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Can a person be hetero-romantic homo-sexual?


toujours

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Just wondering, because, as far as everyone says, sexual orientation is different from romantic orientation. So... could it be possible to be sexually attracted to one sex, and romantically attracted to the other? Falling in love with men only, but feeling sexually attracted to women only?

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iamnotforever

I've actually always wondered that myself- it must be confusing if someone is.

I have also wondered if someone could be aromantic (something)sexual.

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Well, I actually didn't think it myself, but I read something that David Jay wrote somewhere about sex and love being very different things, and that a lesbian could steal another woman's boyfriend. Confusing indeed.

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I have also wondered if someone could be aromantic (something)sexual.

This is possible. I know a lot of aromantic sexual people.

It's also possible that romantic orientation differs from sexual orientation.

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hereinspain

I agree with Vei*sha. I've seen so many combinations - aromantic asexual, biromantic demisexual, really, any combination you can think someone probably identifies as. I don't think many people readily identify as aromantic hetero/homo/bisexual, but there are tons of people who would classify.

It's totally possible to be heteroromantic and homosexual. Great discussion topic!

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I've wondered about this. I'm definitely romantically attracted to females, and yet I have this strange fascination - pretty much ever since I discovered how hetero sex worked - with being penetrated, or penetrating. Basically penetration I guess. And no, I don't mean with an SO :rolleyes:

But I just simply identify as lesbian/homosexual for convenience. God knows that's difficult enough in today's society without adding 'romantic' on the end and mixing hetero and homo within the one orientation.

Plus I'm not sure if it's paraphilia type thing either.

God, I'm a lesbian with penis envy...how trite <_<

But basically I can understand how one would feel as heteroromantic homosexual or homoromantic heterosexual.

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I've wondered about this. I'm definitely romantically attracted to females, and yet I have this strange fascination - pretty much ever since I discovered how hetero sex worked - with being penetrated, or penetrating. Basically penetration I guess. And no, I don't mean with an SO :rolleyes:

But I just simply identify as lesbian/homosexual for convenience. God knows that's difficult enough in today's society without adding 'romantic' on the end and mixing hetero and homo within the one orientation.

Plus I'm not sure if it's paraphilia type thing either.

God, I'm a lesbian with penis envy...how trite <_<

But basically I can understand how one would feel as heteroromantic homosexual or homoromantic heterosexual.

It's entirely possible just like it is possible to be asexual but romantic. You may say, just about everything is possible these days. And horomantic heterosexuals are more common in this world than you would ever guess. There was a neighbour of mine whose wife recently divorced him as his male friend was spending just too much time in private with him. On enquiry it was found that the two friends had no sexual relationship, yet they just needed to be with each other always.

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Yeah, it is. I think I know some people who're like this. If you have trouble understanding it, I guess you could see it as a bisexual person who has a romantic preference for one gender, which definitely happens... *shrug*

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Yeah, it is. I think I know some people who're like this. If you have trouble understanding it, I guess you could see it as a bisexual person who has a romantic preference for one gender, which definitely happens... *shrug*

Or first think of an aromantic sexual and then suppose this same person has a romantic feeling for gender outside his orientation.

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Yeah, it is. I think I know some people who're like this. If you have trouble understanding it, I guess you could see it as a bisexual person who has a romantic preference for one gender, which definitely happens... *shrug*

Or first think of an aromantic sexual and then suppose this same person has a romantic feeling for gender outside his orientation.

Yeah, that's another good example. :)

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  • 4 weeks later...

Oh my god...

I AM A HETEROROMANTIC HOMOEROTIC!

I've seriously spent 5 years trying to figure out what I was. And it's nice to finally understand. But it's sad, because the only boys I've felt romantic towards are gay. <_<

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Yes. Romantic and sexual attraction are very different things.

You can have aromantics, heteroromantics, homoromantics, biromantics, panroantics etc etc.

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If there's one thing I've come to realise, it's that anything is possible. You can be hetero-sexual with a touch of homo-romantic, or bisexual-hetero-romantic, or whatever. You are what you are, however hard it is to label it, and I expect a lot of people don't really fit labels too well anyway.

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kitchenwitch

I think it's entirely possible. My girlfriend, for instance, is heterosexual, but homoromantic -- she falls in love with both women and men, but only desires sex with men (which is mighty convenient for me :))

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you*hear*but*do*you*listen

I actually have a friend who might be a heteroromantic homosexual. And I know several aromantic sexuals. But I feel like most sexuals who have a romantic orientation different from their sexual orientation would probably not acknowledge their romantic orientation as such, because so many sexuals feel like sexual feelings are a part of romantic feelings. And if a (Y)romantic (Z)sexual doesn't think that sexual feelings are necessary for romantic feelings, he or she would probably see their romantic orientation as friendshippy emotional compatibility because it doesn't cross his or her mind that romantic attraction needs a label when there is sexual attraction as well. And since that was badly phrased, I'll try again: I have a feeling most sexuals wouldn't think of labeling a romantic orientation, even if it's different from the sexual orientation, because they don't think about the two being separate. (Yes, I've asked sexuals about this; almost all of them agreed that it's unlikely that sexual and romantic attraction wouldn't coincide in a sexual, and/or the sexual just wouldn't think of labeling the romantic orientation.)

