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What it feels like to be trans, genderqueer or genderless


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Janus the Fox

I’ve had a lot more gender stuff on my mind recently.  Like the more I get fitter, thinner, the more I see the girl in myself in the mirror, further than the Male I’m born into, the same way I already see myself Agender.  Let myself naturally do what I do has influenced my perceptions of it.  It’s perhaps a stronger Dysphoric last couple of days for me, I feel a lot more confident and determined a Transition is for me for the best.  
 

The Endo wait never feels it long than it does recently, I need to make sure with psych or hormones somethings on the change, I haven’t started hormones yet.

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SilverStar Phoenixia

 

On 12/11/2020 at 10:11 PM, Aelin Galathynius said:

This is so relatable. I've tried talking with other people about their experiences with gender, but they all just said "oh it's whatever is in your pants", so not helpful at all.

Next time people say gender is in the pants: I'd like to point out that pants contain 98% leg. It's the way you choose to look at it that counts.

 

I am democratic in this sense. I have legs: that is most important to me, genitals do not matter, because leg has the majority vote.

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 2/16/2021 at 12:43 PM, SilverStar Phoenixia said:

I have legs: that is most important to me, genitals do not matter, because leg has the majority vote.

Yes, because the first thing people see when you come near them is:

1) gender expression (clothing choice)
2) L E G S

I agree.
It's not like when you see a stranger, you see their genitals, anyways. It's the assumption of genitals, actually.

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On 2/14/2021 at 3:06 AM, Aelin Galathynius said:

OMG thank you so much for explaining a cis person's view of gender!! I've never had the oppertunity to talk to cis people in depth about gender, so this helps A LOT

Cis people comes in three categories:

 

1) One that feels they meet expectations, and they feel fine on the role. So, they definitely feel like a man or woman.

 

2) I was born with boobs or dick, so therefore I am. That's all there it to it.

 

3) A mix.

 

Unlike @AavaMeriI have no attachment to societal expectations of gender. I fall under 2, and I had dreams of having breasts and enlarged hips. It feels like nothing more than a vassal wearing skirt and literally zero dysphoria. The same as if it were my current body. There is nothing to me that say what I am internally and I don't have attachment to societal expectations. You could make the case that I am agendered since I have zero sense of gender and using cis out of convenience, and I would not stop you.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I kinda think I may/may not be a trans-something

I keep coming back to that thought a lot. I swear like I keep coming back, I wanna be a masc figure, I want a cute boy who'll assume me male, I want the glory of being and looking male.

 

my idea must be so f&cked rn. I'm wrong, ik it, but somehting feels it's right, BUT I FEEL IT'S WRONG

IS IT RIGHT OR WRONG AAAAAAAAAA

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Sarah-Sylvia
2 hours ago, A User said:

I kinda think I may/may not be a trans-something

I keep coming back to that thought a lot. I swear like I keep coming back, I wanna be a masc figure, I want a cute boy who'll assume me male, I want the glory of being and looking male.

 

my idea must be so f&cked rn. I'm wrong, ik it, but somehting feels it's right, BUT I FEEL IT'S WRONG

IS IT RIGHT OR WRONG AAAAAAAAAA

I see you're still on the fence. Well it's ok to take your time, there's no rush.

Have you looked into demiboy/demiguy?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Gender discovery of the day:

Having a friend call me "king" was more awkward than affirming.

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I'm in that weird in-between as a demigirl/genderfluid where I can feel like a woman at times and still be weirded out by people using she/her too often over they/them.

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Twisted Tempest

Honestly it doesn't feel like anything. I am so indifferent to what my gender actually is I feel no emotions towards it whatsoever. 

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My feelings are basically this picture (imagine pink being girly, blue being boyish, and orange being inbetween)

 

(pls don't mind the google thing it's a google background)

(yes this is technically my chrome setup rn)

spacer.png

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21 hours ago, Twisted Tempest said:

Honestly it doesn't feel like anything. I am so indifferent to what my gender actually is I feel no emotions towards it whatsoever. 

I kinda feel that, but I actively feel repelled from both male or female, and uncomfortable with them and how people look at me.

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Twisted Tempest
2 hours ago, Zagadka said:

I kinda feel that, but I actively feel repelled from both male or female, and uncomfortable with them and how people look at me.

For me it's that I don't feel like anything really. I don't feel I fit with male or female, but I'm comfortable with however people want to view me, as long as it's not in sexual way. Personally I have no preference, or pronouns because I just hold no feeling to any gender. I'm so indifferent I'm not even sure if agender suits me. But if people want to refer to me as male or female or anything else it's entirely up to them, if that makes sense. 

