Custard Cream Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 12 minutes ago, Just Dani said: Congratulations! It's nice to be around people who are cool about stuff and don't make a big deal about every little thing. 😁 It was so nice to be able to be myself. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Custard Cream Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 3 hours ago, Celyn said: I use they/them everywhere but work and hearing she/her/Miss etc. kills me One day I'll be out at work but I need to be really well established in order to safely do that. The fact that our identity could jeopardise our careers is just...so awful. It must be especially hard in the teaching profession where gendering is somehow supposed to indicate respect - Miss/Mrs/Mr are drilled into kids... 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 I changed pronouns professionally almost immediately; but to be fair, I've got an established reputation, and supportive professional environment. I'm low key and rarely "correct" people but I do put my pronoun preference on my bio and email signature. I also thank people when I receive emails professionally that have pronouns -- sharing pronouns is a place where cisgender folks help normalize with solidarity! one big reason this was a first step for me was that my dysphoria was social, and what I wanted was for people to treat me differently (in the end I don't think this is really possible without some physical transition) coming out professionally gave me confidence to do more. I know it's not for everyone, but it can be affirming, help build confidence for the next thing. Don't fall in love with the closet... I have an enby colleague who was living as cismale and I did get grumpy with them about living with male privilege (which was definitely a thing in our work). they've been more assertive and out about their own gender identity since I came out. I really appreciate them doing that! 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Calligraphette_Coe Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 8 hours ago, anisotrophic said: coming out professionally gave me confidence to do more. I know it's not for everyone, but it can be affirming, help build confidence for the next thing. Don't fall in love with the closet... I have an enby colleague who was living as cismale and I did get grumpy with them about living with male privilege (which was definitely a thing in our work). they've been more assertive and out about their own gender identity since I came out. I really appreciate them doing that! I live in the glass closet professionally, and it's cost me plenty. Why would I love something that is again giving me ulcers and heart palpitations. I know the high level of transphobia the Trump supporters who own and run my company have, and I live in rapt fear of being outed and terminated. I went from having my own office in 2010 to a desk in one of the process engineering back offices that I have to share with their engineers. I spend most of my days fixing things and I have to type up reports and write manuals for my new boss because he types with 2 fingers if at all. Somehow, being a quasi secretary doesn't feel like privilege to me. My professional life is only going to go another 6 months or so, when I can get full SS benefits. I want to work in my field, but at least in this area, that isn't possible while being out. Just my tough luck, I guess. I'm glad when it works for others, but look forward to the day when I don't have bosses or customers. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Karst Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 The world is an unjust place, and we're all responsible for doing what we can to fix it. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Fluffy Femme Guy Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 On 8/17/2019 at 9:35 AM, Drwho314 said: Oftenly I feel like I'm controlling a robotic body, and I'm a mind controlling it, not male, not female, just me Not implying that you are upset about your situation, but I thought this was appropriate: 10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Captain_Tass Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 13 minutes ago, Fluffy Femme Guy said: Not implying that you are upset about your situation, but I thought this was appropriate: New favourite surreal meme! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DuskFire Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 1 hour ago, Fluffy Femme Guy said: Not implying that you are upset about your situation, but I thought this was appropriate: Looks more like cotton candy to me 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ColeHW34 Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 3 minutes ago, DuskFire said: Looks more like cotton candy to me Or a thin pink haired gorilla (shudders). 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pinball Wizard Posted September 3, 2019 Share Posted September 3, 2019 Since I'm kinda new to asserting my genderlessness, I get offended and angry and defeated whenever people call me male or female. I also blush whenever I get gendered which diminishes my confidence of correcting people (I hate blushinggg). I heard the best route is to just focus on people you want to build a friendship/relationship/-ship with and every other stranger or random person who genders you, you can let go of what they say. (It'd be easier if people didn't treat you different ways based on gender too and then perhaps it'd be simpler). I had an old family member whom I don't know very well call me a girl and tell me I'd never want to be as tall as my brother bc I'm a girl and duh I wanna be short and what a load of BS. It's hard not to get mad a little though right? It's hard to just brush it off. It's harder to calmly correct when you have a small self esteem, blush, and are surrounded by other old people. I wish I had thicker skin or just didn't care altogether. Blehh 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blue dog Posted September 16, 2019 Share Posted September 16, 2019 Not had sex in years, an ACE and somewhat queer, i have thought i would truely like to try intercourse as a fem would, to be in that position and receive interests me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Drwho314 Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 On 8/22/2019 at 6:32 PM, Fluffy Femme Guy said: Not implying that you are upset about your situation, but I thought this was appropriate: this is awesome thanks for this! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cp1213 Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 On 8/22/2019 at 3:32 PM, Fluffy Femme Guy said: Not implying that you are upset about your situation, but I thought this was appropriate: Big mood. I identify as agender and this is what I actually feel towards my body in general. It is only a temporary shell in which I reside in. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ViolaLemur Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 The only way I know to describe when I am agender is that I have no gender. It can be difficult to not fit into what is wanted or what I am most of the time (a woman) and that is uncomfortable...but the times I am agender (I'm genderfluid), it's so freeing to not feel tied to any gender social constructs. I just am. I don't need them, and I don't care what others think at all. It's like taking a burden away that I didn't even know was there. I'm here because I'm finding that my gender identity affects my sexual interest, and even my reaction to others' interest, when I'm agender. I almost panic when people express sexual/romantic interest in me; I think because it's clear that it's coming from the way they're perceiving my gender, which is incorrect at that time. I'm pan, but for most people gender is a critical part of determining interest. I can't find anyone else who experiences this. Being agender is freeing but that panic and almost fear is really not fun. I want to think that if I can understand it better it won't hurt as much, but I know that's not necessarily true. I never thought I was on the Ace spectrum but it seems I am when I am agender. Has anyone else experienced this? 