Any Medical Evidence That Asexuality is Inherited? And How Do We Deal With the Grandparents?

[audree]

By the way... I really did not think the 20 / 20 show was a good portrayal of asexual people. TV is all sensationalism. Check out the October 2004 issue of New Scientist, it had a good article on asexuality by Sylvia Pagan Westphal. Also Utne Reader had an article a few years back. The New Scientist article can be found online if you search for it.

Thank you so very much! I'll look for that right away.

[CreakyKeegan]

Hi. I thought I'd give my input.

I'm quite happy being myself. And being alone quite often.

But at the same time, I still feel these pressures to be in a relationship.

Not for sex - but to have someone there if something should ever happen.

I feel a lot of pressures, but I'm not going to detail them as it's unimportant and irrelevant.

The only time I feel down, or unhappy, is when I am displeased with myself.

People can call me unintelligent, moronic, anything they please, it won't knock me down unless I am unhappy with who I am. I do my own thing when I please. You can nag me about cleaning, getting a job, studying, anything. I won't do it unless I want to.

Don't take it the wrong way.

I have an Aunt in particular who keeps nagging me to get a job, because I'm letting life just "pass me by." I'm not. She can't see that I am enjoying the life I have. Sure I may not get out much, and sure I lock myself away in my room often, but it doesn't mean I'm letting life pass me by. It means I'm more happy just sitting alone reading a book, or researching something online. She thinks this is unhealthy. It may be unhealthy - for her. Not for me.

Have I gone Job hunting? I have. A few times. Many people say I'm not trying hard enough, and I simply reply "If they don't want to hire me, they don't have to. Yeah, I'm kind of upset I wasted hours of trying to find a job when I could be reading, but whatever." And they tell me I just have to prove myself. No, I don't. If they think I am not good enough for the job, they clearly aren't willing to take a risk in hiring someone who would actually be a very good, hard working employee.

That same Aunt also nags me about College/University. I'll go when I'm ready. I know me, I know who I am. I've taken ample time to discover I'm not quite responsible enough yet to take on Post-Secondary the way I'd like to - achieving a high GPA and such. The faith she has in me appears to be quite low. She thinks I am irresponsible, when I am doing the responsible thing, waiting until I know I can do the best I can do with Post Secondary.

She thinks I'm wasting this "intelligence" on what she calls nothing.

I'd rather be growing. Taking time out to just grow into a responsible, mature adult is something necessary for me. It may not be necessary for some people. Some people are capable of doing this seemingly over night. Yes, I admit, maybe I haven't been going out and applying as much as I could be, or "proving my worth" as much as I could be, but I don't think I am quite ready for that just yet.

... Ehm. Thus concludes, I am happy being single, reading my books, and studying.

And I may be seen as lazy to most. Sure, I'm physically lazy. But I exercise my brain more than most of those I know around me. And that is what truly makes me happy.

:)

[thylacine]

Okay, I'm back. I have a photocopy of the Utne Reader article. It was dated March - April 2005. Maybe your local library has back issues? I don't know if that one would be online... Also, there is this magazine called "Bitch." No kidding. That's the name of the mag. Fall 2007, Issue No. 37: Hording cats, Breeding Religion, Rejecting Sex... This has a good article on asexuality. (I helped Sylvia Pagan Westphal with the New Scientist article, and I think it's the best article I have seen so far, I recommend that one first.)

Oh my God... I was at my part time weekend job (have 2 jobs to support myself comfortably!) & turned on the computer to go onto Aven & this other lady in the office, real nice lady, but she goes when my back is turned to click on recipes and saw Aven on the screen... It has the word "sexual" in it... she'll be like, oh what's that... ??? Oh my God! My reputation is now cooked. Most people don't know the word Asexual, they just see that word sexual. She's real nice so I hope she doesn't whisper... (I don't think she will but yah never know! Eek.)

[audree]

Narf, my son Tim feels pressure from others, too. Pressure to start "liking" girls, etc. I do just the opposite of what your aunt dishes out to you - I pressure him not to work so hard, as he tends to be a workaholic when it comes to his studies.

He does like to take his time and play on the computer, but I also pressure him to do things outdoors with me, like go to the beach, Bush Gardens, Disney World, craft shows, festivals, etc. I try to expose him to things like that in the hopes that he'll look back someday and realize these experiences are actually fun and life isn't all about computers and studies. He tells me most moms would be thrilled to have a son who's so focused and I am... but I don't want him to miss out on merely being a kid, too.

