Domestic Abuse

[KayleeSaeihr]

This might be a bit controversial, if it gets too heated I'll move it to hotbox. But the discussion I'm interested in is about perceived gender stereotypes and rights thereof in relation to domestic or other abuse between genders. The following article was my inspiration for starting this thread, have a read and give us your thoughts :)

Domestic violence: Women abusers on the rise

By ABC.net.au News Online's Cassie White

There has been a startling increase in the number of women who are the perpetrators of domestic violence.

New South Wales Bureau of Crime Statistics figures show that over the past eight years, the number of women charged with domestic abuse has rocketed by 159 per cent.

In 2007, 2,336 women fronted court on domestic violence charges, compared to around 800 in 1999.

Preconceived ideas of gender roles have led a lot of people to believe it would be virtually impossible for a women to physically abuse a man.

But co-director of Men's Rights Agency Sue Price says it is exactly this stereotype that leads to battered men hiding in shame, fearful of being ridiculed, or even prosecuted.

"I've had SAS soldiers in tears because the wife is a black belt karate expert and yet they know that if they even try to restrain her he might be charged with assault and domestic violence," she said.

"It's much harder for a man to actually admit that his wife is beating him up. They seem to regard it as a shameful issue and a lot of police actually say to men 'What did you do to make your wife hit you?' or 'Can't you handle your missus?'

"Those are things that seem shameful if a man can't keep his relationship on an even keel. They take it to heart very seriously and for a lot of them, the last thought is for them to call the police to have their wives arrested, because after all she's the mother of their children."

Ms Price says it is a well-known fact that many abusive women resort to using weapons, or wait to catch their spouse unawares before they attack.

"We have so many reports of people having hot liquids poured over them in bed, glasses broken, men hit over the head from the back, attacked while they're asleep, cut, burnt," she said.

Despite the many domestic violence support services available to women victims, Ms Price says there is almost no practical and legal outreach for men.

"There's been a lot of procrastination about the issue. Yes there are refuges but if you try and access them you'll find there's not one place for a man and his children," she said.

"Where do they move to when they've got a violent wife? How do they protect their children when they're in a violent household caused by a violent mother?

"On the other side of the coin as well, there are no treatment programs for women who are violent. There are no anger management programs. There's plenty for men, but not for women. That's of central need if we're going to treat this issue properly."

Funding fight

Ms Price believes the reason there are no services for male victims comes down to money and the monopoly women's services have over it.

"Women's groups are in total denial that women can be violent and they maintain that stand because they want to garner all the funding that's available under the domestic violence legislation," she said.

"They won't take it that a man can be a victim of domestic violence, they always portray the mantra that it's always women who are victims and men who are perpetrators. That's clearly not true. We've known it for years but there's been an absolute refusal to acknowledge it."

She says this has helped contribute to the increase in women abusers and has called on other states to follow NSW and release their domestic abuse figures, which she believes would tell a similar story.

"If you keep telling people they can do this and get away with it they will do so. It's a little bit like the situation in Victoria where a women can now murder her husband with impunity, providing she claims she was a victim of domestic violence - and that's after the fact, of course," she said.

"Thirty per cent of applications I believe are made by men for protection under the domestic violence legislation and I think we'd have similar figures in Queensland, she said.

"It was up to nearly 20 per cent when I last accessed the figures in 1999. Since then we've been prevented from seeing them."

I'm against violence in all forms, be it to men or women, but I've been saying for years that there seems to be a gross imbalance in society's perception of women's right versus men's right, particularly when it comes to violence.

[mad_scientist]

The headline is misleading, I think -- there's always been a significant amount of female abusers, ever since we were reasonably protected by law. But more men seem to be speaking out.

The bias in abuse cases has always disgusted me. The concept of "women's and children's shelters" completely disregards men who are in need of help, and women who charge their partners with abuse seem to get much more support, get believed easier and get better results for less damage than men do. In Australia awhile back we even had an ad campaign with the catchphrase "To violence against women, Australia says NO", which is a good message, but why specifically to women?

[Næt.]

There's only one Men's Shelter in the whole UK.

