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Genderqueer Open Mic


Sammie

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We have a Gender Watch topic, but I thought we could also use a topic to shamelessly post our own creative expressions of our gender. Drawings, stories, maybe some clothing you designed? Post them here.

Ok.. I'll start. I..ehh.. wrote a poem. :blush:

A genderqueer lovestory

This may be a story,

Of boy meets girl

Or boy meets boy

Or girl meets girl

Let’s not destroy

Our uncertainty

This may be a story

Of what they said so show

That I met you,

And you met me,

Was all you need to know.

Because she said to him:

If you will be that girl,

I will be that boy

A little time outside the rules,

Is something we can both enjoy

A little time outside the rules

A little time off the main track

And if we both enjoy ourselves,

Well, let’s never go back

And she said to him:

If you will be that lady,

I will be that man,

Who is gonna stop us?

There is not a soul that can.

And if you let your hair grow

I will cut of mine

A lifetime outside the rules

And we’ll be feeling fine

The lines may not be straight

And our roles may not be clear

But I love you,

And you love me,

Is all we need to hear.

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Elliott Ford

That's beautiful Sammie. Thank you for posting it.

Here's an attempt of mine.

The Girl In The Mirror

I don't think she means to do it

But she is taunting me

Staring straight at me with my own eyes,

The eyes of a man in her face,

My face.

I know not what she sees

- I hope she sees the man I am -

When I look at her I see a girl,

The girl in the mirror.

She shouldn't be there -

I should.

The mirror should should show me,

Not her.

She is wrong,

An impostor.

She has broken the mirror,

Spoiled everything

By being there -

By being my face.

This girl staring back at me with my man's eyes,

The girl in the mirror.

William Peredur Smith

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  • 2 weeks later...
Elliott Ford

I know this doesn't really go here because i didn't write it but i just found this -

Adam and Eve (Not Adam and Steve)

No, you're right. It wasn't Adam and Steve.

I've done the research. I believe

You'll find that in point of fact

Adam's lover was Jack:

Slim, clean-shaven, possessed of graceful fingers,

A soft voice, blue eyes that would linger

Warmly on the curve of a chin or shoulder.

He listened keenly to the needs of the older

Man, held him gently in the dark,

Washed the fig-leaves daily,

Whistled gaily

As he trimmed the poinsettias

Around the tree of knowledge and life

Smiled and chatted brightly to Adam's wife

And her own lover, Barbara.

Simon May

So, yeah. I didn't write this and i'm not sure what i think of it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Nice poem. I believe 'Slim, clean-shaven, possessed of graceful fingers, A soft voice, blue eyes that would linger' would be this Jack:

JANTOLOVE-1.png

;)

(if you don't recognise this picture, shame on you and go find out about Torchwood.)

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  • 2 weeks later...

Your daughter/Your son

Remember the changes, remember the way,

I was a different person every day.

I fought with myself, I needed to be,

Somebody else, but you just wanted me.

I’ve been so quaint, and I’ve been so queer,

You’ve been so lost, you were always here.

I’ve changed my body, I’ve changed my mind,

You could never keep up, never knew what you’d find.

I’ve been your daughter, I’ve been your son.

I was always your child, I was me all along.

I’ve been a good girl, I was just trash.

I went from straight to gay and back slash.

Through all these changes, through all these times.

I must have crossed a million lines.

I left you confused, wore a jean, wore a dress.

Left you alone and came back in a mess.

Through all these changes, through all these days.

There is a thing that always stays.

I’ve been your daughter, I’ve been your son.

I fought with myself, you loved me all along.

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  • 2 months later...

I wrote this this morning, being toying with this idea for a while.

On Being a trans man first identifying as a lesbian

If the slipper fits...

I thought as I ventured out of the closet with some trepidation

They seemed all right,

More or less my size,

I guessed the slippers fit.

I did walk some way in them,

Don't get me wrong,

With an extra spring of brand new confidence in my step

I thought this new-found style might suit me.

The ribbons went first.

They'd been gone a day or more before I knew.

I never missed them.

The colour faded, but you couldn't tell for the mud.

