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Elliott Ford

What it feels like to be trans, genderqueer or genderless

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PoeciMeta
3 minutes ago, SCelyton said:

See, steering relies on you seeing an opening and if you miss it the opportunity is gone...

Saying that, you could bring up PMS/PMDD if that's something ypu experience (I did until put on progesterone) and use that as an opportunity to mention other body/gender things that upset you.

I guess there are opportunities, I just don't see them. Or I don't dare. 

That would be a great way to get there, but I don't experience it. 

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Sannie
On 5/24/2009 at 8:24 PM, Seien Hananosei said:

Or more like if someone asked me if I was a boy or a girl the best answer would be 'both and neither.

Very late reply, I know, but I just wanted to say that that sounds like you're Ambonec

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Nylocke
On 11/19/2019 at 1:11 PM, Sannie said:

Very late reply, I know, but I just wanted to say that that sounds like you're Ambonec

I've never heard that term before but "both and neither" is the easiest way I can nutshell my own genderqueer identity xD

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PoeciMeta

It's strange how I think acknowledging my (a)gender makes me more willing to play female characters in video games. I think it's because now that I know I'm not a girl and nothing will change that, it makes it okay to ''play at being a girl'', even though I haven't started transitioning in the slightest. 

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Gnomeish

I am a potato. I really want to carry a regular Idaho potato around and just hold it up next to myself while gesturing to my entire person.

 

"If you just look quick and don't think about it, it really makes sense! Wait... you don't get it.... uh... what if I put a tiny pair of glasses on it. Wow, now it's perfect!"

 

As in a potato just has a shape and a colour and you don't really think about its parts or what kinds of other potatoes it likes.

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Iridium
On 12/27/2019 at 1:26 PM, PoeciMeta said:

It's strange how I think acknowledging my (a)gender makes me more willing to play female characters in video games. I think it's because now that I know I'm not a girl and nothing will change that, it makes it okay to ''play at being a girl'', even though I haven't started transitioning in the slightest. 

I'm fine with playing any gender in D&D, and some of the best characters I've created have been female.  Games are a great way for people of all identities to safely play around with gender.  There's so much potential for both self-expression and comedy there.

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Custard Cream
17 minutes ago, Iridium said:

I'm fine with playing any gender in D&D, and some of the best characters I've created have been female.  Games are a great way for people of all identities to safely play around with gender.  There's so much potential for both self-expression and comedy there.

Yeah, I am playing a female in one campaign and teenage boy in another.  I love both equally.

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Iridium

The one issue is that sometimes it's a headache when the player and the character use different pronouns.

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Celyn
26 minutes ago, Iridium said:

The one issue is that sometimes it's a headache when the player and the character use different pronouns.

I just try to consistently use the character's pronouns.

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PoeciMeta
34 minutes ago, Iridium said:

The one issue is that sometimes it's a headache when the player and the character use different pronouns.

This is something I actually find funny. When playing with my brother, I like to refer to us with our characters' pronouns for a change; besides, it's an excuse not to use my AGAB's pronouns~

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Guest

How it feels like to sometimes feel genderless? Great very great couldn’t be much greater 

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PoeciMeta
13 hours ago, Cocothecoconut said:

How it feels like to sometimes feel genderless? Great very great couldn’t be much greater 

I can confirm, even though I don't experience anything else~

 

(Also sorry but I have to know, where is your profile pic from? I just noticed the spider-like creature... :P

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Blake23

I am proud and glad to be genderless agender |~

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Guest
44 minutes ago, PoeciMeta said:

I can confirm, even though I don't experience anything else~

 

(Also sorry but I have to know, where is your profile pic from? I just noticed the spider-like creature... :P

Indeed

 

And my profile picture is from a game called “Hollow knight” 

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Laurann
On 1/6/2020 at 7:08 PM, Iridium said:

I'm fine with playing any gender in D&D, and some of the best characters I've created have been female.  Games are a great way for people of all identities to safely play around with gender.  There's so much potential for both self-expression and comedy there.

Agreed! I'm playing a trans guy in one campaign, and I'm playing my first girl character in another (after 4 years of playing non-girl D&D characters, that's actually saying a lot). She's surprisingly fun to play :) 

Most of my characters have been nb. 'S been good ^_^

 

On 1/6/2020 at 8:07 PM, PoeciMeta said:

This is something I actually find funny. When playing with my brother, I like to refer to us with our characters' pronouns for a change; besides, it's an excuse not to use my AGAB's pronouns~

Haha I mess with my characters' genders so much that my brother (who's in one of my campaigns) has just given up and started calling everyone they/them, even outside of D&D.