There's a definite bias concerning which gender it is 'acceptable' to hit. Look at television; when was the last time your saw a woman get hit on television?

[Elliott Ford]

*is a little ashamed of the fact that one of his "rules" is "don't hit girls" (I would have the rule "don't hit people" but that doesn't work. When i've gone into a violent mode i end up smashing things and hitting the other boys when they try to stop me. I HATE it but at least the "rules" stop me from hitting women, children or strangers when i'm in that mode. Maybe one day i'll manage not to hit anyone :) )*

There are now also charities to support abused partners in same-sex relationships who also often get overlooked. The stereotype of "men do bad things to women and never the other way round" is ridiclously strong

[mad_scientist]

There's only one Men's Shelter in the whole UK.

There's a definite bias concerning which gender it is 'acceptable' to hit. Look at television; when was the last time your saw a woman get hit on television?

I know! That's another thing I hate!

Man hitting woman? Always drama. Woman hitting man? 80% chance it's a comedy, and even if it isn't it's usually to highlight how bad something was that he did.

Goes for rape and sexual assault too -- women getting raped by men is ALWAYS bad, whereas men getting raped, or women getting raped by women, still has comedy potential for some reason.

[thylacine]

Where I'm from, men slapping their wives around is just the dark side of normal. You ask, Why don't you leave him? They say, "But he pays the rent!" They weren't brought up to go out & get a job and learn to support themselves. Instead, they were brought out to go out and find a man. I had this friend I don't hang out with anymore. Her husband got a new girlfriend and divorced her. She was having trouble making it financially. I told her, Maybe get a part time weekend job, for extra money, like I do? She goes, "Hey, I'm still good looking! I can still get someone, you know!!!" She got resentful for my suggestion she work 2 jobs like I do... big insult to her, I suppose... to suggest that she work for her money.

Where I'm from, you never see women doing violence or hear about it. There is too much of a social stigma about being a single woman that they will put up with everything to keep their man. My aunt has been married 53 years, and during that time she has been both slapped around and cheated on repeatedly. My mother is divorced. My aunt is like, "Well, at least I have a husband!"

When my mother left my father, the people in town treated her like some kind of evil Jezebel.

My aunt's daughters are in lousy relationships, but won't leave, because that is how they were brought up. One married an abusive drug dealer, another married a bum who won't work. The third one did okay and married someone decent, though.

Several of my friends are in abusive relationships, I advise them to leave, "You're just jealous because I have someone and you don't!" and, "You're trying to break us up because you want him for yourself!" So now when I see someone being abused, I don't offer to help, because they will think I'm jealous, and they won't leave because they don't want to be brave enough to make it on their own financially. I give up, and I should have given up trying to help them a long time ago. I support myself, and can make it on my own, and get enough resentment for that, so I don't need any more resentment for "breaking people up."

[KayleeSaeihr]

The headline is misleading, I think -- there's always been a significant amount of female abusers, ever since we were reasonably protected by law. But more men seem to be speaking out.

I agree, that was my first thought when I read the first paragraph too.

The bias in abuse cases has always disgusted me. The concept of "women's and children's shelters" completely disregards men who are in need of help, and women who charge their partners with abuse seem to get much more support, get believed easier and get better results for less damage than men do. In Australia awhile back we even had an ad campaign with the catchphrase "To violence against women, Australia says NO", which is a good message, but why specifically to women?

I'm sad to say that my cousin had one of those pamphlets and scribbled out 'Australia' and wrote 'because sometimes'... I'm even more sad to say I found it amusing, in a morbid way.

There's a definite bias concerning which gender it is 'acceptable' to hit. Look at television; when was the last time your saw a woman get hit on television?

I've been watching alot of Buffy lately...so um..Yeah.

*is a little ashamed of the fact that one of his "rules" is "don't hit girls" (I would have the rule "don't hit people" but that doesn't work. When i've gone into a violent mode i end up smashing things and hitting the other boys when they try to stop me. I HATE it but at least the "rules" stop me from hitting women, children or strangers when i'm in that mode. Maybe one day i'll manage not to hit anyone :) )*

I'm more balanced in that fashion. My general rule is if someone hits me looking for a fight I'll given them one. But often my aim is to avoid a physical fight, I try to restrain the offender or avoid them male or female. But if it comes down to I have no qualms hitting a female anymore than I do hitting a male...or gender queer.