The holes were becoming hard to ignore.

And there was no denying what caused the blisters on my heels...

The slippers didn't fit.

They never had,

They never could.

I left them in a dustbin.

Headed back for the cold comfort of the closet...

When I saw them.

The trainers.

A little scuffed and a bit muddy

With bright blue laces.

I tried them on.

They fit.

And I knew.

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  • 1 month later...

Sammie's quotes thread reminded me of this so here's something I wrote this summer:

I Lied

Okay, okay, so I lied

Smiled when I was sad,

Said things were good when they were bad,

Let myself go slowly mad...

And very nearly died.

I admit I tried to hide

My clothes were a disguise

I spoke so many lies,

Tears behind dry eyes...

Because of who I am inside.

I'm sorry that I lied

It seemed the only thing to do,

Pretend to be a girl too

Now to my self I will be true...

As a man who needn't hide.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Time for some art :P Wall-E fanart? Yes, I think so.

Wall_E__Directive_by_Colt_kun.jpg

So I think Wall-E is one of the most romantic movies ever. (there was an article in AVENues once on it that I loved) And I love the art from the movie and all the fan art that's done, especially the anthropomorphous (humanoid) versions of Wall-E and Eve. But one thing bugs me:

Why is Wall-E always a boy and Eve always a girl?

In the movie, they're robots. They're genderless. They're never even referred to as HAVING gender (ie she/he) When I watched Wall-E and tried to picture them as humans w/ gender instead, I saw Wall-E as the girl and Eve as the boy. (I can also see them as both boys, but that's cause well I'm me.)

So I decided to draw it that way. I will touch-up/color this later when I'm not in school -.- This is from the "Directive" scene in the waste area, where Wall-E gives Eve the plant and says "Directive", and Eve instead chucks the plant, holds Wall-E, and says "Directive"

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Time for some art :P Wall-E fanart? Yes, I think so.

So I think Wall-E is one of the most romantic movies ever. (there was an article in AVENues once on it that I loved) And I love the art from the movie and all the fan art that's done, especially the anthropomorphous (humanoid) versions of Wall-E and Eve. But one thing bugs me:

Why is Wall-E always a boy and Eve always a girl?

In the movie, they're robots. They're genderless. They're never even referred to as HAVING gender (ie she/he) When I watched Wall-E and tried to picture them as humans w/ gender instead, I saw Wall-E as the girl and Eve as the boy. (I can also see them as both boys, but that's cause well I'm me.)

So I decided to draw it that way. I will touch-up/color this later when I'm not in school -.- This is from the "Directive" scene in the waste area, where Wall-E gives Eve the plant and says "Directive", and Eve instead chucks the plant, holds Wall-E, and says "Directive"

You are just that awesome, Colt. I really like this take on it and I can very much see this sort of thing.

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Thanks to Sammie for starting this thread and to everyone for sharing their work!

I posted a poem called "GenderCrash" in the Open Mic section here.

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  • 1 month later...
  • 1 month later...

Inspired by the episode 'Daniela' from cold case about a boy who loves and MtF girl, I wrote a lovepoem from the perspective of someone (m? f?) who loves a genderqueer/transgender/something girl. The rhythm is sort of irrgeular and not my usual style but I like it anyway.

My Lesbian Boyfriend

She’s poetry and pantyhose.

A mystery that I never chose

To solve, but she holds out her arms,

And I see all the charms,

Of a flowering rose.

And she’s shy,

An illusion but never a lie.

A queen that I never intended to save,

But she gave me a shave

and said: ‘boy,

be my butterfly.’

Be my knight,

And so I fight

For her smile and her tears

For societies’ fears

For the light

Of my lesbian boyfriend out on a night,

For romance,

And will she give me a chance?

To open the door,

And fall to the floor, on my knees

Saying please, dance.

And my lesbian boyfriend has moods,

When she wears my pants and my boots,

On our bed,

As she holds down my hands and my heart,

And every part

of me is led,

To her roots, to her glory,

To an untold story.

To a girl in her that I’ve never met.

