What gender is this?

[RhodesDragon]

To begin with, I think I am 21 year old bisexual male. I am usually alright if not too happy to be male. However, things get upsetting when I am in front of young guys,my male friends. I find certain types of perverted guys very arousing and want to badly attract them to me for some romance or foreplay. I often then fantasize myself as some beautiful glam item girl type thing and get excited by the thought. In other words, I feel girlish and extremely shy and feminine in front of young guys. I want them to gaze at me, my figure, my femme beauty, show affection towards me or admire me as a sex object. I fantasize being a gorgeous pretty something. I give a feminine smile and every type of attitude I display becomes girlish. In other words, I become showy like females psychologically as a reaction to these guys.

I don't per se love guys, but, I just want them to love me a lot.

Things change completely when I go in front of girls. I then feel normal male myself and to attract them, I fantasize myself as a full masculine normal male and act as such. I have had some sexual encounters. With guys, I like to bottom like girls but with women, I always top and am full normal male. I must add that when I don't have these sexual cravings for the guys, I don't at all have any other problem as male and also don't ever have any body dysphoria or something.

Yet, I am just not able to go on as full masculine male in front of guys. I wish I were girl to show-off my beauty and feminine grace/aesthetics to them.

What gender best suits me? Also any advice as to how I deal with my feelings?

[AotoSora]

Bi-gendered? How do you act when you're not trying to attraction someone?

[henshin]

Hmm, as to gender, I'm of the persuasion that it matters not. Your gender is just how you behave, nowt wrong or right with it so why bother labelling it.

As to your feelings, well, what are your feelings, does it bother you that you act in a more feminine way in front of men you wish to attract? Do you want to be more feminine with women too and feel like you can't because they expect you to be the 'man'? Do you think you only act in a feminine way because you're trying to attract straight guys and you don't think they will find your masculine side attractive?

[RhodesDragon]

Hmm, as to gender, I'm of the persuasion that it matters not. Your gender is just how you behave, nowt wrong or right with it so why bother labelling it.

As to your feelings, well, what are your feelings, does it bother you that you act in a more feminine way in front of men you wish to attract? Do you want to be more feminine with women too and feel like you can't because they expect you to be the 'man'? Do you think you only act in a feminine way because you're trying to attract straight guys and you don't think they will find your masculine side attractive?

No, I dont like to be "more feminine" in front of women. I completely change when I am with them as I said. It's like then I realize how much man I am. With guys, I feel shy and sissy, and then feel that the only way to attract them is to be feminine. And yes, that's because I presume they are straight and won't be attracted to my masculine side. With soft males and those I don't wish to attract however, I can act masculine.

It sort of bothers me, why I become feminine and too shy in front of guys,that's it. I want to get with them as friend, but I have noticed I don't like to be friends with them as much as I want to sexually attract them like a slutty woman.

[RhodesDragon]

Bi-gendered? How do you act when you're not trying to attraction someone?

Like a typical male. I don't just have any other cross-gender thoughts unless the attraction problem of guys is there. But it seems that I just want too much attention from guys and hence obsessed with the feminine thoughts, that's it. I can't figure out why I want so much attention, but, it's just a kink.

[thecynicalromantic]

I don't like to be friends with them as much as I want to sexually attract them like a slutty woman.

Okay, not to be the PC police here, but this is an asexuality board, not an anti-sexuality board. Save the slut-shaming for out in Dudebro Nation.

Honestly, to me, you sound like a regular guy whose masculinity feels threatened by his bisexuality. That you've subconsciously picked up the basics of How To Cater To The Male Gaze is evident only of your having been born in our current patriarchy and not yesterday, either.

The only thing necessary to be a man is to just be one; it has nothing to do with how much you giggle. You've already mentioned that you know you act femme and imagine yourself as a female when attracted to straight guys because they're straight guys and that's what they like, so I'm not even sure what you're really asking. My advice, really, is to chill out, and stop policing your masculinity just because you have an imagination.

I'm sorry if this came off as snippy. I've got a practically Pavlovian reaction going on by now where I see slut-shaming and my brain goes "Beep beep blinky lights! Patriarchal fallacies up ahead!" and I go right into Snarky Takedown mode.