Where I'm from, men slapping their wives around is just the dark side of normal. You ask, Why don't you leave him? They say, "But he pays the rent!" They weren't brought up to go out & get a job and learn to support themselves. Instead, they were brought out to go out and find a man. I had this friend I don't hang out with anymore. Her husband got a new girlfriend and divorced her. She was having trouble making it financially. I told her, Maybe get a part time weekend job, for extra money, like I do? She goes, "Hey, I'm still good looking! I can still get someone, you know!!!" She got resentful for my suggestion she work 2 jobs like I do... big insult to her, I suppose... to suggest that she work for her money.

Where I'm from, you never see women doing violence or hear about it. There is too much of a social stigma about being a single woman that they will put up with everything to keep their man. My aunt has been married 53 years, and during that time she has been both slapped around and cheated on repeatedly. My mother is divorced. My aunt is like, "Well, at least I have a husband!"

When my mother left my father, the people in town treated her like some kind of evil Jezebel.

My aunt's daughters are in lousy relationships, but won't leave, because that is how they were brought up. One married an abusive drug dealer, another married a bum who won't work. The third one did okay and married someone decent, though.

Several of my friends are in abusive relationships, I advise them to leave, "You're just jealous because I have someone and you don't!" and, "You're trying to break us up because you want him for yourself!" So now when I see someone being abused, I don't offer to help, because they will think I'm jealous, and they won't leave because they don't want to be brave enough to make it on their own financially. I give up, and I should have given up trying to help them a long time ago. I support myself, and can make it on my own, and get enough resentment for that, so I don't need any more resentment for "breaking people up."

I don't think you should ever stop trying to help people...even if they don't want it.

[thylacine]

Oh hell, if they don't want my help, they don't want my help. I have to learn to give up on people. I lose my respect for people who let themselves get kicked around and just come back for more and say, "But I know he really loves me."

I left an abusive person, my mother left an abusive person, everyone else has the power within themselves to leave. They just need to get their act together and do it, stop crying, stop complaining to their friends, just pack their bags, leave, get a job, learn to earn their own living. I know plenty of people who left an abusive situation, and I know plenty who won't leave. They just don't want to take responsibility for their lives, I think.

[that_american_kid]

Oh hell, if they don't want my help, they don't want my help. I have to learn to give up on people. I lose my respect for people who let themselves get kicked around and just come back for more and say, "But I know he really loves me."

I left an abusive person, my mother left an abusive person, everyone else has the power within themselves to leave. They just need to get their act together and do it, stop crying, stop complaining to their friends, just pack their bags, leave, get a job, learn to earn their own living. I know plenty of people who left an abusive situation, and I know plenty who won't leave. They just don't want to take responsibility for their lives, I think.

I've never said that aloud because I know what people's reaction would be, but that's exactly what I think. I think there needs to be serious cultural change in order to give everyone, male or female, the strength to leave an abusive partner.

[thylacine]

I used to feel a lot of compassion for women in abusive relationships, and even used to offer them money for the first month's rent on apartments & etc., offer to help them find jobs, they would get mad at me and say I was a jealous bitch who was trying to steal their man because he was so hot and yada-yada-yada... they have no self worth unless they are with someone and they feed emotionally off the drama in their lives. They resent self-sufficient women who make it on their own, and yet they won't go to job training or college to learn job skills so they can make it on their own and become self-sufficient themselves. They have trapped themselves in their own problems, like people who do drugs. Their abusive man is just a drug, an addiction, and they do not have the guts to get themselves cleaned up. So they delude themselves into thinking he really loves them, that he doesn't mean it, etc. until they land in the hospital with broken ribs and wake the hell up.

I am so tired of offering help to people and then being accused of jealously. One day I just swore the next time a co-worker had bruises I'd keep my mouth shut.