The pink soul of my lover,

Has more to discover,

And more to reveal

Than I’ll ever feel,

And I’m wondering blind,

Never know what I’ll find

Or next uncover.

But she keeps my head chasing,

Memories.

Blood racing.

She’s lacing up, her favorite man

And I can

Not plan,

To catch her

Or own her,

For she is a dream,

Always felt, never seen,

And she’ll never say,

Who she is the next day,

Transforming queen.

And I pray,

As the world prays,

When she walks by,

To catch her eye, from afar

and she sways, shooting star,

She can fly

And she moves,

In mysterious ways.

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Most people here know that I'm FtM, so I guess this poem speaks for itsself.

New Born Man

The day I came to be,

Lying in green grass, warm summer day.

Years of nothing, and suddenly there’s me.

No past, no name, and come what may.

Yesterday my life began,

I said my girl goodbye,

Today I’ll be a better man,

Today I’ll end a lie.

Years of doubt,

Nine months of pain

Trying not to go insane.

Then suddenly this little boy,

Naked, frightened,

Filled with joy,

So much life to contain

Yesterday my life began,

I left my fear behind

Today I’ll be a better man,

There is so much to find

So now I am this new born child,

Uncertain where to go,

The world is vast, the world is wild,

But there’s one thing I know,

This new born man will learn to stand,

And smile, and dance and grow.

Yesterday my life began,

A life I never knew,

Today I’ll be a better man,

Tomorrow I’ll love you.

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Here's the start of a novel of mine I need to start working on again.

Julian

I can honestly say that I hate myself. Every now and then I stare at the bathroom mirror and run my nails over my skin lightly, firmer, then harder until I’m leaving white marks on me.

I’ll take in every detail and notice the feeling of being disconnected, like there’s a circuit missing between the body and the brain. For my body will often act before my head.

It’s not its fault though; I trained it that way and turned myself into a weapon of survival. Now I just feel old and that’s a bad feeling to have at sixteen years old.

I’m tired of the hatred I’ve got worming through me; a parasite for it does nothing for me as it feeds off my self-confidence becoming bloated and overfed.

I’m thinking of the jar I’ve got under my bed and plotting. I wonder if I could do it, go against an indestructible force of nature and become what I’m scared of.

There is no God even though he gave me this body. I only hear the Devil as he whispers in my ears and remember what he’s always told me.

God gave me this body but the devil told me to be a boy.

And I’ve always followed the devil until now.

I remember the day I decided to change myself. In my opinion it was a stupid idea but for once my brain took control of my body and followed through with the plan.

That day ranked one of the highest days I wish I could forget, to burry it in a hole and walk away. I didn’t though, I’m not sure why. It’s probably Helena’s voice chanting in my head, ‘Learn from your mistakes’. I wish I could turn the voices in my head off now and then.

But I can’t and won’t because in a weird way they leave me sane.

People don’t like change and I wished and didn’t wish that the world could stay the same. It needed to change though because we were only living in a false reality of lies. I wanted to actually live, become a creature of my own creation not some one else’s, but in order to do that my only options were change or elopement.

I chose change due to the fact that I had no one to elope with although you might have come along because it would have been extremely funny to see our parents’ faces.

Heck, screw that, you would have helped me pack our luggage and buy the train tickets. It would have been such a bittersweet joy.

Again, I didn’t though.

The air tasted like acid on my tongue that morning, so I bit down hard and tried to wash the taste away with blood and hide my fear with pain. The season was just starting to change as the cold winds blew down from the north, covering the city and twisting through the streets. Because of that, I was wearing my jacket so nobody had noticed yet.

I followed my usual routine as I walked down the halls towards my locker. When anyone called out to me I just waved politely so they wouldn’t want to start a conversation. I didn’t need any news about gossip, I was going to become the gossip in a matter of seconds and that was enough to make my stomach spin circles.

Gossip was the form of nourishment people consumed in high school. They ate it rabidly as if they were never going to get another meal in their lives. Then they became adults and gossip was dessert. They ate it in small bites and although they all wanted to devourer the entire thing, they didn’t, because it’s not fashionable to eat like a pig. It didn’t stop them from raiding the fridge and cupboards when they thought no one was looking though.