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idek bro

Hey, I kinda need some help. so im afab and recently ive been thinking that I am nonbinary. I feel more comfortable with they/them pronouns I think. but the thing is I don't look "stereotypically" nonbinary. I have quite long hair (and don't feel the need to cut It short) and sometimes I am SUPER FEMININE and other times I dress very androgynous but I wouldn't necessarily ever look particularly masculine. I domt really mind if people ever misgender me or don't think im a girl.  If someone could give me some guidance I would be very grateful. :) its kind of stressing me out.

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Zagadka
3 minutes ago, idek bro said:

but the thing is I don't look "stereotypically" nonbinary. ...  its kind of stressing me out.

This is the biggest thing bugging me. I still visually express strongly as male, but I don't feel it. There is no real way for me to adopt a different look. It is awkward and it makes me feel invalid. Everything I've read is that it is OK to have a different kind of look, that looking androgynous is not a key aspect, but damn if it is hard to cope with.

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naakka
4 hours ago, Zagadka said:

This is the biggest thing bugging me. I still visually express strongly as male, but I don't feel it. There is no real way for me to adopt a different look. It is awkward and it makes me feel invalid. Everything I've read is that it is OK to have a different kind of look, that looking androgynous is not a key aspect, but damn if it is hard to cope with.

I can relate. People say one thing and do another. Nb-passing is an issue, even if nobody really "knows" what an nb should look like, like they "know" what binary trans man or trans woman should look like. It's extra fun to be AFAB, no matter what you wore, you'll forever be seen as a. tomboy b. lesbian. On the other hand it's nice to have flexible dressing rules, but on the other hand you can't use it as a form of self-expression that well.

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PoeciMeta
12 hours ago, idek bro said:

Hey, I kinda need some help. so im afab and recently ive been thinking that I am nonbinary. I feel more comfortable with they/them pronouns I think. but the thing is I don't look "stereotypically" nonbinary. I have quite long hair (and don't feel the need to cut It short) and sometimes I am SUPER FEMININE and other times I dress very androgynous but I wouldn't necessarily ever look particularly masculine. I domt really mind if people ever misgender me or don't think im a girl.  If someone could give me some guidance I would be very grateful. :) its kind of stressing me out.

Your clothing tastes have little to do with your actual gender. It's just clothes! My very cis brother enjoys his long hair, the silly hairstyles that come with it and once wore a skirt for a whole day as a dare, which he found really fun. Trans people can be gender non-conforming too. I'm afab, non-binary (agender to be precise) and sometimes I like to wear 'feminine' stuff without associating the concept of feminity to it, I just find the clothes beautiful/comfy. Well, there are women's clothes that try to 'flatter' (🤮) my body shape, and that makes me dysphoric, but that's another story. 

 

Preferring they to she, and even considering that you might be non-binary, is an indicator that it might be the case. I know it's stressful, but you're in no rush, so take your time and above all respect yourself. Don't force a label on yourself, just try on whatever feels comfortable. It will get clearer someday, I promise~

 

By the way, welcome to AVEN! :):cake:

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Custard Cream
12 hours ago, idek bro said:

Hey, I kinda need some help. so im afab and recently ive been thinking that I am nonbinary. I feel more comfortable with they/them pronouns I think. but the thing is I don't look "stereotypically" nonbinary. I have quite long hair (and don't feel the need to cut It short) and sometimes I am SUPER FEMININE and other times I dress very androgynous but I wouldn't necessarily ever look particularly masculine. I domt really mind if people ever misgender me or don't think im a girl.  If someone could give me some guidance I would be very grateful. :) its kind of stressing me out.

Might you be genderflux? It might make sense of the super-feminine and agender days.

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Celyn
18 hours ago, idek bro said:

Hey, I kinda need some help. so im afab and recently ive been thinking that I am nonbinary. I feel more comfortable with they/them pronouns I think. but the thing is I don't look "stereotypically" nonbinary. I have quite long hair (and don't feel the need to cut It short) and sometimes I am SUPER FEMININE and other times I dress very androgynous but I wouldn't necessarily ever look particularly masculine. I domt really mind if people ever misgender me or don't think im a girl.  If someone could give me some guidance I would be very grateful. :) its kind of stressing me out.

"Nonbinary girl" is also a thing.

And nothing can invalidate being nonbinary. Not presenting as your AGAB, not using binary pronouns, and certainly not what other people assume your gender is.

13 hours ago, naakka said:

It's extra fun to be AFAB, no matter what you wore, you'll forever be seen as a. tomboy b. lesbian.

Or c. On a good day, 12 year old boy. Please Mr Bouncer Man, I am an adult, let me in to the Alcohol Place.