We all have the power to leave, unless someone is holding a gun to our heads... I have heard where some men threaten to kill the kids or threaten to kill the wife's parents, etc., but in general, people have the power to take their lives back. I did, my mother did. And so can they.

[thylacine]

I actually think it's easier for men in bad relationships to leave, though, because they get paid more and have more money & stuff. When a woman is single, sometimes she works 2 jobs to keep up.

Over time, I've kind of lost compassion for people who stick with people who are no good for them, no matter what denomination they are.

[thylacine]

Maybe disadvantaged men just don't go & see about getting assistance?

In my area, there are plenty of shelters for drug addicted & homeless men.

Maybe things are different where you are... ? In my area, the poor in general get help all over the place. There's a shelter here, there's a shelter there, there's subsidized housing...

I also think that instead of battered wife shelters, there ought to be training programs that teach women how to deal with stuff on their own, like run their own finances, so they can be self-sufficient, because they believe they need "rely on someone." That's part of why they get trapped. Girls are still brought up to think they need a man to take care of them.

Maybe men are the same way... ? Maybe they don't leave because they think "she really needs me... ?" "She'll fall apart without me... ?" Maybe there is a co-dependance thing going on... ? The women feel needy and the man want to be needed... so they get trapped in their own web of misery.

[mad_scientist]

*is a little ashamed of the fact that one of his "rules" is "don't hit girls" (I would have the rule "don't hit people" but that doesn't work. When i've gone into a violent mode i end up smashing things and hitting the other boys when they try to stop me. I HATE it but at least the "rules" stop me from hitting women, children or strangers when i'm in that mode. Maybe one day i'll manage not to hit anyone :) )*

I'm a female and one of my rules is "don't hit men". (I prefer not to hit at all, but I could slap a woman if she was offensive enough). Why don't I hit men? Not because I'm afraid of being hurt, but because the social rules say they're not allowed to hit back, and a surprising number still obey these rules. I don't fight with artificial handicaps, thank you very much. It'd be like picking a physical fight with a blind person.

I don't think you should ever stop trying to help people...even if they don't want it.

I can see where Thyla's coming from. It's hard to help people if they continually look down on you for what you have and get angry when you offer it. I've given up helping my deep-in-debt father who refuses to get a job or do anything to support himself; if he's too lazy to work then that's him problem now. (I don't mean he can't find a job, I mean he refuses to maintain one. Says all the positions available in his hometown are "beneath" him.)

Yeah, those issues still bother me, of course, and pay equality is very much an important one, so those statements are absolutely true. I guess... in general, it just bothers me that disadvantaged men are less important than disadvantaged women. Men have the upper hand when it comes to everyday normal life; women have the upper hand when it comes to resources for assistance.

I've found that a rather useful litmus test to tell the difference between a feminist and a feminazi is to ask where they stand on men's rights. Most sensible people recognise that for equality, we need to address unnecessary gender imbalances BOTH ways. Unfortunalely society itself seems to forget this.

[thylacine]

Re: men & shelters... near where I live, there is this state hospital, with a lot of homeless men & veterans and alcoholic & drug addicted men. There are special units for both men & women there.

Near that place is also an assisted living community for disturbed people, affiliated with the hospital. There are plenty of men in there, too -- and a lot of them are sex offenders!!! Unfortunately, also living in that same community are vulnerable types of people, the elderly and handicapped. It's a problem. Some of the offenders have wandered off into the town that the hospital is in, and were caught near the playground...

But there are plenty of services for men in that facility. I used to work there, and homeless men were put there to keep them off the streets. They would sneak out at night and go to the local bar and come back really drunk. One of them pooped himself on the way back sneaking back into the hospital and came back all messy. The place has poor security, and there are delivery entrances you can go out, and sneak through the woods...

I worked in that place before I went to college, so don't tell me there are no facilities for men. We took good care of them, we did everything but pay for their drinks.