I spun my lock open with ease just like every other day and slammed my bag into the back of my locker. The inside looked the same as everyday, post-it notes taped to the door; papers and textbooks stuffed at the bottom under my lunch and gym shoes. I took a long look at the picture off a popular half-naked female artist I’d taped up there as camouflage.

In one brief second before I could change my mind I ripped the picture off, rolled it into a ball and tossed it into the trashcan behind me.

I felt like throwing up and thought I really might. Shaking, I took off my coat, stuffed it in and slammed the door shut with my books in my arms, dropping my calculator and managing to spill most of my graph paper across the floor. The morning was off to a wonderful start. I tend to become clumsy when nervous though, as do most people.

There was an under currant rippling through the hall as I bent down to pick up my stuff, stiffening my face so no one could tell what I was feeling. I needed to find you before I did something stupid. You would listen to me; stand by me because we believed in the same vision.

You would understand and that was most important.

People stopped what they were doing and stared at me like they’d never seen anyone ever pick something up off the floor. (Maybe they hadn’t, this was a rich, private school). There was about two minutes till the bell and by the time I reached the classroom door the entire school knew. Two minutes is a lot of time, you know.

When I entered the room you looked up and smiled. I could read what your face said; you thought I looked good in it. I wondered if you knew how scared I’d been when I went to the store. You didn’t know how scared I was now, although you probably had a good idea. You always have good ideas; that’s part of the reason why I follow you.

I had dumped all my savings from the jar onto the bed the day before and crammed them into my pockets. When I reached the mall, my heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to explode. I’d hidden in the aisles of the women’s wear, hoping no one would spot me.

Praying to a God I don’t believe in, that this could work and that I could free myself from this chain I’ve had wrapped around me for years.

Clothing stores are made to diminish confidence and self-esteem especially lingerie stores. There’s nothing in the world quite like having a beautiful woman wearing only underwear staring down at you with a look that says ‘That’s right, no matter what you’re never going to be pretty enough’. I got those looks all afternoon from the giant posters in the store as I felt their eyes burning holes into my back.

A sales lady asked if I needed any help looking for something. I don’t know how I sounded, but I said I needed a bra. The blank look on my face must have cued her in on the fact that I didn’t know anything when she asked me for my size and what style I wanted.

I made up a bunch of excuses and tried to run away from her. She and another sales lady managed to grab a hold of me, dragging me back into the change rooms for a fitting. I had a wild urge to grab the tape measure that was around my chest from her hands and wrap it around her neck, allowing me to escape. When she asked me what type of bra I was wearing right now I had to tell her I wasn’t wearing one.

The look she had on her face makes me want to throw up for I hate pity. She wore a facial mask of pity, sorrow, confusion and hatred. All chopped up and mixed together in a soup. The taste was disgusting in my opinion.

It was there in the change rooms where I spent the most torturous hour of my life of trying on bra after bra after I spent twenty minutes trying to figure out how to put the damn thing on and suffering through the itching restraint it put me though.

My face was permanently burned scarlet by the time I went to pay for it and after all I went through the cashier looked at me like I was crazy to be buying only one. That was all I had enough money for though.

You didn’t know any of that though. You’d been at home the whole day. I knew that because there was a message waiting for me from you when I came back. Tierney had handed me the phone, or in reality I actually wrestled it out of her hands so I could call you back. Karissa answered and said that you weren’t home, so I handed the phone to Jay and told him it was his girlfriend. The look on his face was hilarious. He’ll be trying to force it out of me later and figure out how I knew.

I wondered briefly that day if you’d thought that I’d dressed this way for you. After all you were the one who had told me that I should dress and act any way I was comfortable with. You aren’t the type of person to think the world revolves around you though. That’s another one of the reasons I follow you.

The mutterings were getting louder as I sat down. It wasn’t so much the bra that was shocking everyone. It was the shirt overtop of the bra. Only you and I had known about the fact that I was a girl. I wore my hair short, just past my ears and it was growing longer now. It stuck up in ever direction because I trim it myself. That made me look androgynous so my attitude was messed up. I talked trash and used masculine body movements.

