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kt8

Asexuality - An orientation?

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Snap-Dragon
What you are saying is you would like lots of sex then? The only people who are celibate are people who really want sex, but for one reason or another, they are making a conscious decision not to have any.

Sure I would like to have sex. I just haven't met anyone I wanted to have it with. May be that person exists, maybe they don't. The point is I've chosen not to label my orientation in order to be open to all possibilities.

*shrug*

Just because you don't use the label doesn't mean it doesn't apply. You can refuse to call yourself a blonde because there's a possibility that later in life, your hair will darken to brunette, but guess what? You still fit the definition of blonde right now. Regardless of whether you're too insecure or in denial to use the label yourself, everyone else can tell you fit the description, and will happily use the appropriate word to refer to you whether you accept it or not.

There is the danger in what you are saying in that it could be taken to an extreme. You could say that although there is a spectrum of 'choice' and fluidity, the only right and healthy orientation is Heterosexual

If sexual attraction was accepted as being fluid, there would be no sexual orientation for anyone to argue for or against. Not just no 'homosexual,' but no 'heterosexual' either.

As I understand, it is accepted as being fluid (to a certain degree, of course), which, I'll re-emphasize, does not in any way mean that you get to choose it. But people still need words to classify themselves and others, to express their preferences, and to give them a way to communicate what kind of person they would like to form a relationship with. Whether you like them or not is immaterial -- labels are useful and necessary, until the point where ignorant people start attaching stereotypes to them. But when they serve as merely descriptive language, as orientations do, they are, I'd say, indispensible.

I do not think it is the choice you think it is. I make a choice to try things, and observe the results. I make a choice to try to make the best predictions possible using the best evidence available to me. I do not directly choose to conclude that I am asexual. I only choose to make accurate conclusions to the best of my ability, and this constrains me to the conclusion that I am asexual.

You can feel no sexual attraction all you want, but that still doesn't mean you have to call yourself asexual.

Actually, it does. That is the definition of the word "asexuality": experiences no sexual attraction.

If asked, I describe myself as being "sexually disabled." No one has ever asked for details.

Well, that implies you have some sort of problem with your, er, "equipment" (and that is why no one asks for potentially embarrassing details). I don't, so that definition sounds a little... dishonest.

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oneofthesun
*shrug*

Just because you don't use the label doesn't mean it doesn't apply. You can refuse to call yourself a blonde because there's a possibility that later in life, your hair will darken to brunette, but guess what? You still fit the definition of blonde right now. Regardless of whether you're too insecure or in denial to use the label yourself, everyone else can tell you fit the description, and will happily use the appropriate word to refer to you whether you accept it or not.

I do experience sexual attraction. I just repressed it for a few years. I figured out that my problems with sex are caused by other issues. I also think the definition of attraction commonly used here is a bit too narrow.

Actually, it does. That is the definition of the word "asexuality": experiences no sexual attraction.

Asexuality is not just a descriptive term anymore. It's a movement: One that some people might not want to be part of, no matter what their "orientation" is.

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Des

If zero is a number and white is a color then asexuality is an orientation. It may not fit the dictionary definition, but it still represents the same idea to the common mind.

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you*hear*but*do*you*listen
If zero is a number and white is a color then asexuality is an orientation. It may not fit the dictionary definition, but it still represents the same idea to the common mind.

I may have to quote you on that.

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AVENCakes
If zero is a number and white is a color then asexuality is an orientation. It may not fit the dictionary definition, but it still represents the same idea to the common mind.

Isn't black the absence of color? I'd imagine white would be more like pansexual than asexual.

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oneofthesun
If zero is a number and white is a color then asexuality is an orientation. It may not fit the dictionary definition, but it still represents the same idea to the common mind.

I'm saying that sexual orientation doesn't really exist at all. Whether or not asexuality falls into the category of orientation is irrelevant.

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Sally
I do experience sexual attraction. I just repressed it for a few years. I figured out that my problems with sex are caused by other issues. I also think the definition of attraction commonly used here is a bit too narrow.
Actually, it does. That is the definition of the word "asexuality": experiences no sexual attraction.

Asexuality is not just a descriptive term anymore. It's a movement: One that some people might not want to be part of, no matter what their "orientation" is.

If you feel that you repressed your sexual attraction for a few years and are not doing that anymore, then there may be quite a bit of difference between you and most of us who have felt asexual all our lives because we naturally don't experience sexual attraction. We're not repressing it; we dont feel it. I can understand that you might not wish to term what you feel an orientation. But you can't really answer for others who do.

Narrow or not, the definition of asexuality is lack of sexual attraction. It if becomes a movement also; fine. But it started as a description of what people felt and how they were sexuall oriented.

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Des
If zero is a number and white is a color then asexuality is an orientation. It may not fit the dictionary definition, but it still represents the same idea to the common mind.

Isn't black the absence of color? I'd imagine white would be more like pansexual than asexual.

I knew another left-brainer was going to point that out. If RDraconis's point doesn't confuse you, don't read the following, 'cuz it sure will.

I was attempting to pick an example from left-brain (numbers) and right-brain (colors) to relate the instinctual-brain given example of sexuality, which is experienced more as something that springs from within (definition of instinct) rather than how we're trained to think about it (definition of logic) or how we're conditioned to feel about the interaction (definition of emotion). And for the right brain, or in an artistic sense, white is the starting point, or absence of color (see Saruman's famous speech, which isn't in the movie).

And I hope one left-brainer clarifying things for another doesn't take away from the perceived depth of the comment. :rolleyes:

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Sciatrix

If nothing else, call white the absence of color in paints rather the absence of color in light. *shrug* It made sense to me on both levels, and people usually call me left-brained like whoa.

(For the record, the left-brain/right-brain distinction is a load of crap--there are a few asymmetrical structures in the brain, but the main difference between left- and right-brained people is which sensory and motor gyruses are going to be larger. Left-brained people are always left-handed, although not all lefties are left-brained. All right-handed people are right-brained.)

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oneofthesun
I can understand that you might not wish to term what you feel an orientation. But you can't really answer for others who do.

Even if I still felt asexual, I wouldn't call it an orientation. As I said, asexuality has become a movement, and I think using the word "orientation" to describe it is a political mistake. It gives the intolerant an excuse to try curing it like they still do with homosexuality.

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Siggy
Why in the world are you so unwilling to use the word "orientation"?

Because I had my own orientation change, which according to the generally accepted definition of the word shouldn't be possible.

I can understand that you might not wish to term what you feel an orientation. But you can't really answer for others who do.

Even if I still felt asexual, I wouldn't call it an orientation. As I said, asexuality has become a movement, and I think using the word "orientation" to describe it is a political mistake. It gives the intolerant an excuse to try curing it like they still do with homosexuality.

First you say you don't like "orientation" because it makes people think it's impossible to change. Now you don't like "orientation" because it makes people try to change it. :blink:

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oneofthesun
First you say you don't like "orientation" because it makes people think it's impossible to change. Now you don't like "orientation" because it makes people try to change it. :blink:

Different people. Asexuals in the first part and fearful-of-everything-but-heterosexual-monogamy in the second. It is rather fun how different people come to different conclusions about the same word, isn't it?

Don't you see how the first causes the second? You say you can't change the way you feel, and the fearful-of-everything-but-heterosexual-monogamy folks say "Well in that case you must have a disease, and maybe there's a cure!"

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