Cassandra Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Ok, I'm not sure how to say this but I'll try anyways. Ever since I was like 6 I wanted to be a girl. I'd always play around with fantasies where I was a female, when me and my cousins would play together I'd always want to take on a female role. If we played with action figures I'd usually go for the female one, but after awhile it was only when I was playing by myself because they always made fun of me. I never felt comfortable in any type of male role, it just didn't seem right to me. But around the time I was coming into puberty I stopped thinking about it, or playing female roles over in day dreams. I just felt embarrassed about it.I grew up in Alabama in a very narrow minded family, but they never knew about this and still don't to this day, but it is surprising they've never suspected it or maybe they have and haven't said anything., I don't know. I mean, I've never really been all that masculine, I've grown my hair long and I plan to let it grow to my waist, lol, I wear nail polish, shave my legs, chest, armpits, forearms. I've never been able to stand body hair, it's just ick! you know? That was one of the many things I hated about puberty, but I was too embarrassed to shave it off untill a few years ago. What I don't do is wear undershirts or boxers, too masculine for me, lol, my fashion isn't masculine or feminine. I want to wear skirts, and other women's clothes but I don't think I could pass, I'm tall for one thing but I am slim, so I couldn't deal with the redicule, I have low self-esteem as it is. I never really fit in with guys either, and I don't go for the tough "love" they show each other. I prefer the gentleness that women show each other, but I never had too many close female friends offline. I also like hugs, either with a guy or girl and don't see it as sexual or "gay" as guys call it. I've tried to get help for this but it's difficult in backwards Alabama with all these dumb rednecks. But I'm not sure if I want a sex change or not. It's very expensive and troublesome, but still if someone told me I could become physically 100% female over night I'd do it. Oh, and I don't like any kind of sports, and I don't know anything about cars, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
KayleeSaeihr Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 It's hard to know whether someone is this or that. I share many similar experiences to what you've described, but I don't even know if I'm transgender or not. But then, it is just a label, and it's quite evident that we both have cross gender feelings and desires, so perhaps it comes down to identity. I tend to identify with a transgender or genderqueer label, it kind of fits at the moment...I think. So you could ask yourself, what do you identify as? Transgender? Male? Or just female? Or something else entirely? :) Link to post Share on other sites
Kelly Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 *hugs Cassandra* Am I transgender? That is not something for us to decide, but for you. Perhaps if you meet TS people (such as at a Trans convention like Southern Comfort: http://www.sccatl.org/ in nearby Georgia), you might learn a lot. There are discussions and presentations and get-togethers and such. Ok, I'm not sure how to say this but I'll try anyways. Ever since I was like 6 I wanted to be a girl. That is typical of MtF trans people, so that is quite understandable. I mean, I've never really been all that masculine, I've grown my hair long and I plan to let it grow to my waist, lol, I wear nail polish, shave my legs, chest, armpits, forearms. There is nothing wrong with that. If you feel more comfortable with your body being more feminine, then that sounds great if you do it. I don't think I could pass, I'm tall for one thing I know a number of tall MtF people. They can pass even though it was hard for many at first. One, Markie Ann finally transitioned to full time two years ago. She is 7'0" (or 6'11" seemingly depending on the time of day) and she did it. Many others that I have known when they came out have gone full-time and have had surgery. It can be done. I couldn't deal with the redicule, I have low self-esteem as it is. Oh, :( *hugs* But that is also somewhat common with pre-transition/early transition trans people. And you do not (of course) need to transition. You can wear what you want anyway. Feel free to discuss. There are a number of trans people in AVEN. *huge warm hugs* :) Link to post Share on other sites
Cassandra Posted July 25, 2009 Author Share Posted July 25, 2009 Thanks for you kind response, Kelly , hugsssss back :) Wow, 6'11? I'm only like 6'4. Many people have told me since I'm slim I could pass. Aside from my height I'm not very big. We'll just have to see one day. I'm not sure if I should identify as female or transgender. I have a masculine side, but more of a feminine side. I took this test to see which gender I am, Cognitis(sp?) or something, it's been awhile. It was "Essentially feminine but with some male or andragonous(I can't spell that, lol) traits" but I didn't understand all the questions, hehehe. Link to post Share on other sites