[AVENCakes]

My views have always been "It's not okay to hit ANYONE". Leave boy/girl out of it. It is true, if you look at things involving violence, it's always towards men on TV. "Should've had a V8" never involved a guy hitting a girl, that I saw. You'll see women slapping/punching men, but almost never vice versa. The only exception is when the men clearly don't understand social constructs- such as in an early 3rd Rock where Dick assumed it was a mating ritual or something, and Mary slapped him first.

The lack of violence/abuse against women is good- definitely. But it'd be great if it was followed up by a lack of violence/abuse against men, too.

[thylacine]

I agree there should be violence against "no one," like you said, Draconis... but what does a girl do when some slime-ball grabs her bottom, say, "Sir, please don't do that... " ? I feel we ought to be able to defend ourselves if we have to. Too much happens in this big bad world, know what I mean... ? I respect your opinion & agree with it, though. But I'm also aware of what goes on in the real world, not on the TV or computer. What does one do when one is on the subway and some creepo gets all weird on yah? When we are young, our mothers say, "If someone does that to you, you smack 'im!" What are we supposed to do? Wear an electric fence? I don't know what the best answer is to that one, really. It's a heck of a world we live in, though.

[AVENCakes]

I agree there should be violence against "no one," like you said, Draconis... but what does a girl do when some slime-ball grabs her bottom, say, "Sir, please don't do that... " ? I feel we ought to be able to defend ourselves if we have to. Too much happens in this big bad world, know what I mean... ? I respect your opinion & agree with it, though. But I'm also aware of what goes on in the real world, not on the TV or computer. What does one do when one is on the subway and some creepo gets all weird on yah? When we are young, our mothers say, "If someone does that to you, you smack 'im!" What are we supposed to do? Wear an electric fence? I don't know what the best answer is to that one, really. It's a heck of a world we live in, though.

There's a difference between uncalled for abuse and self defense. If someone grabs your ass- turning around and stabbing them isn't warranted, but that doesn't mean you should roll over and take it.

Saying you shouldn't be violent towards anyone doesn't mean you shouldn't learn self-defense, it means you shouldn't go out looking for trouble and shouldn't hurt someone just for kicks.

[Shadow girl]

Any gender can abuse another. Whether male or female they should all face consequences.

[oneofthesun]

Ms Price believes the reason there are no services for male victims comes down to money and the monopoly women's services have over it.

She admits about that men are less likely to admit they're being abused, and then she blames lack of funding for men's services on this? Doesn't make much sense.

[thylacine]

I think where I live there are plenty of men's shelters, but they are actually homeless shelters, and places for men with addiction problems, and stuff. Then there are women's homeless shelters, facilities for women who have drug problems, and domestic violence shelters, but once again, the men have places to go, so it's not like there are "no places" for men. The problem is that the economy is bad everywhere, and the places fill up. There is a men's shelter near where I work, and people are afraid to walk by there because they hang around outside the building and act weird, and near the same place there is a place for disturbed young people (that is, teenagers who are in trouble). Makes for a lousy neighborhood. Also near where I live, there is a place for homeless families, and it is new and it's a nice building that looks like an apartment building and everyone who drives by thinks, What a nice apartment building, but it's a shelter for poor people. The local domestic violence shelter (for women) does not give out it's address, but I sort of know where it is because I heard people talk about it. No one is supposed to know about it, since their 'boyfriends want to kill them' and etc. There isn't a lot of money around these days, but I think where I live, they do pretty good helping the poor & the addicted and so on... We do the best we can with what little we have got. There is a church organization that helps out too, with giving out food and putting people up in a hotel until they have a place. There is also a food pantry.

Where I live, most people get help, no matter who they are, unless they continually make trouble and keep doing drugs & stuff. Then it's like the "system" kind of gives up on them...

[Quelly]

In my textbooks, I have read that men hit women and women hit men equally as often. However men are far less likely to report it due to a coule of factors.

1. It is "unmanly" to admit that a woman can hurt you.

2. Men do more damage when they hit. They are stronger and are more likely to punch while women would more likely slap.

[Sally]

Men have the upper hand when it comes to everyday normal life; women have the upper hand when it comes to resources for assistance.

