AVENguy Posted February 27, 2003 Share Posted February 27, 2003 So I'm trying to outline some asexuality talks I have to give in April, and I'm thinking about adding something that I thought I'd ask your all's opinion on. In the past I've always explained asexuality in terms of sexual attraction, being uninterested in the (extremely vague) idea of sexuality. This is both good and bad in that it's complicated to understand, especially for sexual people. I'm thinking that instead of working from the idea that asexual people don't experience sexual attraction, I could start out by saying that asexual people are people not interested in sexual intercourse. This is much more clear-cut, and that makes it easier to work from and build into a clear discussion. On the other hand I don't know if it quite gets the point across. It's not like we were all going along our merry sexual way and then got to sexual intercourse and said "oops, guess I'm not interested." How does the notion of asexual as essentially sexual without the intercourse sit with people? I'd have to stress variance, some asexuals are still interested in kissing, but many aren't, some experience head-over-heels attraction but just as many don't. Does talking about intercourse instead of attraction make the explanation clearer? Unaccurate? Just curious what people think... Link to post Share on other sites
sadylam Posted February 27, 2003 Share Posted February 27, 2003 Well, to get persnickity about it, there are more ways to have sex with another person than just intercourse, so I would hesitate to use that word. The physical act of sex with another person seems to be where many of us draw the line. I get the impression from posts on this site that hugging, touching, kissing and other ways to express love and affection towards others are practiced by many asexuals. I also get the impression that a number of us masturbate, so solo sex is not excluded. The problem with doing a talk on asexuality is that there just hasn't been a whole lot of thought on the subject. I think your best bet is perhaps to share some of what is going on on this website--the discussions engendered (yes, pun intended! :roll: ) as well as the frustration felt by those of us who basically want to live our lives in the open without having to deal with comments, criticism, pity or antagonism just because we are different. Also, the extreme relief we feel when we discover that we are not alone! Link to post Share on other sites
bard of aven Posted February 28, 2003 Share Posted February 28, 2003 How about asexuals are people who feel no desire to interact with others genitally? Link to post Share on other sites
Legolas Posted February 28, 2003 Share Posted February 28, 2003 BOA I bow to that statement. U said it all. U da man cool guy. Alex Link to post Share on other sites
Luisa Posted February 28, 2003 Share Posted February 28, 2003 There seems to be a very wide range of "asexuality." Is it possible to come up with a ~very~ succinct definition? ----------------------------- I think that we are all aware of some of the "opposing points of view" - type questions that we may encounter when attempting to explain asexuality to others. (If not, I can list a few...) Any good ideas on a more general way to approach specific, pointed questions? (Not to mention a concise "definition" that includes all members of the asexual community.) Link to post Share on other sites
Hypatia Posted February 28, 2003 Share Posted February 28, 2003 I'm a bit wary of defining asexuality as not wanting to engage in sexual acts because in my experience it leaves us open to being seen as people who subconsciously really want it but suffer from some psychological disorder - sexual aversion disorder or whatever. I've tried explaining to people that I've had sex and it's fine but just not my sort of thing and I've invariably got lots of replies like 'you must have been doing it with the wrong person', 'you're repressed', etc. I think it is worth trying to explain to people that it's not (or not just) that asexuals are grossed out by the idea of sex, it's that we really don't see the world in the same terms, fancying people and wanting to get off with them is alien to us. Also this prevents confusion with celibacy etc. But I appreciate it is a harder thing to get into people's minds! One day.... Link to post Share on other sites
Luisa Posted February 28, 2003 Share Posted February 28, 2003 I think that Hypatia is talking sense. How many times have I heard, "You just aren't with the right person," etc.? I think that the definition that is loosely provided on the FAQ portion of this site is very good. It even takes into account people who engage in sex/masturbation, but don't have the emotions behind it that the "average sexual person" would. I feel as though there is a whole range of, for example, radio signals being sent out, and most sexual people are "receiving" (say) signals P - Z. But I, personally, am attuned to receiving stations F - R. This may sound confusing, but it's another way for saying: I share some commonalities with sexual people, but there are certain aspects of myself that would never be in common with a sexual person, and sexual people have certain aspects that would never be shared by me. I hate generalities. I feel very badly that most of this post consists of generalities. Part of the problem with "defining asexuality" comes down to that: we're trying to take a wide range of specific attributes which are experienced by many people...and represent them as generalities that can be easily understood. ----------------------- I hope I am talking sense, and not just rambling here... Link to post Share on other sites