Last night I’d ransacked Yoselin’s house where I was staying when every one was asleep and had borrowed a shirt from Tiffany. It was hell trying to put all her clothes back into place without waking her. By now she probably knew about it and was going to chew me out once the day was over. I’d need a shirt tomorrow and was going to have to figure out some sort of plan.

I’d destroyed my relationship with everyone. I couldn’t run around and play soccer with the boys any more. The girls weren’t going to accept me either, not after I’d been viewed and accepted as one of the guys. I cared about what they thought though and still do. I have no idea why but I did. It was some innate part of me that wanted to be part of the group. You were there to smile at me though and that made me feel better as my worries disappeared a little.

You continued to look at me the entire class to make sure I was all right and when the bell rang, you got up and walked over to join me. I doubt that either of us got anything done that block. I heard something about a test Monday not that I cared. I was already failing anyways.

Poor Ms. Higgins, nobody was really listening today and in a weird way she accepted the situation by ignoring it although she’ll probably be running down to the office to talk to the principal about whether they should expel me for cross-dressing or not.

You knew that by now I didn’t care what every one was saying but this was still the safest approach. You were everything to me then and still are. You looked directly at me and listened to what I had to say. You treated me like a person no matter how badly warped I was and I did the same for you.

That day as we walked out of the classroom together, leaving everyone to stare at us, I wondered if I was in love with you. I pushed that thought aside though and didn’t go back to it until it was almost to late. In my opinion, what I had now was more important that the future and I always assumed that you’d be on my side forever. I was really arrogant back then.

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a sad gender-activism poem about queer remembrance. I think it its not a good poem, but I felt like posting it anyway.

Somebody.

Somebody cry out for the broken bodies,

Somebody weep for the lives torn apart.

Somebody scream for the silenced voices,

Somebody try to mend a broken heart.

It happened many years ago,

It happened yesterday,

For them, changes came to slow,

But they build the world of today.

All she did was love a girl,

Or did he love a boy,

Or maybe not quite a guy or girl,

Why would anyone destroy,

Love without fear.

Two hearts against a world of stone,

Their lives and bodies disappear,

But they are not alone.

All he did was wear a skirt,

She didn't wear a dress,

Why did they die at angry hands,

Or slow, from loneliness?

Live without fear,

A dreamer in a world of grey,

Their words and voices disappear,

If we don't speak today.

For he and her are not the last,

To give love and get violence,

But we are not bound to the past,

But we can break the silence.

Somebody scream for the silenced voices,

Somebody weep for broken hearts

Somebody shout for a better future

Somebody tell me, today it starts.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Declaration of Transcendence

I've spend so long,

faking perfection

Making a scene,

without a sense of direction.

I'm so sharp when I speak,

and so fierce when I fight,

But in whispers I'm weak,

and I'm real when I write

So let this be my truth,

My declaration:

I refuse to succumb

To this desperation.

I've spend so long,

Living in self-rejection.

Dreaming of death,

Wishing for resurrection.

And so from a dream world,

To a life of pretend.

The long suppressed scream

Must come to an end.

So pull back the curtain,

Forget all before

The world will know me,

As an actor no more.

I do not want to avoid,

My own body's reflection.

Even if I must risk,

Losing your affection.

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I mentioned this poem previously but I wrote it in a way so you can't tell the gender of the speaker until the end when it's mentioned.