Cassandra Posted August 3, 2009 Author Share Posted August 3, 2009 So I just put my picture up, which is the first time I've ever did anything like this, hehehe. I've always wanted to hide myself. But anyways, judging from my picture do you think I could pass? Link to post Share on other sites
SecretSaucer Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 I think you could pass :) and I can't really tell you whether you should identify as female or transgender without being you, but I wouldn't let your masculine side stop you. we all have a bunch of traits from both genders. like, I have a brother and a sister who are both teenagers and they both fit their biological genders almost stereotypically, but tonight when I got to my family's house my sister was at the dining room table making a model '64 Chevy Impala while my brother looked up recipes for croissants in the Joy of Cooking. Anyway, cute anecdotes aside, I would definitely keep finding out everything you can about this and I wish you good luck with your family and Alabama. Link to post Share on other sites
Sabriel Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 Only you can know if you're transgender or not. I think it's definitely good advice to get out and meet some trans people if you can. I don't have much experience so all I can say is good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
videogirl007 Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 Cassandra, I think you could pass! I have a friend in MI who is 6'2" and he passes just fine! If it is what feels like you, then follow your heart and your gut. Link to post Share on other sites
Elliott Ford Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 All i can say is - you are not alone. I identify as trans, just in the other direction. Ever since I was little, i've wanted to be a boy. There are lots of transgender and genderqueer people here and i'm sure we'll be happy to talk to you about anything you like. As for having a masculine side, that needn't stop you. Nobody's really 100% masculine or feminine and you needn't feel that you have to be really feminine to be a woman. I myself have a strong feminine side but i still feel that i should be a boy and am willing to live as a feminine boy because that's what will make me happy. I think it annoys a transwoman i know that i still do feminine things that she wanted to do as a (supposedly male) child and couldn't and still feel comfortable in my identity as a man. *hugs* for being brave enough to ask about this and to put up that picture. I thought the person in the picture was a biological woman! for you too. Link to post Share on other sites
videogirl007 Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 I am also dealing with gender identity. I was born a girl, but I am not, in my mind, a girl at all! I have always felt like a boy. Being ASexual is liberating for me as I can be the boy I know I am, and not worry about anyone knowing I am not biologically a boy. It is liberating that I can be me without the worry of not being me for some one else. Link to post Share on other sites
Cassandra Posted August 3, 2009 Author Share Posted August 3, 2009 hehehe, wow, really? I wished there was an LGBT group in my area. I don't know anyone like me around here :( Link to post Share on other sites
Cassandra Posted August 5, 2009 Author Share Posted August 5, 2009 I can totaly relate to that, videogirl, being asexual does allow us to be what we want and not have to worry about having to play the role we're not comfortable with. Actually I wonder sometimes if maybe I'm asexual(biromantic) because I don't want to play a male role. Link to post Share on other sites
Charlieee Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 to everyone who is trying to sort things out gender-wise. It's a really tough and confusing thing, but in the end it can be so liberating and fulfilling. Just try to figure out what feels natural to who you are, as opposed to what others want you to be. I'm a trans guy, but I'm also a rather feminine guy. But that's who I am, and I'm comfortable with that, which is all that matters, y'know? Best of luck. I hope the path is easy for you. Link to post Share on other sites
videogirl007 Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 For me, dressing and acting as a man feels natural. It is hard for me right now because I am living with my 80 year old gran right now, and she does not understand. I am not the "little girl" she raised, and I am not a woman as she knows it. I am a man trapped in a woman's frame and no what to let him out when she is around. The day I am living on my own with no room mates or anything will be the greatest day of my life. Until then, I have to play dress up and act like a proper young lady. Did I mention I am pushing for a transfer to San Fran in 2011 :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Charlieee Posted August 5, 2009 Share Posted August 5, 2009 Did I mention I am pushing for a transfer to San Fran in 2011 :-) Awesome! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
videogirl007 Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 Thanks! I am really hoping to get it. I work for a company that makes it's own commercials, so I can get a job in my field finally. Link to post Share on other sites
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