Any older asexuals who have never been married?

[Mnemosyne]

33, never married, one relationship experience (failed on sex and non-commitment beyond that). I gave up on searching one because no one ever understood I was after their mind, not their body, and looked for a spiritual or intellectual union, and not for sex.

[isillote]

I'm 50 and have never been married. Almost did it once, but realised in time that we were spectacularly incompatible. Now I have a fabulous and eccentric relationship of 15 years standing, but we don't live together and are not married.

[yellow]

I'm 36 and haven't ever been married. I've dated sexual guys over the years, and it always ended disastrously. I've decided that no matter how lonely I get, I will not date another sexual. It isn't fair to them, nor is it fair to me.

Yellow

[Cakey]

I got married in Las Vegas in the nineties (divorced now).. but never really saw it as a marriage, just another experience.during part of my travels across the vast continent (Kind of like the Britney Spears 55 hour wedding thingy)....To me a wedding would be the Church, the white dress etc...so I guess I do see myself as never being married.

[Leonine]

Me! 53 and never married. In 3 relationships that never lasted beyond the "Honeymoon Period" of 2.5 to 3 years and each of the partners proposed to me. But, although I lived the pretence of sex lives with them, I never for a second pretended to myself that I wanted marriage.

The last of these relationships (which ended almost 10 years ago) produced my beautiful daughter. So, that has to be worth it then, huh? :D

Leonine

[Dove]

I've never even dated, never mind married. LOL

[Lauxesa]

I'm 43 (female) and never married. Never dated. Never wanted to.

[Lauxesa]

I'm 43. I've never dated. So I've obviously never been married, ha ha.

When I was younger (4th grade through my late 20s) I always said I "hated guys." (I wasn't associating the fact that I hated sex - I lumped guys and sex together). I was a very angry young person - angry at society and people. I could not understand why one by one people "crossed the line" into "pervertedness." I thought doing THAT was wrong and bad and WEAK. I thought being "like me" was the way everybody was supposed to be. And people were just plain WRONG.

Of course, some people told me that I would change my mind. That would piss me off BIG TIME! I knew myself! Even when I was in grade school! (Remember that game "LIFE" with the cars and peg people? And you had to stop and get married and have kids? I always put my hubby in the backseat with the kids. hee hee.)

So the thought of dating NEVER, EVER, EVER crossed my mind. It still doesn't. But when I got into my mid-30's, I met a friend at work who belonged to this one church and she would invite me to picnics and parties (and there were guys there) - it was the first time I had ever really associated with gals AND guys in a social situation. (Nobody ever asked me out, thank God.) It was the first time I saw guys as smart, fun, humorous, and even decent. Slowly over time, my "hatred" of guys disappeared. But never my interest to stay on my side of the line.

As the years went on, I began to believe that I was the ONLY person on this planet who was on my side of the line. THAT was the only reason I ever felt lonely. No, "alone" is more the word. About 5 or so years ago, someone mentioned the word "asexual" to me and I had no idea what it meant, so I looked it up on GOOGLE and found this website. When I started reading the words from other people, it was like reading words from my own head. My heart started racing with excitement. (Even though after decades of believing I was alone, it WAS hard to believe I was actually NOT alone.) But ever since that time, so much of my anger has disappeared. All I ever wanted was to know the whole world didn't have to be perverted. My only wish is that I actually knew some people around here who felt like me. Even a guy! :) I've learned guys do add a lot to friendships. All my church brothers are great!

[Lauxesa]

It seems to me that most older asexuals are/have been married. My guess is because it was the appropriate thing to do in previous generations.

Any who have not ever been married?

I personally don't think marriage NEEDS sex. If I knew a guy who didn't want sex, that would be awesome! Maybe then I wouldn't be so against marriage. By the way, I'm 43 and a virgin also.

If I were born 50+ years ago, or back in the bible days where people "had" to get married, I probably would have killed myself.

I never married. Just turned 57. Still a virgin also.

Yes, there was some subtle pressure to marry when I was younger, but I have always been a stuburn boy so the pressure never worked. For the most part I am happy with my decision to never marry. I did think about it, but I also thought about how could I tell a future wife that if we got married there wouldn't be any sex? I could have not told her, but that would NOT have been fair. She would have needs that I could not fulfill. So staying single has been the right thing for me.