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BlakeTheNightowl~ Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 yeah i'm aro'ace agender to and panic when people take up an interest in me too and also it's annoying when they do ^^ 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Custard Cream Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 4 hours ago, ViolaLemur said: The only way I know to describe when I am agender is that I have no gender. It can be difficult to not fit into what is wanted or what I am most of the time (a woman) and that is uncomfortable...but the times I am agender (I'm genderfluid), it's so freeing to not feel tied to any gender social constructs. I just am. I don't need them, and I don't care what others think at all. It's like taking a burden away that I didn't even know was there. I'm here because I'm finding that my gender identity affects my sexual interest, and even my reaction to others' interest, when I'm agender. I almost panic when people express sexual/romantic interest in me; I think because it's clear that it's coming from the way they're perceiving my gender, which is incorrect at that time. I'm pan, but for most people gender is a critical part of determining interest. I can't find anyone else who experiences this. Being agender is freeing but that panic and almost fear is really not fun. I want to think that if I can understand it better it won't hurt as much, but I know that's not necessarily true. I never thought I was on the Ace spectrum but it seems I am when I am agender. Has anyone else experienced this? I'm genderflux and panromantic - always ace. I don't panic about people showing interest in me when I'm agender, but I am more likely to flirt and notice subtle signals of interest when I feel reasonably female, and am likely to back away from any potential romantic situation when agender. It doesn't surprise me that you find yourself functionally ace while agender. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 10 hours ago, ViolaLemur said: I almost panic when people express sexual/romantic interest in me; I think because it's clear that it's coming from the way they're perceiving my gender, which is incorrect at that time. Yeah, I can also relate. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ViolaLemur Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 (edited) 7 hours ago, Custard Scream said: I'm genderflux and panromantic - always ace. I don't panic about people showing interest in me when I'm agender, but I am more likely to flirt and notice subtle signals of interest when I feel reasonably female, and am likely to back away from any potential romantic situation when agender. It doesn't surprise me that you find yourself functionally ace while agender. Thanks! This is new to me...I'm not at all ace or grey-a normally, so I'm trying to figure it all out. It helps to know that for some fluid/flux people gender and sexuality can be tied together. Everyone is so quick to say that they never are. I've been feeling very alone. Edited October 30, 2019 by ViolaLemur Added feeling alone. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 43 minutes ago, ViolaLemur said: It helps to know that for some fluid/flux people gender and sexuality can be tied together. Everyone is so quick to say that they never are. It seems very unlikely to me that gender and sexuality could be entirely seperate. Like anything else, aspects of identity are always going to impact each other in some way. For me I wouldn't go so far as to say my orientation changes at all, but how I deal with my attraction does (like what I think @Custard Scream meant). I'm more likely to flirt on more nonbinary days. Might be because on male-aligned days I'm too busy feeling dysphoric and sorry for myself. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Ahaha. Maybe my absence of attraction and absence of gender (and relative disgust for many aspects of both) are tied together, dunno, it doesn't fluctuate for me ^^ My dysphoria and sex/sensual repulsion definitely affect each other, I think. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Kinda on-topic with gender fluctuation, I guess cis people don't have three or four different shower gels on the go at a time for different gender days, huh? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Custard Cream Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 1 hour ago, SCelyton said: Kinda on-topic with gender fluctuation, I guess cis people don't have three or four different shower gels on the go at a time for different gender days, huh? Not just me, then! Also, fragrances.... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ColeHW34 Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 1 hour ago, Custard Scream said: Not just me, then! Also, fragrances.... Scents play a bigger role than we take for granted. Some increase dysphoria or hunger while others decrease it. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 My soap smells nice and not to gendered, so I can use it all the time. Also, I use solid soap and shampoo. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ColeHW34 Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 My soaps have a sweet smell only to dissipate within 30 minutes. So it's kinda scentless but mainly for my dry skin (it does nothing either). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted November 1, 2019 Share Posted November 1, 2019 Pears Transparent Soap forever - it smells so good! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted November 6, 2019 Share Posted November 6, 2019 This is just my usual stressed self speaking, but how do I steer the conversation towards gender with a psychologist? I don't know how I should get to that topic ,I just know I need to and I'm very nervous. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted November 6, 2019 Share Posted November 6, 2019 3 hours ago, PoeciMeta said: This is just my usual stressed self speaking, but how do I steer the conversation towards gender with a psychologist? I don't know how I should get to that topic ,I just know I need to and I'm very nervous. What is steering? My aspie ass just legit said it last time I spoke to a doctor. Gets it out of the way I guess. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted November 6, 2019 Share Posted November 6, 2019 1 hour ago, SCelyton said: What is steering? My aspie ass just legit said it last time I spoke to a doctor. Gets it out of the way I guess. Oh, uh, oops, inappropriate term maybe... I meant directing the conversation towards gender things or body things, and hope to get the good questions... >.> I feel so unable to do that. ^^' Congrats, I have to say. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted November 6, 2019 Share Posted November 6, 2019 44 minutes ago, PoeciMeta said: Oh, uh, oops, inappropriate term maybe... I meant directing the conversation towards gender things or body things, and hope to get the good questions... >.> I feel so unable to do that. ^^' Congrats, I have to say. See, steering relies on you seeing an opening and if you miss it the opportunity is gone... Saying that, you could bring up PMS/PMDD if that's something ypu experience (I did until put on progesterone) and use that as an opportunity to mention other body/gender things that upset you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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