Not really true. US homelessness statistics show that the number of shelter beds in major cities for single men far outstrip the number of beds for women. That's even more true for women with children, and women must often leave with children. That's also true for temporary housing.

Domestic violence programs do try to get women into programs that help them get back on their feet. The problem is that they usually have children and it's difficult to work without a complex system of services.

[thylacine]

"US homelessness statistics show that the number of shelter beds in major cities for single men far outstrip the number of beds for women." Wow. I did not know that. I did know that there were plenty of places for addicted men & homeless men, I just did not know that there were many more places for men to go...

Re: domestic violence, this is why I think it's so very important for women to have either an education or job training, so they can survive on their own if they need to leave a relationship like that. In our culture, it is almost automatic that young men get job training, such as, "he will be an electrician like his dad," or if the parents don't have money for college, the parents send their son to the "voke school" (i.e. trade school) -- if he does not enter the military or something... if a family does not have money to send their daughter to college, and if she's not motivated for college (to get financial aid & etc.) I don't see a lot of lower income / blue collar families getting their daughters to focus on getting job skills & stuff, even though the vocational schools (which are cheaper than college) have LPN programs and hair dresser programs, chef school, etc. (stuff the funnel girls into anyway). I mean I look around me and see parents encourage their son to learn to be a plumber or HVAC technician, but their daughters end up being waitresses & can't earn enough to support themselves. They should do the same for their daughters as they do for their sons -- if they can't afford Harvard & Yale then send her at least to a state school or a vocational school to get job skills and a certificate, so they won't be economically dependent of someone else for having a roof over their heads & three meals a day... I mean, I look around at the families in my area & their daughters just move in with a boyfriend after high school & their parents really don't sit them down and have a "talk" with them about their "future." They just seem to let their daughters drift through life, and a few years after graduation, they show off pictures of the grandchildren, which is nice, but their daughter still has no job skills or plans in life... and that's just the way it is as I look around me. The middle class people send their daughters to college to be teachers or accountants, and the blue collar families don't pay much attention to their daughter's futures at all... sad, but that's what I have seen around me in this life.

(I should also add that I live in a nice "middle class" area, but work in a "blue collar" sort of town. So I deal with people from lots of socio-economic demographics... they really do seem to have different ideas about education, and what opportunities girls should have, and etc. I am not putting down "working class" people in any way, in fact, I have the highest respect for how hard they work and a lot of them are very nice people, honest and decent and have integrity, would be the first ones to help you out if you were down -- but they are just brought up to see things differently, I suppose.)

[Sally]

It is all-important for women to be taught skills/profession. But in domestic violence there are complicating factors. The violent person (usually a man but there is also lesbian domestic violence) will all too often try to find the person who is fleeing the home, and thus there's the need to have immediate, anonymous shelter. The most dangerous time for someone coming from domestic violence is immediately after they flee the home. It may not be possible for her to work for a while because of the need to stay with her children at the shelter, and because of her emotional state. In fact, she may have been let go from her work because her abuser has bothered her at workplace.

Unless domestic violence is taken seriously enough to be seen as violence against another person, not domestic (as in less serious) violence, it won't matter if someone's a PhD or a CEO; they still need shelter and assistance. What would be ideal is if the abuser were removed from the home so the woman and children could stay there. But we seem to be a long way from that in the US.

[thylacine]

I understand, Sally, but then there is the economic & social pressure on the girlfriend / wife to "stay with him / work things out," etc. that contributes a lot, too. I have heard other people's conversations... this girl was living with this horrible dude, and the other girl suggests she go back home, "I could never go back there," they did not want her back, the parents wanted her to stay with the jerk & etc., rather than come home with the baby. It's not just that we need shelters, families have to stick up for their daughters more, too, I think, rather than sending them back to "work things out, he's the father of your baby," and etc. This girl's life would be different if her mother let her come home and maybe if her father had a "talk" with that boyfriend of hers, "leave my daughter alone, or sober up," and etc.

[Prefers Pie]

US homelessness statistics show that the number of shelter beds in major cities for single men far outstrip the number of beds for women.

Well, damn, I would hope so.