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Elliott Ford

This really does happen.

I know a self-identified heteroromantic anthrosexual (she's capable of being sexually attracted to any human but only romantically interested in men). She gets told that she's "wrong" about her orientation, that because she only has relationship with men that makes her "really" heterosexual - the same logic that claims that i can't possibly be ace because i have partners, can't possibly be straight because one of my partners isn't a girl... *sigh*

It's also true that some sexual people, through lack of education or through insisting on being a bit stupid, don't understand that there can be romantic feelings without sexual feelings. they don't know how to recognise the first without the second even if they know that they can get the second without the first. Education about this difference could help lots of people to understand their lifes.

When i didn't know that i was straight (and very much so, more than i thought) and asexual I think i assumed that everyone was more-or-less panromantic but chose only to pursue relationships with the people they were sexually attracted to.

Also, some people also recognise a "social orientation" eg "heterosocial" which would describe the kind of people you like to make friends with / socialise with. (I think i'm pansocial then :) )

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  • 9 months later...

Also, some people also recognise a "social orientation" eg "heterosocial" which would describe the kind of people you like to make friends with / socialise with. (I think i'm pansocial then :) )

So I'm like asocial? o.o But I'm not antisocial.

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It's definitely possible--I actually used to wonder if I were a heteroromantic homosexual, because I'm really physically attracted to girls... Although now I realize that it's just aesthetic attraction (and am now sure that I'm just a straight-ace). ^^''

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Yes. I once read a paper (which is no longer online) which discussed women with differing sexual and romantic orientations. However, the author also believed that there is no intrinsic romantic orientation, so take it for what it's worth.

I've also met many people who've claimed to experience different kinds of attraction towards different genders. If you want to meet people like this, you should hang out with the queer community!

Here's what I want to know: If a person is heterosexual and homoromantic, are they more likely to identify as gay, straight, bi, or none of the above? Is romantic or sexual orientation more important to identity? I'm inclined to think romantic orientation is more important, but maybe that's just my asexual bias talking.

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Condemned Valour

Here's what I want to know: If a person is heterosexual and homoromantic, are they more likely to identify as gay, straight, bi, or none of the above? Is romantic or sexual orientation more important to identity? I'm inclined to think romantic orientation is more important, but maybe that's just my asexual bias talking.

I would think they would openly identify as straight, if only because it would earn them a better standing in mainstream society.

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you*hear*but*do*you*listen

I have a friend who is a homoromantic bisexual. She identifies as bi.

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Admiral Kitteh

Since I have no sexual desire, I only identify as a hetero-mantic. I am romantically attracted to men but not women. Though I love making friends with anyone <3 pansocial here I think. xD

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  • 1 month later...
maybe_asexy

I think I might be heterosexual homoromantic. I mostly feel more emotionally attracted to girls, but sexually attracted to guys. This is really confusing, there seriously should be like a support group or something for this. In my case it's even more complicated because I can't even say I'm "physically" attracted to one gender or the other, cause you can split that up into asthetic physical attraction (which I feel more towards women) and erotic physical attraction (which I feel more towards men).I also have the whole "raised with old-school southern baptist values, so think I'll go to hell if I'm gay" thing. But sometimes I think I'm basically an asexual lesbian who happens to have a penis fetish or something :huh:

Anyway, it is hard trying to figure out who I should date and what kind of long-term relationship I want. But I guess since the emotional aspect of a relationship is much more important than the sexual, I'd prolly be happier with a woman in the long run (I think).

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you*hear*but*do*you*listen

There was a patient in an episode of House that was new this month who I thought was probably a biromantic homosexual. He had supposedly been "cured" of his homosexuality by one of those awful camps and was about to get married to a woman. It really seemed like he loved her, although he was still sexually and romantically into men...I just don't think he was sexually attracted to his fiance.

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Thanks for asking this. I've wondered this myself; my guess is yes, though I don't know a specific example.

The great thing is that this is the sort of question only an asexual (or someone familiar with the asexual community) would be likely to come up with - even though the hypothetical person it's asking about wouldn't be asexual!

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Yes, it's possible. If I was sexually active I think that I would be something like bi-romantic hetero-sexual because it's very hard to me to find a woman that I really like physically.

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The Crazy Cat Lady

I use to feel that way, but I eventually lost interest in males. I consider myself a lesbian now. I was always sexually attracted to women, but I prefer to be a pure platonic relationship.

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phantomwriter

My best friend identifies as bisexual because he's attracted to both men and women, but he's only romantically incline towards women.

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I have also wondered if someone could be aromantic (something)sexual.

I "know" (from a chat) one guy who is aromantic heterosexual. He's been going to the same chat (where I occasionally go) for years, and is always similar, so I believe that he's genuine. He totally doesn't get the romance/relationship-thing, but desires sex with girls at times. He said, that he could as well be having sex with a doll, 'cause he really ain't interested of the person...

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