Jump to content

Romantic/sexual mismatches in the bi community


Siggy

Recommended Posts

I'm always hearing people on AVEN refer to the possibility of heteroromantic homosexuals and homoromantic heterosexuals and pretty much any combination of homo/hetero/bi/a romantic and homo/hetero/bi/a sexual. But it's always just a theoretical possibility, with few concrete examples. But I think we should really be able to find people fitting these descriptions!

In fact, I did hear about a friend of a friend who fit the description of homoromantic bisexual. That's not the exact description I heard, of course. I was just told that he was bisexual, sexually attracted to both genders, but mostly formed emotional connections with other men. The most important thing to note here is that he identifies as bisexual. So if we want to find sexual people with romantic/sexual mismatches, we should probably look in the bisexual community. I'm not very familiar with all the bi issues out there, so for all I know, this is a common discussion topic for bisexuals.

So I googled bisexual. I found this bisexual forum, which looked active enough, and on the first page was a discussion about "sexual attraction and emotional attraction". I guess it's just a single discussion thread in a large forum, which may or may not be representative, but I'm still tickled that there are other people on the tubes who are discussing something very similar to us, completely independently.

This only raises more questions! Exactly how common is this among bisexuals, and how much is it recognized? Are there discrepancies between how bisexuals see emotional attraction and we see romantic attraction? Do most bisexuals believe in a sort of romantic orientation? Do they believe it is chosen or not? Usually fluid or usually stable?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I knew a biromantic homosexual who only dated those he wasn't sexually attracted to (women, in this case).

It wouldn't surprise me if bisexuals are more open to acknowledging the difference- or if some people identify as bi due to romantic orientation even if they're homo/heterosexual. Being heteroromantic homosexual or vice versa would probably be extremely confusing, and it also wouldn't surprise me if someone found themselves identifying as bi for it. I think the topic was started my someone who was more emotionally attracted to one and sexually to the other.

So maybe being bisexual doesn't make you more likely to have a mismatch- so much as having a mismatch makes you more likely to identify as bi.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Actually, I know a homoromantic heterosexual... we think. She likes to refer to herself as an above-the-hip lesbian: she forms deep emotional connections to other women, and is fine with kissing and such, but when it comes to sex she is repulsed. The opposite is true with men- she can't stand cuddling or kissing with them, and has never felt attracted to them, but when it comes to sex and ONLY sex, she's all for it.

Obviously, it causes her a bit of trouble. The women in her life want sex in relationships, and the men would take sex as a sign she wants a relationship, when neither is true.

Link to post
Share on other sites
XjanuaryXmoonX

long, long ago i was a heteroromantic homosexual... then everything kind of smoothed out, and now i am a biromantic asexual, and i still have no idea how that happened...

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well...I'm a bit weird if I really want to dissect it all.

I find lots of women to be aesthetically pleasing. I find few men aesthetically pleasing.

BUT...I don't feel I connect emotionally with women. I am better able to connect emotionally with men.

I enjoy sexual acts with both sexes (when I have to), but do not like having proper intercourse with men (it hurts). I think sex with other women is more enjoyable, just because there's more variety in what you can do.

In any case, I consider myself biromantic asexual. It's just so rare for me to be attracted to a guy, even though I connect better with them and prefer how they make me feel relationship wise.

Link to post
Share on other sites

In fact, I came across asexuality looking for information about mismatched orientations for bisexual friends.

I also think that people with mismatched orientations are more likely to identify as bi.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 year later...

I'm a biromantic homosexual... I think. I know I am romantically attracted to men, but not sexually. For a while I thought I was only sexually attracted to women, but that was only because I couldn't see myself marrying a woman (I'm 18 though, so marriage is very far off). Now though I realize I am romantically attracted to females, with both genders I love cuddling and kissing and I can feel a strong romantic bond with them. The part the confuses me the most is the sexuality..

I'm currently dating a guy (have been for a year so far) and I love him a lot, but my lack of sexual attraction to guys and my confusion with sexuality in general is taking a toll on our relationship. When I didn't think I could have a romantic bond with a girl, it was easier because I knew I would pick romance over sex any day so that made guys the obvious option for me. But now that I know that I'm most definitely biromantic,I'm confused..

I know that I can get sexually aroused by the thought of girls, and are sexually attracted to them, but I don't really have the desire to participate in sexual acts with any gender. Like, sexual acts besides penetration are okay because they seem more intimate to me, kind of like cuddling but with a slightly sexual side. But if I would be 100% happy without engaging in anything sexual, and I really absolutely have no desire for sex; it confuses me, and just does not appeal to me.

Does this make me biromantic asexual? or just biromantic homosexual with no sex drive or real desire for sexual acts...? I'm so confused.

I know its not necessary to label yourself, but it would make me feel so much more at ease if I knew.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ashling,

You are of course, free to identify however you wish. It sounds like biromantic asexual could indeed describe you. In your relationships with men, you can probably relate to a lot of asexuals' experiences.

If you're in doubt about the details about your romantic orientation, you're not alone in that either. A lot of people (like me) just don't identify by any particular romantic orientation.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...