[RhodesDragon]

Okay, not to be the PC police here, but this is an asexuality board, not an anti-sexuality board. Save the slut-shaming for out in Dudebro Nation.

Honestly, to me, you sound like a regular guy whose masculinity feels threatened by his bisexuality. That you've subconsciously picked up the basics of How To Cater To The Male Gaze is evident only of your having been born in our current patriarchy and not yesterday, either.

The only thing necessary to be a man is to just be one; it has nothing to do with how much you giggle. You've already mentioned that you know you act femme and imagine yourself as a female when attracted to straight guys because they're straight guys and that's what they like, so I'm not even sure what you're really asking. My advice, really, is to chill out, and stop policing your masculinity just because you have an imagination.

I'm sorry if this came off as snippy. I've got a practically Pavlovian reaction going on by now where I see slut-shaming and my brain goes "Beep beep blinky lights! Patriarchal fallacies up ahead!" and I go right into Snarky Takedown mode.

Oh my God, you seem to be too much sentimental about anything said against females or their sexuality. Also, your statements are a bit too complex for me. Please explain this line: "That you've subconsciously picked up the basics of How To Cater To The Male Gaze is evident only of your having been born in our current patriarchy and not yesterday, either". What do you mean here?

[Hallucigenia]

Okay, not to be the PC police here, but this is an asexuality board, not an anti-sexuality board. Save the slut-shaming for out in Dudebro Nation.

Honestly, to me, you sound like a regular guy whose masculinity feels threatened by his bisexuality. That you've subconsciously picked up the basics of How To Cater To The Male Gaze is evident only of your having been born in our current patriarchy and not yesterday, either.

The only thing necessary to be a man is to just be one; it has nothing to do with how much you giggle. You've already mentioned that you know you act femme and imagine yourself as a female when attracted to straight guys because they're straight guys and that's what they like, so I'm not even sure what you're really asking. My advice, really, is to chill out, and stop policing your masculinity just because you have an imagination.

I'm sorry if this came off as snippy. I've got a practically Pavlovian reaction going on by now where I see slut-shaming and my brain goes "Beep beep blinky lights! Patriarchal fallacies up ahead!" and I go right into Snarky Takedown mode.

Oh my God, you seem to be too much sentimental about anything said against females or their sexuality. Also, your statements are a bit too complex for me. Please explain this line: "That you've subconsciously picked up the basics of How To Cater To The Male Gaze is evident only of your having been born in our current patriarchy and not yesterday, either". What do you mean here?

I can't read thecynicalromantic's mind, but here's an attempt at a translation:

It's easy to figure out what straight women tend to do in our culture to attract straight males. You don't need to actually be a woman to pick up the skill, you just need to be observant and in tune with the culture.

[thecynicalromantic]

I am not "too sentimental," I am fucking female and I do not like being insulted for it.

[mad_scientist]

Uhm, Rhodes, you probably shouldn't say things "against females or their sexuality" around here. It's not a very polite thing to do in mixed company. Just sayin', if you think your statements are misogynistic enough to state so yourself, they're definitely going to cause problems here. An awful lot of us are female, you know.

[AVENCakes]

If they'd said "I don't like to be friends with them as much as I want to sexually attract them like a slutty man." would it be a problem? If they specified the way in which they feel constitutes acting like a slut rather than actually using the word slutty, would it be a problem?

Because I don't see the damn problem. We have a word "slut", it is a noun to describe people who act in a particular way. Those who act and/or dress int he manner of a slut are considered "slutty", just like those who act and/or dress in the manner of a clown are considered clownish. Even if the word itself has connotations of being pejorative, that doesn't mean it inherently is, it all depends on the way it's used.

For example, I enjoy slutty dress- I find it physically appealing on people of any gender or sex, so when I use the word 'slutty' it isn't an insult, it doesn't make any assumptions of hwo they act or live, it's the same as goth or prep or whatever other styles of dress they are. I don't like people of any dress, gender, or sex who sleep around while leading the people on and implying it's more than just sex, or people who use their body to get through life, but I also wouldn't say that they're inherently awful people unless the individual genuinely is an awful person and I don't call them sluts because I'm not entirely sure what a slut is- I only know I like how they're alleged to dress.