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Red Sun Rises
On 5/12/2021 at 5:34 PM, Twisted Tempest said:

For me it's that I don't feel like anything really. I don't feel I fit with male or female, but I'm comfortable with however people want to view me, as long as it's not in sexual way. Personally I have no preference, or pronouns because I just hold no feeling to any gender. I'm so indifferent I'm not even sure if agender suits me. But if people want to refer to me as male or female or anything else it's entirely up to them, if that makes sense. 

I'm the same way.  I've found that genderqueer is the term I find explains how I feel the most.  I don't care if you call me he, she, they, whatever because gender is a societal construct and I don't fit evenly into any construct (including non-binary).  So genderqueer it is.  I have qualities of the male gender, qualities of the female gender, qualities of the non-binary gender, and taking them all together is a part of who I am, not one or the other.  

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I'm varying levels of repulsed by masculinity in myself and others, but I don't really have body dysphoria. My "perfect world" life could be summarized as "Oh, you have a dick. So what?". It's entirely about the social construct of "male", not at all about my genitalia and barely about the rest of my body.

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I thought when I was younger that I would just grow a penis and until I did, I was just pretending to be a girl so my grandma wouldn't lecture me about it.  Of course, I was bad at pretending anyways, and once I hit puberty and realized that wouldn't happen, I felt a lot of distance from my body and just felt like the body I saw in the mirror was not mine.

I had a lot of vague bad feelings about my body that I just attributed to not wanting to be fat after being ridiculed for it, but after losing some weight and feeling more miserable because my curves were accentuated, I took to the internet to figure out a word for what was happening to me.  I realized that I disliked being perceived as female and fit far better in a "male" role.  

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camillosan

Can enjoying getting "misgendered" be a sing? When I wore my hair very short for the first time in my life I would get "mistaken" for a boy a few times and every single time I secretly kind of enjoyed it.

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MartinFellow

So I guess I'm agender. I always just referred to myself as a guy and he because I am biologically male, but after learning some more I guess I'm agender. I never realized until recently that people genuinely do feel like a gender and I just don't understand. I don't understand gender or gender identity and I don't know what feeling like a gender is. I just feel like me.

 

I remember it was a jammidodger video where he asked Shaaba if she had no body if she would still consider herself a woman and she said yes. I got really confused because my first go-to though was no, but like I said I don't really have a full grasping of the concept. But that's what started me on realizing that I'm probably agender.

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Well, there are various ideas of gender apathetic, where people don't really think about of feel their gender, without being agender. Figuring out that difference is confusing, I guess.

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MartinFellow
41 minutes ago, Zagadka said:

Well, there are various ideas of gender apathetic, where people don't really think about of feel their gender, without being agender. Figuring out that difference is confusing, I guess.

Yeah I really just don't know lol. I could possibly be that? I remember reading a lot of definitions for agender awhile back and I definitely fit some of the possibilities, but I am also pretty apathetic about it. I just don't really get gender haha.

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22 minutes ago, MartinFellow said:

Yeah I really just don't know lol. I could possibly be that? I remember reading a lost of definitions for agender awhile back and I definitely fit some of the possibilities, but I am also pretty apathetic about it. I just don't really get gender haha.

I wouldn't call caring enough to read definitions and question "apathetic". I don't see why someone who was genuinely apathetic could be anything other than cis. Choosing to identify as something other than the default is not apathy.

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I’m a person(I thought my birth sex was my only option for most of my life) and I’m exploring the possibility that I may be a woman or not a man. Where should I start? I’ve taken some baby steps in dressing outside gender norms but nothing big. How was it for you starting out? Is it even possible for a 30 year old to *just* find out they might be trans?

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On 5/26/2021 at 1:22 AM, A-A-ron said:

I’m a person(I thought my birth sex was my only option for most of my life) and I’m exploring the possibility that I may be a woman or not a man. Where should I start? I’ve taken some baby steps in dressing outside gender norms but nothing big. How was it for you starting out? Is it even possible for a 30 year old to *just* find out they might be trans?

Definitely. I was well over 30 then.  Some find out even later in their 50ies, 60ies or older.

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On 5/25/2021 at 7:22 PM, A-A-ron said:

I’m a person(I thought my birth sex was my only option for most of my life) and I’m exploring the possibility that I may be a woman or not a man. Where should I start? I’ve taken some baby steps in dressing outside gender norms but nothing big. How was it for you starting out? Is it even possible for a 30 year old to *just* find out they might be trans?