[Huggs]

38 and nope never married

[The Friendly Ace]

I'm in my late 30's. Never been married, engaged or lived with anyone. My parents have been married for over 40 years and growing up in that environment has filled me with a holy terror of ever being legally manacled to another human being. I live alone by choice and hope I can continue to afford to do so till the end of my days.

-Wicked

I'm mid-30s and my parents' most hellish hell lasted almost 30yrs. Other than those minor differences see ^^^^^^ rinse, repeat.

All the 50+ posters at the start of the thread who said they've never been married/kissed/etc, and they're happy for it, make me happy(happier) for my future, too! Thanks, peeps! :D

[The Friendly Ace]

I remember telling my parents at age 9 that I was not ever going to get married.

I told my parents this, repeatedly, from the time I was about six. I'm thirty-four. I think Mom is slowly resigning herself to the fact, but deep down, I fear she's very unhappy about it, and I'm not entirely certain why....

[daveb]

I remember telling my parents at age 9 that I was not ever going to get married.

I told my parents this, repeatedly, from the time I was about six. I'm thirty-four. I think Mom is slowly resigning herself to the fact, but deep down, I fear she's very unhappy about it, and I'm not entirely certain why....

Because "misery loves company"? :lol:

Welcome and have some (doesn't have to be wedding cake either!). :D

[The Friendly Ace]

Welcome and have some (doesn't have to be wedding cake either!). :D

Thank you, thank you, as my profile says, I am Looking For Delicious Caek!!!! :D And I have found some! Let Us Eat Caek! :cake: :cake:

(Hm. I think I need coffee. )

[Qutenkuddly]

I remember telling my parents at age 9 that I was not ever going to get married.

I told my parents this, repeatedly, from the time I was about six. I'm thirty-four. I think Mom is slowly resigning herself to the fact, but deep down, I fear she's very unhappy about it, and I'm not entirely certain why....

My mother is unhappy because she's not going to get any grandkids out of me. :P

And, oh yeah, forty and never married. Thought I might've gotten close a few times, but that whole 'lack-of-sex' thing got in the way. *sigh*

[The Friendly Ace]

I remember telling my parents at age 9 that I was not ever going to get married.

I told my parents this, repeatedly, from the time I was about six. I'm thirty-four. I think Mom is slowly resigning herself to the fact, but deep down, I fear she's very unhappy about it, and I'm not entirely certain why....

My mother is unhappy because she's not going to get any grandkids out of me. :P

Eh, my mother knows I hate kids, and would never, EVER be able to cope, in any way, shape, or form, with being pregnant, so that's pretty much never been a topic of discussion at all, ever. As I've gotten older (and so has she), she's seemed a little more uncomfortable than she has been in the past, with the idea that I'm just not interested in the whole sexual lifestyle, and everything that entails. Mind you, lately I've been wondering if I'm going to end up one of those crazy cat ladies, or not...plus, I'm allergic to cats, so, just crazy, is in the cards for me, I guess. :lol:

Still, it is something I have to consider at some point, since I will have neither spouse nor children to care for me, in my old age. (Hopefully my ripe old age, but you never can tell, these days.) That said, by the time (or if) I reach Senior Status, maybe science will have figured out a way to live an independent life as an elderly person, so who knows?

I dread the thought of ending up in "long-term care". Hoping there will be a better solution in place, by the time/if I actually need it....

Geez, now I've gone and turned this into a depressing thread! Caek? ;)

[Qutenkuddly]

Still, it is something I have to consider at some point, since I will have neither spouse nor children to care for me, in my old age. (Hopefully my ripe old age, but you never can tell, these days.) That said, by the time (or if) I reach Senior Status, maybe science will have figured out a way to live an independent life as an elderly person, so who knows?

I dread the thought of ending up in "long-term care". Hoping there will be a better solution in place, by the time/if I actually need it....

Geez, now I've gone and turned this into a depressing thread! Caek? ;)

Maybe, but I think you've touched upon a fear that perhaps many of us have: growing old alone. I know I share it. :(

I'll see your and raise you a O.