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idek bro
7 hours ago, PoeciMeta said:

Your clothing tastes have little to do with your actual gender. It's just clothes! My very cis brother enjoys his long hair, the silly hairstyles that come with it and once wore a skirt for a whole day as a dare, which he found really fun. Trans people can be gender non-conforming too. I'm afab, non-binary (agender to be precise) and sometimes I like to wear 'feminine' stuff without associating the concept of feminity to it, I just find the clothes beautiful/comfy. Well, there are women's clothes that try to 'flatter' (🤮) my body shape, and that makes me dysphoric, but that's another story. 

 

Preferring they to she, and even considering that you might be non-binary, is an indicator that it might be the case. I know it's stressful, but you're in no rush, so take your time and above all respect yourself. Don't force a label on yourself, just try on whatever feels comfortable. It will get clearer someday, I promise~

 

By the way, welcome to AVEN! :):cake:

Thank you you are very sweet and very helpful ! ❤️ 

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idek bro

What would ye think of the name Shay? Feels more comfortable than Shannon which is what I’m called rn ?

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PoeciMeta
1 hour ago, idek bro said:

What would ye think of the name Shay? Feels more comfortable than Shannon which is what I’m called rn ?

Ooh, I find it very nice! 

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Custard Cream
2 hours ago, idek bro said:

What would ye think of the name Shay? Feels more comfortable than Shannon which is what I’m called rn ?

Yeah, I like it a lot.

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Starbogen
On 1/15/2020 at 8:05 PM, Zagadka said:

This is the biggest thing bugging me. I still visually express strongly as male, but I don't feel it. There is no real way for me to adopt a different look. It is awkward and it makes me feel invalid. Everything I've read is that it is OK to have a different kind of look, that looking androgynous is not a key aspect, but damn if it is hard to cope with.

I kinda have the reverse issue.. I want to try a different look, and I could do it very easily, but if I did I would pass as nb (as in most people wouldn't quite be able to tell what I was so their guess would be 50/50), when I just want to experiment a bit with presentation but still look male. 

 

On 1/15/2020 at 7:58 PM, idek bro said:

Hey, I kinda need some help. so im afab and recently ive been thinking that I am nonbinary. I feel more comfortable with they/them pronouns I think. but the thing is I don't look "stereotypically" nonbinary. I have quite long hair (and don't feel the need to cut It short) and sometimes I am SUPER FEMININE and other times I dress very androgynous but I wouldn't necessarily ever look particularly masculine. I domt really mind if people ever misgender me or don't think im a girl.  If someone could give me some guidance I would be very grateful. :) its kind of stressing me out.

I found that everything became clearer the less I thought about what I was or might be and the more I just did whatever felt comfortable. So if you prefer they/them pronouns then you can just go by those pronouns, and present however you prefer. Your clothes or hairstyle don't determine your gender. There are people who are cis who like presenting in a way that makes them look like the opposite sex, so it makes sense that there would also be people who aren't cis who prefer incongrous or unconventional presentations like that.

 

8 hours ago, Celyn said:

 

22 hours ago, naakka said:

It's extra fun to be AFAB, no matter what you wore, you'll forever be seen as a. tomboy b. lesbian.

Or c. On a good day, 12 year old boy. Please Mr Bouncer Man, I am an adult, let me in to the Alcohol Place.

Or d. An 18 year old guy but you're stuck with a very limited presentation

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naakka
10 hours ago, Celyn said:

Or c. On a good day, 12 year old boy. Please Mr Bouncer Man, I am an adult, let me in to the Alcohol Place.

 

2 hours ago, Starbogen said:

Or d. An 18 year old guy but you're stuck with a very limited presentation

Tbh, I'd never succeed in these 🙃

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Celyn
10 hours ago, idek bro said:

What would ye think of the name Shay? Feels more comfortable than Shannon which is what I’m called rn ?

I love it.

Though if it makes you feel better Shannon is a gender neutral name (at least in Australia).

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Bloc

This is a positive moment with some negativity mixed in.  I was first going to to post it the Gender Positive thread but I think it fits better here.

 

On a dinner in a restaurant with the whole department from work where I am not out as trans I wanted to go to the restroom. The lady at the entry was trying strong to direct me to the women's room. I was perplexed as I didn't try to pass as femme, I was only wearing jeans and a blouse. 

But even if would be there with queer friends I am not sure if would have gone to the women's room as I would be anxious that my beard shadow would out me. How do you react if someone tells you that you pass? Do you believe them or are you anxious that they don't look closely or just want to be nice?

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KoiFishShoes

Is "I don't care" a gender? Because if I try to dress to make my outsides match my insides, I vary between that with fairly androgynous clothing and feeling very feminine with dresses and skirts.

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