I've always said my tombstone should read "Moderation in All Things," as that's my general motto.

It's tough to look for work right now. I looked for a year before I found the job that I just started! So hang in there, and you'll be fine.

[audree]

Okay, I'm back. I have a photocopy of the Utne Reader article. It was dated March - April 2005. Maybe your local library has back issues? I don't know if that one would be online... Also, there is this magazine called "Bitch." No kidding. That's the name of the mag. Fall 2007, Issue No. 37: Hording cats, Breeding Religion, Rejecting Sex... This has a good article on asexuality. (I helped Sylvia Pagan Westphal with the New Scientist article, and I think it's the best article I have seen so far, I recommend that one first.)

Oh my God... I was at my part time weekend job (have 2 jobs to support myself comfortably!) & turned on the computer to go onto Aven & this other lady in the office, real nice lady, but she goes when my back is turned to click on recipes and saw Aven on the screen... It has the word "sexual" in it... she'll be like, oh what's that... ??? Oh my God! My reputation is now cooked. Most people don't know the word Asexual, they just see that word sexual. She's real nice so I hope she doesn't whisper... (I don't think she will but yah never know! Eek.)

Thylacine, thank you SO MUCH! I looked up S.P. Westphal's article and read it and have bookmarked it to share it with my son. I think once I have his approval, we'll bombard my parents with these articles and perhaps they will help in their understanding.

As for the woman at work: YIKES!!! Talk about an awkward moment. Did you tell her what asexual meant or did you just tell her it was nothing? The word "asexual" is really not a satisfying one, is it? It really is defining itself as a subset of sex, when it's a complete lack of desire.

[thylacine]

Maybe she will think I have some rare illness??? Everyone in the office will stay away from me now! Oh brother... The problem is people don't know what that word means, so little is known about it.

[audree]

Maybe she will think I have some rare illness??? Everyone in the office will stay away from me now! Oh brother... The problem is people don't know what that word means, so little is known about it.

Well, at least you'll have material to start proving persecution due to sexual orientation. Er...not that that's really the best scenario. Well, you could always tell her it's what Jamie Lee Curtis has (it isn't) and maybe that will be enough to ... no, nevermind. That will only inflame the rumors, as it's always been rumored she's a hermaphrodite.

Who knows? Maybe you'll be even more popular. Everyone's gonna wanna know what secret you're hiding.

[thylacine]

I could say I was buying makeup from Avon!!!

[mad_scientist]

As for the woman at work: YIKES!!! Talk about an awkward moment. Did you tell her what asexual meant or did you just tell her it was nothing? The word "asexual" is really not a satisfying one, is it? It really is defining itself as a subset of sex, when it's a complete lack of desire.

I'm a biotechnology student. I had to explain the difference between myself and E. coli to half of my friends.

[thylacine]

What... ? The difference between you & E. coli... ?

I thought E. coli was what you got from a cheap fast food place... ?

I will pile Avon catalogs all over my desk and next time she walks by say I tried to order online but this strange other website comes up... !!!

It's called "damage control."

[mad_scientist]

What... ? The difference between you & E. coli... ?

I thought E. coli was what you got from a cheap fast food place... ?

E. coli is a bacterium that lives in the human gut. It's usually harmless, but bad strains of it can be nasty -- it's usually known as the poster bacterium for food poisoning and contamination, yes, since it's a frequent offender. But in biology it's one of the most frequently used bacteria -- it's like the default experimental bacteria. We also use it to grow plasmids and stuff. So a biotechnologist thinks "asexual"(asexual reproduction)="bacteria in culture"(E. coli).

I will pile Avon catalogs all over my desk and next time she walks by say I tried to order online but this strange other website comes up... !!!

It's called "damage control."

lol, that could work!

[thylacine]

By the way, Audree, you are a terrific & excellent mother to be so accepting. Most parents don't want their kids to be different in any way. They all want their daugter to be popular cheerleader, their son to be the football hero... you know, so they can brag to other parents.

In my neighborhood it was like, "Oh my daughter has so many boys calling the house at night. What a nuissance." Yeah, right, like, my daughter is the most popular in town.... and if the kid was a boy they always had his sports trophies on display in a glass cabinet in the living room and pictures of their kid dressed in his football uniform & helmet, "Oh, he loves the game! That kid's gonna get a football scholarship!" They would say to my mother, "So what does your kid like to do?" She likes her art lessons. They were like, "Art lessons? Oh... that's nice." People are so darn conformist, even with their kids, it seems.