Take a look at this thread:

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
little rae of sunshine

Ahhhh that's how I feel about gender right now I'm pretty sure I only consider myself female because that's what I was told so it was easier but honestly I'm just a being it is much simpler when I just exist without thinking about it andi think i got way too excited about looking androgynous to be cis

 

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Hello everyone I am new to the community I identify as Aro/Ace and this has honestly been a topic that I have struggled with. All growing up I was never like a girly girl I didn’t like the things society said a girl should I like power rangers and dinosaurs, but I also didn’t do a lot of things that boys typically liked so I thought I was just a tomboy at least that’s why my family and friends would say or that I would grow out of it. They let me be who I wanted whether wearing “ boys” or “girl” clothes. When I reached college I found friends who identified as transgender or non-binary and I am supportive and try to learn as much as I can. I started looking up information and people would ask my pronouns I choose she her since I do identify with those but sometimes I just don’t know I feel confused like I don’t fit. It doesn’t help coming to terms with the other labels I have found I just am struggling so any support or information would be appreciated. Also sorry for the long explanation 

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stardust628
On 6/19/2021 at 4:38 PM, MG26 said:

Hello everyone I am new to the community I identify as Aro/Ace and this has honestly been a topic that I have struggled with. All growing up I was never like a girly girl I didn’t like the things society said a girl should I like power rangers and dinosaurs, but I also didn’t do a lot of things that boys typically liked so I thought I was just a tomboy at least that’s why my family and friends would say or that I would grow out of it. They let me be who I wanted whether wearing “ boys” or “girl” clothes. When I reached college I found friends who identified as transgender or non-binary and I am supportive and try to learn as much as I can. I started looking up information and people would ask my pronouns I choose she her since I do identify with those but sometimes I just don’t know I feel confused like I don’t fit. It doesn’t help coming to terms with the other labels I have found I just am struggling so any support or information would be appreciated. Also sorry for the long explanation 

Same here (dinosaurs and ninja turtles for me). I put up with dresses and such for too long, and now I just can't do it anymore. I'm used to being called "she" and I definitely look like a "she," but I don't like it. I'm actually repulsed by being called a "woman." But at the same time, I don't want to be called a "man." I don't fit either. I have settled on gendervoid because I really feel like there should be something there, but there isn't.

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On 6/20/2021 at 10:30 PM, stardust628 said:

Same here (dinosaurs and ninja turtles for me). I put up with dresses and such for too long, and now I just can't do it anymore. I'm used to being called "she" and I definitely look like a "she," but I don't like it. I'm actually repulsed by being called a "woman." But at the same time, I don't want to be called a "man." I don't fit either. I have settled on gendervoid because I really feel like there should be something there, but there isn't.

So gendervoid is the lack of a gender? Sorry I’m not familiar with the term.

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stardust628

@A-A-ron, it's feeling like there should be a gender there, but there's nothing. Not just a lack of gender, but an empty hole (or void) where one should be.

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I'm female because my body is, but I have no idea what it means to feel female. I juste feel like me, and my body is mine... There were times when I wished I had male genitalia, and I could do without my breasts sometimes, but I've never felt dysphoria.

I think it would feel strange to me to have a male body because I'm used to mine (and also because I feel like it would actually be really impractical, unless I could somehow retract the extra parts in my body like some animals can), but I'd be okay with a genderless body.

 

So I don't feel female, I just am by default because according to my body I am, and the people around me see me as such.

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On 6/19/2021 at 6:38 PM, MG26 said:

Hello everyone I am new to the community I identify as Aro/Ace and this has honestly been a topic that I have struggled with. All growing up I was never like a girly girl I didn’t like the things society said a girl should I like power rangers and dinosaurs, but I also didn’t do a lot of things that boys typically liked so I thought I was just a tomboy at least that’s why my family and friends would say or that I would grow out of it. They let me be who I wanted whether wearing “ boys” or “girl” clothes. When I reached college I found friends who identified as transgender or non-binary and I am supportive and try to learn as much as I can. I started looking up information and people would ask my pronouns I choose she her since I do identify with those but sometimes I just don’t know I feel confused like I don’t fit. It doesn’t help coming to terms with the other labels I have found I just am struggling so any support or information would be appreciated. Also sorry for the long explanation 

So I figured it out! I am Genderflux and Gender Non-Conforming.

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