Legolas Posted February 28, 2003 Share Posted February 28, 2003 Man I gonna wear aven t-shirt everywhere. When ppl ask i turn my back so they can read the back while i move away whistling. *evil Cackle* I won't need 10 hours to explain thickheads anything. Wait....they won't get the back of the t-shirt. They too dumb :( Alex Link to post Share on other sites
AVENguy Posted February 28, 2003 Author Share Posted February 28, 2003 A friend of mine had a really good suggestion, which is to make it about sexual arousal. So an asexual is someone who doesn't engage in activity with another person for purposes of sexual arousal. I like it better than focusing on genital contact (which is kinda vague), and I think that the notion of sexual arousal is concrete enough to get the point across... Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted March 1, 2003 Share Posted March 1, 2003 Hmmm...I don't know why people can't understand the idea of not being sexually attracted to someone! It's pretty simple! Then again...I suppose it would be like when people occasionally tell me they don't like chocolate. It takes me a minute to comprehend that idea :) Kate Link to post Share on other sites
Legolas Posted March 1, 2003 Share Posted March 1, 2003 Down with chocolate!!!! *dodges incoming flying objects* Hahahaha missed me :P J/k i like chocolate i don't LOVE it but i like it :) Alex Link to post Share on other sites
Artemis Posted March 1, 2003 Share Posted March 1, 2003 When I started thinking about this I realised how difficult it is to define asexuality. I've always felt that I see the world differently to my non-asexual friends, and that being asexual is more to do with what is going on in my head - it is a "mental" state, more than simply the "physical" state of celibacy. I agree with Hypatia's point about wanting to get off with other people being an alien concept. I also like boa's use of the word "desire" in the definition, which implies that asexuals lack this "desire" instead of repressing it (hopefully reducing the chance of being labelled as having sexual aversion disorder). Using "sexual arousal" as part of the definition is better than "intercourse", but I think the way that asexuals think needs to be included, rather than just what they do (or don't do). What about asexuality being a state of relating to others in a non-sexual way, without the desire to have sex, and this is a state of mind which is often, but not always, accompanied by the physical state of celibacy. It's long and a bit vague but it's the best I can come up with at the moment. People seem to have a real problem understanding not being sexually attracted to anyone, almost as if you'd said you didn't like breathing or something. I can't understand why they have this problem - people who don't have sex don't die of it!! I agree that we could do with some sort of counter to the inevitable comments: "you just haven't met the right person" "you're repressed", but I can't really think of anything. I've managed to counter most of the arguments so far from people I know, except these, because neither side can really prove that they are right and the other is wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Artemis Posted March 1, 2003 Share Posted March 1, 2003 On a totally unrelated topic, that was my 101st post! Link to post Share on other sites
Luisa Posted March 3, 2003 Share Posted March 3, 2003 Artemis: You could try the reply, "I'm just right, and you're just wrong!" LOL! Happy 101st, 102nd and so on! :D Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 Yay Artemis!! very exciting, i know :) happy 102nd! Kate Link to post Share on other sites
Legolas Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 let's get some hobbits and prepare a surprise party of her one hundred and eleventh birthday :) He he he Lord of the rings :P Alex Link to post Share on other sites
Luisa Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 The hobbits are booked. We'll have to use Ewoks. Oh, well! ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Artemis Posted March 8, 2003 Share Posted March 8, 2003 Party with the Ewoks - fantastic! Link to post Share on other sites
Legolas Posted March 8, 2003 Share Posted March 8, 2003 The hobbits are booked. We'll have to use Ewoks.Oh, well! ;) One of the funniest lines I have read here so far :P Alex Link to post Share on other sites
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