning for physicality beyond cuddling. And even with random people I found immensely attractive, I was just like, man I want to cuddle him/her! And it slowly *really* dawned on me in the last year or two that, yeah, I am asexual. And I can still be asexual while still being romantically attracted to people.

[hanien]

i started to realize that i am an asexual when i was in high school .. everyone around me was interested in guys and sex but i didn't really care for any of these things...

[cochran1985]

i can't remember a clear defining moment that made me realise i was asexual, i have always felt the way i have and even though i didn't discover asexuality till 2009 i was happy with who i was and just assumed i was the only one until discovering this website

[vballcraze21]

I started to realize I was different when I was 12 but never knew the term asexual until I was almost 19 when I joined AVEN

[ihatemyusername]

I first heard of the term asexual (in the terms of being orientation) when I was 14, and in the Satanic Bible, lol. I guess I always felt asexual, when you're around a lot of guy friends, and they talk about sex a lot, I just couldn't really grasp the great fascination of it all. When I was 17 I think was the first time I started thinking I was asexual, I said to a few people that I think might be asexual, and I got the whole mitosis stuff, "So you're saying you can reproduce by yourself?", lol. It's only quite recently I've fully accepted the fact of being ace, and I've just turned 20.

[sips]

think I was 14 first time someone tried to be sexual with me and I felt nothing, but I didn't even understand they wanted sex back then; I was only suprised and confused.

I was about 30 when I finally realized it wasn't just a sexual problem I could solve some way or another; I realized this is who I am.

[monstro]

I learned of the term about a year ago. 28yrs old then. But thought it was a load of crap. Last night my wife and I had another, of veeeery many of the SAME arguement. So I decided to look it up again. I'm still not sure. With all other relationships I never noticed myself to feel horny or crave any sexual encounter even starting with kissing. I'm a lesbian. I've always attracted myself to females but never in a sexual manner. I'm what we call a stud. I have the really short boyish hair, dress and demeanor. I could not see myself EVER with a man but I don't care for sex with a female, or at all for that matter. Masturbation I have done for years since I can remember. I've always been hit on by males and females and I slightly flirt but never intend to act on it. I'm very shy, I know people and people know me, but I don't actually have any friends. I don't socialize really at all.

I've been with my wife for 4 years next month. Our relationship started rather weird, complicated and too long to explain but being non sexual, non affectionate, romantic, etc has always been present. When we do it, I'm usually giving because I don't want her to do me. She tries doing different things, buys videos, gels, toys, etc. She really tries to make this work, and thinks she's the problem. I continue to tell her that it's me but can't give her a reason as to why. We have made love many times. But as time goes by the time in between each time becomes longer and longer. So far, we've gone about a month and a half without it. This is really the only problem in our relationship. We have great communication and the utmost trust in each other. But I'm going crazy and she lays in bed at night and cries and I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!

I know I've gone far and beyond the question in "question" but I really need help, advice or something! I just registered and have been reading alot of the blogs on this site and thought I'd post something, somewhere.

[Idraena]

I first started questioning my sexuality around the age of 10/11. (I know that sounds really early, but I had this weirdly skewed sense of time back then. I first started to menstruate the summer I was 11 and I remember freaking out for several months before that because it was so "late" and "so many people" had started.) My friends would reminisce over crushes they'd had in elementary school and they'd speak fondly of being "boyfriend/girlfriend" with them etc. It was about that time that looking at the yearbook and asking "So who do you like?" became popular and I could never answer because I'd never crushed on anybody. The only thing I knew was that women were more aesthetically pleasing to me (and still are, even though I'm romantically attracted to mostly men) so I questioned for a while if I was straight or lesbian. I think I eventually decided it wasn't worth worrying about, convinced myself I had a crush on one of my friends, and moved on with my life. (I didn't, of course, but it got me to stop worrying about it.)

I questioned again at 14/15ish, because this was the age, just entering high school, where a lot of my friends were starting to get boyfriends. It became a major topic of conversation. I still had never had a crush on or liked anybody in that way, but I began to feel lonely and wanted romantic companionship. I don't know who I would have said yes to, but ah well. And then a whole bunch of drama went down with my friends and one of my friends' exes asked me out. I wasn't attracted to him at all, even personality-wise, even though he was nice enough, so I said no, several times. I actually cried on the phone to one of my friends about it, because I wanted the idea of a boyfriend, not him, and I needed to realize that. But even when I saw my friends kissing other people I was vaguely grossed out. I could not see the appeal. I didn't know asexuality existed then, so it didn't make me wonder, but looking back, it probably should have.

I *didn't* actually question myself when my friends began to lose their virginities around 16. I just didn't think about it. I guess I assumed they all felt the same as me about sex, and I was just being sensible and they made a mistake, or were pressured into it, or something. I couldn't see the appeal of it, but again, since I didn't know about asexuality, I didn't question myself. A few of my friends were very into sex and I can say, looking back, I definitely did NOT get it. I think I'm only just now starting to realize how different I am, and just *how* sexual most people are.

I'm 18 now, and in college, and in the past few months I have really started to question my own sexuality again. I started to dredge up the old "lesbian/straight/bi" debate from years ago, and realizing more and more that it wouldn't necessarily matter who it was with, but I wanted romance and cuddles and love. But I still didn't know the word or concept for asexuality, and I wasn't getting anywhere with my internal debate. None of the labels felt right. In browsing a different online forum a couple of weeks ago, I came by chance across a post that really sounded like me. The poster was writing about romance novels without sex in them, and she said something like "As someone who is deeply romantic but also asexual ..." and, on a whim, I began to look up stuff about asexuality. I'm still not 100% sure that's where I fit, especially since I have still never been in a relationship or crushed on anyone, but I'm beginning to use the label "romantic asexual" and even "biromantic asexual" to myself, and it feels like the closest I've ever come to describing my sexuality accurately. Not that I've told anyone yet, but baby steps, people. :)

[Iridien]

I knew I was 'off' around 16 and spent the next years desperately trying to 'fix' myself. I learned about asexuality at age 18, and really identified with it, but I heard about it from a nonlibidoist and so assumed that I couldn't be asexual because I had a libido. Then, a year later, I revisited the concept and actually went to AVEN this time... and right off, I realized I fit the definition to a tee. That revelation ranks waaaay up at the top slots of the 'best moments of my life' list.

[Theta Sigma]

18-19ish... first time I realized that normal people my age DID care about sex.

Yep, same for me.

[Hope]

Age 30 when I first came to this site. Never thought of myself as being anything (asexual, sexual, etc.) until I came here and everything I read seemed to ring true for me. Was a nice feeling knowing that others feel the same as I do!.

The funny thing for me is when I look back on when I was seeing this guy when I was in my 20s and having very strong feelings for him, being in love with him, yet never wanting to sleep with him!. I never thought to myself "why don't I want to sleep with him??". To me it was what it was - normal! and now I know why it was so normal for me to not want sex! LOL. Just FYI: a shy sexual + an asexual = a no win for either!!. LOL That's why we didn't work out!

[WhenSummersGone]

I would say honestly like a week ago. I realized everything adds up. The experiences I've had, what I felt, what I enjoy, or how my crushes are. I thought not having sex for 3 years was just a break or that I couldn't find anyone, but really I just don't want it nor desire it. It goes deeper than that

[bligyn]

I thought I had made up the term asexual to describe myself. I started calling myself one since I was 15.

[OceanicMarauder]

I suppose I knew for a while, but I didn't start calling myself asexual until I was 14