[The Friendly Ace]

Geez, now I've gone and turned this into a depressing thread! Caek? ;)

Maybe, but I think you've touched upon a fear that perhaps many of us have: growing old alone. I know I share it. :(

I'll see your and raise you a O.

Meh, I've no fear of growing old alone, I have the fear of not being able to grow old alone independently. If that makes sense. I very much value my solitude, and would fit in with one of those religious hermitaries, but for the fact I'm pretty rabidly anti-religious. I wouldn't mind growing old alone...if I end up incapacitated or with dementia, and I have to rely on other people, who will likely be total strangers, in an institutional setting...well, then I'm screwed.

I have always been interested in the idea of co-housing as a possible solution. Not too sure how that would work out, though, since I'm not that social to begin with....Something to be considered in twenty-six years or so, supposing I don't get hit by a bus first, I guess. Still, there's been a lot of cancer in the extended family recently, so we've all been thinking about the future (if we'll have one), last days, &c &c. :(

Thanks for the offer of the doughnut...do you have something in a blueberry cruller? :)

[columbine]

49 and never married, but I've only been asexual 3 years. Before the desire faded out, I dated and went steady more or less like anyone else.

Unlike some who fear growing old alone, I actually find the prospect comforting. I can pull my own weight, but just barely. I wouldn't be able to do much but lose what I do have and follow a partner out onto the street once their health/luck/family failed them. And this way, if I lose the ability to work, I won't drag anyone else down with me. As long as I can work until I drop, I'll be OK, and if not, at least I won't become a millstone around the neck of someone I love.

[Guest]

Since I've recently hooked up with this forum and have searched for older asexuals, I came across this site in 2011 in mid summer (thank the Almighty, whoever she may be). So this response is late in coming, but I'm glad I came across this topic.

I was a teenager in the 1960s and early 1970s. It was the "free love" era, and if you weren't putting out on every date, you were considered to be "uptight" or "frigid" (phrases which I have never cared for because I am a sensual being). Sadly to say, I gave in in those days because I have always been attracted to men in an odd sort of way. But after a while I realized it was not worth the time or the effort and I was totally uninterested in sex and have always shunned it, so in my 30s I said nay to everyone and consequently haven't "dated" ever since because I want someone with either an extremely low or--preferably--no, libido. I never married. I never wanted to. Like some of you have mentioned, I am also not fond of children and am not ashamed to say that along with the free love of the 60s came the baggage which I quickly disposed of, compliments of Roe vs. Wade. I have heard of asexual couples who are very happy, and I still hope, at the ripe old age of 58, that at some point I might find someone suitable mainly because of the companship factor and the ability to share interests. Lucky for me, I have my guitar. (Can't eat cake--I'm diabetic!) I can't say I had trouble or pressure from my family--quite the opposite. I had a gay brother (deceased now for 40 years), a gay sister and a gay nephew. My family is NOT your average run-in-the-mill Beaver Cleaver type.

My lucky relationships took place while I was still an actress in the theater, and nearly all of the men were gay. This was way back in the late 70s and early 80s before gay men started coming out. So now, there are not any other options. But it was fun, because I had boyfriends I could do INTERESTING things with which had nothing to do with sex. I miss those days.

I expect I'll never marry, and I can't say that I regret it much. But it would be a nice experience to have, if only to know what it feels like to share a life with someone who has similar interests.

It's good to see how many of us there are who are older. Most of the sites I've visited in search of platonic relationships are composed of people I would call "just kids." Let's face it; sometimes you run out of words to say, and sex doesn't have to be the thing that takes place when the silence sets in. What can I discuss with someone half my age who didn't live through my experiences? So in the end, there's always backgammon.

8)

[Guest]

By the way, any of us "older" Aces in the Pacific Northwest area?

[towngirl]

I am 43 supposedly attractive and always been asexual. I have never been married or had a boyfriend who took me out on dates. Its embarrasing when younger people than me ask why im not married.

[towngirl]

Hmm dont know if i replied to this post before but im 43 never been married and dont have children and never been on a date either. There doesnt seem to be many asexual men out there as they expect sex and that horrifies me!

[Ziffler]

I remember telling my parents at age 9 that I was not ever going to get married.