[Sally]

It's not just that we need shelters, families have to stick up for their daughters more, too, I think, rather than sending them back to "work things out, he's the father of your baby," and etc. This girl's life would be different if her mother let her come home and maybe if her father had a "talk" with that boyfriend of hers, "leave my daughter alone, or sober up," and etc.

We can't depend on that happening for many reasons: The woman doesn't have any family members, the family members live way far away, the family members can't afford to have the woman and kids come back, and the most important reason: The man will often come to the family members' home and attack both the woman and the family members.

We need safe places for women to go, immediately, with their children.

[Sammie]

Weird story:

In a teenage-romance I once somehow got stuck in the world's first co-abusive relationship. We were quite equally matched and would beat eachother around the room at every fight. Neither of us felt like a victim. Heck, we weren't even unhappy. We just fought eachother physically when we got angry.

It was only when people started getting angry at him about my bruises, that he stopped hitting me and the abuse became one-sided. As soon as I noticed what had changed, I left him. Scared shitless of being an abuser.

No lesson in this story. Just, well, an illustration of how unclear things can get when you're not sure who's abusing who.

[thylacine]

I think some people abuse people and don't even know they are being abusive, they are not self-aware enough to know they are abusive, or they were raised in one of these families that is always fighting and yelling and slapping, and therefore, think it's normal.

[Omnes et Nihil]

In my textbooks, I have read that men hit women and women hit men equally as often. However men are far less likely to report it due to a coule of factors.

1. It is "unmanly" to admit that a woman can hurt you.

2. Men do more damage when they hit. They are stronger and are more likely to punch while women would more likely slap.

Even though this line of thinking is very often put forward, and printed in respectable academic sources, it is actually not supported by empirical data. And research on intimate partner violence is a horrible political mess. And anyone who claims to be either "objective" or "impartial" is either lying or delusional.

*beat-- of the literary, not violent type*

One of the issues resolves around types of violence being measured. There are two kinds of intimate partner violence: what they call "common couple's violence" and "intimate terrorism".

Common couple's violence is less severe, more or less mutual and generally equally prevalent in men and women (as both perpetrators and survivors). It's the kind of violence that is about unhealthy and violence fighting.

Intimate terrorism on the other hand, is much more severe and all-encompassing. It is really about one partner controlling and systematically undermining (and often isolating) the other partner. All forms of violence here is much more severe, and there are often more kinds of violence-- emotional, psychological, sexual, financial, etc. Intimate terrorism is what drives people to shelters. (And people only go to shelters if they have no-where else to go-- no friends or family to take them in-- and not enough money to pay for accommodations.) Intimate terrorism is overwhelmingly perpetrated by men on women. More than 90% of this kind of partner abuse is perpetrated by men on women. Of the small proportion of victims who are men, most of their violent partners are also men; and of the small proportion of perpetrators that are women, most of their victims are also women. Some women do perpetrate this kind of violence on men-- it is extremely rare.

Then add to this that many of the recent rises in prosecutions for women's violence against men are cases of women fighting back in self-defence to powerfully abusive partners who had severely injured them in the past. In places where there are mandatory arrest policies for domestic violence-- for any act of violence-- abused women's defencive numbers are being counted in with the stats of violence against men.

I'm not trying to start an argument, and I won't respond if one is started. My point is merely that articles (like the one originally posted) that present partner violence as a genderless issue are missing not only the point, but a huge part of the picture. And that this is a political move, primarily against women, but with consequences against men too.

This is especial so when "abused is genderless" arguments are accompanied by claims that men rarely report violence they sustain because they are especially ashamed, because male victimhood is less acceptable than female victimhood-- or attempts to "explain" why partner violence "simply appears" to be gendered but really isn't... with the frequent implication that the *scary anti-man feminists* should keep their mouths shut.

It's only in a context where men are expected to dominate women that men could ever be disproportionately shamed into silence when they are abused (i.e., when they are so clearly not dominating their female partners).

Trying to hide the profoundly gendered nature of intimate partner violence isn't going to help abused men. It's just going to make them more stigmatised and more silenced... while all the while perpetuating violence against women.