Imaginary Lover

Hey

Are you listening to me

I'm always listening to you

Despite the fact that I can

No longer hear

Your voice

I want to see you

Laughing

Just like your ghost

As she whispers in my ear

Of a memory I silenced

And my enjoyment of

Staining the two of us

Red

With a ticket down to

Hell

You're always nineteen

With your hair long and flowing

And bruises down your back

You're smiling

As you say you wish that we were

Siblings

A relation of some kind

For blood is more definite than

An unformed idea

Sometimes I think I'd love to

Kill

That thought

I don't want to see you crying

As you curl up on the grave

And I could almost see you

Falling down

Within the mix of grass and flowers

As they grew over your

Pretend corpse

Within the sun

I want to see you sleeping

On the deck

As you create and abstract image

Against the wood

I can pretend for now

That you're mine

As I bend down with our hair

Mixing

As I steal that one kiss

That damned me

I want you to fall in love

With me

I want you to be mine

But you never say those

Words to me

In the context I want to hear

Now you're gone

And I'll watch your grave

Day and and day out

For a shred of movement

Or a memory

To prove that you're

Alive

You used to say you loved me

When we were alone

On the deck

With the wind as it blew

The scent of flowers past us

And up into the grave yard

You used to say you loved me

Like a sister

For we were both women

You see.

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Neut - 01

these disgusting blobs of flesh

uselessly protruding from my chest

they taint me with their purposelessness

making me want to turn them into a bloddy mess

being born into this jail

and labeled until i'm old and frail

this living hell makes me cry and wail

OH SURGEON'S KNIFE! PLEASE GIVE ME BAIL!

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thanks Sammie. I was under a lot of stress and persecution when i wrote it.

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I tried to think of a subtle T-shirt design-type thing about gender non-conformity. Obviously graphic design is not my strong point, but I had fun anyway. Also, as a warning, I enjoy bad puns:

BinaryDesign.jpg

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KayleeSaeihr

Brilliant (even if I'm personally binary)

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Brilliant (even if I'm personally binary)

Oh, shoot, I'm sorry--I didn't really think about it coming across that way. That was silly of me. :redface: I was focused more on the wordplay than the meaning, because I'm smart like that...

Thank you, though! I'll see if I can edit it a bit to come across as more pro-genderqueer instead of anti-binary, since my intention was the former. And now that I think about it, I should probably switch those colors to be more consistent with my symbolism, too... bah. I'll deal with it after I get some sleep. (Good thing this is just a hypothetical design I'll never actually use, heh.)

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I made a series of little pictures that, for some reason beyond my understanding, are all about femmeness.

cards1.jpg

cards2.jpg

cards3m.jpg

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KayleeSaeihr

Brilliant (even if I'm personally binary)

Oh, shoot, I'm sorry--I didn't really think about it coming across that way. That was silly of me. :redface: I was focused more on the wordplay than the meaning, because I'm smart like that...

Thank you, though! I'll see if I can edit it a bit to come across as more pro-genderqueer instead of anti-binary, since my intention was the former. And now that I think about it, I should probably switch those colors to be more consistent with my symbolism, too... bah. I'll deal with it after I get some sleep. (Good thing this is just a hypothetical design I'll never actually use, heh.)

No no, it's fine as is! I wasn't offended. I was merely pointing out that it didn't apply to me personally, but I still thought it was awesome :D

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Rook Wallace

Bero if that shirt was real I'd totally buy it.

I WANT IT SO BADLY.

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Aw, thanks, all! ^^ You make me wish I did have a way to make this into a real shirt.

Still need to swap the pink and blue. It'd take me all of five seconds, perhaps, but midterms, bah humbug.

Also, that's good to hear, Saeihr. I had no idea what I could possibly replace it with, eheh.

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  • 2 weeks later...

A poem about coming out.

You came out.

I've been looking for your face for so long.

In my heart and in my mind,

Clutching my chest, going blind.

I've been running from your voice for so long.

From your screaming, from your name,

Torn apart and wrapped in shame.

But I can't escape,

You are in every mirror

And I can't deny,

You are in every breath

And I can't reject,

Every day, you get nearer

Breaking in and breaking through

Until I am a part of you,

If I let you go, I may as well choose death.

I've been trying to hold on for so long,

Trying to be what they see,

Be who I'm supposed to be,

I've been waiting for this day for too long.

The day that I'll tell all of them,

"I'm not who you say I am."

'Cause I can't escape,

You are in every mirror,

And I must break free,

It's the only way to live.

'Cause I must be me,

Every day, you get nearer.

And one day the world will see,

All that I'm supposed to be,

And all that I have to give,

'Till that day I will surive,

Better yet, I am alive.

Now that I found me.

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