I told my parents this, repeatedly, from the time I was about six. I'm thirty-four. I think Mom is slowly resigning herself to the fact, but deep down, I fear she's very unhappy about it, and I'm not entirely certain why....

I can relate to your comment.

I told my parents from a very early age that I wasn't going to get married, also. Of course everyone told me that one day a girl would grab my heartstrings and I would fall head over heals in love. I'm 59 years old and still not married. LOL I am a virgin and will die a virgin, and I knew it when I was a small boy.

As for your mom. She might feel a little sad, because she is looking forward to grandchildren. I am lucky, I had brothers and sisters that provided my mom with grandchildren. LOL. Another thing she might be sad about, is that she may feel that you are not getting everything out of life. That you are missing out, by not getting married and having children. That is a reasonable idea from her point of view. Marriage and children was probably her dream as a girl.

The nice thing about staying single is that I was able to do all the things I dreamed about doing without being responsible for someone else. I lived my life to the fullest. Which I could not have done if I had married and had children. I am happy. I have no regrets. My lifestyle isn't for everyone. But if you are a non-romantic, semi-anti-social, asexual, living the single life is perfect. I do what I want, when I want.

So I related to what little info you provided. LOL.

[Paul1807]

Well 55 and never married. I have had a few relationship but they always ended usually by fading away. I only rcently found this site and am still trying to figure things out. Judging my my past history I am a Heteroromantic Demi-Sexual. Little to no interest in sex unless I had some strong romantic feelings and even then the sex was secondary. When I crossed the 50 barrier I kinda gave up on the potential for getting married. Yes it could happen but............

[Member25303]

42 here...never been married, never been kissed, and never had kids. :)

[blackwingsblackheart]

43, never married, also never had kids and never wanted them. Of course, if I were to marry it'd have to be a woman, and that's still not legal in my state, so yeah...

[W4yland Sm1th33]

This thread's existence is kind of a relief to me. I'm in my 40s (39 if anyone asks me tho! ha!) and I keep reading all these UNMARRIED PANIC!!! articles recently (the latest one was the in the Gaurniad this weekend) which just make me feel like "jeez, can we just stop with the heteronormative marriage pressure already, please?" And just wanting to have this affirmation of THIS IS NOT THE 19TH CENTURY, THERE ARE OTHER OPTIONS. You're allowed to breath a massive exhaled sigh of relief at the freedom.

When I was in my mid teens, I can remember insisting to my mum that I would "never ever get married unless it was to ::80s celebrity x::" - not that I actually thought I would ever even meet let alone marry ::80s celebrity x:: but more to show just how absurd I found the whole concept of marrying *anyone*.

I admit that I went through a kind of panic in my early 30s that was much more about OMG SOCIETAL PRESSUREZ (and also crazy pseudo biological clock ticking that I'm so happy it wore off bcuz UGH babies) but all I can think now is that my god, how lucky I am, feeling like I dodged a bullet because what a mistake that would have been.

Anyway, yes.

[Samael]

I'm in my twenties, but I feel old nonetheless. I haven't felt a need to establish a relationship or get married, and that's something that won't change unless extraordinary circumstances would take effect. I confess that I don't really understand why people feel the need to do as society commands them to in relation to getting married. Or is it truly just so wonderful to get married that you do it out of your own volition? Not personally experiencing attraction leaves me uncertain as to the truth of the matter. It is also true that marriage is a very old institution, and there are people who are eager to follow tradition for its own sake.

Still, I feel I am uniquely suited to a life of singleness. I don't worry or feel ashamed of being true to myself, as I've noticed some people might cave in before the pressure of the society. I hope people who submit to society's authority will find peace in their decision, whether it's by their own will or not. :)

[ThanatosSG9]

41 year old Canadian who's never been married. Had a couple of "relationships" in my early twenties that lasted 5 months and 2 months respectively . Sex was had to please the partner but there was never any interest or enjoyment; with the 5 month relationship, I actually resented that he would ask when I made it plain that I was not interested.

Now I've been sexual relationship free for twenty years and I feel just fine about it. I do miss the companionship and hugs from a strong male figure occasionally but I've learned to deal. Now, according to society at large, I have become the cat lady (4) and I am ok with that as well. They love me unconditionally, don't pressure me to put out :lol: and the only yuckiness I'm faced with is the litter box