Unless you can prove that Rhodes meant slutty to be an insult to all women, sexual women, or sluts in general, this seems like an extreme overreaction. If he'd said "I want to attract them sluttily, like women do" or something else to make it clear that he thinks all women act slutty to attract men- that'd be a different story. If he went on about how vile it is to be slutty- that'd be a different story. But it sounds like he stated it as a fact, he wants to attract men as if he were a woman, and one who is slutty.

[thecynicalromantic]

It's the notion that being a woman and wanting to attract a man automatically makes one "slutty"--the implication that all female sexuality is, by virtue of being sexuality exhibited by a female, bad. The notion of *ever* calling men "slutty" is a relatively new one and not in that widespread use, whereas just about every girl gets called a slut at least sometimes, completely regardless of her behavior. Considering the numbers of grays, demis, romantics, and allies on this board, I'd say many, if not most, of the women on this board have wanted somebody to like them at some point, even if just once. If this makes us of all people "slutty" then that's pretty much demonizing the entire female gender. And I didn't hear the OP calling himself a big fat slutbag when he said he acts like a "masculine" dude in front of pretty girls. And just because you use the word one way doesn't mean it's suddenly not an insult anymore out in the rest of the world.

[AVENCakes]

If he isn't a slutty male when he's attracting girls- then slutty wouldn't apply. There's nothing odd to me to want to attract men in one way and women in another. I still don't see why calling a way of attracting someone slutty, just because at the time it happens to be associated with also being a woman- without implying that women are inherently slutty or wanting to attract a man is inherently slutty- is so bad.

If you aim to attract someone in a slutty way, then you are acting slutty while attracting someone. If you aren't acting slutty while attracting someone,t hen you aren't acting someone while attracting someone.

I just specified that it doesn't sound like Rhodes is saying that wanting to attract someone makes a woman slutty- but is not only acknowledging that there is a method of attracting that is slutty, and that is the method they prefer to use on men. Once again.

If he'd said "I want to attract them sluttily, like women do" or something else to make it clear that he thinks all women act slutty to attract men or wanting to attract women is slutty- that'd be a different story and I'd agree with the objection

But he didn't. He just made hte mistake of honestly saying that, when he attracts men he wants it to be as a woman- and he also wants to use a method he labels slutty. Until you can prove otherwise, get off it.

[Muddlefox]

It's the notion that being a woman and wanting to attract a man automatically makes one "slutty"--the implication that all female sexuality is, by virtue of being sexuality exhibited by a female, bad. The notion of *ever* calling men "slutty" is a relatively new one and not in that widespread use, whereas just about every girl gets called a slut at least sometimes, completely regardless of her behavior. Considering the numbers of grays, demis, romantics, and allies on this board, I'd say many, if not most, of the women on this board have wanted somebody to like them at some point, even if just once. If this makes us of all people "slutty" then that's pretty much demonizing the entire female gender. And I didn't hear the OP calling himself a big fat slutbag when he said he acts like a "masculine" dude in front of pretty girls. And just because you use the word one way doesn't mean it's suddenly not an insult anymore out in the rest of the world.

No, I don't like to attract girls in a "slutty masculine" way because yes, my concept of attracting boys is different from the concept of attracting women. With women, I like platonic relationships, romance or sex happen only after long company.

But with males, it's different and much more of sadism. I like to sense and enjoy the way men get horny on seeing sexy women, so thus in fact, I just happen to see males as more pejorative than the women even if the latter were all "slutty", though I never said that. And I don't at all think wanting to attract men sensually is so sinful behaviour, because it's just a mental desire afterall.

But it's just for me. You as a woman might want to attract males in a different way,say, though some platonic relationship, or may not want to attract them at all. But again that's only for you, not necessarily for all women (you must admit that) and neither for me. But in what I said, I made no generalizations because I simply son't know how different types of women feel. Neither should you, right?